Chapter 9: Secrets and Absolution

Dean sighed and gathered up his clothes and put them in the basket. Gabriel had offered to wash his clothes and he jumped at the chance. He felt a little bad that the angel was taking such care of him but at the same time he liked it. It was nice, having someone taking care of him the way his mom had. It made him feel even more at home then he already did.

Picking up the basket he was about to walk out of his room when he spotted Castiel's trench hanging off the back of the chair. Figuring it wouldn't hurt he picked up the heavy material and began going through the pockets. Cas would appreciate a clean coat even if he was an angel. Frowning as he reached into an inside pocket his fingers connected with something soft. Curious, the hunter pulled it out.

In his hand was a soft red blanket that was done in a gold trim. Unfolding it reveal something different in one corner. Embroidered in the same gold as the trim were two letters 'M' and a 'C'. Nestled between the two letters and sown into place was a half inch long purple feather with white tips. Dean frowned realizing that what he was looking at was a baby blanket. Why would his mate have a baby blanket in his trench coat?

"Dean?" Came the soft deep voice he knew so well.

"Cas...Why do you have a baby blanket is your coat?" Dean asked, turning to look at his mate.

Castiel seemed a bit stunned. "Why were you in my coat?"

"I was going to ask Gabriel to clean it." Dean said, his voice hollow sounding.

The angel sighed and held out his hand for the blanket. Dean frowned and gave it to him. Castiel gently ran his finger over the feather. With a shaky sigh he folded the blanket up and held it tight in his hand. Dean noticed the tension seeping into his mate's frame and became worried. What if Castiel had a child somewhere? Or another life? Had he over stepped his bounds when he began pursuing the angel?

"Gabriel and Lucifer weren't the only ones to lose a child." Castiel whispered. "Her name was Monica. She was only a year old. I was protecting her mother and we started a forbidden relationship. Human angel hybrids are frowned upon because they can be so strong. We went to great lengths to protect her; Clare and I did. I went out on a mission and came back and they were both gone Dean. This blanket is all I have left of them. I burned everything else."

"Shit Cas...Why didn't you say anything to me?" Dean asked, coming over and wraping his mate in his arms.

"I didn't want to remember. She was only a year. She just got her wings Dean." Castiel admitted. "After that I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love with a human again then I met you. You are a hard man to resist Dean Winchester."

Dean smiled. "You know you love me. You didn't have to hide this from me. Maybe...Maybe we can visit their graves. I would love to meet them. Pay my respects."

The angel pulled back, tears in his eyes. "You would do that for me?"

"I'd do anything for you Cas. I love you." Dean whispered.

"Hey Dean-o what-" Gabriel paused as he took in the sight of the two and the blanket. "Oh! I was wondering if you got it or not. How did Monica like it? I made it for her."

Castiel went to say something but Dean pulled him close. "Gabe. Not the time. Please."

Gabriel frowned and looked at Castiel, and his gold eyes wet wide before he turned serious. "I see. Well I came to get those clothes you promised to bring me. I thought maybe you got lost."

"Nope. Just talking with Cas." Dean said as the blonde came in and picked up the basket. "Hey before you go...How's Lucifer doing? Any changes yet?"

"These things take time Dean. It's only been a few days. It took me a week to recover remember?" The archangel reminded him. "Luci will wake up when his Grace is replenished and his vessel is stable again. I'll let you know okay? Now I need to go meet Sam in the laundry room. He's helping me."

Dean frowned then realized what the angel was saying as he walked out. "Son of a bitch! You two better not be having sex in there!"

The sound of the angel's laughter carried down the hall.

"So let me grab my wallet. We'll stop and grab some roses and we can go okay?" Dean said turning his attention back to his mate. "I want to know more if you're willing to tell me."

Castiel leaned up and kissed his mate. "Thank you Dean. You have no idea how much this means to me."

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Blue eyes blinked, confused as they took in the ceiling above them. Looking around brought no recognition to his scattered mind. Where was he? How did he get here? Where was here? Shifted a bit he sat up slowly wincing as it made his stomach turn.

