Hey, everyone! A thousand apologies for this delayed update. I got caught up in uni work during my final term and I've since moved homes and it's all been very stressful. I haven't had much enthusiasm or inspiration to write because of that. I really didn't want to post something that had no thought or meaning behind it, so this took a lot of time to compose. Also, I've drafted out the last few chapters and have started writing the next one.
I really hope this is worth all the waiting you guys did. I aim to update the next part as soon as I can.
Enjoy~
A hand made swift contact with my face, the sound echoing through the small room, the moisture from my skin amplifying it.
'Stop it.'
The voice reaching out to me was stern. Harsh. Cold.
My chest clenched painfully and more tears made their presence known.
Another slap.
'Stop crying.'
The pain from my cheek was nothing compared to how much agony I was in elsewhere. My back constantly throbbed from the flames that licked at my skin and my heart felt like it was being twisted right out of my ribcage.
'You must stop.'
She spoke the same language as me, but it sounded different…I knew she wasn't one of us.
She stepped away from me and I crumbled to the ground, her mutters barely registering as words. What was she saying?
I aimlessly started clawing at my chest. There was a strange sticky fabric stuck to my skin. I tried to pick it off.
'Stop!'
She came back to me, grabbing my wrists and pulling them away from my chest, still saying words I didn't understand. I tried to tell her I didn't know what she was saying, but all that came out was more sobs.
The pain wouldn't stop.
I could only lie there and endure the pain, listening to a woman speaking in a language I didn't understand.
Since leaving Matilda's, Nezumi had become so much more careful with covering our trail and hiding our true identity. Despite leaving in a hurry, Nezumi had made sure to leave no sign we had ever been there. Any clothes, belongings, even food that bought for us was taken. He managed to not give in to temptation after stumbling upon Matilda's purse, not taking any money. We were desperate, but not cruel. Matilda had taken us in and cared for us out of the goodness of her heart. It pained me greatly that I was unable to thank her for all that was done for us.
Once Nezumi decided we were far away enough, he pulled over and did something that completely caught me off guard. It didn't quite register in my mind what he was planning whilst rifling through one of the boxes. He carefully set a mirror down beside him and tugged his hair out of its ponytail.
'Wait-'
Snip.
My eyes widened in shock as Nezumi started cutting his hair. It wasn't manic or anything, cutting all of it off in two or three movements. He was being careful, making sure to keep it in a decent shape and style. I carefully climbed over the seats to sit beside him, glancing at his reflection in the mirror.
I knew why he was doing this.
He knew he didn't have to explain.
'Can you help me with the back?'
I hesitated. 'I don't really know how…'
'You just take a small portion between your fingers and cut up into it. Not across, otherwise it'll come out all blunt.'
He held the scissors out to me and I carefully took them before shuffling to kneel down decide him. 'How short do you want it?'
'Short as yours maybe? Although mine doesn't curl like yours.'
'Um…' I reached behind my head to feel the length before beginning to work on Nezumi's hair.
Even the next day when we had stopped by a gas station to pick up a few things, I kept having to double take. In the end, it was slightly shorter than mine, the parts that always hung loose whenever he tied his hair back now framed his jaw, but his fringe remained the same.
I peered at my reflection in the tiny mirror squished between two columns of reading glasses. Nezumi insisted on getting a pair with a thick frame, but they simply didn't suit me.
He glanced over at me, grinning a little, sporting a pair of sunglasses. 'What do you think?'
'I liked the other ones.'
'No way, they made me look like someone's dad.'
'I liked them…'
He picked up another pair and swapped to them, raising an eyebrow at me.
I stepped over to him, moving his fringe slightly and tucking some hair behind his ears. 'Those are really nice.'
'Better than the dad glasses?'
'They weren't dad glasses, Nezumi.'
He clicked his tongue before wrapping an arm around my waist and picking out another pair of reading glasses for me. 'Try these. They'll bring out your eyes.'
'I thought we were trying to conceal them.'
'No, we're trying to make your face look different. But just humour me with these.'
I rolled my eyes and put the glasses on, sparking a slight coo from Nezumi.
'You look so cute!'
'I look like a librarian.'
'A very cute librarian.'
'I don't want to look like a librarian, Nezumi.'
