Authors Note: Soooo I'm back? Having disappeared for months on end (I was in Missouri completing Army Basic Training) I finally found the inspiration to update this, of course this update has been a long time coming and really isn't my best work-we get to move forward a bit in the convoluted weird plot that is this "story." And I don't know whether there are any continuity errors as far as who Shane and Jason are to Nate-they are indeed just CLOSE FRIENDS in my story, not brothers, let me know if I eff that up anywhere.
Friday, June 26, 2009 11:45 PM
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Holy cow! Gee willa-well, I don't know how to spell that one. Oh my goodness! Gee whiz! Ay dios mio! Whatever else could possibly be used as an explanation of surprise!
OMG. (Seriously. This is huge enough to use the OMG. Which I think is stupid, but this is well deserving.)
I mean, this tops the list of weird, but awesome, and also surprising things to happen on tour. This climbs to monumental heights of awesome and well my humiliation.
So you, long time no speak, but I know you are probably very annoyed with me because I won't get to the point already. Sorry you. So here goes.
I'm going to say it right now.
Right this very moment.
Riiiiiiight-oh even I need to just get along with it.
I SAW HER. HER, like THE her.
The her I've been talking about, and thinking about, and dreaming about, and now that I think about it, being obsessively creepy about.
HER. The her.
Soooooo, here's how it all started.
See, what had happened was, my bandmates and I decided to go to Universal Studios. Cause we got to Orlando pretty early, had some time, and just wanted to go. I love that place. Anyway, when I was like four, I got this awesome little autograph book and had the signature of like EVERYONE, for cereal, every character in the parks around Orlando. And well, as we were leaving Disney World, something happened. Something terrible.
See now, I had already dropped my little book in the toilet. And made my mom retrieve it. When it had finally dried out (and I was allowed to touch it again) I decided to enjoy myself as a cute four year old and read it on the ferry back to the parking lot. Shane, being the awesome older, more "wiser" friend that he is, KNOCKED IT OUT OF MY HAND. (Yes, we've been friends THAT long,) Over the side of the boat. Into the water.
So I screamed. And cried. And tackled Shane. And tried jumping off the boat for it. And got yanked back by my mother. Long story short, I was traumatized by sight of a huge fish carrying off my autograph book.
Now that you're caught up to the present day. I decided to go on another epic quest to get as many autographs as possible, so after lunch we all ventured over to see Beetlejuice's Rock N Roll Graveyard Revue. Sweet show b to the w.
Anyways, it's a stage show. Beetlejuice comes out and has the classic Universal Monsters with him, turns them into rock n roll stars, they sing, they dance, blah blah blah, I just like it OKAY.
When you have Frankenstein in the show, you have to have his Bride.
And historically his Bride has always been HOOOOOOT. Like super, uber, ultra hot. With the short skirt, and the corset, and-ah hem, sorry, those were mildly inappropriate thoughts. What can I say, I'm a teenage boy with raging hormones, DON'T JUDGE ME.
Anyways, again, we were sitting in the stands, minding our own business, listening as Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice..I said his name three times..where is he?) made some crude jokes and what not and BAM—
Attention KMART shoppers, we have a special in the classic monster department, and it's a 4 for 1 deal! They all started parading out, doing their creepy monster thing and BJ began his snarky introduction of the Bride as the door at the top of the wooden stairs flew open and she appeared.
Let's just say heart attack was an understatement. A big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG understatement. HUGE. Gigantic!
Maybe I repeat things post-freak out to make myself feel better?
IT. WAS. HER. The her, I would have recognized those eyes anywhere. Even under the dark purple makeup. I'm trying to make coherent sentences but I don't think I quite remember the approximate twenty minutes the show took place. And then, OH THEN, Beetlejuice shoved them into the smoke and BAM AGAIN, they appear all rock and roll'ed up and I saw a lot more of her than I did at the concert.
Waaay more. That corset left nothing to the imagination. Just saying. Whoa, good thoughts Nate, breathe, cold shower.
So she's up there and she's singing and dancing and my goodness gracious she's got this killer voice and I think at some point the show ended because the noise stopped and the stage manager announced a meet and greet in ten minutes.
Of course, I finally realized this when Shane actually got my attention by repeatedly tapping my bandaged hand. And I said something I shouldn't have. Heh, oops. In my quest for all signatures character, I dragged Shane and Jason to the front and straight to her line where she was standing with Frankenstein.
To put the cherry on top of my banana split of a day, one of the workers happened to recognize us and insisted he give us a backstage tour. And I assumed of course I wouldn't get her autograph. So my bff's had to literally drag me kicking and screaming backstage.
I mean, out of the billions of people in this world, how do I, Nate David Carlson, become immediately attracted to this random girl, at a random concert, fantasize about her, then happen to just suddenly see her again performing in my favorite theme park stage show as the smokin' Bride of Frankenstein, AND discover she has a killer voice?
Fate must be playing dirty games with me.
Little did I know the lines at the meet and greet were short.
Completely zoned out by the awe of seeing what goes on behind the scenes, I didn't notice a rush of purple and black heading right in my direction towards her makeup mirror.
Fate would have it that I slammed right into her.
Fate would also have it that when I realized what happened my heart would stop and I'd look like a babbling idiot. I'm going to karate chop fate.
She began apologizing and finally realized who I was (I mean, who didn't) and started babbling (much like I had) about how she'd recently been to one of our concerts with her sister and how we were okay (just OKAY?) but that she preferred other music.
So would her not exactly loving my music cause problems in our marriage?
SHUT. UP. INSIDE. VOICES. Marriage? Really subconscious Nate, really? You just met this girl and she has no idea how much of a stalker you've been and WHOA.
While you've been arguing with one of our many voices, she just took her black wig off and let that gorgeous auburn hair down.
I should have brought my duct tape to keep my jaw from hitting the floor.
So she's still talking and I don't know what to say and Shane and Jason are telling me I need to go so I make one last desperate attempt at completing my autograph book dreams and began gushing about my lame childhood nightmare.
Fate would also have it that she thought it was extremely cute story, ran off with my book to find her castmates, signed it herself in bright purple Sharpie, and took a picture of the two of us for me.
And seriously, I'm not lying.
This is too good and insanely outrageous to make up.
It wasn't up until five minutes ago as we were boarding the tour bus I saw the small note neatly written in the corner by her curly signature (not that I had wanted to stare at it all day).
And here I transcribe it word for word:
(458)948-4679 – Touring has to have its downsides, and I don't foresee you becoming some ax murderer creeper/escaped mental hospital crazy, so chat me up anytime you need an escape from the "glamorous" life and from Shane's constant gazing into anything that shows him his reflection. I know it would be nice to talk to someone that isn't 'dead' for a change.
-Charley (PS. I do have a real name although I frequently find myself ignoring it when hours on end out during the day I answer to the Bride and parade around half dressed.)
Need I (Nate here again) say it again?
OH MY EVER LOVING GOSH.
I need a cold shower.
So, good, bad, ugly? I'm going to (when I remember, which is hopefully now) post some links to give you an idea of what the stage of this Universal Show looks like and what Charley's costumes look like, if you YouTube "Beetlejuice's Graveyard Revue," and make sure it's from the recent Orlando shows, not where the cast looks like some 90's rejects-the first song in the more recent videos will be Let's Get It Started-you'll get an idea of what Nate is watching. So pray I update this sooner than later and the next section doesn't sound so craptacular. Review por favor..pretty please..with a cherry on top of Nate's banana split?
