Hey guys! So I'm sorry I haven't been updating as much as you'd like, but I'm trying my best. I started school while juggling work, and working on losing the last pounds. It's difficult to get into the swing of things, but I'm trying. Problem with my writing is that I have to be comfortable when I'm doing so. I write best when I'm home, nothing is on, and I'm in my bed. Unfortunately, I dislike being at home right now when we have an unwanted house mate living in our space, but by August that should change and hopefully when I have my days off, I'll dedicate it to my writing. For now though, all I ask for is your patience. I need it from you guys and I beg it from you guys. I'm working very hard on this and struggling to keep my personal life afloat. It's a lot to take on and it's the most active I've been in years; if not ever.
Enough about me, this chapter will be hitting the climax of this story, which means there's a good chance that this story is only halfway into its journey. I know most of you are curious about the fate I have for Quinn and Santana, and if you guys don't already notice, I never placed sub categories to specify what kind of journey this is for the two of them, which means there is a mix of things it could be, so to expect that they'll just end up together isn't something to just assume. It's about taking that journey, reading on, seeing if you're right, and keep on. That's why I continue asking for your upmost patience with this story.
With that said, please enjoy this chapter and I'll get the next one out as soon as I can. Thanks guys!
Chapter Nine.
We got back to New York the next morning after the whole bar get together. When I got back inside, I wasn't so tense and I'd like to think it was because of my conversation with Puck. He seemed to genuinely be proud of everything I've accomplished in my life. He even seemed to believe I was always going to be successful—like he never had any doubt. I appreciated the fact that he held nothing back with me, that he just let us talk like civil human beings.
I discovered that he hasn't seen Beth as long as I have. After he slept with her adoptive mother, she just kind of escaped Lima as fast as she could, and never contacted neither one of us since. I guess when you have the potential of getting arrested you make sure that no one knows. But I'm glad things turned out the way they did, because I know Beth is happy—wherever she is, I know we both made the right decision.
By the time I got back inside though, Amber, the girl I pawned for in my little head for two years in high school was gone, which was fine with me. I was over her. She deserved my ex and he deserved her. I don't know why I was so hostile towards them before. I guess because I knew this is where it'd all come down to. Me single and them still together, probably getting ready to start a family. I cringe at the thought of him and her creating a spawn—they clash enough as it is, so it's a disgusting thought, but as long as they're happy.
As I sip my coffee sitting next to Santana, taking in the crisp New York morning air, I smile at her. She doesn't notice my lingering gaze, but I have my sights on another woman. Someone who is far better than she could've ever been to me. Sure Amber could see me hitting my breaking point, but she just never bothered actually helping me—no one did, but the woman sitting next to me.
She's so beautiful, with the wind splaying her long black hair over her shoulders. Her tan skin just glows against the sun's rays. If she's never mine, I don't know what I'll do.
"San," she turns her attention to me and I feel my heart rate increase. Oh God, am I really going to do this right now? Yes. Yes I have to do it; otherwise she'll never be with me. But what if she says no? That's not possible because she nearly kissed me in Ohio.
"I was—uh—I was wondering if—maybe you'd like to go," I fumble and suddenly she looks down at her pants and pulls out her phone.
"Sorry," she whispers, answering her phone and talking into it. The phone never rang to my knowledge. Perhaps it was on vibrate? I don't hear the conversation because of the blood that's rushed into my ears. I feel so embarrassed right now. Why would she ever go out with me when I can't even talk to her like a normal human being? We've been friends for a little while, so why can't I just talk to her normal like all the other times I've spoken with her?
It's because you're afraid of losing her, and that couldn't be any truer of a statement. It tugs at my heart strings to think of ever losing her as a friend because she knows how I feel about her, but at the same time, it could have a possible happy ending if she does say yes. I could fall asleep to her every night then wake up in her arms every morning, I could kiss her whenever I felt like it, and I could make love to her whenever she and I wanted. Heat builds up in all the places they shouldn't right now, thinking about laying with her with nothing on. God knows I think about it more than it should be considered normally possible. Ever since that day she stripped in my apartment—I think about it. Ever since I touched that rippled stomach of hers—I think about it. Ever since I first held her hand with no glove—I think about it. It's not healthy and it probably won't ever be.