'But the glasses suit you.'
I glanced at my reflection, reaching up to fiddle with my fringe a little, blinking a few times as Nezumi leant across to peck me on the cheek.
'A-alright…get them…'
Nezumi removed the glasses from my face before heading to the cashier to pay for them.
Initially, he had seen little point in purchasing anything that could help disguise us, but after finding out that his face had been shown on special news reports all over the country, he wasn't taking any chances. His eyes and hairstyle stood out too much. It was upsetting to know that those beautiful eyes were going to be concealed from view from here on out, but it was the only way to get the peace of mind that we weren't going to be picked up by the police just yet.
Back in the van, Nezumi had begun setting lunch aside for us. Now that I was better, I insisted that we ate the same amount at mealtimes. But today I wasn't feeling particularly hungry.
'About that promise…'
'Mmh?' He was in the middle of eating some bread.
'You promised you'd tell me what's going on.'
He swallowed. 'Yeah, but case you haven't noticed, I haven't exactly had a chance to sit down and talk about it.'
'Which is why I'm reminding you now.'
He sighed, running his fingers through his hair, trying to collect his thoughts. 'Where the fuck do I begin…'
'At the beginning?' I suggested.
'That's the thing, I don't even know where the beginning is…'
'…I could…ask you some questions? Would that help?'
He hummed quietly, glancing out of the window and setting his food aside. 'Go on then…'
So many questions…I didn't even know where to start. I suddenly knew exactly how Nezumi was feeling. After thinking it over for a few moments, I decided to begin with what was fresh in my mind.
'Last night…you changed.'
Nezumi sighed again, squeezing the bridge of his nose. 'You know that book you found? And it was talking about mediums and such?'
'Yeah?'
'I'm…kinda like that…well…maybe more like a host.'
What?
'A host?'
What?
'Yeah…for Elyurias.'
My heart skipped a beat and I gripped the seat underneath me. 'Wait…you mean…the one from your forest?'
'Yes.'
'She's…she's there…inside you…right now?'
'Eh, not quite inside me…just…it's difficult to explain.'
'You share a body?'
'Yes, exactly that.'
I felt sick.
'She's…seen everything…'
'Not everything but she sees all my thoughts…she sometimes takes over when she feels it necessary.'
'Like…last night?'
Sick to my stomach.
'Yeah, but most of the time she's dormant.'
'And…it's safe…?'
'She's been keeping us safe…giving me advice, instructions…cutting the power last night, for example. That was her.'
'Was last night the first time I've…'
'Yes.'
'All the other times it was you?'
'Yes. Come on, you could tell straight away, right?'
'Yeah…your eyes went weird.'
'Exactly. You'd know if it was her and not me.'
I tried my best to fight this wave of nausea, swallowing nervously.
'Does she like me?'
'Of course she does. She thinks you're sweet.'
'…how long has she…been with you?'
'Four years.'
'How did that come about?'
Nezumi paused, hesitantly reaching over to take my hand. 'You're going to think I'm nuts.' Something wasn't quite right about his voice. He was scared…
'You just told me you share a body with a forest God and I believe you. Try me.'
He took a deep breath, squeezing my hand. 'It's…not something I'm proud of.'
I nodded, squeezing his hand back in return in an attempt to keep him reassured. 'Take your time.'
He tried to phrase it out a few times. Each time, he hesitated and started stumbling over his words, the grip on my hand tightening, the tension in the air beginning to pile up.
'What…u-um…okay…Elyurias has some…pretty crazy powers…as it so happens…she can…well…she helped me go back in time.'
The nausea was back. Tenfold.
'…what?'
My voice was barely more than a whisper.
'Four years ago…when we met…I had just…come from the future.'
'What?'
'…you see…I…mmm.' He squeezed my hand again, hanging his head. 'I'd just…you…died in my arms.'
My throat was tight. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
'And…Elyurias was there with me…and…she let me go back…so I had another chance…to be with you.'
I actually felt faint.
'Then…if you did all that…went through all that…for me…why did you conspire against No.6?'
'I told you-'
'People have died, Nezumi. People want your head.' I couldn't stop. The rage was bubbling within me, swiftly taking over the nausea. I was angry. Hurt. Confused. 'The death toll is over three hundred. My mother is still there. Safu is still there.'
