Kate unfurls the scarf from around her neck once the heating kicks on in her apartment, shimmies her coat from her shoulders as she heads for her bedroom. The impending holidays often caused the rate of homicides to increase, heightened the risk for tragedy to strike, and she had been working for the last two days straight, hardly having any time away from the Twelfth. Hardly having any time with Castle.
Beckett sighs and retrieves her phone from her pocket, feels her lips quirk at the latest message from him. He had stopped by yesterday morning, maneuvered through the frenzy of the homicide floor to bring her coffee, an empathetic smile on his face for her while he waved off all of her apologies. She opens the text message, but doesn't intend to answer, going to his contact information and dialing his number instead.
Today had been a slow day, a sacred lull in the madness, and she had taken the afternoon off. She wants to tell Rick the good news, ask if he has the time to meet her somewhere, if they can spend the rest of the day, the night, together, but as the phone begins to ring, she catches the sound of his ringtone.
Kate pauses on her way to the kitchen, starts towards her front door as the ringing grows louder, and turns the lock, tugs it open to find Castle on the other side, the phone halfway to his ear.
"Oh, hi," he chuckles, sheepishly ending the call before it could begin. "I was just about to call you. I stopped by the precinct, but Espo told me you'd taken off."
Kate winces but steps forward, braces her hands at his biceps when his touch her waist, dusts away the snow clinging to his coat. "That's why I was calling you. I'm assuming you're free?"
Castle presses his laughter to her cheek. "Yeah. But I actually had something specific in mind that we could do."
"Oh?"
"Want to come Christmas shopping with me?"
Her brow hitches, not what she had been expecting, but Beckett nods her agreement, the chance to spend more time with him all too appealing. "Sure, just let me grab my coat."
She leaves him in the open doorway as she meanders through the maze of boxes and back towards her bedroom, snagging the coat she had shed only minutes before from the chair near the entryway and sliding her arms back through.
"You never unpacked any of your things?" Castle asks, the door still open at his back, but he's wandered inside and stands amidst the sea of cardboard boxes, assessing her tiny apartment with disapproval etched deep into the lines of his face.
"I - no," she admits, hooking her purse over her shoulder.
"Makes it kind of hard to have a home," he comments, following her back out the doorway and into the drab hallway.
"It's not my home," she shrugs, turning the key in the lock and leading him towards the stairs at the end of the hall. "Never intended to make it one."
Castle is silent at her back as they descend the stairs, but she refrains from looking back, apprehensive to read the reply in his eyes before he can speak it.
"I noticed you don't have a doorman either, not much security," he adds once they've entered the small lobby area and Beckett purses her lips, pushes open the main door with her shoulder and waits until Castle is standing on the sidewalk in front of her to let the heavy weight swing closed behind her.
"After I moved out of the loft, I stayed in my office at the station for a few weeks," she explains, because she might as well, and Castle's lips part in protest before sealing back into a frown at her glare. "Obviously, I wasn't going to try to get my old place back, so I looked for a new one, a temporary one. The lease is monthly and I thought it would be perfect, that I would only be here for a couple of months at most and then I could just… come home. But, well, two years later..." she trails, shoving her fists into her coat pockets and frowning at the sidewalk.
She startles when he reaches into her pocket, transfers her hand into his and folds his fingers around the frigid bones. Kate stares up at him, the tentative grin spilling across her lips, and even as he keeps his gaze straight ahead, she sees it spread to his lips as well.
"Rent due at the beginning of next month?" Castle inquires, entwining their fingers within the confines of his coat pocket, and the thrill of it unfurls in her chest, suffusing warmth through her bloodstream.
It's not the first time they've held hands since reconciling, but the rush of exhilaration, the surge of familiar comfort, still gets to her every time.
"Yeah, and I-" It takes her a moment to absorb his question, to cut her eyes back to him and see the forced innocence he wears like a mask, the sly quirk to the corner of his mouth contradicting all of it. "Why?"
