In Honor of My Great-Grandmother
"If I never get to spend another moment with you,
I am so happy I have this one."
-Opal
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I just like to play with the characters.
October 30th, 1977; 4th Floor Empty Classroom, Hogwarts; 3 PM.
Helena Dumbledore sat causally on the wide, comfortable armrest of the chair that was now affectionately known as her and Severus' chair. Of course, she would much rather be perched on his lap, but such physical affection was limited to the little amount of time they would spend alone. Severus, despite his usual stiffness and regard for formalities, was really quite passionate with her. Oh yes, when they were with other people, she could see quite clearly the beginnings of the man who would go on to be the cruel potions master, but when they were alone, there was a friendliness to his snarky replies and cold features. Thinking of their intimacy caused her skin to flush.
Severus, ever the observant companion, noted the light pink gracing her cheeks. "What are you thinking about?" he whispered, leaning over to her close enough to cause his breath to tickle her neck.
"Nothing of great consequence," she whispered back.
"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" Severus questioned lowly, giving her a knowing look.
"A bit," she admitted. As it were, the next day was not only Halloween, but a Hogsmeade trip as well. Which only meant one thing: she would have to Lucius Malfoy again. The thought made her shiver.
"Let's take a walk," he suggested, rising from his seat. Helena jumped off the armrest with a little hop, smoothing her skirt back down over her knees. At their standing, Narcissa went to move from her spot as well. Helena's heart dropped a bit, causing her to grimace before recovering. She really wanted to speak to Severus alone about Lucius; Narcissa just wouldn't be able to understand, seeing as she was completely blind to any negative feature of her betrothed. Severus seemed to have notice the change in her demeanor, because he quickly shook his head, lifting his hand to stop her movements. "Alone," he said simply.
Narcissa raised her perfect eyebrows at the two of them. "Very well," she said, before continuing her conversation with Warren Avery, Reggie, and Pandora.
Helena sighed in relief. As they walked out of the room, she squeezed his hand. "Thank you," she breathed out.
"Where would you like to walk to?" he questioned, standing in the corridor, unsure of which way to go.
"The Black Lake?" she questioned.
Severus let out a huff. "I'll never understand why you insist on walking around in the cold for enjoyment," he sneered. Helena rolled her eyes at his tone. "Very well. Let us go freeze to death." Before starting in the direction to the entrance hall, Severus cast Muffliato.
"I suppose that means you wish to talk?" she questioned.
"Obviously," he scowled. "I am. . . aware that you were severely uncomfortable in the presence of Lucius last time we went to Hogsmeade. I thought for certain you would have discussed it with me already, but you have not. Surely you have an opinion on the matter, as you do for everything."
"You're right. I do," she said softly.
"Well then out with it, witch," he commanded exasperated. "I have never seen you bite your tongue before. I don't see why you insist on doing it in this matter now."
Helena sighed. "I don't want to offend you, Severus," she said carefully.
"That is ridiculous, Helena. The only thing that offends me is idiocy and stupidity," he pointed out.
"Yes, Severus, I know," she said, rolling her eyes. "I just – I'm afraid it's a sensitive topic for you," she said seriously.
"Let me decide that," Severus said.
She took a calming breath. "Okay," she conceded. "Well, I don't particularly like him, Severus."
"That much is already obvious, Helena," he said dryly.
Helena shook her head, nostrils flaring quickly in irritation. "You're not making this easy for me."
"I don't understand what you mean by that."
"I mean," she huffed, "I've only not discussed this in great detail with you because I didn't want to argue with you."
"That is the second ridiculous thing I have heard come out of your mouth in less than a minute. We're going to argue, Helena, that much is inevitable. If not about this, then something else. So let us argue. And afterwards you can call me a great git, and I can call you an insufferable know-it-all, and then we can move on."
Helena sighed in defeat. "I guess it is a bit unreasonable to try to keep us from fighting."
"Ah, there's the sensible witch I know," he replied.
She chuckled, biting her lip before starting. "I don't like him," she said plainly. "I think he is awful and conceited, and I don't think that he deserves you as a friend or Narcissa as a wife. I think his opinion on politics and society and especially women are foul and loathsome. I hate that he just expects people to hang onto every word that he says, and for women to be silent. His beliefs are completely outdated and hideous."