"Sorry that was the Dean. I have to get to the university early for a student," she explains and I shake my head and hand to brush off that I understand because I do. Work is more important than my question anyway, right? Right?
"I understand. I'll talk to you later," I tell her getting up from the bench in Central Park to hug her. She kisses my cheek and it burns. I gulp as she begins to walks away; she turns around halfway and blows another kiss at me. I giggle, waving to her.
"I'll call you later," she yells and I nod, folding my arms over my chest. My nerves only coursed through me more intensely because I have to build up enough courage to try again another time.
Maybe it'll be easier when were not in person.
x.
I'm walking over to the lunch area, having had brought it today. I needed to stop spending money by taking myself and Brittany out to lunch so much, when I have clients I need to attend to that for. I pull out my food and grab one of the plastic forks in the draw of the lounge. As I take a seat, my phone begins to ring and once retrieved, I smile at whose name and picture pops up.
"Hello Miss. Lopez, what do I owe this call?" I ask and I can tell from the slight giggle that she was amused.
I smile into the receiver as she sighs on the other line. I miss her smile already. "I told you I was going to call you this morning, did I not?" she questions as I take a bite of my food, letting my lips remove all of its contents.
"Mhm…mhm, I believe you did," I reply crossing my legs under the table as I chew soundlessly. "So is everything okay with your student?" I ask curiously since she seemed to have rushed away rather frantically this morning after her phone call.
"Huh? Oh yeah, yeah he's okay. He was just concerned about what he could do to pass my class," she exclaimed and I narrow my eyes curiously. Was she really that difficult of a teacher?
"Don't fail anybody on purpose you," I warn her, poking my plastic fork out as if she was sitting right there in front of me. She chuckles softly on the other end and I'm positive she's shaking her head at my empty threat.
"What are you going to do if I do?" She challenges as I dig my fork back into my food. I shake my head as I really think of a valid answer to give her. The only type of weapon I have is this stupid plastic fork.
"I'll stab you with my plastic fork," I reply as quickly as I can take it back. My eyes widen at my response and my cheeks flush at how lame that truly sounds, but before I can even change it, a flash flood of laughter rushes through the ear piece and I'm doubled over in embarrassment.
"Oh my God! Quinn!" She screams between her fit and I can't help, but be even more mortified. She probably thinks I'm a loser right now. A plastic fork as never been a weapon! A plastic spork when we were in elementary school was when they'd turn the spikes down and flick it at people, but not a fork! Oh God, I'm never living this one down, especially when it comes to Santana—she'll never forget it.
"Okay! You can stop now!" I chuckle as she calms down, breathing heavily. There are probably tears running down her face from laughing so hard. Well good! I hope she peed her pants or something embarrassing so I can return the favor.
"I'm sorry," she breaths out and I just merely nod with a smirk; she isn't sorry. Not at all, in fact.
We sit there for a moment in silence as Santana catches her breath. I've noticed it takes her longer than someone of her stature to catch their breath. I know she doesn't smoke; I would've smelt it on her clothes, so that can't be it. I don't think she works out unless you count walking the city after taking the subway, which in some form it does count as physical activity. I suppose it's not enough though. I need to get her to the gym. Maybe that can be one of our dates; something physical. Oh shit! Images are back.
"Stop thinking so much," I hear through the receiver and I just look down at my salad, laughing softly; how she always knows what I'm doing.
"Well I'm just trying to sort through what to say," I tell her softly and she says silent for a moment as if to let me ponder my thoughts, but Santana isn't that generous to me, especially since she hates when I stay in my head.
"Just let it come to you then," she exclaims and I know exactly what I want to say. I do, it's just building that courage up enough to do so. After this morning, I was set on telling Santana how I felt for her. How I wanted to see if we could form a relationship from our amazing friendship, but now that rejection I'm feeling in the pit of my stomach is tugging on my heart strings again to the point where my heart could just split if she said no.
