I don't get sick much and I don't stay sick long. The next morning I was awake right away. And I felt all better too. I slipped out of bed and didn't feel funny when my feet hit the ground, so I ran downstairs to see Cliegg and tell him that I was all better now.
When I got there I felt sick again, but not the same way as yesterday. Cliegg was gone. Daddy was gone. When I noticed I had that funny feeling for a moment. Then it was gone and I got some cereal to eat while I waited for them to get back.
When Daddy came in the door, I jumped off the chair I was eating at and ran to see him and Cliegg.
"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" I ran to him to jump into his arms, but I could see red around his eyes. Cliegg wasn't there. "Daddy?"
Daddy knelt down beside me. He pulled me into his arms and ran his hands through my hair. "Luke, oh, Luke, I'm so sorry. My master heard about my reaction to the sitter hurting Cliegg and he said that I had to send him back to jail for a week. I'm so sorry. I know how close you are."
"Cliegg's gonna get hurt again?" I shivered. Poor Cliegg. I didn't want my brother to get hurt. If Obi-Wan had been like Daddy's brother, then Cliegg was my Obi-Wan.
"Yes, Luke. I'm so sorry. I screwed up again. One day, when Cliegg had been tortured too much even for him, he asked me if I hated him. And if I wanted to kill him. He was angry at that point. Then he broke down and just asked me why. Again and again. He was crying so hard. It hurts to see someone you love like that. Force, I don't think I could stand it if it happened again." Daddy was crying too.
I don't think Daddy meant me to hear that. I think it just hurt so much he had to say it. I started to cry though. I knew that Daddy had loved Cliegg all along. But Daddy never told Cliegg that. Daddy never said it to Cliegg. And now Cliegg was back in jail, and Daddy couldn't tell him. It wasn't fair. Cliegg should get to know.
"I wanna see Cliegg."
"I'm sure you do. I'm not allowed to see him all this week, though. Neither are you." Daddy held me so close I almost thought he was scared the Emperor was going to take me too.
"Why's the Emperor such a jerk?" I asked.
"He needs to be so that he can stay in control."
"But Cliegg wasn't hurting anyone, why'd he have to hurt Cliegg? Why does he hurt people who aren't hurting him?"
"Sometimes he thinks people are hurting him when they aren't." Daddy gathered me up and carried me up to his room. He closed the door and snuggled me. I know why he took me here. This is the only room in the house that the Emperor doesn't have cameras in.
"Like the Jedi?"
Daddy stared down at me, "Who told you about that?"
"The teacher did. She said it was a great day for the Empire."
"Then why did you say that they weren't hurting him?" Daddy asked.
"Cliegg told me. He told me lots of stuff." I liked it when Cliegg told me stories.
"Oh." Daddy relaxed a bit.
"I miss him."
"I know you do, Kiddo. I'm so sorry. I miss him too."
"At least he's coming back." I pressed myself against Daddy.
"I hope so, Luke. I hope he comes back."
"What do you mean 'you hope'?" Cliegg had to come back! He just had to!
"The stormtroopers are very hard on the prisoners, Luke. When you went to see Cliegg in jail last time he was there, he told you he'd gotten sick. He was very, very sick. He also told you that he wouldn't get better. He had only been sick a short while. It would only have taken a few more days for it to kill him. All in all, it would have taken less than a week." Daddy sounded very tired.
"I'm never gonna see Cliegg again?" I asked. My voice was very small.
"You might not. But he's tough, he might pull through."
"Might," it didn't sound like much of a comfort.
"It's not unlikely. Last time's illness was contributed to by the fact that his arm was starting to get gangrene."
"Was'at?" I asked. It didn't sound like a good thing.
"Gangrene is basically when flesh still attached to the body dies, and starts to rot. It's disgusting. His whole body was trying to heal that and it was weakening his immune system."
"How could that happen?" I asked. Sometimes I ask questions I don't really want to know.
"When his arm was… torn up, some bacteria from his cell got into the wounds. That's why I put the bandage there for you. I guess we were too late to stop it. When I went to get him, I had him healed too."
"So it's all better now?" Cliegg had seemed okay. He hadn't seemed sick.
"For now," Daddy sighed and held me like I was a baby again.
"Daddy? Cliegg's gonna be okay, right?"
"To tell you the truth, he probably isn't. If he does survive, he probably won't be the same again."
"Oh." I pressed closer to Daddy for comfort.
"Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"Will you sing to me?"
Daddy stared at me for a second before asking, "I thought you hated it when I sing."
I shrugged, "You have a funny voice, but you used to sing to me all the time. And right now I just want something to be the way it used to be."
"I can understand that." Daddy nodded. Then he started to sing for me. He never sings in basic. It's always Huttese. He says that his mom always used to sing to him in Huttese.
I actually like Daddy's voice. It's kinda nice. It's just so different when he sings, and I've never heard anyone other than him sing the songs he sings. Daddy says that that's a good thing. He says that some kids never hear their parents sing. They grow up only hearing famous people. I've heard a few famous people singing. It's just not the same though. When Daddy sings, he's singing for me. When they sing, they don't know who they're singing for.
I can feel Daddy breathing too. It's a good feeling. I know he's here and that he'll protect me from anything. Daddy suddenly gasped a little bit.
"Daddy, are you okay?" I asked, looking up at him. He looked kind of scared.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, Luke." Daddy started singing again.
I stayed snuggled in his arms for a few minutes. His voice was warm and I started to get sleepy. I was just starting to go to sleep when the words of the song he was singing changed. I can't speak Huttese, but what he was singing now didn't sound like a lullaby any more. Now he was just singing the same thing again and again.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, Luke?"
"What are you singing?"
"A song." Daddy said, unhelpfully.
"What song?"
"A song I hope you never learn."
"If you don't want me to learn it, why are you singing it to me?"
"Because it's true," Daddy rocked me a bit.
"What is it? It sounds like the same thing again and again."
"I can't protect you forever. I won't always be here for you."
"I know that, but what are you singing?"
"Those are the words. I don't want you to need to learn the song because it's the worst feeling for a parent. Or anyone who loves anyone, I guess."
"Oh. Please sing to me some more."
"All right," Daddy drew me up again and started singing again. He had gone back to lullabies. I started to fall asleep again. As I went to sleep completely I heard Daddy's song become 'I'm sorry, Luke. I'm so sorry'.
