Dear Journal,

I think I have some things I need to let out, so that's why I bought this. It's not a diary, it's a journal. If anyone reads this journal, I hope they understand that. Real men don't have diaries, they have journals.

Anyway, I have to say something or I'm going to burst. How do I say this? Well, I'm scared. I know that when other students look at me, they're laughing inside. God, I feel like a sissy for writing that, but I don't have an eraser with me to rub it out.

I wish I could erase my fears, but I can't help but worry that someone's going to start pushing me to the ground. So what do I do? I push others to the ground. It's pathetic, I know, but what else can I do?

I know that everyone thinks I'm gay, but I'm actually not, believe it or not. I'm just a guy who likes feminine things. Wait, no I'm not! I'm a man!

Okay, fine. I know that my cross-dressing habits are a bit peculiar, but I've honestly never felt comfortable wearing male clothes. They just don't suit me.

I guess I'll never be manly enough to become a member of the army. I'll have to fall back on a singing career. Wow, my aspirations are very difficult to get into. Ah well.

My best friend Rin always calls me a wimp. It's gotten to a point where I almost want to punch her in the face. I'd never do such a thing, of course. I love her too much and she'd probably just punch me back anyway.

Our relationship is certainly an unusual one. One minute she's making fun of me (she's the only one who can make fun of me without getting hurt) and the next she's giving me a warm hug. If only she'd give me more than a hug.

What? I'm a man, and men always want to get laid. Oh, who am I kidding? I really just want a sweet little kiss from her. I feel like the only guy in my class who doesn't want to get laid. There must be something wrong with me.

Anyway, I haven't confessed to Rin yet, and I doubt I ever will. I bet that, if I did confess to her, she'd make fun of me again. Besides, I don't know how to confess to someone. You see, Rin's my first crush. I don't know when these feelings began, but just seeing her smile makes me feel like I'm on top of the world.

Yes, I know it's a bit late to start having crushes on people, but puberty came a bit late. It's no wonder I still sound like a girl.

If Rin were to like me back, would that make her some sort of pseudo-lesbian? Okay, that was a stupid question and I promise to never write something so stupid again. But seriously, I'm so unmanly I may as well be a girl. However, I still think of myself as a guy and I wish I was someone strong, someone who could actually look good in men's clothes.

I can tell that Neru's upset about Haku more than anyone else. Neru's one of my friends, by the way. Well, she used to be one of my friends.

To be honest with you, I think she went too far when she started picking on Haku. Rin and I were only joking when we started pulling pranks on Haku and calling her names, but Neru made things so personal. It was almost like she was overcompensating for something, but I don't know what.

Mum still refuses to look at me. She acts as if I don't exist, which makes sense in its own horrible way. Dad's far more accepting of my effeminate ways, however. He even bought me a female school uniform. How nice was that? When I was younger, I always thought that Mum would be the accepting one while Dad would be the one who'd try to make me more masculine, but I couldn't have been more wrong.

I wonder if Dad has really accepted me for who I am, or if he's just playing along. He probably thinks my behaviour is just a phase, but I've had these mannerisms my entire life.

When I was approximately 3 years old, I wanted to play with dolls, but Mum wouldn't let me. When I was 5, I wanted to play dress up with the girls but, once again, Mum didn't let me. When I was 13 I wanted to experiment with makeup.

Wow, at the start of this diary (I mean JOURNAL!) entry, I was trying to reinforce my manliness, and now I'm talking about makeup. What the hell is wrong with me?

Ugh. Now I want to punch someone, maybe Len. The wonderful thing about Len is that he doesn't fight back. He's the biggest wimp in the whole school. It's no wonder Miku rejected him. Okay, that's only a rumour, but everyone knows that he's got a big crush on her.

I saw Miku and Luka hold hands once, but when I looked in their direction, they let go. Do they have some sort of romantic two-girl friendship or are they dating? Asking them is the only one way to find out for sure, but I'm guessing that they are dating. I overheard some people talking about a fight they had. Apparently Miku mentioned kissing, so…

I think I should just ask them. Then again, if they don't want anybody else to know about their relationship, it would probably be rude of me to ask them if they're in one. I'll have to keep guessing until they confirm or deny my suspicions.

Okay, that's all for now. From Namine Ritsu.