Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.
Summary: After almost a year of conflict in both the North and the South, Narnia's borders are secured once more. Hope brightens as Narnia prepares for a year of peace. Yet, when shadows from the past threaten, will the light be smothered or shine all the brighter?
A/N: If you have not read the first eleven stories in the A Light in the Darkness main story arc (Awakened, Shadowed, Revealed, Concealed, Rekindled, Refracted, Reflected, Veiled, Unveiled, Eclipsed, and Obscured), I highly recommend you do so for the full experience. However, I have included a quick summary of the previous stories so if you want to give this one a whirl on its own, you can.
Chapter Nine: Heartache
Oreius had let her cry. She was sick of crying, but couldn't seem to stop herself until it was well past a reasonable time. Now, though, she merely lay in his arms. She could feel his fingers in her hair, gently combing through the locks as she clung to his other arm and rested her cheek against his bicep. She watched the flames dancing in the fireplace as she struggled to come to terms with what she had been so certain was truth but now…
"Do you think I'm crazy?"
"Nonsense," the Kentauri rumbled. "You have never been insane save when it suited your purposes."
She almost smiled but the conflicting memories push to the fore again. "I was so sure. I thought…I know I saw the Monster but now…" She closed her eyes as fresh tears burned. Would that she had finally cried herself out. She was heartily sick of it all. Her breathing grew hitched as her emotions swirled faster than the memories.
Oreius was speaking but she couldn't understand him. Bile rose at the final memory of the Monster touching her hair, kissing it. She scrambled out of Oreius' hold and dashed for the bath. She was barely aware of the Kentauri following her, of him holding her hair back as she retched and then pressing a cup of water to her lips. Only after washing the taste out of her mouth, was she finally able to focus on him again.
He touched her cheek. "Better?"
She nodded even though she didn't really feel much different. She didn't want him to worry more. However, she refused to go to bed. Oreius didn't argue much against it once they returned to the sitting room and she laid in his arms once again. She watched the flames dancing.
"Alambiel, have you seen Tuulea recently?"
"I don't need Tuulea right now," she mumbled. "I wish…" She trailed off as she realized how her next words would likely sound.
Oreius pet her hair. "What is it you wish, sweetheart?"
"I wish I were normal. I wish I didn't have such an ugly past and I very much wish I were not reduced to tears and illness by the mere memory of a man who can no longer hurt me." She didn't dare look at him as she added, "I wish things were different for us."
"Alambiel, look at me." When she shifted more onto her back so she could look up at him, the Kentauri trailed his fingers down the side of her face. "We are as Aslan meant us to be. Believe me, if there were any way for me to fix your past for you where you would not have had so much pain and suffering, I would do so. Yet, I know that such a trial is what contributed to making you into the fiery and courageous mare I love. I wish I could bear this pain for you, free you of the last tendrils of his grasp, but I cannot. At least, not as I wish to, where you would bear none of it at all. I am sorry you hurt, I am sorry that you must yet endure these wounds and that my careless questions helped to reopen them. I would give anything to take this away from you." He paused, his brow furrowing, then continued softly, "What is it you wish was different for us? Have I made you unhappy?"
She shook her head, bitterly regretting her words already. "No."
"Tell me. If there is something I can do to make things better for you, I would know the cause of your unhappiness."
Reaching up, she grasped his free hand. "It is nothing. Ignore me, I can hardly explain my own statements sometimes, especially when I am feeling poorly."
He didn't believe her. She could see it in his worried gaze and in the tension she felt radiating from his arms. Tugging so their clasped hands rested against her heart, she managed a slight smile. "I suppose we should be grateful for the fact that Jokin is not the Monster. At least we do not have to worry about an enemy within our own walls now." She paused, considering her words, before adding quietly, "I could use a distraction, Chuisle."
Oreius' gaze softened. "I won't let you go, Chéadsearc. I promise."
She smiled a little wider at that. "You never did tell me what exactly the Greybacks did during training today."