'I know-'
'You just wanted me for yourself, didn't you? You didn't ever care about what'd happen to my mother or Safu, did you?!' I spat, tugging my hand away from his.
'Sion-'
'I'm going back. Take me back!'
'Sion!'
'Actually, don't take me back. I'll go by myself.' I swung the passenger door open and climbed out of the van before slamming it shut. Nezumi had made a move to do the same. 'Don't you dare!'
'Please, just listen-'
'I don't want to listen to you, Nezumi! Don't follow me!'
I broke out into a sprint, trying to get as far away from him as possible, only managing to last about ten seconds before the adrenalin wore off and I slowed down, kicking a small stone off in the direction of Nezumi. He watched me from beside the van, rooted to the spot. He wasn't following me at least.
I walked a little further before sitting down on the edge of the road, shoving my head in my hands, clawing at my scalp. I was so distraught, so heartbroken and yet I was unable to cry. Both my throat and chest ached.
All of a sudden, things started to make sense. That feeling I had…that Nezumi wasn't looking at me…I was right. He was looking at the me from his time…the me from before…that me that died…the me he went back In time to meet…I knew nothing about this version of me, but logic dictated that we couldn't possibly be the same. Nezumi most likely changed a lot of things from his timeline…that had no doubt had a knock on effect on me.
I tried my hardest to think back, looking for more clues…more hints…oh God, was this how he knew so much about me?!
Bringing up particular things in conversation…that I had never mentioned being interested in…things about my mother…my preferences…he knew them all already…and he knew exactly how to worm his way into my life and into my heart…disappearing for months on end to make me yearn for him. Yearn for his company and for the small chance of being able to hear his voice just one more time.
This had all been a carefully calculated plan, using what he already knew about me from the past for his own benefit, dropping hints everywhere to make me feel sorry for him…make me need him…make me want him. I had felt sorry for him. I had needed him. I had wanted him.
The thought that he had gotten so close made me feel physically sick and I lurched forward, my hands digging into the dirt as I heaved.
Nothing came out aside from a thick line of saliva and a few tears that had finally managed to make their way down my cheeks. I slammed my fist into the dirt, continuing to choke and sob, my other hand starting to tear at my hair in such utter desperation.
My heart felt like it was being ripped straight out of my chest.
To think that Nezumi had managed to make me so dependent on him…so utterly defenceless without him by my side…so desperate for his love and affection…this was all too cruel.
Did he even want me? Surely not…he went to all this effort…for someone who was already dead.
I stared down at the damp patch of dirt beneath me, my tears cooling my face as the heat from the sun began to make the back of my neck get uncomfortably warm.
It was his entire fault…the revolt against No.6…Mom…Safu…it was all him. There were others, yes, but he was the one who started it all. The catalyst. Was I the true goal he wanted to acquire? Once he had me vulnerable, he didn't need the others and took off with me. Taking care of me, fending for both of us whilst I was still too weak to even walk or feed myself.
Those nights were the worst. Without enough food to keep me nourished…the heat only worsening my condition, I'd slip in an out of consciousness, Nezumi constantly by my side, calling out my name, begging, crying, sobbing against my shoulder, terrified I'd die... Sometimes he'd be frantic, desperately seeking a reaction from me whilst being so unsure of what to do. Could he risk leaving me to get me something to eat? Would it not be better to stay, giving me water to keep me hydrated whenever I awoke? Sometimes, even with my body so weak, I couldn't sleep at all. Nezumi would sing to me, stopping to respond whenever I managed to speak.
'I'm…Am I gonna die?'
'No…you won't. I won't let you.' Assertive words, yet ne never sounded too sure of himself.
'Don't go…stay here with me.'
'I'm not going anywhere, Sion.'
'Good…just…stay.'
A hand in my hair was the most soothing thing during those nights.
'I won't let you die…'
Again.
He…he didn't want to lose me again.
I glanced over in the direction of the van, my vision blurred from the tears in my eyes before sitting back on my heels, sniffing quietly.
He did care. That much I knew for sure. He cared enough to put his own life at risk to keep me safe…to help me recover…he'd even seek the help of another person because he realised that it was simply impossible for him to take care of both of us.
