Naomi
"You stupid, selfish little cow...I fucking hate you"
These are not words I enjoy waking up to..Even my frequent and transient one night stands usually exit with a bit more decorum. My head felt like the entire Bristol Rovers team had used it as a practice ball for training, and my throat ached as though I'd just auditioned for Deep Throat 3. The voice in the background wavered slightly, as if it was going into another room for a break, but as I slowly surfaced again from my soft and comforting unconscious state, I could hear it start up again.
"How could you even think of doing that...you're my best friend, you stupid cunt"
Oh...right...Effy Stonem then.
I tried to open one eye, but it felt like it was glued shut. I had more luck with the second one, but the shaft of artificial light which jabbed my brain viciously when I did made it feel like a very bad decision.
Another, male voice joined in from the other side of me.
"I think she's waking up" he said
"When she does, I'm going to kill her" the Effy voice snarled
"Seems a bit harsh" the man said amiably, and I realised it was Kieran. No mistaking the Dublin drawl "I think her mother might have some thoughts on that missy. We damn near lost her last night"
"Yeah, well..she deserves all the shit coming to her for frightening everyone like that"
"I think you'll find she wasn't trying to frighten anyone Elizabeth..." Another voice intruded on my addled brain "I've just spoken to the doctor...he says she took enough pills to kill herself twice over. This wasn't some cry for help...she wanted to do it...to get rid of herself"
The last couple of words were broken and pain filled, and now I added guilt to my little pot of mixed emotions.
"Mum?" I said hoarsely and opened my eyes , grimacing at the harsh light and the pain from the gummy shit glueing my lashes together.
"Naomi?" I heard, and then got crushed in an entirely over the top parental hug. "You silly, silly girl...how could you even think about doing that... If Effy hadn't come over...you'd be..." Again the broken sob and I sighed as she crushed me again.
"Mum...can't breathe...?" I squeaked as she went for the third knockout hug.
"Oh...sorry... " she finally laughed nervously. "Just got you back with us, now I'm throttling you"
"S'ok" I said in a voice somewhere south of Grace Jones " water?"
My throat was on fire, and I didn't have enough spit in my mouth to say any more. Not that conversation was gonna be my favourite activity today. Today...I mused silently. There weren't meant to be any more today's. Suddenly, the reason I was here sunk in, and I had a flashback from Silvio's, Emily...right. Still fucked then, basically.
When my mum finally put me back on the plumped up pillows, and I'd swallowed a mouthful of tepid hospital water...I rubbed my stuck eye clear and stared at the group surrounding my bed. My mum and Kieran were on one side, looking as though they hadn't had the benefit of how ever many hours drugged sleep I had, and Effy sat, arms folded, like she didn't trust herself not to begin swinging at me.
"Eff?" I said painfully and she glared at me some more. "I thought you didn't want to see me again...like maybe forever?... Why did you stop me...would of solved a lot of problems in one go...yeah?"
I know it was harsh, but I wanted to know. I hadn't seen her for weeks. All through my Emily wallowing, my drunken self loathing, she had stayed clear. Now she rode up on her fucking white charger and saved me...saved me from what... And for what?
She regarded me with cold blue eyes, but I stared back just as hard.
"Well...?" I said..." If you're gonna kill me...you could have saved yourself the trouble and let me peg it back in the flat...what's changed?"
I heard my mum and Kieran draw breath sharply. They'd witnessed quite a few violent confrontations between Eff and me over the years, but I suspect that this was a whole new level for them.
"I don't want to kill you..." She said eventually, breaking the eye dueling for a moment "I just want to...oh fuck it...come here you big stupid dyke"
And with that, I saw something I've never seen in nearly 10 years of knowing Effy Stonem. I saw actual tears. She wrapped me in a hug as hard as my mother had given me, but with about 70 pounds less body weight behind it. She cried into my neck and whispered fiercely into my ear.
"I only came to your place by accident. I was supposed to be somewhere else...if I hadn't had this weird..feeling about you...you'd be...dead now..and I...I would have hated myself for the rest of my life...and don't even get me started on...Emily..." She choked before going on...
"Don't you ever do anything like that again Campbell...I was so fucking scared I nearly pissed myself. Nothing... and I mean nothing is so bad you have to do that. How do you think I would have carried on if you'd actually died? I've been punishing you over the stupid thing you did with Katie and Emily... but Naoms...its us...its me and you...I would have forgiven you sooner or later...I always fucking do"
She squeezed me again, this time not so hard I struggled to breathe.