I take a breath and exhale slowly. I'll never know until I try, right? There's nothing to be so afraid of. "San, I've been meaning to ask you since Ohio, if maybe—maybe we could go—"
"Oh, oh wait Q, there's someone on the other line. Just hold on a minute," she says quickly, hitting call waiting button. I screw my eyes shut, rubbing my forehead with my right wrist as I hold the phone in the same hand.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me," I mumble quietly feeling that terrible rejection building up yet again. I thought this time I was for sure going to get it out; that I'll be passed this shitty feeling. At least if she said no, I'd know and learn to respect her wishes, but I can't even ask her because someone always interrupts at the opportune time.
"Hey Quinn?" her voice comes back through the receiver and I blink tiredly.
"Yeah, still here," I respond quietly and I wait for her to acknowledge me again, before I get back to my task at hand; my mission.
"Sorry that was one of the other professors. We have an important meeting in a half hour, so I have to prepare for it. So I'll talk to you later. Why don't you come over to my place after work and we can grab a bite to eat?" She says and as much as that sounds like she's asking me out, I know it's a friendly dinner between two friends and I'll just have to accept that for what it is for now. In the meantime, I'll pretend this is a date for as long as I can and embrace it.
"Yeah sounds good. Good luck on your meeting," I tell her with a small smile, even though I know she can't see it.
"Thanks, have a good rest of your day at work," she exclaims before we hang up. I sigh tossing the phone on the table, rubbing my eyes in frustration. How is it this difficult to ask someone out? Frankly, that's always been my problem, hasn't it? I can't remember one time I've ever just asked someone out on my own. I've been so caught up in myself that people have done the job for me; people would come up to me. I liked it that way; I like it that way. It makes it easier on me, so I don't have to be so concerned on if the person actually likes me or not. God it feels like high school all over again, and as I'm sure the world is aware, high school sucked.
I grab the phone again and send out a text to Brittany. I need her help and she's always been there for me. Sure she isn't the best person to ask for relationship advice, but she sure as hell been on enough first dates to help me out with this dilemma I'm having.
My phone beeps and I pick it up to read the message.
Britt:
What's going on?
I write back everything I'm feeling; not leaving any detail out. Brittany's known I've been smitten with Santana since day one and was probably wondering when I was going to drop the bomb on her and just take that step; however, she never questioned it, but she didn't have to. I already knew she was curious; it's just in her nature.
I go into even tell her our moments in Ohio, like waking up in each other's arms, the driving incident, and our almost kiss. They felt like real actions couples take. We hold hands and hug each other so tenderly when we see each other, and kiss each other on the cheek. Sure friends do that often, but to nearly kiss one another on the lips, doesn't sound just like friends unless we were begging for attention, but we were on top of a barn at my parents' house.
My phone beeps again and I open the message with her reply:
Britt:
Q! That's great! I mean she sounds like she really likes you, especially if she was going to kiss you. And what the hell? You never took me up on your barn. I told you I wanted to go up there and you just kept saying 'no it's dangerous and scary up there'; BULLSHIT QUINN FABRAY!
I roll my eyes at her response, before my phone beeps yet again with part two of her hopefully helpful side of the message.
Britt:
Sorry rant! Anyway, I don't understand what you're so worried about. If she doesn't like you, then it just means your heart was meant for someone else. You have a big heart Q, and you're beautiful, smart, successful, and everything a woman could look for in her future wife and if Santana doesn't see that, then it's her loss. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take the risk, just because she isn't. Worse that happens, she says no and the girl of your dreams sweeps you off your feet. :)
But she is the girl of my dreams and I've already been swept.
x.
The conversation with Brittany didn't exactly clear my worried mind. I still am panicking about asking Santana out after so many failed attempts so far. Okay it was only two, but that's two times too many. I should've only had to panic once and gotten it over with, but no—other people want her attention, therefore it places a strain on my chances of getting it out faster.
