Chapter 9:
When they woke up, it was well into the afternoon. Santana's eyes gradually opened. They had reversed positions during the night. Quinn's head was on her shoulder with her arm around her waist. She smiled and rubbed her eyes with her spare hand as her left arm was around Quinn. The sun was high in the sky and had made the shaded room bright with yellows and oranges Santana had failed to notice every other day she'd woken in that room. Quinn moved slightly, but appeared to be content remaining asleep. Santana was content just lying there forever. She suddenly realized how much her arm hurt with Quinn's head resting upon it, but decided she didn't care. It was the good kind of pain.
A few minutes later, Quinn's eyes finally opened and she looked up at her. She smiled shyly and tucked her head back. She kissed Santana's neck, which tickled a little. Santana laughed lightly. How was it possible Quinn could be so confident last night, but this morning was so coy?
"My mom gave them to me." Santana said into the air as she stared back up toward the ceiling.
"What?" Quinn looked back up at her.
"I'm feeling confessional. The pajamas you love so much. My mom saw them at the store and thought they were funny. She bought a set for me and one for her for Christmas."
"Well, she was right. They are pretty funny."
"Shut up," Santana replied not really meaning it.
"Oh God, what time is it?" Quinn looked to the covered windows and recognized the late hour.
"Um…" Santana looked at the clock. "It's 1:00."
"I was supposed to meet Finn for lunch at noon."
"Call him later and tell him you slept in instead. You won't be lying." She wiggled her eyebrows at the insinuation.
"And what should I tell him was the reason for my sleeping in?"
Quinn leaned up and looked into Santana's eyes.
"He's your friend. What do you think he'd say if he knew you spent the night with me and not in a PG watching Pretty Little Liars while talking about boys and making popcorn and then having a pillow fight kind of way?"
"Well, that is what I was planning on telling him. Is that a problem?" Quinn asked sarcastically. "Seriously though, I don't even want to think about it. He'd freak out if he knew in more ways than one." Quinn sat up. She put her hands over her face. Santana remained lying back and used the opportunity to brush the small of Quinn's back with her fingers.
"Yeah well, he won't be alone there."
"Maybe we shouldn't tell anyone." Quinn turned her head to look at Santana.
"You don't want anyone to know?" Santana removed her hand from Quinn's back and folded her hands together over her chest, which was visible with the blankets pulled down. She suddenly felt very naked even though she still had her pajama bottoms on.
"It's not that I don't want anyone to know." Quinn moved. She put her arms on the either side of Santana and leaned over her. "I want everyone to know. It's just that I want us to just be us first."
"What do you mean?"
"We can't just walk down the streets of Jasper, Indiana holding hands and whispering in each other's ear. People in this town are nice, but they won't understand. Do you honestly think Noah and Evan and the rest of your friends are going to understand this?" She leaned into Santana's neck and kissed below her earlobe.
"I think Tina will be happy. At least then she'll know that I'm not after Mike."
Quinn smiled and moved to match their eye lines before kissing her.
"Can I just have time with you? I don't want to worry about stares, glances, or comments made by people who don't even know us."
"Okay. We'll keep it quiet." Santana reached up and began playing with Quinn's hair. She had to admit, she was a little disappointed. She understood what Quinn was saying and she felt the same way too, but she also felt happy for the first time in a long time and Quinn was the reason for that happiness and she wanted everyone to know.
They decided that they would know when the right moment presented itself to tell the people they loved. For Quinn, that was her family and Finn. For Santana, that was Noah, her aunt and uncle, and Evan. She didn't want to hurt him anymore than she already had, but Quinn or no Quinn, they weren't getting back together. When she found the right moment, she would fill him in and hope for the best, but she also knew his opinion really didn't matter all that much to her. Plus, he was spending a lot of time flirting with Brittany so maybe she was thinking he'd care more than he actually will.
They stayed there and talked in bed sharing more perfect moments and laughter. It was Santana's best night and day since her parent's died. It might have been the best night and day she'd ever had. She thought back to what it felt like to fall in love with Evan and she knew it was real then and she still knew that it was real now, but there was something different about these feelings she had with Quinn. It was hard to explain. Hell, it was hard for her to understand yet alone try to explain, but it was something about promise. With Quinn, there was promise. There were possibilities. So many of them in fact. Some of them are ones she doesn't want to consider. The ones where they're not together. Most of them involve them sharing more moments like these where Santana takes in the sound of Quinn's voice and laugh and the way her face moves when she smiles and how it feels to drag her finger across those lips.