"Well, this may be presumptuous of me, but we've been on quite a few dates within these last couple of weeks and I think I'm ready to get serious about you," he muses, the laughter bleeding into his eyes. "I may just ask you to move in before the month is over."
"Oh? You don't think that's moving a little too fast?" she plays along, but the smile threatening to breach her lips is giving her away.
"No, I already know you're a sure thing."
"Mm, only for you, baby."
He laughs at that, too loud for the crowded sidewalk, but the sound is glorious to her ears, rich and booming, and Kate sways in close to him, uses the advantage of her heels to smear a kiss to his jaw.
They travel uptown by foot, drifting in and out of multiple stores, finding gifts for Martha with ease. His mother is always a breeze to shop for, her tastes loud and on display, hints of her desired Christmas wishes often strategically left in her wake. Kate and the boys rarely exchange gifts, but Castle ensures that he has their Christmas presents all sorted out, and proceeds to tag along with her to purchase a pricey makeup palette Lanie's been coveting all season.
"We can do a joint gift for your dad," Rick suggests while they wander through Chelsea. "Like we did last year, with the fishing trip?"
"I was going to get him a pass for the Mets' upcoming season," she reveals, flexing her fingers within the hold of his hand, hooking her thumb beneath the edge of his glove. "And maybe that new fishing rod he's been eyeing since last summer."
"Ooh, he told me about that. He'll kill us for spending that much, but we should definitely do both," Castle decides, shooting her a quizzical look when she laughs at him. "What?"
"Nothing, just… I'm glad you and my dad kept in touch. You two have a great friendship and I didn't want my - my actions to influence that."
"Your dad told me every time we talked that you'd eventually come around," he admits, his hand tightening around hers, the light in his eyes still alive but dimmed. "He knew as much as I did about why you'd left me, but he'd tell me that he knew you'd make the right choice, that it may just take time. I believed him for a while, but-"
"I made it easy to lose faith," she finishes for him, swallowing past the sorrow staining her tongue, drenching her mouth in a bitter taste.
Rick sighs, untangles their hands to slip an arm around her shoulders and hugs her to his side on the crowded sidewalk.
"But then you proved him right," he murmurs, maneuvering around a construction zone with her, slowing as they approach the string of boutiques that his daughter favors, the last person on their list to shop for. "I won't lie and say I didn't doubt you, Kate, that I hadn't lost faith in you, but even after I served you with the divorce papers, even when I tried to convince myself that it was really over, I still had hope. Some stubborn, indomitable part of me refused to let you go, to lose what faith I had left."
"Castle," she breathes, her chest growing tight, her scar beginning to throb, and she urges him to the side, free of the human traffic and up against the momentary refuge of one of the shops' bright red brick walls. "You don't have to-"
"No matter what you do, no matter the obstacles that arise or the mistakes either of us make, I'll never be able to give up on us, I can't," he confesses, cupping her elbows in his palms, caressing the sharp juts of bones while she clutches at the lapels of his coat. "There may be no such thing as fate or magic, but you and me? Our story? We're as close as anyone could ever get to either of those things, Beckett. My story will always end with you."
She had sworn to herself when they had begun this journey towards recovery, that he would be the one to make all of the first moves, the choices that influence the speed in which they heal; she had promised herself that even though it would be agonizing, even though she would crave the seal of his mouth on hers, he would be the one to kiss her, to make that decision. But her promise is broken by his words, shattered amidst the slush at their feet as she surges forward, curling her gloved fingers at his neck and capturing the kiss from his lips.
Castle holds her close, tight, and opens his mouth to her, lets her tongue inside, moans ragged and breathless as she works to soothe old wounds, to taste the resolve still lingering within the cavern of heat.
"You've been the best part," she breathes out as the kiss slows, as the fierce grip that guilt and shame, regret and remorse, have held within her stomach for years now finally releases. Rick glides his hand up to her cheek, the warmth of his palm seeping through his glove, and she sucks in another lungful of freezing winter air, lets the ice burn through her chest while the heat of his hand brands through her skin. "The best part of my story."