The day dragged on and on to the point where I didn't even want to function anymore. I had no meetings or interruptions today, which was greatly appreciated. I pretty much vegetated after lunch in my office working on some plans for Pepsi's next commercial. It's not easy either, after they got that CGI looking baby to do some crazy stunts because his parents were too busy fangirling over the new Pepsi Next product.
But as I've decided before, everyone adored the old commercials with the little girl with the dimples. Unfortunately, we couldn't grab her services because she's in her twenties and just doesn't want that life anymore; understandable; however, that puts a strain on my plan. I still want to go back to the basics, like when Britney Spears danced in her commercial and when they had other celebrities taking the reins. It's the greatest thing, much like for Coca-Cola; everyone adored the polar bears and Santa ones on Christmas.
It's not easy being in marketing; that's for sure, but I'm working hard to come up with a basic write up of the commercial, so I can present it to my team. If all goes well, then it'll be filmed within the next couple of weeks.
I sigh placing my pen down on my desk in frustration. Not only is my job in itself stressing me out, but the whole Santana thing isn't helping either. I just have a lot on my mind that it's hard to focus solely on one thing.
When the clock strikes five-thirty I know I only have to focus on one thing now and that's tell Santana I want to go out on a date, see how things go with us and if we connect better as lovers than friends, then the world will be set right; well in my imagination it will be.
I pick up my purse and get ready to head out for the day to take the subway out to Santana's apartment. I've only been there once or twice, mostly because she and I would meet either at mine or at the coffee shop. She has some sort of reservation of having people at her place. Apparently she thinks she has to run around cleaning everything, and after seeing my place, she knows she'd have to because I'm so hardcore neat freak.
I take the elevator down and lean against the far wall of it, looking through my phone at some of the pictures I took while we were on vacation. I smile at the one I took of Santana driving my dad's truck after I nearly crashed into the barn. She had her big aviators on and her porn star country get up on. She didn't see me take the photo as her eyes were peeled out of the windshield. She looked content and at such peace for someone who nearly died because of an inexperienced driver like myself.
I flip through in my gallery to one of her asleep in her white T-shirt. Her hair is slightly disheveled as her face is buried into my pillow. I remember waking up and seeing her arm slung over my waist as she breathed in softly; her lips pouting ever so slightly. I feel my heart speed up at just looking at her just like this; even if it's a picture—I remember the morning so clearly. I want more mornings like those, where I can just watch her sleep and think how lucky I am just to be the only one to have her in my arms. If she says no, I don't think I could recover from that.
The elevator dings and I place my phone back into my purse as I walk out to head out the revolving door. I take the short distance to the subway and wait with the rest of the people for our route to get there. I fold my arms nervously, knowing I just have to get it over with as soon as I get to her apartment. I can't deal with the idea of just not knowing anymore.
The tracks screech wildly as the train makes the turn and comes to a slowing stop. The doors open and we all file in, squishing in with the others who were already in there. I hold the bar as the train jerks back to life as a man with a messenger bag stands behind me—much closer than I'd like, but it's cramped so I totally understand feeling his junk on my backside—in all honesty, I do.
I turn around and grimace at him, he returns an awkward look to me. He fixes his glasses with his other hand that isn't grasping the same pole I am.
"I'm sorry that I'm completely invading your space," he whispers into my ear and I look back up to piercing green eyes. I smile genuinely, for real this time.
"It's okay, I'm not mad, but I totally understand you can't exactly help it," I reply and he laughs softly, nodding in agreement.
We stand there for a moment longer until the train comes to a halt and he lets go of the pole. "Well I'll be off now," he says and I look up, nodding distantly. He waves awkwardly before walking off. I look on in confusion—he must not be a people person, but he certainly dresses classier than any man I've ever seen.
I watch him go, placing his ear buds in as he places a beanie on, getting ready to brave the cold. The train begins to move onward to the next stop as I am left not feeling nearly as cramped as I was before.
x.