After they each had a quick shower, they headed to the main house. The boat was missing from the dock so they were safe to go inside. They played a game of pool, which Santana had to teach her. She'd spent many a night in college hustling guys at billiards. They all assumed she didn't stand a chance, but little did they know that in architecture school, geometry and trigonometry are kind of important and pool is a game of angles. Teaching Quinn gave her the chance to stand behind her and put her hand on top of hers and breathe in her hair, which smelled like her own shampoo. After that, they watched some TV on the couch. Quinn lay across Santana's lap and held her arm over her waist.
"Favorite Christmas?" Quinn asked. They had been giving each other their favorite things while not really paying attention to a Sunday afternoon TV movie.
"The last one we all had together."
"What about your favorite when you were a kid?"
"I was 10. My dad got me this architecture pencil and ruler set. It was just a toy, but I loved it. I opened it right away and forgot about my other presents. I actually started sketching a tree house on the other side of the wrapping paper until my parents made me stop so I could open the kid sized easel they had also gotten me."
"Awe, you were a nerd," Quinn announced in an endearing way.
"Hey," Santana sat up.
"No, it's good. I like nerds. Nerds are in now. I'm a nerd. Favorite movie?"
"Citizen Kane."
Quinn sat up and gave her a look of disbelief.
"Nope, not buying it. You're not a classic film girl. What's your real favorite movie?"
"Fine. Fine. I've never seen Citizen Kane. My dad liked it and tried to get me to watch it once. I made it 5 minutes before I was bored to tears."
"And?"
"I like The Wedding Planner." Santana hung her head low at that admission.
"No, really? That's your favorite movie?"
"Hey, you asked." Santana looked into those eyes again and thought about how she had never admitted that she loved romantic comedies to anyone before. Quinn had a way of calling her out and she liked it. Evan always just let her walk all over him. "I like that part where Jennifer Lopez gets drunk and like wanders down that hill and then ends up trying to get into her apartment and buzzes all her neighbors. It's funny. And the part where Matthew McConaughey shouts 'There's a damn dear in the road!' in that funny accent." Quinn laughed before resuming her original position. "Why? What's your favorite movie? Something classy, I presume Little Miss Pretentious."
"Ha! Not even close. Bend it Like Beckham."
"I've never seen it."
"I haven't watched it in a long time. Since Kaleb. It's a soccer movie. Well, it's a movie where there's soccer. I was terrible as I told you before, but I wished I could get better and play in college. They even moved me to goalie when it appeared my eye foot coordination was the problem, but I just ended up losing us games so I quit. I lived vicariously through my brother for a while."
"Hey, do you think one of the reasons we're drawn to each other is because we've both lost people?"
Quinn seemed to be thinking before answering.
"I'd like to think that even if Kaleb were alive, my dad wasn't in the chair and your parents were still around, we'd still be sitting here like this, but I don't know. If the accident never happened, I'd probably be at Harvard. If I liked Cambridge, I'd probably stay there for law school. If not, it would be another city. If your parents were still alive, you might have still come down here, but you would've been on that boat with your friends and even if I happened to be in town visiting, I doubt you would've given me the time of day."
Santana thought about it. Quinn was probably right, but she didn't like thinking about how they would have missed each other.
"Let's say that you graduated from Harvard and you finished a year of law school and came back to Jasper for the summer because you needed a break. I came here to reign in Puck and have a fun summer before working with my dad and that day when I was on the boat, I looked at Evan and realized I needed to end it because there's no timeline I can think of that he and I end up together, I decide in that moment to tell him it's over and when I turn back, you're still there. You picked up a shift or two for your dad so he and your mom could get away or something. I see you there and you see me seeing you there and we still end up here."
Quinn sat up to look at her.
"Instead of thinking about what might have been, let's just enjoy the moments we have now. However they came to be…" She leaned in and kissed her before lying back down. Santana knew she was right. The world she had just created was not to be and they still had to figure out if this thing could even work after the summer. It was better to just enjoy the time they have together now.
