I was exhausted and sweaty by the time I got back to mine and Ace's room. Jay and I had trained for about two hours after everybody else had left the gym. I dropped my bag on the ground and started unwrapping my hands.
"You're back," Ace said as she came out of the bathroom. I barely glanced up at her.
"Yeah Jay was having me work the punching bags with him. I probably am gonna go shower and then head to bed."
"Oh"
I glanced up at Ace, "Something wrong with that?"
"Yeah there is. I barely see you anymore Hell with you training all the time."
I let out a breath to try and keep me calm, even with me being as tired as I was I was still afraid of doing something rash, "You know why I'm doing this Ace, I'm not gonna stop."
"Dammit Hell I get that but do you have to seemingly do it any time we aren't in class? I barely see my fucking girlfriend anymore."
Suddenly my vision clouded, it was like I was in a waking dream, able to see what I was doing but not be able to do anything about it. I felt my face twist into an unnatural sneer as I stalked toward Ace.
"What are you gonna do about it? You're weak Ace. You can't do anything."
Ace backed against the wall and began to shrink into herself, "Hell what's going on?"
I cackled and kept backing her into the wall, "I'm fine Ace. I'm just not gonna let you push me around anymore."
I could hear Ace whimpering and it was killing me that I couldn't change what I was doing. I felt my hand raise like I was gonna hit her and Ace screamed. Jay and Carlos burst into the room, Jay pushing me back and both of them putting their bodies between me and Ace. All of a sudden I was back in my own body, with full control. I push myself against the opposite wall, my back hitting it hard and going into a full blown panic attack. I could hear Jay telling Carlos to take Ace to their room and then he was over next to me, helping me down to sit on the floor.
"Hell, Hell breathe with me. In, 2, 3,. Out, 2, 3. In, 2, 3. Out, 2,3…" I don't know how long we did that, Jay counting for me to breathe.
I felt tears trickle out of my eyes, "Jay, I can't believe I did that. I promised myself I wouldn't become my father. I'm… I'm a monster." Jay grabbed my chin and moved my head to stare at him in the eyes.
"You listen to me. You are nowhere near a monster. They made you do this. You wouldn't hurt a fly and Ace knows that. Yes, this may hurt her but she knows it wasn't your fault," he said firmly.
Tears continues to stream out of my eyes, "Jay, I knew what I was doing. It was like I was in a dream. They were controlling me but I could see what I was doing, feel what I was doing. They're getting stronger Jay,"
"Hey I get that and because they know that, that's why they made you do what they did," Jay said as he rubbed my back, "we're gonna just need to be more careful and it might not be a bad idea for the two of us to room together and Evie and Mal to each take Carlos or Ace. The two of us won't risk doing anything to them and we can deal with us occasionally trying to beat each other up."
I just nod and wipe my tears and Jay helps me to my feet.
"Go get a shower and I'll get things all sorted out. I'm probably moving in here, I'll put Carlos with Evie, and Ace with Mal. Things will be okay Hell," he said as he wrapped me in a hug.