"Ah, that is a very long tale. To begin with, Remus Greyback decided he should nip the tails of any and all Big Cats he could reach including Bast. I do not know how the pup survived this long…"
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Alambiel had dozed off before he was even halfway through his litany of the Greybacks' long list of training incidents. At least, she had smiled and even laughed a little before doing so. Oreius held her in his arms for a little while longer, wishing somehow he could do more to ease her pain. He hated seeing her like this when there was naught he could do to truly help. He still wasn't sure what it was about the encounter with Lord Jokin that caused her to believe the man to be her Monster, but he strongly suspected he had helped spur that unfortunate incident on with his fool question about her losing another foal.
He didn't know what he should do and he needed help. Cradling Alambiel in his arms, he cautiously rose and then carried her to their bed. She stirred when he set her down, eyes opening slightly as she murmured, "Oreius?"
"Shh, go to sleep." He pulled the coverlet up and tucked it around her shoulders before brushing some hair out of her eyes. "I won't be gone long. Just sleep." He pressed a tender kiss to her brow and then straightened.
Alambiel didn't stir again. No doubt, her exhaustion stemmed from her emotional upset. Oreius backed away from the bed but continued to observe his wife until her breathing evened out completely, reassuring him that she was asleep and her dreams were yet peaceful. Only then did he slip out of their quarters.
Moving swiftly through the Cair, he reached his destination and knocked on the doors. He wasted no time when they opened, stating, "I need your help."
Stonebrook stepped back, allowing him in as Tuulea emerged and gestured to the empty chaise lounges. The Black Elder Nymph studied his face closely. "It's Alambiel, is it not?"
Oreius bowed his head, but did not accept the offer to take his rest. Already his very being itched to battle some foe and drive off any who would harm his beloved. "Yes. I am worried about her."
"Tell us what has happened."
He paced as he spoke. Even the recounting of all he knew of the day's events twisted his heart painfully for it made the inevitable conclusion all the more inescapable. He turned to face the elders and spread his hands wide. "What do I do? How can I help her? I have never seen her react like this to someone who was not an enemy save…"
"Save when Alambiel was unable to remember you," Tuulea said softly. The Black Elder Nymph exchanged a look with her husband before she folded her hands together. "Oreius, how much has Alambiel told you of what happened while you were on campaign?"
"Only that which she wished for me to know." Oreius studied the Nymph's face then asked softly, "She lost another, then?"
The fear and anguish in his heart at the thought of Alambiel facing yet another loss by herself and worse feeling as though she could not tell him was not assuaged when Tuulea did not answer right away. She seemed to be debating something. Then her soft voice broke the silence, "I am not entirely certain. Alambiel was showing some of the earliest signs but she was not to the point where we would know without doubt and then suddenly she no longer had those symptoms. I strongly suspect that is what happened, but I cannot confirm it and Alambiel has never even acknowledged that she might have been expecting when you left." The Nymph smiled sadly. "Perhaps that was the best way to protect herself. She would not have done well in your absence otherwise."
Oreius closed his eyes. He didn't know how to help Alambiel and bitterly wished he had never spoken of the possibility to her. He would not make the same mistake again.
"She fears she is barren." He opened his eyes at that. Tuulea was watching him. "She still blames herself for so much that is not her fault."
"I know." He ran a hand over his face. "I fear I have caused all of this today because I pushed for her to tell me if she…" He trailed off, now knowing that his fear was more than likely true. "I almost lost her the first time. I do not desire to hurt her even more. How do I help her? How do I show her none of this is her fault?"
"You love her," Stonebrook interjected solemnly. "Continue loving her and proving to her that you do not see her as less even though she may feel as though your herd is the only one in the Cair that has not experienced growth. Be there for her. Do not push for anything. Her emotions are raw and she's searching for confirmation that you still see her as a worthy mate."
Tuulea nodded. "Alambiel has had difficulties trusting people and believing that she is even worthy of love ever since her return to Narnia." Her expression grew fierce as she added, "We can thank that Monster for making it so."
"However," Stonebrook continued, "you have over a decade of practice at being her shield and helping her to see truth over the lies. At times like these, when Alambiel is unsure of herself and of what is real or not, let your love for her serve as a stronghold. The most important thing for you to do is to be there for your mate. You are her husband. It is your greatest task to protect and care for her, especially during the difficult times. Seek out Aslan and help her to do the same. Show her that you are both approaching the Great Lion on even ground."