Hours later, the boat returned and the girls were confronted by everyone in the basement. No one seemed to suspect anything was different, but Noah did wonder what brought Santana out of her self-prescribed seclusion. She explained that she just needed a little time to adjust to her surroundings, but she was feeling well adjusted now. Quinn smirked at this comment while the others just seemed to take it as a good enough response and carried on with changing out of their bathing suits and hopping in their cars to head to Warren for dinner. Quinn and Santana didn't want to join them, but Puck insisted and Quinn wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to get to know these people. She was specifically interested to learn more about Noah since he was basically Santana's brother and also Evan because even though she knew Santana no longer loved him, she still saw him as her competition and until she could remedy that, she wanted to know more.
"You want to take your truck so we can ditch if we want?" Santana asked Quinn when no one was paying attention.
"We can't. You left Evan's car at my parent's house, remember? You also left your purse when you fled so I drove the car and the purse back over and left the truck with my dad. I then left your purse in the car in my nervousness about coming over. So, if you've been looking for that, that's where it is." Quinn told her. Santana laughed because her purse and Evan's car had been the last things on her mind.
They rode in the backseat as Evan drove and Kurt sat silent in the passenger seat. Santana hadn't spent much time with the gang, but she was pretty sure Kurt still hadn't spoken more than a few words the entire time he'd been here. She thought about trying to figure out why, but was a bit preoccupied when Quinn's hand arrived on top of her own in her lap. She took the opportunity to covertly intertwine their fingers moving her thumb over Quinn's hand as she did so. She smiled as she looked down remembering how she used to see her father take her mother's hand in his and do the same thing. She thought about her parents a lot since their death. She couldn't avoid it, but whenever she did she always felt the loss over the positive memories. Once it took over, she had nothing positive left to think about. Holding Quinn's hand while thinking of her parents caught her off guard. Her smile disappeared and Quinn noticed. She couldn't say anything with he guys up front so she just moved a little closer and nudged Santana's shoulder. Santana met her eye and the smile returned. Quinn decided to smile back for now, but to ask her later what caused the smile to fade from her face.
They arrived at one of Warren's chain restaurants and everyone walked inside. Quinn pulled Santana off to the side before entering. Evan turned to hold the door for them and noticed they weren't behind him. He paused for a moment before going inside without them while shaking his head sideways.
"Hey, I just want to make sure everything's okay. In the car, you were smiling and then you weren't suddenly." Quinn explained.
"I'm okay. I just had a moment."
"What kind of moment?"
"My parents." Santana walked toward the front door and held it open for Quinn to walk through.
"Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to tell me." Quinn walked toward the door, but paused before walking through.
"I'll tell you anything you want to know later, but I'm starving so let's just eat and then get back to Jasper so we can ditch the entourage and I can gets my snuggle on." Quinn smiled again and walked through the door. Santana followed. "Oh, just so you know when I was thinking about my parents, it was a happy memory." She put her hand out to stop Quinn from walking toward the table where the group was taking their seats. She moved in front of her and stood a little closer than friends would stand. "It was the first time I had a happy thought about them without also thinking about the bad stuff and that's kinda because of you."
She stared into Quinn's eyes before finally turning away with a smile and heading toward the table. Quinn looked down at the floor taking in everything Santana just told her. It may not have been much, but the girl she had spent the past few weeks falling for just told her that she was responsible for at least one moment of happiness in her otherwise unhappy existence these days. Somehow, even after the night they shared together and all the emotions they exchanged through touches and glances that meant more to her than anything else.
They shared dinner with the group while exchanging glances occasionally, but trying to at least participate in the conversations going on around them. Quinn sat across from Santana instead of next to her so as to not be tempted to put her hand on Santana's thigh and move it up by her fingertips. She thought about Santana's possible reactions to that. She'd either shift uncomfortably giving Quinn the hint to pull her hand away or her breath would hitch in her throat and her legs would part slightly on instinct while her elbows moved to rest on the table to cover the action taking place beneath it.
"Hey, new girl. You with us?" Puck called to her from his seat next to Santana. Santana was staring at her with her eyebrows raised making Quinn think that maybe she had read her dirty thoughts.
"Sorry, I guess I was just daydreaming."