Severus looked deep in contemplation for a moment. "He is conceited, and his views on women are outdated; I will give you those two things. . ." he said, trailing off.
"But?" Helena poked.
"Narcissa is well aware of what she is getting. In their society, it is simply the way of things. Muggles have a saying, 'children are to be seen, not heard.' The saying is the same in Pureblood society, though more often than not, it is extended to include wives. Men get married to have an heir, and women get married for financial security; it is simply the way of things, Helena. Surely this is not the first time you are hearing about gender roles. Do they not have them in your tribe as well? I believe you said your mother is expecting her fourteenth son."
"What does my mother carrying her fourteenth son have to do with any of this?" she questioned, frustrated.
"Tell me, Helena, why does your family only count how many sons they have?"
She let go of his arm, throwing her hands up in agitation. "Because, well – they just do! I don't know! They've done so for years."
"Exactly my point. And so have the purebloods," he countered.
Helena's stomach jolted with nerves. "But they don't treat me any differently." At least, she didn't think they would. She really couldn't be too certain; she hadn't even met her brothers yet.
"Of course they don't. They're your parents," he said, oddly patient.
"Fine," she conceded in a huff. "Let's get back to Narcissa. I still don't like how he treats her."
"I can't say that I am not uncomfortable at times with his treatment of her. But she has been brought up to expect his conceit and arrogance," he explained. "It's what is expected of a wife."
"So one day, if you have a wife, you will expect the same?"
Severus seemed taken back with her question. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Will I expect my future wife to stroke my ego and worship me as a god? No, of course not."
"Why do I feel inclined to say but?"
He cleared his throat again. "But in certain company, on certain topics, with certain things, yes; I will expect her to be silent."
Helena abruptly quit walking, her mouth open in disbelief. "Is that how you would have me be, Severus? Silent and without an opinion or voice? Always biting my tongue? Always reining back my own intelligence to satisfy mans need to great?"
"That is the third ridiculous statement I have heard coming from you tonight. Have I ever required your silence or obedience? Have I ever demanded you to 'rein back your own intelligence?' That is absurd," he said, offended.
"You required my silence in the presence of Lucius! You never once included me in your conversation, and anytime I tried to speak, you quieted me! Don't think for one second I don't see your change in posture when I speak to Warren or Regulus or any man freely and confidently. You don't like it. I know you don't!" she yelled.
Severus winced at her tone of voice. "I said for us to argue, not to yell at each other," he said, deadly calm. Helena took a step back. The young man before her reminded her of her former potions master. His calmness set off alarms in her head, and suddenly she was overcome with the fear of losing house points or getting detention. "I do not yell at you, Helena. I wouldn't do you the dishonor." He took a step closer to her, causing her to take another step back. "Do not do it to me," he said, enunciating every other word sharply.
Helena was well aware that her fear was completely irrational, but still she couldn't help but feel it. She closed her eyes, taking a steadying breath. Her mind flashed the picture of Severus taking ragged breaths, with blood oozing from his neck. Look at me, look at me, look at me. . .
Severus shook her gently as he realized that she had suddenly gone far away. "Look at me," he said softly. Her eyes flew open, wide and watery. He let out a huff. "Why must you always cry?" he asked dryly.
Helena blinked back her tears. "I – I'm not crying, Severus. I'm sorry for yelling at you," she said, composing herself. She visibly swallowed, forcing the image of her dying professor out of her head. "The fact still remains. You did, and do all those things."
Severus sighed, offering his arm back to her. She timidly put it back in the crook of his arm; they continued walking, this time at much slower pace. "You are right. I do, but not for the reasons you believe, Helena," he explained. "I don't do it because I believe myself superior, or because I don't want to hear your thoughts and opinions. I do it because I am afraid. You don't want to draw the wrong attention. Believe me on that."
"What do you mean by that, Severus?"
"Bloody hell, Helena. The moment I told Lucius of your intelligence, he went to try to recruit you. If they see you, if he sees you as more than just a pretty young woman with good genes, he'll want you. And he won't stop until he has you, or you are buried in an unmarked grave. I do not want either fate to befall you."
"You're talking about Lord Voldemort?"
Severus hissed at the name. "Don't say his name," he bit out.
Helena stopped walking again, reaching for his left arm. Quickly, she pulled his sleeve up. Nothing. She breathed a sigh of relief. "You're not a death eater yet."