"OK...OK..?" I said, when she finally released me. " I get it...you think I'm a twat...but you love me...right?"
She nodded and wiped her eyes. My mum handed her a handkerchief... Because well, its Effy Stonem..she wouldn't have any use for one normally...would she?
"Right..." My mum and Kieran said at once, a habit they have been getting into which is frankly creepy. I swear they'll be wearing matching fair isle jumpers soon..."We'll just let your other little visitor know you're awake"
My heart leapt at that sentence, and I looked over at Effy, but she was shaking her head. Not Emily then...my heart resumed its default position...in my shoes, except I wasn't wearing any.
"She's not here" she said..."but..."
I turned my head away as my oblivious mum and step dad exited the room... Couldn't even be bothered to turn up on my death bed, I thought? Nice.
Effy tapped me on the shoulder as I faced away from her.
"It's not what you think" she said slowly
"What else is there to think Eff?" I whispered brokenly "Can't even be bothered to turn up to see what a fucking pathetic mess I've got into over her?"
"I suppose she's too busy making new 'friends' ...friends that you made good and sure she met to keep her mind off me"
I couldn't stop my voice betraying my bitterness
"No...friends who are trying to put her back together again after this little stunt" a hard and instantly recognizable new voice came from the doorway. Katie fucking Fitch...wonderful, I thought. A perfect ending. Kill me now.
"It wasn't a stunt Katie" I said bleakly "And I know she's moved on now...I just thought she might care enough to see how I am, pathetic, I know?"
Her eyes softened a little, and just for a moment, I saw her sisters softer, gentler look, before KFF was back.
"Of course she cares, you daft cow..Do you think she would keep away for that reason? She didn't come back this morning after being here all night because she thought you wouldn't want to see her. Fuck knows why she's even considering taking you back... You're not even that good a shag honey..."
Effy interrupted that painful line of conversation, much to my gratitude. I knew Katie was lying about how good I was in the sack...but it wasn't something I wanted to dwell on, post suicide attempt, as it were.
"I think we both know that's a crock Katie..." She smirked.." I've been in Naomi's bed too, and there aren't a lot of complaints in her guest book. But this isn't the time...Stop gloating and give her the good news?"
Katie gave me one last hard stare before speaking.
"Last chance saloon for you Campbell" she grunted " Fuck knows why, but my sister is in bits at the thought of you shuffling off this mortal...so make yourself presentable...if that's even possible?... Although that hospital gown is frankly a step up from your normal rent a dyke outfits. I'm gonna phone Ems now...she's at your place, probably wearing a hole in your carpet, waiting for news about Mrs Lazarus come back from the dead"
Effys throaty chuckle made me start to laugh, until the ache from my no doubt stomach pumped throat made me cough like a 50 a day sailor.
"She's coming to see me?" I said dumbly..." But I thought...?"
"The things you don't know about Emily, Campbell...would fill a fucking library... Which is why I've had to take the day off work. Instead of meeting a gorgeous Italian guy in a posh restaurant for lunch.. I've had to settle for a soggy sandwich and dishwater coffee. I'll just add that to the list of things to hate you over. Like I said, you need to look presentable...because I'm phoning her now"
And with that, she turned on her expensive heel, and marched out of my room. Effy and I exchanged a look which didn't need words, but she said them anyway.
"I'm never gonna refer to this again..so don't worry...but I just want to say I can totally understand why you'd want to tap that...she's fucking hot in a sort of death camp commandant kind of way" Effy smirked...raising one eyebrow "Like a female Ralph Fiennes with spectacular tits"
"D'ya think she'd let me jump her...purely for research purposes, of course?"
"Fuck off Eff!" I said hotly... "One of us twisting in purgatory for nailing her is enough, don't you think? Sam would murder the pair of you and bury your bodies in the woods"
She nodded sadly and then grinned.
"Point taken...anyway... Let's get you decent for Fitch number two"
"Has she really forgiven me Eff?" I said as my best friend fussed over me, tidying my unruly hair and applying some much needed repair work on my face.