"So Quinn, what are your life plans?" Evan asked as he shoved a greasy fry in his mouth.
"Um… I guess I don't really have any big life plans. Just work and family."
"You don't want to leave Jasper someday?" He asked.
"Someday, yeah. I have some family things to take care of first though."
"You should be a landscape architect or something. You do great work," Noah added.
"Um… thanks. It's not really landscape architecture though. It's just taking care of the yard. It's a side thing for my family's hardware store. It's not a long-term deal. My dad plans on hiring someone else to take care of it full-time soon. I'm really just filling in."
"He should hire Kurt." Evan recommended and pointed at the still silent boy at the end of the table. Kurt looked up and toward Quinn as he took a drink of his water with lemon. His eyes were big and as Santana glanced at him, she thought that his dainty figure would not be able to handle manual labor.
"Well, it needs to be someone who lives here."
"Kurt, you could move to Jasper, couldn't you? You like small town life."
"I'm from a small town originally." Kurt had spoken. It was soft, but words had actually emerged from his mouth.
"Hey, there he is!" Puck mocked.
"And I've been looking for a way to get away from my parents," He offered again. "Maybe not forever, but I could liven the place up a little at least while I'm here."
"I was kidding, Kurt. You would actually move here?" Evan said before looking at Quinn who glared at his implication about Jasper. "I mean it's great for summer fun, but it's not a place you go. It's a place you end up."
"Evan, shut the hell up!" Santana finally chimed in defensively.
"What? It's the truth. Don't get me wrong. I love taking the boat out and partying in the game room, but this town is dead. It has one street with no real restaurants. They don't even have cable. We had to get satellite and the cell phone reception is spotty at best. Who even has a landline anymore? The kitchen has a rotary phone. A rotary phone! I know even know how to use one of those things."
"You don't know how to use a lot of things. You're brain included apparently. So, just stop it." Santana looked at Quinn to gauge her reaction, but Quinn just smiled at her and shook her head sideways. She didn't seem to care that Evan was insulting her home. So, Santana decided to speak up for her, "I happen to love it here. When I was forced against my will, I thought I'd be spending the entire summer trapped in a room listening to depressing music and counting the days until I could finally get back home, but Jasper turned out to be pretty amazing. It's beautiful." She looked right at Quinn. Evan noticed. The others were only half listening while they finished their meals. She continued, "It makes me feel peaceful and safe and happy for the first time in a long time. I love it here." She looked down after her admission wondering if she had just gone too far. Quinn seemed to understand the deeper meaning behind her words and their eyes continued in their locked position. Santana felt a foot graze her covered calf and realized Quinn was trying to touch her in the only way she could do without arousing suspicion.
Evan stood abruptly and left the table without a word. Noah tried to call after him, but he was already outside.
"I could live here." Kurt was at it again.
"I'll talk to my dad if you're serious about sticking around. He's the one you'd need to convince."
"What's up with Evan?" Noah asked Santana.
"I don't know. I think I pissed him off."
"Well, go fix it then. I don't want to have to deal with it."
"Fine." Santana stood and walked toward the door. She looked back at Quinn who was following her glance. She smiled back at her. Again, they seemed to understand each other without words. Santana had never experienced anything like it before. She left the restaurant and found Evan leaning up against his car with his hands shoved deep in his pockets.
"Hey, you stormed out kind of drama queen style. Puck wanted me to check on you. Since Rachel's the resident drama queen of our group and she's not here, you trying to fill in or what?" She approached cautiously not knowing his mood.
"What's going on with you, San?"
"Um…nothing. You're the one who just ran out of a restaurant mid-meal."
"We were together for a long time. I know you. You're acting different."
"I'm not acting at all. I'm just doing me. Isn't that what everyone's been begging me to do? Be the old Santana?"
"This is a new you because I've never seen you like this before."
"Like what? Happy? Because that's what I feel. I am happy. I meant what I said in there. I love it here. I feel better here. I'm not thinking about my parents every single moment of every single day and when I do, it doesn't leave me in tears in anymore. I can just think about the good things without the bad things. Can you not just be happy about that?"
"Of course I'm happy about that, but I just don't understand how being in some small town in the middle of nowhere not hanging out with your real friends, but with some stranger can suddenly make everything better for you."