I pull my coat closer to my body as I make it to Santana's apartment building. Her building isn't nearly as nice as the one I live in, but it works for her. It's lined with old bricks and has a little stoop—basically the projects, more or less. She said it's what she was used to living in growing up and that the old brick look gives it character. I smile at her honesty—I wouldn't live here, but like I said, it works for her.
I walk up the short steps of the stoop and ascend up the stairs to her apartment. I feel my nerves kicking into full force again and I begin to hyperventilate, so I stop. I can't walk up to her feeling this way—she'll think something is truly wrong with me and I don't want to worry her.
I place my back against the wall and close my eyes to take deep breaths. I let them out slowly through my nose.
"What if she says no?" I breath out of my parted lips, feeling tears well up in my eyes. Oh God, really? I can't let myself turn into an emotional mess right before I see her. I need to just relax and get through this painlessly, but I know I'm working myself up way too much.
I hear a knock in the distance which snaps me out of my breakdown. I poke my head out of the side and see a short woman with long brown hair in front of Santana's apartment. She looks like she's growing impatient by the way her foot is tapping on the wood floorboards. I gulp; who is this woman?
Santana opens the door and I turn back in and keep my back against the wall as I listen to them carefully in utter confusion. I've never seen Santana with anyone else, but her family members. Could this be another one of her students? Wait, that doesn't make sense. Santana isn't the type of person to let her students come visit her at her own apartment, unless she's sleeping with them. Oh my God! Wait no, she wouldn't do that. She gave that coffee girl the cold shoulder when she hit on her and she was gorgeous.
"You know I don't make house calls San," I hear the woman's voice. It's soft and she was probably only a little bit older than us; early thirties at least. I can't let myself be known now. What is she talking about? House call? She sounds like she's like a prostitute or something. Oh my God, is Santana into paying someone for sex?
I pop my head out and see the brown paper bag in the woman's hand. Drugs, maybe? Seriously Santana, why do you have to be so secretive? Why can't you just tell me if you're in trouble or just be more open about things, so I don't have to speculate?
"I know, but I needed you,"
She needed her? I feel my heart just pinch a little at that. What about me? I've never seen this woman ever there for Santana. I've always been there for her since we met and now she needs her over me. I feel tears well up in my eyes again and I sniffle quietly as I continue to listen to their conversation, knowing I shouldn't, but I have to know if I'm wasting my time. I need to know if Santana and I are meant for each other or if this woman already has her heart. Or if what I'm getting into isn't something I should get into.
"I can see that, but I have what you need, hopefully it'll help relax you more," the woman exclaims and I lower my head in defeat. If Santana's into drugs, I don't want to be a part of it. I don't have a problem being her friend, but I can't let myself get involved with someone who is doing something illegal and harmful to her body.
I just can't.
I take a deep breath and pull my phone out, going through the contacts. I get to the letter and push dial on the phone. It's sudden, but there is another amazing woman I connected with earlier and it wouldn't be right to not see where things could go. She's absolutely stunning and made it obvious she liked me. The difference between her and Santana is she isn't hard to read and she isn't secretive; I don't enjoy secrets, so maybe it's time for something new for a change.
"Hey Caroline, it's Quinn. I know this is sudden and long overdue, but is that offer for dinner still open?"
You guys probably hate me, but I did say this is the climax of the story, but it is only halfway into the journey. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and like I've said, I know it's taking longer than you'd like, but a lot has been going on.
I just registered for my fall semester, so I'll be taking two English courses and two other classes. I'm going for Mass Communications, so I'm writing a lot as it is. Sure it has nothing to do with the story, but even so, my major requires writing, plus I work. It's getting tiring when I work late most days, but I'm trying my best for you guys.
I tried also to make this chapter longer and obviously, I haven't done a good job. When I write multiple scenes, I picture them in my head and they're longer when I think about them, but are shorter when written down. It's frustrating, but as I said, I'm trying my best to make you all happy.
So let me know what you guys think, let me know what you think will happen, and please review because as you know they're always appreciated.
Thanks guys!
Sam