It's too much for a crowded street of Christmas shoppers and the vibrant holiday displays in every window, too intimate to share with the rest of the world, but Castle kisses her again, gentle and reverent, cradling her face and whispering love against her lips. And her heart is too raw, too tender and vulnerable, for the rapturing intensity of it all.
Her lashes sweep at his cheeks, fluttering like butterfly kisses to his skin, and Castle's thumbs automatically rise to graze beneath her eyes, ready to catch any chance of moisture the moment it falls. Her hope had been to show him that he could fall in love with her all over again, that she could be worth the love and devotion he so generously gave, but she thinks now, standing in the cold with his hands on her face and his breath on her lips, that he managed to make her fall in love all over again, too.
"We're probably putting on quite a show," she mumbles, pressing her lips to the corner of his mouth, tasting the smile that begins to rise beneath hers. "And your daughter still needs a Christmas present."
"You have a point," he acquiesces, retreating from her mouth with a fair dose of hesitation, lowering his hands from her shoulders, but reclaiming her hand, twining their fingers together.
Castle leads her into one of the stores she remembers his daughter was once partial to, checking over his shoulder every few seconds despite the link of their hands, his smile luminescent every time their eyes meet and god, she hopes she isn't glowing quite as brightly as he is over a single kiss. If so, she fears they'll be unbearable to look at once they actually sleep together again.
"Alexis insists she doesn't want anything this year," he informs her, nodding in acknowledgement to the store employees who chirp their greetings. "But she's my daughter and I-"
"Can't resist," Kate chuckles, squeezing his hand and following his lead towards a display of colorful sweaters. "So you're going to try to go small?"
"Well, I already bought her a new laptop since I'd heard her complaining about her current one giving out over the last couple of months," he explains. "Don't give me that look. You know that's tame for me."
Beckett shakes her head, but can't deny the truth of the statement. Castle would buy his daughter the Empire State Building if he knew it would put a genuine smile on Alexis's face, but they both knew his daughter wasn't one for extravagancies. She liked nice, expensive things, just like anyone else, but Kate had witnessed her just as overjoyed by the simplest of gifts, the thought behind always meaning more than the price tag.
"When did Alexis move out?" she asks while they browse through the boutique.
"Not long after you did," Castle admits, releasing her fingers to sift with her through the racks of expensive clothing, designer brands and high quality fabrics. "I knew she hadn't planned to stay forever, but I think my nonstop brooding made the idea of having her own place more appealing."
"I doubt it was an easy decision," she murmurs, trying to not to focus on his mention of brooding, the reason behind it. "Is she far from the loft?"
Rick shakes his head while she dusts her fingers over a royal blue sweater that she could picture Alexis wearing - the rich color a perfect contrast to her porcelain skin, her fiery hair, bringing out the bitter ice Kate can already envision consuming her eyes the moment they're face to face.
"She's actually closer to the office now, which is more convenient since she practically runs the business. She found a nice one bedroom in Tribeca that kind of reminds me of your old place," he muses, grazing his knuckles along the back of her hand. "She doesn't hate you, Kate."
Beckett's fingers fist in the cashmere fabric and he sighs, steals her hand away before she can wrinkle the material beyond repair.
"It took me a long time to earn her trust," she reminds him, staring down at their clasped hands. "To give her reasons not to hate me."
"She was a teenager then, young and a little selfish," Castle reasons, touching gentle fingers to her jaw when her head begins to shake, ready to protest. "If anything, I think Alexis misses you."
"Castle-"
"No, hear me out," he murmurs, his fingertips still kissing her skin, infusing warmth into her brittle bones. "It may have taken her awhile to trust you, but once she did… you became family to her, Kate. And I'm sure you've noticed by now, but once Alexis deems someone family, she'll go to any lengths necessary to protect them. She did when you were missing for those 36 hours, when the… investigation started."
