Phazon: Well, this chapter mostly focuses on the antics of Team 7 and their Sharingan wielding sensei as they learn just what's in that book he's always reading. I originally wanted to include more antics, but then I'd just be jumping all over the place, which would cause confusion for the readers, as well as myself. Thank you all for your feedback and reviews from the last chapter; they're greatly appreciated, but don't think I'm sucking up and begging for reviews, as that's just a bad ploy in and of itself. We're upping the ante here as far as content and suggestive dialogue, so it's a good thing the story is rated M, otherwise it'd be pulled down.
Disclaimer: Of course I do not own the Naruto characters. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto and him only. All I own is this fan fiction, and that's it, so don't sue!
And for the record, I do happen to own the characters that I give names to in the version of Icha Icha Paradise portrayed in the story, but that's about it. Let's move on, shall we?
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Icha Icha Paradise Exposed!
If there was one thing Kakashi wanted, it was some alone time with his favorite book. This was not one of those times.
"OI, SENSEI!!!!!!"
Kakashi inwardly cursed and put his book under his arm after hearing Naruto's voice. The second he turned around, Sakura had already jumped in the air, swooped down, and tackled him to the ground.
"Hey, Kakashi-sensei, what's in that book of yours?!!"
He didn't answer, for Kakashi was too distracted when he noticed that Sakura did not have panties on. He could tell because he would've seen the panty line showing through her pants. Yes, the Copy Ninja had a lot of free time on his hands.
"So…you wanna know about the secrets of Icha Icha, do you not?"
"Well, all Ero-sennin told me is that it involves something about a cock like a donkey that's as hard as a rock…whatever that means," Naruto told him, shrugging.
"Yeah," Kakashi said in a dreamily tone, "that was three volumes ago…BUT THIS IS ENTIRELY DIFFERENT!!!"
A double standard, yes.
Kakashi sighed, knowing his students would follow him to the ends of the earth and back. After all, this wasn't the first time they'd tried to uncover some secret of his.
Underneath this mask…is another mask!
He shuddered at the thought of them trying to see underneath his mask again, but he figured he could scar them for life he let them view the innards, metaphorically speaking, of the book.
"All right," he said at last, rubbing his hair, "I figure you guys are sexed up enough to actually remember what happened when they did the nasty."
"So…there's hard core fucking in there?"
Kakashi turned to the source of that question and smiled. "It'll be like Pleasure Island all over again."
As Team 7 walked on, Sasuke muttered 'Yes' to himself and placed his hands in his pockets. Was he doing it to look cool and distant, or was it because something had gotten his attention that he needed to hide?
I'd say the latter.
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Meanwhile, behind closed doors in the Hyuuga mansion, the unthinkable happened.
"T-Tenten…this feels so wrong," Neji uttered, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead.
"Neji-kun, you know that this is beneficial for both of us: I'll get my fun, and you'll get your pleasure. Stop complaining and just let me keep at it for a few more seconds."
Tenten continued the process, causing the bed to move back and forth while doing so.
Outside, with their ears pressed against the door, Hinata and Hanabi listened as they heard the sounds of Neji moaning in what seemed to be pure horror, while it sounded like Tenten was getting herself off with her index finger.
"Come on, Tenten, pull harder!!"
"This would…be FINE…if it wasn't so BIG!!!"
"What you got against guys that have big ones, huh? Would you rather it be small and this take a lot longer?"
"Shut the fuck up and let me do my job, Hyuuga! Once I'm done, you'll know how it feels once you experience it with my hands!"
Neji's cries began to escalate higher…and higher…and higher…and HIGHER until…
"OOOOOOOOH, KAAAAAAAAAMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!"
BAM!
There was the sound of something smashing against, and presumably, cracking the mirror in Neji's room.
Hinata and Hanabi's eyes were as wide as dinner plates upon hearing this. Hinata was foaming at the mouth and had a sudden urge to masturbate, while Hanabi had half the mind to go and tell Hiashi, but the other half wanted to stay and hear what else happened.
"I guess…they fucked…" Hinata said in between keeping her hand out of her panties.
Back inside, Neji and Tenten lay sprawled out on the carpet, completely exhausted and gasping for breath. The Hyuuga looked over to the kunoichi and smiled.
"Tenten…I can't believe you did that for me, and I didn't even ask you to."
She smiled. "It was no problem, Neji-kun. After all, I've got plenty of experience in that area, but you're the first Hyuuga I was able to try it out on."
Neji looked to his how shoeless feet. "Yeah, no one's ever helped me get my shoes off before because they've been too tight…" Neji paused, looked towards the door, formed the hand signs, and activated Byakugan.
"They're watching us," he said to Tenten.
"They probably think we're fucking."
It was then that Tenten remembered the other reason she came to Neji's.
"Now…drop your shorts and let me see it, big man."
Neji sighed and did as he was told. When the shorts fell to the floor, Tenten's eyes widened as she got closer.
"BOY, HOWDY!!!"
Sure, Neji had never been…stroked before, but how bad could Tenten possibly be?