"Lucifer?"

Lucifer startled and his head shot up only to wince and close his eyes as his stomach protested violently at the reaction. Warm hands settled on his shoulders and helped ease him into a sitting position before fixing the pillows and letting him lay back. Lucifer drew in breath after breath; all he had done was move and he felt like he had been in a marathon. A cup was pressed to his lips and he took a sip, grateful for the warm liquid as it soothed his sore throat.

"Is that better?" Cam the soft question.

Lucifer slowly opened his eyes again and he was met with the worried blue of Michael's eyes. "Michael?"

The First Born sighed in relief. "You recognize me. I was worried. Gabriel said you might be disoriented when you woke up. How do you feel? What hurts?"

"My throat and my chest." Lucifer rasped out.

Michael helped him take another sip of the tea. "Okay. I'm going to get Gabriel okay? Will you be okay by yourself for a few minutes?"

Lucifer nodded, trying not to let his fear of being alone show. "It's fine."

The First Born nodded and moved over to the door and pulled out his cell phone and dialed. "Gabby. Hey. Are you busy?" Pause. "I don't care to hear about your sex life Gabriel! Lucifer's awake. He says his throat and chest hurt but he's coherent. Knew who he was and who I was. He doesn't seem confused." Pause. "Okay I'll ask him." Michael turned to Lucifer. "He wants to know if your wounds are bothering you?"

Lucifer took a moment to take stock of himself before shaking his head. "I'm a little dizzy and want to throw up."

"Did you hear that? Okay." Pause. "Yes I know. Just finish your 'fun' then get down here." Michael said hanging up and coming back over. "Sorry about that. The phone only seems to work in the hall. Gabriel will be here in a few minutes and then we can get you moved back to your room or...Or to Gabriel and Sam's room."

Lucifer frowned. "You...You don't want me here?"

Michael shook his head and refused to look him. "I don't mind you staying here but I figured you'd want to stay someplace where you're more comfortable. My room is a bit dusty. Probably not the best place to stay."

Lucifer looked around the room, noticing that it was indeed quite dusty. Nothing a quick cleaning wouldn't fix. The dust wasn't all that bad. Lucifer's eyes landed on his mating charm and he frowned at the black velvet that it was sitting on. Michael noticed and he wrapped the bracelet up and slipped it into his pocket.

"Sorry. I wasn't expecting you to wake up so soon. Gabby said it would take a week at least. I figured I had time to clean it before putting it away." Michael said, a faint flush on his cheeks.

"It's fine. I didn't realize you picked it up again after our fight." The Second Born admitted.

Michael shook his head and looked away. "Can I get you anything? More tea?"

"No. Michael what's wrong?" Lucifer asked. "Why do you not want to look at me?"

"We...we thought he killed you." Michael whispered. "The only reason we knew you were still alive was because our bond wasn't closed all the way. When I found you...you weren't moving and you didn't answer me. Gabriel wasn't sure if he could save you because you were reacting badly."

"What does that have to do with you not looking at me?" The Morningstar asked.

"I...I realized that you were right and that I was being selfish. I realized that if I really loved you that I should respect your wishes. I should let you be happy. I know now that I can't make you happy. All I can do is bring you pain." Michael said, unable to stop the tears going down his face. "So I guess I'm trying to say that you wanted us to be over right? So...I'm sorry for wasting your time Lucifer. Maybe...No. I know you'll be happier with Gabby and Sam. You deserve someone who will love you the way you deserved to be loved and I think that I proved that I'm incapable of that. I'm sorry."

Lucifer felt numb. "You can't mean that Michael."

"Luc, I am not good for you. I may have been God's First Born, but you are his Favored Son. I was never good enough for you and I never will be. I'm sorry Lucifer. You deserve someone better then me." Michael said leaning down and kissing Lucifer's cheek. "I am always going to love you Luc, but I want you happy."