"She's getting there..." Effy said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear."I think she's realised now that she's punished you enough...that little stunt about a date last night was sort of my idea...she hadn't been pulled...not for lack of trying at that party...they were round her like flies at a jam convention...but she isn't really interested in anyone else. But you hurt her...badly...with your so called random shag. I think you need to make it clear that your past is your past...and it needs to stay there. Her past is something else you'll have to deal with. Whatever nasty Freddie tells you...I have no doubt she's 100% gay...and that she loves you. But you both need to do some rebuilding. Take it slow...be honest with each other...well apart from revealing all about the little indiscretion with Katie...and I think you'll be fine"
I don't think I've ever heard Effy make a longer statement.
"But its such a huge thing...sleeping with her sister...can we be together, while I have this guilty secret inside me?"
"Well, the alternative is to tell her...ruin the relationship for ever, and at the same time drive a wedge between her and Katie which might never go. You've done a stupid, selfish thing... You'll have to live with that. But sometimes secrets are better kept. Katie certainly isn't gonna spill.. Up to you, but if I were you...I'd thank Christ you've got through this...and look forwards, not back"
There's not much you can say to that.. So I didn't try. After Effy had got me sitting up properly, hair brushed and face washed, she left me to go talk to the doctors. Apparently I had to have a psych analysis before they'd discharge me. Normal procedure or some such bollocks. I wanted to argue about it, but both my mum and Effy said it was non negotiable. No psych doc, no discharge. So I agreed. The head doctor wouldn't be around until 5, so I had a while to wait. Time enough for me to get into a full on flap about Emily coming to see me. I had no idea what I was supposed to say to her. I knew what I was definitely not going to say to her..as in "Hi Emily...by the way, the random I shagged was your twin sister" but apart from that...I was stuck for words, which anyone who knew me for more than a microsecond would have disputed under torture.
Well...anyway...after 20 minutes of fretting, worrying and just plain bricking it...the door squeaked open...and there she stood.
She looked fabulous, of course. I'd grown used to being more than blown over by her natural beauty, but here, now, in this white and sterile hospital side ward, she took my breath away all over again. She was wearing a short floaty pink and white print summer dress, with white spaghetti straps and just enough creamy cleavage to tease...rather than the sort of neckline Katie went for...you know, the 'almost nipple cover' plunge. Subtle but sexy...you could sum up Emily in that one short phrase. Her eyes were made up, but I could see she had been crying a bit. That small tinge of red puffiness. Almost as bad as my red and black panda eyes.
"Hi..." She said quietly...and her bottom lip wobbled a bit. "Oh Naomi...how could you...?"
I was getting used to that phrase by now...but it still hurt.. Hearing her say it.
"I'm sorry..." I said, fresh tears blurring my vision and spoiling completely Effys rescue job from earlier " I never meant to..."
I never finished the sentence, because she threw herself onto the bed and hugged me just as fiercely as Eff and my mum had done earlier.
"Don't you ever...ever...do anything like that again" she said fiercely in my ear " I thought I'd lost you...you stupid...selfish...crazy...wonderful woman" The last few words punctuated with kisses to my neck, my cheek and finally my lips. I almost did that fucking textbook swoon when I finally felt her soft, inviting lips on mine at last. I wondered briefly how I had actually survived these weeks without the taste of her in my mouth. The kiss lengthened and it was only a polite cough from the doorway which prevented it from not going on for hours.
"Errr...excuse me...Earth to love boat? Time to rejoin the remainder of humanity guys?"
Effy, of course, balancing three huge cups of Starbucks lattes in her hand.
"You'll need to keep your strength up Naoms, if you're going to make out until you're discharged"
"Fuck off Stonem" I said amiably " you always did know how to kill a romantic moment"
"I'm crushed" she said mockingly, putting the cardboard cups down on the side table. "This from the last of the great romantics"
I didn't answer that...mainly because of the ripple of laughter which we all indulged in after she spoke.
Emily snuggled in beside me, dropping her bag to the floor and tipping off her shoes with her toes.
"Seriously though Naoms..." Ems said, looking at us both in turn " you frightened me so much. I never thought you would...do that...I didn't mean for that to happen...I was just..."
I felt a mixture of emotions go through me. Guilt, shame, remorse and happiness at her presence all battled for dominance. She must have seen me struggling to speak, because she hugged me again, and suddenly the world seemed to settle back on its axis.
"Right..." She said slowly..." Let's get you out if here...home, with me. I think we need to do some talking...and this time, we're both going to do some listening too"
I nodded silently and held on to her hand while she kissed me again. I still felt physically as if someone had been playing handball with my brain...but Emily was here, holding onto me as if she was frightened I'd disappear. The world suddenly seemed a nicer, warmer place already.
