Romania

As Alfons enter the door, all the lights are off. But he was expecting that. It was quite late after a. He got carried away wandering the streets aimlessly while contemplating his future.

Future, huh? I have no such thing anymore…

Alfons heard something clattered and a light flickered coming from upstairs. Edward is carrying a gas lamp, wearing his usual night clothing and walking towards him and yawning. His chest constricted with excruciating pain that's got nothing to do with his illness.

Seeing Edward-san is painful, I can't take it…

"Alfons'? Where have you been all this time? You've been gone since late morning. Did you see a doctor like I told you?" Edward asked conversationally.

Yet another twinged on his chest that's got nothing to do with lung inflammation. "Yes, ofcourse." Alfons' answered reluctantly. He contemplated for a few hours and came to the conclusion that he won't tell Edward and he'll keep doing what he want to do, what he need to do.

"Hhmmm, good. You better follow the doctor's instruction and get better. Go get changed and get some sleep." Edward said followed by another big yawn. He was about to go back upstairs when he stopped midway and asked. "Oh yeah, where have you been?"

He was not able to answer right away because he hadn't thought about it. In those few seconds, he tried to wrack his brains on what kind of excuse would work. He was about to say that he just went on the library when Edward talked first.

"Hoh~~ embarrassed are you? Perhaps you got lost? At that age?!" Edward chuckled, not listening to his excuse of going to a library and watching street performers. The way Edward teased him and the way they laughed about it seemed so nostalgic for some reason. Like everything is still normal and everything is at it was supposed to be.

"Anyway, go get some rest. I'll go back to sleep.." Edward said and he turned his back on Alfons.

"Goodnight, Edward-san.."

Did I act normally? Did he suspect something? I want Edward-san to treat me as he did before so I won't tell him. I'll never tell him..

To Alfons' surprise, Edward put the lamp on the stair and suddenly leaped in front of him and hugged him. "I'm so glad you're okay. I'm so glad you're back. I'm so glad nothing happened. I'm thinking of going out to find you soon, you know?"

"I'm sorry Edward-san." That's all Alfons' managed to say. The way Edward care and worry for him gives warmth to his heart and a comfort to his very being. Knowing the truth about his condition is shocking but the more shocking thing is the realization that he's not afraid to die. He was terrified of leaving Edward. He wanted to stay by Edward's side as long as he's allowed to.

"If something ever happened to you, I wouldn't know what to do. If something happened to you then I.. I.. I.." Unable to finish his sentence, Edward buried his face to Edward's neck.

"Nothing happened Edward-san, you're exaggerating." Alfons' chuckled. The irony of comforting Edward while he was the one who's hurt the most is kind of funny in a twisted way. He wanted to shout and curse furiously but he had to suppressed those things because Edward is emotionally fragile that needs his constant reassurance."I'm here Edward-san, sorry for being late.."

"Uh-huh.. Welcome back Al…"

Alfons' pupil dilated from the sudden rage that enveloped him because of those words. Edward is confusing him again for his brother. He froze on that spot and he was shoved painfully in the reality of the situation again.

I am dying and yet Edward-san still refused to acknowledge my existence… You're so unfair, Edward-san..

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Amestris

"How may I help you, Aphonse-kun?" Colonel looked up reflexively after seeing a red coat and short stature in front of him. Only to be disappointed that it's Alphonse.

Ofcourse, how could it be anyone else?! Edward disappeared and the possibility of seeing him again in this lifetime is very low. What am I expecting? To see him barging again without knocking and calling him a bastard? All those things seemed to happened a long time ago when in reality it's not even a year yet.

For a while he had been burying himself to paperwork. For the past few months, the military is in total chaos because of Fuhrer Bradley turning out to be a homunculus. Lots of military files had to be dug out, countless of high officials to be investigated, secret facilities to be raided and positions that needed to be filled.

The lost of Edward is definitely a blow to him. As much as he doesn't want his subordinates to know or admit to himself how badly affected he was for losing Edward. He had welcomed all the additional work and pushed himself beyond his limits. He participated on fieldworks and raids, but also took responsibility of the mountain of paperwork.

Everything is for the sake of forgetting Edward. Even for a bit is fine. Even a momentary numbness is fine. As long as he doesn't have to think about that person, he would gladly do anything. But just the other day, Alphonse Elric made an appointment to the military to talk to him and since technically, he doesn't have any work (Extra paperwork and fieldwork are voluntary) he decided to see him.

Colonel Roy Mustang is one of the few people who knew the truth about the Elric brothers. Therefore, he's one of the people who knew what really happened and he is also aware that the current Alphonse Elric doesn't remember anything since the night he became an armor.

As a compensation for all the horrible things he had done for Edward, out of guilt he hid the truth to the military and reported that the Elric brothers are lost in battle so as to avoid the military on prying on Alphonse. He only saw him once admitted to the hospital after he was found a few months back. He claimed to be Alphonse Elric but nobody believed him and was reported to the military.

The military is in chaos back then and nobody paid much attention to a state alchemist impostor or so they thought. But by chance, Roy Mustang heard about it and went to see him immediately. He also arranged for Winry to picked him up and withdraw a sizable amount of money from Edward Elric's research funds for Alphonse medical bills and future expenses.

I am not being helpful or nice. I know all too well that this is guilt…

It was apparent that Alphonse really doesn't remember him. Before, when he was still in that big metal armor, he hates Roy so much it can make people flinch in the hatred palpable in the air you can almost taste it. Those nightly visits that he Alphonse loathe so much to the point of wanting to kill him.

No amount of compensation and repentance can truly make them forgive me. But as the adult twice their age I have to own up to those sins and take responsibility..

"Ah, uhm Colonel, I wasn't able to thank you properly the last time we met even though you've done so much for me. Thank you very much." Alphonse said innocently with a smile and fidgeting for a bit out of nervousness.

Don't thank me… You're not supposed to thank me..! I made you and Edward's life a living hell in the military…! And at the crucial moment I wasn't there to support and back you up. It was my fault Edward disappeared.. So I'm begging you, don't look at me like that..!

"You don't have to thank me. It was only right. More importantly, do you need something from me?" Even though Roy Mustang's mind is in chaos, he tried to sound and act as normal as possible but seeing Alphonse is already a torture enough. Seeing those imploring golden eyes identical to Ed's.

To have you look at me with the same golden eyes, with the same expectant eyes like it was hoping or believing that I could save you is a harsh punishment to me. Like seeing Edward the first time I held him. Edward didn't say anything but in his eyes are the unspeakable burden, deep love for his brother and the courage to do anything. Coincidentally, that's the exact same eyes that Alphonse is showing me right now.

"Uhmm, I wanted to investigate my brother's whereabouts. I don't plan on giving up. I just want to see his reports and research. I know those things are confidential military informations but I have to know no matter what and Winry-san advised me to talk to you." Alphonse said with confidence.

Is this a punishment? A divine retribution?

Talking about Edward, the person I don't even want to recall right now.

I'm Sorry Al…

I'm Sorry Ed.. I have never said this to you before or even admit it to myself but I really care about you…

Maybe it truly is a karma that now that I know how I truly feel, I could never convey them to you anymore… Because I already lost you….

DISCLAIMERS:

I don't own FMA. Thanks for reading and I'm sorry I couldn't update as fast as before. Still quite busy with stuff.

I hope people are still reading this. Hello? Anybody there? Is the story stagnating or deteriorating? Opinions, suggestions and constructive criticisms are very much welcome..

(Whew.. Finally found some time to edit this chappy. Sorry for the misspelled words and wrong grammars. Seriouslyy, I need a new keyboard)