He'd pull me close at night, mumbling sweet nothings into my ear…telling me how he couldn't wait for me to get better…for it just to be the two of us. Even whilst being painfully aware of the amount of danger we were in…how easy it would be for us to be captured…how fragile and precious what we had was.
Maybe…if I heard…what he had to say…
I swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat before shakily getting to my feet, wiping my hands on my trousers. I cautiously approached the van, peering inside.
Nezumi was gone.
Stepping around the other side, I found him curled up in the shade, his knees pulled to his chest, face hidden from sight. Still keeping my distance, I knelt down and called out his name.
He lifted his head a little, those beautiful eyes all red and puffy from crying. 'I'm sorry, Sion.'
'What are you sorry about?'
'…I didn't intend for this to happen…I was so overwhelmed with the fact I could change things…with the power and knowledge that I had…I told you before…I lost sight of what I really wanted.'
'What did you really want?'
'…just…for us to be together.'
'…we've been together for a while now…just the two of us.'
'I know, but it's not the same.' His voice was croaky and his head flopped back down to rest on his knees.
My heart sank. '…it's because I'm not him…isn't it?'
'No, it's not that…I've been looking after you and you've been sick and what with driving and trying to keep safe…it's been so hard to just…relax and…be alone with you…'
I shuffled closer, placing one of my hands on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. 'Nezumi.'
'M-mm?' He didn't look at me. That was fine. I didn't need him to.
'You…didn't have much chance to think…when asking her to take you back…did you?'
Nezumi shook his head.
'In hindsight, you could've just gone to stop whatever killed me…'
A nod.
'But that's the interesting thing about hindsight...you look back and think about all the things that could've happened…should've happened...' I paused, taking a deep breath, trying to stop myself from breaking down again. 'I'm…I'm grateful…that you went to that effort…and…it's admirable…that you're able to carry such emotional baggage from witnessing all you've witnessed.'
He lost everything…his family…his clan…me…everything he ever cared about and ever gave him compassion.
In hindsight he could've even gone back to stop the fires…yet…he chose me…
I couldn't bring myself to let him go through the pain of losing me again.
'…It's…going to take me a while to get used to the idea of all this…but…I'll do my best…for you, Nezumi.'
He paused, lifting his head again and stealing a glance at me. '…you're…gonna stay?'
I paused. 'I…'
This…was going to be difficult. After thinking all this through and coming to a conclusion about how I really felt about what he had done, would I still be able to trust him? A part of me wanted to say yes…the other was telling me to just get as far away from him as possible.
'I'll…I'll think about it…'
He looked extremely disheartened. I shuffled closer, pulling his head to my chest, cradling him in my arms. '…I won't die, though…you'll get your wish.'
He gave a quiet chuckle before sniffing into my shirt. 'Only an idiot like you would believe this kind of story and accept me after hearing it.'
'It's…quite farfetched…but it makes sense…I mean…your story. A lot of things make sense now. I can see why you chose not to tell me.'
Nezumi clung onto my shirt tightly and I kept him close, still trying my hardest to process the new information he had given me.
That night I couldn't sleep. There wasn't even any point in trying. My brain was still buzzing, still unable to take in everything that I had learnt.
I sat with my back pressed against the back doors of the van, watching the outline of Nezumi's form shift in the darkness. His chest rose and fell with his slow, deep breaths. Every now and again he'd mumble noises not coherent enough to be even considered as words. He'd sometimes reach out with one arm, blindly searching for me in hope of pulling me close for the sake of comfort. Even if I was there, he'd eventually wake up and complain about it being too hot. We'd still cling close regardless.
Seeing him lie there served as a constant reminder of how much trust he had placed in me – he was letting himself be so vulnerable in my presence. Nezumi was a light sleeper and was probably aware of the fact I was watching him sleep. Even after seeing my reaction to the secret he's shared with me, he trusted me enough to not take advantage of his vulnerability whilst he slept.
It confused me.
Was this his way of testing my loyalty? Perhaps now that I knew, he didn't care what happened to him next – what I did next. I could up and leave if I wanted to and he probably wouldn't try to stop me.
Having said that, if it were the other way around…if Nezumi told me this was all over, that he wanted to end whatever we had between each other, that he'd drop me off somewhere and continue on without me…how would I react?