Beckett cuts her eyes to him in surprise, this information news to her. Alexis had shown no signs of disapproval upon her initial return from that hellish experience that had only been the beginning of a personal purgatory for them all, but she had imagined his daughter wasn't happy with her for managing to disappear once again. The idea of Alexis defending her had never even crossed her mind back then.
But it didn't matter much now; his daughter certainly wouldn't be defending her this time.
"She may be hurt," Castle continues. "And yeah, maybe a little angry too, but no one in this family just stopped loving you."
Kate shudders out a breath, grateful for his embrace when she turns into him, burying her face in his neck and banding her arms around his waist.
"I missed our family," she sighs out against his throat, the relentless burn of tears in her eyes blurring her vision of the twinkling Christmas lights overhead and the concerned employee watching them from the counter.
"You're done missing us," he murmurs into her hair, soothing but fierce, his arms tight and secure as they wrap around her shoulders. "We're done missing you."
"You are," she confirms, adding a determined nod to the statement as she lifts her head, meets his glittering eyes with a watery smile. "I love you."
Castle brushes the tear tracks she had failed to notice from her cheeks, traces the curve of her lips, and she wishes so badly for him to kiss her again. The taste of his mouth, the seamless fit of his lips to hers has been nothing more than a memory for the majority of the last two years, a near tangible daydream these last two weeks, a blissful reality only moments before, but he waited four years for her to be ready. She can give him longer than a couple of weeks to push for more.
"I love you too," he whispers, so earnest and beautiful as he presses a kiss to her forehead. Not quite where she had hoped for his lips to touch, but it's enough. More than enough. "Now, let's finish up in here so we can go back home and decorate."
Castle smiles at her and takes her hands, guides her towards another carousel of clothing, and she doesn't think he's realized it, but aside from that night in his bed last week, this is the first time he's referred to the loft as 'home' since they had reunited and he had spoken of selling it instead.
"You never said anything about decorating the loft today," she points out, but Rick only shrugs and plucks an emerald green sweater dress from the rack that Kate twists her lips at in disapproval. "Alexis doesn't like that shade of green, washes her out."
Castle returns the dress to its place and steps aside to allow her a glimpse at their options. "I know I didn't mention it, but I was going to ask, so would you like to come over - if we ever find my daughter the perfect gift - and help me decorate the loft for my favorite holiday that I can't wait for you to spend with us this year?"
Kate's fingers freeze over a dusty pink blouse, her gaze tripping up to find him watching her, his hope subdued and dull, his expression far too serious for a statement that has her heart fluttering, the broken wings flapping with fervor, ready to take flight.
"You want me to spend Christmas with you?" she echoes, but it's his brow that knits with bewilderment.
"We talked about this, remember? The other night on the couch-"
"Yes, but I just… wasn't sure if you actually wanted me there, especially with Alexis and Martha coming or if you just-"
"Kate, all I've wanted for Christmas-" He huffs, scrapes a hand through his hair, struggling with the admission fighting to be free. "Last year was the worst Christmas of my entire life." His confession, the raw anguish in his eyes, rips through her, shreds what's left of her devastated heart. It's a miracle the damn thing even functions anymore. "My daughter was across the country, my mother spent the entire time worrying over me, and you - you were all I wanted the entire time and that hasn't changed. If possible, I just want you more."
"You're making it really hard not to kiss you again in the middle of this store," she murmurs, covering her lips with the tips of her fingers as he breathes a laugh at her expense, the corners of his eyes crinkling, and she reaches up to dust her fingers to the spot, capture his happiness in the whorls of her fingertips.
"Restrain yourself for now," he mumbles, the hints of fatigue brought on by memories of last Christmas fading beneath his crooked grin, making that task no less difficult. "I'm sure we'll end up under some mistletoe before the day's over, if you're coming to decorate, that is…"
Kate rolls her eyes and steps away from him to focus on finding Alexis's gift so they can go home.
"You already know I'm coming, Castle."