"No, of course not. The Dark Lord has no need for school children," he said, pulling down his sleeve.
Helena kept back her retort, thinking about the task that young Draco would be given. "So you're trying to protect me?"
"I thought that much was obvious," he sighed.
"Fine. Around Lucius, I will be quiet. And I will try my best to keep my opinions to myself around the other male snakes. But let me make myself perfectly clear: I am not doing this because you want me to, nor am I in need of your protection; I am completely capable of taking care of myself. I will do this because I do not wish to draw attention to myself. And for only that reason, Severus. I mean it."
"I thought we take care of each other? That's what you told me a few weeks back. You take care of me, and I take care of you. I thought that's how it went? That's all I'm trying to do, Helena," he defended himself.
At that, she softened. "You're right," she sighed. "I appreciate all you have done for me, Severus. You have always gone above and beyond to make me feel welcome, despite not having any requirement to do so."
"Sometimes it confuses me," he admitted quietly. "I'm not usually like this with people. I – I'm not nice."
Helena looked up at him, taking in his features. Walking beside her was the man who would risk everything, all for love. All for Lily. 'Not for you,' a voice inside her head whispered, reminding her of the ever looming fact that he loved Lily – will always love Lily. But in that moment, none of that really mattered to her. Surely he didn't truly believe he was unkind? Sure, he wasn't the type of guy that she would describe as good. He wasn't like Harry or Mr. Weasley. But he wasn't bad, either. Perhaps this was why she was here. Perhaps she was here to remind him that he was better than what he believed himself to be. "Severus, I'm well aware you are not the nicest person around here. But you're not bad. A bad person wouldn't have done what you have done for me. You became my friend, introduced me to yours, defended me when I was hurt. . . A bad person doesn't do those things."
He scowled. "Maybe I did all of those things for selfish reasons."
"Like what? Trying to get in close with my uncle?" she bit back sarcastically.
His frown lines creased deeper, his lip curling up in disgust. "Of course not. You know my opinions of the old man."
"Then what are you referring to, Severus? What selfish reasons?"
"I won't say it, Helena. I am not an idiot. You can't make me tell you," he said softly.
"You sound like a child!" she exclaimed.
"Nonetheless, my answer is the same. I won't tell you my reasons, but you should know that they are not completely honorable."
"I don't believe that. Not for one second, Severus Snape. If this is your attempt to make me believe you are a bad person, you are failing miserably. You won't convince me otherwise."
"You may think whatever you like. I already know I am incapable of changing your mind."
Helena huffed. She knew a lost cause when she saw one. Finally, they stepped outside. He pulled her closer to him as they were hit with a cold wind. "Okay, let's go back to Lucius," she said, determined to steer the conversation back to its original topic. "So you agree that he is conceited with outdated beliefs on women. I have agreed to be silent in his company. Am I to assume you agree with his politics?"
Severus sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Most of them."
"Well, I already know what Lucius believes, so what do you disagree with him about?"
"Muggleborns," he said straightly.
"So you are not of the opinion that Muggleborns are a danger to wizarding society and should be terminated?"
"No, I am not."
"Then –" she hesitated. "Then why do you want to become a death eater? Isn't that what they want to do? Eradicate muggleborns?"
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I thought we were talking about Lucius."
"Okay," she conceded, deciding to save that topic for another time. "I concede. It's a topic we can discuss at another time."
"If you wish," he replied dryly. They walked in silence towards the black lake. "I am sorry," Severus said, breaking the silence. "I am sorry that you are having such a hard time adjusting. I am sure these types of situations make you miss home very much."
Of course she missed home. She just wasn't quite sure where home was supposed to be right now. "Yes, I do," she said, deciding to remain vague in her answers. "I miss it very much."
He pulled her closer to him as they walked the lake's edge. "You are going back for Christmas, yes?"
"Yes, I am. Though, they don't really celebrate Christmas."
"What do you celebrate?"
"Winter Solstice."
"Ah," he said, before drifting back into a comfortable silence.
After a while, Helena started to chuckle softly. "So does this mean our fight is over?"
"I should hope so," he said, a rare smile growing on his face.
"Good. I'm glad, you great git," she joked, shoving him gently with her shoulder.
"I am too, you insufferable know-it-all."