Tuulea slipped her hand into Stonebrook's, smiling tenderly at him, before she turned her attention back to Oreius. "You and Alambiel have one of the strongest relationships I have had the pleasure to witness, even with all the arguments you get into with each other. And, I do realize you enjoy seeing her fury. You have not yet been married a full decade, nor even a pair for that long, but you have already weathered some of the most difficult storms any relationship will face. What you need to remember and help Alambiel to remember is that you are stronger for those hardships no matter how painful the heartbreak. She wanted you to believe in what she was seeing because she needs to know you are with her no matter what."
"I am endeavoring to do so." He paused, weighing his question, before he finally asked, "Do you think she knows?"
Tuulea, fortunately, seemed to understand what he was asking as she nodded. "Women know these things. I have no doubt that she suspected and then she knew with certainty. She made an appointment to come see me and then she never came. All I know is that she stayed abed for three days with the excuse of her knee troubling her. Oreius?" She crossed to him and rested her hand on his arm before adding, "For both your sakes, don't press anymore. The loss of one foal was enough and if she is still refusing to acknowledge that there was another, I do not think it would be wise to make her admit there were two. She pined for you and now that you are home, she is improving."
"Today being the exception," he noted grimly.
"That is life, young one." Tuulea patted his arm. "It is never so easy as we might wish. If Alambiel is not much improved in the next two or three days, I will come and examine her."
Oreius bowed his head in acceptance. The Black Elder Nymph took her leave then, only Stonebrook remained. He met the elder's gaze for a moment then broke the silence. "I should have been here for her."
"We are not always granted the luxury no matter how we wish it." The elder Centaur gestured to the closed door behind which his wife had vanished. "Tuulea lost three fillies. We never knew why it happened, especially when the last one was stillborn after we already had Illusin. I wasn't there that time and it was the greatest struggle for me as though I could have prevented the foal's loss if I had been present." He came closer and grasped Oreius' shoulder in a tight grip. "The helplessness we feel when our wives suffer some hurt is always going to be difficult to bear for we always feel that we should have been able to do something to stop their pain. By Aslan's grace, I have learned to let go of the bitterness of my perceived failures. All we can truly do is love our wives and take pains to ensure that they know we love them even if we have been denied some hoped for blessings. Go home, Oreius, and take care of your wife. That is what she needs most from you tonight."
Oreius gripped Stonebrook's wrist for a long moment before he could speak. "Thank you."
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By the time he reached his quarters, Oreius was certain that he would be able to craft an appropriate distraction for his wife that would also show her how much she was loved and how strong she really was. Although the exact execution of his plan would depend on how swiftly she recovered from her illness. He stopped short when he entered their bedchamber. The bed was empty and the door to the bath was closed.
"Alambiel?"
She opened the door and he could not help but smile at the sight of her wearing one of his tunics. "I was beginning to think you had ceased stealing my tunics, little minx."
Her little smile was tinged with shyness and it warmed his heart as she peeked at him through her lashes. "I was beginning to think you had forgotten me."
"Never," he avowed. "Who could forget the beauty of a star come to Narnia? No Centaur of any worth, I assure you."
Her dulcet laugh was exactly as he desired as he drew her into his embrace. "Are you going to read the stars to me tonight?"
He shook his head, smiling, as he easily carried her back to bed. "Not this time, my sweet Alambiel. This time your humble servant can only beg the favor of being granted the rare privilege of holding a star in his arms throughout the night."
Alambiel looked up at the ceiling painted with the night stars as they had danced on their wedding night. "It is most fortunate that I find you worthy, o warrior." She smiled at him and then kissed him before snuggling against his chest.
Oreius pet her hair, gently stroking down over her back, as he rumbled to her. He spoke of the stars and of Aslan's promise, that He was with them and He had not forgotten them. When Alambiel's breathing slowed in sleep, he brushed her hair back and pressed a kiss to her brow. "Rest, my love. There is yet more for us to see to."
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A/N: Please Read and Review! So that was interesting, wasn't it? More of our visitors to come plus a few more surprises are coming up next. Leave a review and let me know what y'all thought about this one.