The kunoichi began slowly, working her way up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, back and forth, while Neji, dare I say it, moaned in ecstasy.
Outside, Hanabi had a figurative question mark above her head. She turned to Hinata, who had since climaxed into her panties already, but did not care.
"Hinata-san? What's that huge muscle coming out of Neji's center?"
Hinata rolled her eyes; Hanabi may have been a bit disgusting, but she still had a lot to learn.
Neji and Tenten, however, were just beginning something good and…long-lasting, so to speak.
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"So Itsumi's like, 'You can't take that condom! I need that for Hitoshi when we get to start ass ramming tonight!' And Osami's like, 'But Hitoshi can give it to you hard or soft through your front, not through the rear entrance. Let him fuck you dry before you let him push open your rear doorway!'"
Rather than be sprawled out on the ground, tears in their eyes, horrific nosebleeds and twitches beyond repair, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke sat attentively as they listened to their sensei narrate one of the forbidden chapters of Icha Icha.
Kakashi sighed; he hated having to go into more chapters when he only intended to go into one, but when he noticed the obvious bulges in both Naruto AND Sasuke's lower garments (I kid you not) and how Sakura's nipples began to show through her kimono, he knew he had to go on. He started thinking about one of the better chapters.
"All right," he said, snapping his fingers, "so Itsumi was cheating on her boyfriend Hisoka, with his best friend, Hitoshi. Basically, they were caught in the middle of the horizontal romp. Know what?"
Kakashi trailed off and just took out the volume; opening it and showing a full page that showed said man Hitoshi, tonguing Itsumi's virgin cunt out. "Of course they did the standard fuck and sleep, but Itsumi said she wanted more; she wanted to feel something new inside of her besides a schlong or banana." He continued.
Naruto laughed. "How could a banana fit somewhere inside of a woman besides her mouth?"
Kakashi smiled and pulled out another book. "I'm glad you asked that question, Naruto. Let me show you some of one of J's personal favorite chapters: Itsumi's First Time: Get a Stinky Pinky. It's all about Itsumi being introduced to the wonders of masturbation through her friend, Tokiwa, who was a Mexican stripper by night. She told Itsumi about the joys of enjoying one's self and--"
"Wait, wait, wait a minute, Kakashi!"
Kakashi groaned and slapped his forehead. "What is it, Sasuke?!"
"You're going to fast with the characters and just introducing them on the fly, and this dobe," he said, pointing to Naruto, "won't be able to keep up with you."
"Good point, Sasuke-kun," Sakura agreed.
"Well, fine then, I'll start from the beginning," Kakashi told them.
Sheesh, he thought. By the time he was done with this drawn out explanation, Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke would probably all be full time subscribers to Icha Icha.
Five minutes later
Kakashi now had a huge chart out before him, complete with characters' names and their bodies in complex positions.
"We begin with Akutabi Shigeaki, the story's main protagonist, who grew up in a quiet little village not unlike Konoha. He has had a secret obsession with women's lingerie and always went to sniff the panties at the clothing stores after the women decided they wanted them. He was banned in chapter three for practicing CPR on a mannequin."
"He got put out for that?" Sakura asked. "Tsunade-sama has had me practice CPR before and never thought any less of me."
"He wasn't trying to revive them with his mouth."
"Ahh," Sasuke and Naruto said together, figuring out the joke.
"More than that," Kakashi continued, "he always whacks off whenever he gets the chance at home. Therein lies the problem, as he always fears discovery by his roommate, who keeps his door open at all times. The only person that Shigeaki confides in is his girlfriend, Kakyoin Nichie, who, up until now, has always been the playful type. She always wanted to give him a quick job before he went to work, as she figured out how to do the task quite skillfully after practicing on a makeshift pickle at the tender age of nine."
Sasuke gulped as he began rubbing through his shorts.
"Nichie and Shigeaki get along very well, and she always manages to have the skimpiest outfit on. It wasn't a surprise to find out in chapter thirteen that she used to be a G-string diva because she said she enjoyed the bright lights and the men calling her 'Mrs. Big Boobs McDraw.'"
"Mcdraw?"
"Yeah, J still hasn't explained that," Kakashi said to Sakura. "Moving right along, we meet Tsubaki Itsumi, who I've been talking about for awhile now. Itsumi has the breasts of Tsunade and the wildness of Kurenai-san, but she goes both ways."
Figurative question marks appeared above the heads of the three genin.
"You know, she's a box reply, meaning she lets her womanhood do the talking?"
The question marks only grew larger."
"She's a lesbian," Kakashi finally spat out in the most deadpan tone. "By day, she's your average, hard-working waitress, though by night, and probably still by day, she becomes a rampant lesbian that loves fingering other women where the sun doesn't shine."
Naruto raised his hand. "In their pants?"
"Bingo," Kakashi responded. Maybe Naruto wasn't as dense as people made him out to be.
"Her obsession with fingering women started when someone did it to her while she was at summer camp. She was afraid she contracted crabs or something like that, but ever since that day, she liked, no, loved the sensation of the front and the back penetration. Umino Hitoshi, her boyfriend, is just as wild and crazy as she is, always flirting around with the latest tease whenever he didn't have his face stuffed in Itsumi's humongous rack. He can give it to her hard, but he can even reach around and get a finger or so in her ass to get double the climax.