"First of all, you're one to talk. You've been spending a lot of time with your own stranger." She scolded, referring to Brittany. "Secondly, everything is not just suddenly better. Lastly, she is not some stranger. She understands me better than-"
"Me?"
Santana paused realizing the implication of her response to his question.
"Yes," she finally answered. "I can't explain it and I'm not sure I want to. She gets me, Sam. She gets me better than anyone and she does it without words sometimes. I've never had that in my life. You got me when I was a freshman in college, but after a while you didn't and you definitely don't get me now. The old me and the new me together. That's who I am now and she gets all of me."
Evan looked at her for a moment before removing his hands from his pockets and crossing his arms over his chest.
"You just called me Sam. You never call me Sam and why are you comparing your ex-boyfriend to your new friend?"
"Screw you, Evan. You ask questions, but you don't want the damn answers."
His eyes said that he had put it all together.
"Are you… are you two together?"
"Evan, stop. You and I aren't together and we haven't even seen each other in months."
"Because you wouldn't see me."
Santana was getting more and more frustrated with each comment.
"Because I didn't want to, Evan. I didn't want to see you and to be honest, I still don't. I wasn't ready to have you thrust back into my life and I'm sorry if what I'm saying hurts, but you're just not getting it. I told you I fell out of love with you. I told you that it was over long before graduation and I know I should've told you sooner and I am sorry for that, but I got to a point where I no longer saw you in my life. I was going to join my dad's firm and you were going to move to Chicago or New York or some other big city. You'd meet another girl there and get married and have your babies and your happy life. I thought I'd see you at random things throughout the years with Puck and it would be awkward at first and then we'd get to a point where we could laugh about the good times we had and how we were clearly not meant to be together. That's what I saw for us way before we actually broke up. And since I already feel like a horrible person for telling you all this, I might as well add that that's what I still think. We'll get through this summer and it will be awkward, but after that you will move on with your life and meet someone. We'll see each other less and less over the years. It happens to people all the time and I think it's going to happen to us and I'm sorry. I know it's not what you thought would happen, but an explanation into why I'm acting the way I am is all I can offer you. So, there it is. I've explained myself and I'm done talking about it now."
"Wow." Evan was hurt. Santana could tell. His head was hanging with his chin touching his chest. Santana couldn't see for sure, but she thought he might have had tears in his eyes. She did feel like a horrible person, but everyone had been telling her for months that Evan deserved an explanation for the break-up. He looked up and she could see the water he was trying to keep his eyes from releasing. "What do you see for you?"
"What?" Santana wasn't expecting that question from him. She expected him to yell or storm off again, but not to ask about her plans.
"You're happy here. Will you stay here? Will you go back to your dad's firm? Will you meet someone?" He stopped and uncrossed his arms putting them back in his pockets. "Have you met someone?"
Santana remembered her earlier conversation with Quinn about keeping it just between them for the moment, but she couldn't lie to Evan and he deserved an answer.
"I don't know about the first question. I know I can't work at the firm without my dad so I'm letting his partner buy out my half. I have all this money that I knew nothing about and I have no clue what to do with it just yet. As for your other question, I think you've already figured out the answer." She looked inside the restaurant and saw Quinn laughing along with Noah about something she couldn't hear. She loved Quinn's smile. She loved her laugh and the way her nose crinkled. She loved the way she could say so much and so little at the same time. She loved their comfortable silence. She loved how Quinn loved her family. She loved how her touch managed to make her entire body tingle even it was just her fingertips. She loved… "I love her." She said it out loud as all of these thoughts crashed around her brain.
"I can tell." It was all Evan could say. He moved toward the driver's side of the car and looked back, "Would you guys mind riding with the others on the way back?"
"Ev, Brittany seems cool. You guys-"
"She's great. I like her. Doesn't change this being awkward though."
"I get it. We'll ride in the other car."
He opened the door and got in the car. Santana realized he was going to sit there until everyone was ready to leave. She took a deep breath before walking back feeling a sense of relief over take her. Evan would get his closure and she could move on without feeling like she owed him anything. She could really try this thing with Quinn, the girl who called her on her shit like lying about her favorite movie. She looked back through the window and saw the girl she loved smile again. In that moment, she was happy.