October 31st, 1977; The Three Broomsticks, Hogsmeade; 12 PM.
Severus Snape found himself biting back a chuckle that threatened to come out as he felt Helena squeeze his hand tightly under the table. Lucius, for all his stature and status, was making a complete and utter fool of himself. And poor Helena, she was doing her best to keep quiet through it all. Severus knew she was doing all she could to keep herself from opening her mouth. He resolved to thank her for her determination to follow through on her promise later when they were alone. Hopefully, that would be less than an hour from now. They had already sat with Lucius and Narcissa for an hour, and Severus found himself growing increasingly tired of his constant peacocking.
"You are rather lucky, Severus," Lucius said suddenly.
"Am I?" Severus responded, wondering what he was referring to.
"Yes, you are. To have found a young lady of such a high degree. Of course, not high enough for someone like me, but she will do nicely for you."
Severus grit his teeth, digging his fingers into Helena's knee. His wand hand twitched, and he had to stop himself from hexing the man sitting in front of him. "Thank you," he bit out.
"Have you discussed a bride price with her family yet? You'll want to make sure you are present when they check to make sure her virginity is intact. Perhaps even insist you are the one to do the spell. Families have been known to lie all the time," he said, completely ignoring Narcissa's embarrassed gasp, or Helena's reddened cheeks.
Severus glanced at Helena; if she were a character in a muggle cartoon, steam would have been blowing out of her ears. She locked his hand in a death grip. He was certain she was squeezing hard enough to break a bone or two. He had to get her out of there quick. Even he could not expect her to be silent during such blatant disrespect. "I will keep that in mind, Lucius," he said, rising up from his seat. "As delightful as this has been, I am afraid it must be cut short. I just remembered Helena and I have some revision to do before tomorrow. I must insist that we go at once." He turned to Helena. "Come along. I will not be responsible for your failing Transfiguration." He offered her his hand, helping her stand up from her chair.
Lucius looked at them in confusion. "Surely you don't have to leave just yet, Severus!"
"Oh come on, Severus! Don't pull Helena away from Hogsmeade today. We barely just got here," Narcissa pouted, eager to keep her two best friends with her. She looked to Helena expectantly, attempting to persuade her with her eyes to stay.
Severus stared harshly at Helena, hoping that she will understand and go along with his lie. Luckily, she picked up rather quickly. "I'm sorry, Narcissa, truly. But Severus is right. We really must be going."
To Severus' frustration, Lucius seemed to be amused. He sarcastically clapped his hand three times, chuckling in delight. "Well-bred AND obedient, Severus! Well done, my friend. Well done!"
Helena growled softly. It wasn't loud enough for anyone but Severus to hear, but he doubted that her next noise would be so quiet. "Enjoy your afternoon, Lucius." He nodded his head before bowing slightly to Narcissa. "Narcissa," he said in acknowledgment.
He escorted Helena out of the pub quickly. "I'm so sorry," he said, the words rushing out of his mouth like a water gushing from a fall as the cold air hit them. "I promise, if you even allow me another moment of your time after enduring such arrogance and ignorance, I will never ask you to spend another Hogsmeade day with him ever again. I give you my word, Helena."
She sighed in relief. "Thank you, Severus. It took all of me to bite my tongue. I wanted so badly to hex that horrible, horrible man!"
"Me too, dear. More times than one did my wand hand twitch." Severus ran his hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry. We will have to head back to the castle."
"It's okay, really. I don't mind. Not at all. I've seen Hogsmeade enough," she said quickly, not realizing her slip.
Luckily, Severus didn't seem to notice to notice the implication. "Seen Hogsmeade enough? You've been here twice, and both times we have left early. I'm so sorry. I cannot apologize enough. Next time, I promise, next time, we will stay all day and I will shower you with all the books and chocolate you could ever want."
Helena sighed in relief, knowing that her mistake went well over his head. "That won't be necessary, Severus. I'm more than happy to spend my day with you, no matter how it is spent, be that at Hogsmeade or Hogwarts."
"You are an angel, Helena. I do not deserve you," Severus said. And truly, he meant it. He was certain that if it had been any other girl, if it had been Lily and not Helena, she would have yelled and screamed and hexed before storming off, never to speak to him again, no matter how much he groveled or apologized. Helena truly was special.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I will see you on Tuesday.
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