I imagined it for a moment – my first reaction would probably be breaking down crying, begging him not to go, to reconsider. I'd take back all I had said and ask for forgiveness.
My chest ached at the thought of us being separated. I felt I should be disgusted in myself for becoming so attached to him. So weak and pathetic. Yet at the same time I felt fortunate to have found someone I could be so attached to. Someone who could protect me. Someone who wanted me for who I was. Someone who went back in time to be with me. Someone who all his future plans aside in favour of rescuing me.
I found myself crawling over to him, peering at his peaceful face, carefully moving his fringe away from his eyes. They fluttered open, focusing on me in the darkness.
'You're still here?' he asked, sounding both surprised and relieved.
I nodded, leaning a little closer. 'I'll always be here,' I replied.
'You're staying?' One of his hands moved to rest at the base of my neck, lightly twirling a lock of my hair around his index finger.
'I'm staying. I can't leave you, Nezumi.'
He hummed quietly, seemingly content with my decision. His hand moved to the back of my head, fingers settling comfortably in my hair. At his delicate touches, my chest began to tighten again. But it wasn't anything akin to the aches from earlier.
I shifted slightly in an attempt to ease it, giving Nezumi's cheek a tentative nuzzle.
Better...but only slightly.
'Sion?'
'Hm?' As I lifted my head to look at him, Nezumi leant up, pressing his lips firmly against my own. It was unlike the kiss from before – there was more urgency in this one. I tried my best to return it with equal enthusiasm without messing up. Nezumi pulled back after a few seconds, giving me a gentle smile.
'Just relax a little.'
'I'm trying.'
'We don't have to do this if you don't want to.'
I shook my head. 'No…I do want to…I've just never done this before…'
'We can go slow if you want?'
I nodded and Nezumi pulled me back in for another kiss. It was gentler this time and much easier to keep up with. The tightness in my chest increased tenfold until something inside me snapped, a pleasant warmth enveloping my entire body. Without thinking, I attempted to deepen the kiss. Nezumi didn't stop me, settling more comfortably on our makeshift bed, wrapping an arm around my waist in order to pull me closer.
I soon found myself lost, my senses dulled by Nezumi's closeness, his warmth, his scent, his voice murmuring my name each time we broke for air.
I barely registered our change in position. When had I ended up on my back? When had Nezumi stopped kissing me in favour of whispering into my ear?
I lay there in a daze, clinging onto him tightly, almost as if he'd disappear if I dared let go.
'Nezumi,' I whispered, clutching his shirt.
'I'm here, Sion.'
'I…I love you.'
'I know, Sion.'
My chest was on fire.
'You…too, right?'
'What have I done to make you doubt that, Sion? Of course I love you.'
My grip on him tightened and my shoulders began to shake.
'Hey, don't start crying.'
I couldn't help it. I was so overwhelmed with emotion from today, I couldn't hold anything back. Nezumi cradled me close, stroking the back of my head in an attempt to soothe me. I could hear his heartbeat against my ear. It was fast. He was as overwhelmed as I was…this sort of closeness was still so new to us. Not just physically, but mentally as well.
A soft and gentle voice found my ears. Through my sobs it took a few moments to register that Nezumi was singing. He was singing in a language I'd never heard before, his voice barely louder than a hum. Before I knew it, his heartbeat had slowed down and my sobs were reduced to a few sniffs every now and again.
He paused.
'Carry on…' I whispered. 'It's nice…where'd you learn it?'
'Elyurias taught me it.'
'…do you know any others?'
Nezumi began to sing again after a few moments, his fingers stroking the back of my head the whole while.
Within a few minutes I felt my whole body relax against his and I slowly drifted off into a deep sleep accompanied by Nezumi…my Nezumi's touch and voice. For the first time since leaving No.6, I actually felt completely at peace. If I had the choice, I would've stayed curled up against Nezumi's chest, listening to his heartbeat as he sung, forever.
I really hope this was worth the wait, I honestly do.
Please leave your thoughts and feedback. I always love reading them. It really keeps me motivated to finish this.
Have faith, even if the next update takes a while. I will finish this story - I just want to do my ideas justice and give you all something that you'll remember.
x