Michael stood and turned to leave only to find that they had an audience. Sam was there and he was holding onto Gabriel tightly. Gabriel was glaring at Michael and the Fourth Born was visibly shaking with anger. Crowley looked like he was ready to feed him to his hell hounds. That wasn't the worst for Michael though. The worst was his father. Chuck walked over to him with disappointment on his face. Michael opened his mouth but he was cut off by the harsh slap that turned his head. He looked back at his father with disbelief and a dark bruise forming on his cheek.

"It's time you stopped believing all these lies Michael. I am tried of it. I want you to leave and don't come back until you've stopped believing the lies. Now get out before you make me do something I regret." Chuck said, his voice cold and hard. "Like taking your wings."

Michael nodded and was gone. Lucifer was in shock. Michael had just left him and his father had just chased off his First Born son and threatened to take his wings. Was he still dreaming? He reached up and went to pinch his arm only to have Chuck stop him. His Father leaned forward and pulled him into a hug, holding him tight and running his power over him, healing and restoring his Grace.

"I thought we'd lost you Lucifer." Chuck sad pulling back. "Does anything still hurt?"

"My heart." Lucifer said before looking away. "He left me. Why did he leave me?"

"Because he doesn't believe in himself anymore." God explained. "Michael seems to have lost himself. He can't love you if he can't love himself."

Lucifer suddenly looked up. "I found something out. I know what's wrong with Michael."

"You mean other then him being a dick?" Gabriel asked, as he came over to check on Lucifer.

"Gabriel...I know where Michael is going every week. I know what's happening to him." The Morningstar stressed. "He's been hiding it right under our noses."

"Hiding what?" Sam asked.

"He's been going out alone, coming back injured and with weak Grace." Lucifer reminded them. "He goes alone and when he saw the coordinates to get Castiel he blew up on me to stay. The very next day Xaphanel shows up with them both and Castiel can't remember Michael being there. I don't know why I never put it together."

"Put what together?" Sam asked before his brain caught up with him. "You're joking right? Michael would never-"

"Xaphanel told me. He said that he that Michael goes to him once a week in exchange for leaving Gabriel alone. He's feeding off him." Lucifer revealed. "Michael is letting that demon do whatever it wants to him to protect us."

Gabriel was silent for a minute before he frowned. "I need to call Castiel. I have to talk to him about his time with Xaphanel."

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Michael knelt down before the altar and bowed his head. He wasn't praying, he knew his Father was too mad to listen to him right now anyway. It took a few moments before he realized that he had just been banished for all intents and purposes. He wasn't allowed back at the bunker and he didn't want to return to heaven; everyone he cared for was here. He didn't understand what his Father meant by him believing lies. What lies was he believing?

When he left he didn't have a destination in mind; he flew when his wings took him. It was how he came to be here, sitting in the Vatican, kneeling before an altar. He was so confused. What was he supposed to do now? He had no safe place to go to recover after his Sundays. Maybe now his only choice was to give in to Xaphanel completely. It might keep his loved ones safe. Maybe he could lure the demon to the Cage and lock himself in with him. Gabriel and Lucifer would never have to fear him or the demon again. They could be safe from two creatures that brought them nothing but pain.

"This is far from your heavenly home." A soft voice said.

Michael stood, his blade in his hand, as he turned to face the speaker. He had been joined in the cathedral by a group of men in red with a man dressed in white leading them. The cardinals were looking at him fearfully but the Pope was looking at him with a gentle smile. Michael sheepishly banished his blade and bowed his head to them.

"I apologize. You startled me, Your Grace." Michael said.

"Please. There is no need for that. If anything we should be bowing to you for visiting us here. What brings an angel to his Father's earthly house?" The man in white asked. "Surely you have your Father's ear?"

Michael's hand went to his bruised face. "I have Fallen from my Father's favor at this moment."

The man in white sat and motioned for Michael to sit, and the angel did so, sitting with his back against the altar. "Then allow me to act in place of him for your troubled soul. May I have your name?"

Michael hesitated but sighed and released his large wings, drawing shocked gasps from the men in red. "I am...I am the Archangel Michael."

"I thought as much." The man said. "Now what weighs on your heart? Speak so that I may help."