"I see," Sakura said, coming to a conclusion, "so he's like that guy from the Chuunin Exam that could mend and bend his joints, and then manipulate them with only his chakra?"
"Not exactly; there is no ninjutsu or anything like that in here; the guy is just really good with the ladies…really good…like really for really SUPER good…" Kakashi paused for a second and then continued, "I hate him so much, so very much."
"But what's the premise of the story, sensei? It seems like these are just a bunch of sexed up adults having what they call a good time."
It was at this point that Kakashi showed a scene from issue 56: It's Midnight in September and I Can't Get My Dick Out of Itsumi's Ass.
"Need I say more?" He asked. "Sure, they are civilized, rarely, during the day, but other than that, they just look for a quick job. If not, they're beating the crap out of each other, but that's Icha Icha Violence is for. I'm getting off track here. Back to Paradise, Itsumi's best friend, Sekihara Osami, always wants to outdo Itsumi in anyways possible, even if she has to tongue the biggest lesbian in their village. Let me give you a scene of dialogue from one of the…normal moments in the series.
We then transition from the Naruto universe into Kakashi's book that is Icha Icha Paradise.
Several people sit in the park one day, watching life pass them by.
"So, Hitoshi, seen any good movies?"
"Nope," he responded, "got busted for trying to get myself off in the scene where the actress started caressing herself. You'd think, in this day and age, the average man can pull out his tool and start rubbing the unicorn's horn, so to speak, without getting busted."
"I hear you," Shigeaki agreed as he drank his soda, "I remember when I was in this restaurant trying to order some food, and the lady gave it to me, and it was good."
"What…does that have to do with the matter at hand?"
"Hmm? Oh, nothing, but it's a point of interest you all ought to be interested in."
"So…Shigeaki," Nichie said seductively as she began nipping at his ear, "wanna go behind a tree and help me find my space?"
"The website?"
"NO! My space, the space between my legs!"
"Your underwear?"
It was no use; Nichie got up and walked away.
Shigeaki raised an eyebrow. "What's gotten into her?"
Itsumi laughed at the baka. "Certainly not you, you dumbass."
We now leave the book world and return to Konoha, where Sasuke has found it even harder to contain himself.
"It only goes downhill from there," Kakashi explained, "because Nichie got so angry, she did something drastic."
"What'd she do?" Naruto and Sakura asked.
"Yes…tell us…what the fuck she did…" Sasuke strained.
"Now, if I were to spoil something, what kind of sensei would I be?"
"You're already a pervert," Naruto shot back, "and it's not like we think any less of you."
Nice to know I'm appreciated, Kakashi thought, but they did have a point.
"I tell you what," he said to them, "each of these issues comes with a slip that you can use to subscribe to Icha Icha, though since all of you know J is right here in Konoha, it'd be no problem to just go up and ask him."
"He gave me a premium membership for doing the Oiroke no Jutsu over and over again until no more blood could go to his nose," Naruto explained, "so I've gotten to see some of the things even you haven't seen, Kakashi-sensei."
Kakashi instantly tackled Naruto to the ground.
"DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE OOC CHAPTER JIRAIYA DID WHEN HE WAS DRUNK WHEN THEY ALL HAD A DRUNKEN SATANIC BLOOD ORGY?!!?!"
"The very same," Naruto said with a weak smile on his face.
The next thing Naruto knew, he was being carried off under Kakashi's shoulder, the two presumably going off to find Jiraiya for whatever reason. This only left Sakura and Sasuke all alone.
The kunoichi sat next to the Uchiha and started petting his shorts. "Sasuke-kun, that book gave me some interesting ideas."
"Get more issues," he said quickly.
"Sasuke-kun…"
"I plan to memorize all of the moves within those pages…with this," he said, pointing to his eye and indicating his Sharingan.
"And…you'll do them to me?" Sakura asked, hopefully.
"Feh...maybe, but Sakura, you'll have to help me back."
She blinked. "Why is that?"
Sasuke covered his face in embarrassment. "Because I just lost it again."
Sasuke's will must not be as strong as it's made out to be.
Instantly, Sasuke saw Sakura's pants and panties drop to the ground.
"Then perhaps I should help you with that before…you get stickier."
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Well, there goes another chapter for you, folks. I know, I promised a lot more in the previous chapter, but I got so wrapped up in Icha Icha that I decided to make that the main premise of this chapter. Anyways, if you wanted different, don't be disappointed, as the day is not over yet. I can't promise what will happen next chapter, for even I don't know what will happen. Will Sasuke and Sakura finally go at it? And what became of Tenten and Neji from earlier? Hell if I know, but I hope you enjoyed the chapter and stay tuned for the next one. Of course, I have no idea what truly lies within Icha Icha Paradise, so this is strictly from my point of view, and if it got a bit too graphic for some…well, you probably shouldn't be reading this in the first place, okay? Later.