"I hurt someone I love." Michael said softly. "I thought I was giving them what they wanted but now I'm not sure I did the right thing."

"Sometimes hurting those we love is inevitable." The man said. "How did you hurt them?"

"My mate and I fought. I was trying to keep him and my younger brother Gabriel safe from a demon. Instead I hurt my mate and nearly got him killed." The First Born said looking away. "He was so close to death."

The Pope gave him a reassuring smile. "May I ask who your mate is?"

"Lucifer Morningstar. He has redeemed himself in our Father's eyes and with his blessing we mated. He now rules hell as an archangel under our Father instead of as the Devil. My actions almost ended his life." Michael said. "I don't think I can ever forgive myself for it."

"Did Lucifer say he blamed you for your actions?"

"No. He was upset that I gave him what he wanted. I ended our mating like he asked." Michael explained. "I was hiding what I was doing to protect them. Lucifer knew that I was hiding something and confronted me and I blew him off. He said he didn't understand why I wouldn't let him honor his vows to me. I just didn't want him hurt."

"Michael, the point of a mate, is to have someone watch your back while you fight the demons standing before you." The man said. "They are there, not to make us weak, but to protect our weaknesses and make us strong. How can you not expect him to want to honor your vows? In his eyes, he is failing you and letting you down."

Michael's wings twitched. "He didn't fail me. I failed him. How could he..."

"Tell me this: Do you think he will be better off without you Michael?"

Michael thought about it for a few minutes. "Yes. I think he will be better off without me."

The Pope chuckled. "We always tell ourself the worst lies. You left him because you think he would be better off without you yes? I think that in your heart, we both know that the best, and safest place for Lucifer, is at your side where you can protect him and he can protect you. He is the other half of your soul is he not?"

Michael froze, staring wide eyed at the elderly man in front of him. "Did you says...Lies? My Father, before sending me away, said I needed to stop believing the lies. I didn't understand what he meant by it. I've been lying to myself haven't I?"

"I believe you have. You have lied to yourself about what you are doing. You have lied to yourself about why you are doing it. But most of all you are lying about what you feel." The human said. "You know you love him and without him you won't be happy will you?"

"No. I've been miserable since he walked away from me. I see now that he walked away not to hurt me, but to protect himself." Michael said, his head falling back to connect with the wood behind him with a dull thunk, pulling a wince from the cardinals.

"Now I believe you have a duty, not only to yourself, but to your brothers, your mate, and your father, that you must get back to am I right?"

Michael nodded but made no move to leave. This pulled a chuckle from the white dressed man. He said something in Latin and one of the cardinals left and returned with a tray of fruit, cheese, bread and wine. The Pope poured them both a goblet of wine and Michael moved to sit next to the man. The two quietly ate together for several minutes before Michael turned to him.

"I thank you for this. I came here to seek peace. I didn't know I would find the answers I needed. You are a great man. I look forward to the day you join us in heaven." Michael said. "You can expect many more visits from me."

"I ask only you stay true to yourself Michael. When archangels lose themselves that is when humans lose hope." The man said bowing his head.

Michael stood and bowed, allow his wings to flare out and curl around the man. Smiling he lifted his wings and gave a gentle flap rising slowly into the air. Giving a hard flap he vanished from sight. The Pope stood and and walked over and knelt at the altar.

"Heavenly Father, I pray to you. Your son Michael has just left here and you will find now that his heart is lighter then it was when he left you. He knows now what he has done wrong and seeks to right this. He treads the path of light once more. May he return to your embrace and be welcomed with open arms. Amen."

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Chuck looked up at the soft prayer. It seemed that Michael was feeling better. Tucking in Lucifer, he whispered a soft spell to make sure that the Morningstar would sleep through the night. Knowing he had a few moments. He quickly checked in on Castiel and Dean, adjusting their blankets around them, a soft smiled gracing his face at the sight of the two of them clutching the red blanket. Shaking his head he moved onto Gabriel and Sam, smiling at the sight of Gabriel wrapped tightly around his hunter and the hunter holding on just a tight. Happy his children were safe he waited outside the bunker for his son to come back home.