Nope, I don't own them. They belong to Jo.
Severus was afraid. Every move that anybody made had him nearly jumping ten feet in the air. Each time he nearly jumped, his entire body would start to shake. He would then look around to make sure that Lily was near him. She had promised she would protect him, and he accepted her words.
But just because he was afraid, he wasn't stopped from wondering. Why was Lily acting like his friend again? Who were all these people and what on earth did they want from him? Why were there Aurors crowding the hospital wing? Why wouldn't anyone tell him what was going on? What had happened?
Lily sat by his side, holding his hand as people shuffled in and out of the room. The curtains had been pulled away from the bed, revealing him to everyone. He felt vulnerable in his fuzzy green pajamas lying in the middle of the large room. Everyone seemed bigger than him at that moment, and that only served to fuel his fear. He thought about grabbing his wand and hexing them all, just to get them out. Then he remembered what had happened. The memories flashed through his mind quickly.
Crunch! Voldemort stepped back and bent over. He picked up Severus' wand, which was now broken in two pieces. "Oh, too bad."
Severus' whole body became tense instantly. The aftermath of the Cruciatus curse flowed through his veins. He groaned loudly as he screwed his eyes shut and inched closer to where Lily sat beside him.
"Sev, are you alright?" Lily asked him. Her words seemed so distance as he felt tears burning as they slid down his cheeks. "Severus, look at me!" Lily's hands were on his arms, shaking him. He tensed further, and he heard his own voice crying out uncontrollably.
"Lily…help…it hurts…" he managed to say. It didn't really hurt, but something in his mind kept telling him that he was in pain. He felt like screaming out in agony. It seemed as though every breath he took hurt so much that he couldn't take another. He was sobbing, tears pouring from his eyes as he kept them closed, afraid he would see Voldemort standing above him or see himself covered in his own blood.
"Severus! Open your eyes! Look at me, Sev! You're safe. You're in the hospital wing at Hogwarts! Severus, look!" Lily was on the verge of tears as she tried to pull him closer to her. The Aurors in the room began to crowd around, but Madam Pomfrey closed the curtains and came up with a potion in hand. She tried to get near the thrashing boy, but when she placed her hand on the bed, Severus seemed to jump closer to Lily. Lily shot the nurse a glare, and Madam Pomfrey knew that she was only making things worse by being there. The boy was traumatized and needed the help of someone very close to him.
"Sev, please…please look at me…" Lily pleaded. She felt his still tense body stop convulsing in her arms. He was now trembling harshly, and his cries were reduced to whimpers. "Severus, if you look at me I'll give you something to make it stop hurting."
Slowly, he moved closer to her. His entire upper body was resting in her lap. His hands were balled into fists, grasping the hem of her shirt. He turned his head up towards her and his eyes opened gradually. The dark orbs glistened with tears as they stared up at her. He was trembling still as she sighed, holding him to her. She pushed back a lock of raven hair that was stuck to the corner of his mouth. Madam Pomfrey was standing a couple feet away with the potion clutched in her hands.
"Sev, Madam Pomfrey has the potion. She's going to step closer to us so she can hand it to me, alright?" Lily spoke softly, stroking his pale and still slightly bruised cheeks with her thumb. Nodding, he turned away and rested his head against her thigh, an action that made her blush terribly.
Lily motioned for the small bottle of potion, and Madam Pomfrey walked forward to hand the potion to Lily. Lily uncorked the bottle and briefly smelled it. She looked questioningly at Madam Pomfrey.
"Will it put him to sleep?" Lily asked. Madam Pomfrey shook her head. As much as the poor boy could do with some sleep right now, last night had kept half the castle awake as he thrashed around in the bed screaming from the nightmares he was having. But Professor Slughorn was in the dungeons brewing a cauldron of Sleeping Potion at that very moment.
Satisfied with the nod, Lily held the vial up to Severus' trembling lips. His eyes were closed again as he swallowed the liquid. She continued to stroke his hair as he stopped trembling and his breathing returned to normal. After a few moments, he looked up her, the fear in his eyes still present.
"Thank you…" he whispered as he pulled away from her enough that he was lying back on the bed propped up against a stack of pillows. Lily still sat close to him, grasping his hand in hers as the liquid of the potion ran through his veins. She had no idea what was happening to him. She didn't know what happened to him when he was taken, and she didn't know how dark magic effected people. At this point, she was beginning to feel just as helpless as he was.
"Sev, do you want to talk?" she questioned softly, taking his hand in both of hers and resting it in her lap.
"How did you find these pajamas?" was the first question that popped into his mind. She couldn't help but smile a little.
"I found them in your trunk, Sev. When I was looking for something for you to wear. Believe it or not, when I first came in here Madam Pomfrey had you down to your knickers. I didn't think much other that it seemed a bit degrading, so I asked Professor Dumbledore for the password to the guest room you were staying in. I searched through your trunk and found them." Lily told him, feeling her cheeks being to burn a little.
"Oh." he nodded slightly, his eyes narrowing.
"I dressed you, by the way." Lily felt her eyes widen. Her cheeks felt as though they were on fire. Severus' own face had a bit of color to it as he visibly gulped. Lily felt a rush of humiliation. Why did I say that? Feeling the need for an explanation, she spoke again. "We couldn't do it with magic because of the bandages." she told him.
Severus just nodded. His eyes widened at the thought of her seeing him nearly naked on the bed. He glanced over to see her cheeks nearly matching the red of her hair. Suddenly, despite his own embarrassment, another question popped into his mind. Before he could speak, Lily had noticed the somewhat troubled expression on his face.
"Is there something else, Sev?" she asked gently, the color slowly disappearing from her cheeks. He looked over at her, his lips pulled tight into a straight line. After a few moments, he nodded.
"Why?" he asked. She looked puzzled.
"Why what?"
"Why are you here?" he asked her. She noticed that his voice seemed to lack the pleading, scared quality it held moments ago. He was more like the Severus that she knew. Or rather, the Severus she had observed from a distance that hurt innocent first years. His tone was rather cold and unforgiving, but she didn't take offense. She grasped his hand firmer in hers and smiled at him slightly.
"I am here because I am sorry for not accepting your apologies. I am here because Dumbledore told me everything. He told me why you were trying to get away from them." Lily told him. She smiled as he looked slightly horrified at her words. She realized that the potion he had been giving must've been a calming draught of some kind. The noise outside the curtains had resumed, and he seemed to be acting alright.
"You…kn-know?" were the only words that Severus could say as he stared at her. The conversation with the headmaster had seemed like so long ago, but he remembered very clearly what was discussed that day. He had confessed his hearts deepest hidden secret. Suddenly, he was overwhelmed with regret. He had told Dumbledore not to tell anyone! The old man had broken his trust! And wasn't he going to try to protect him? Didn't Dumbledore promise to protect him? He was brought back from his train of thought by Lily squeezing his hand gently.
"Yes, Sev, I know." she stared into his eyes. She was smiling sweetly as she noticed the troubled expression on his face.
"A-and…" he trailed off, not really knowing what he wanted her to say. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to hear her answer.
"It's alright, Sev." she said. "It just…it just made me feel really bad. I mean, all the time I didn't even listen to what you said, or didn't even think about how much what I was doing hurt you. It must've been awful seeing me with James." Lily told him. She felt tears beginning to form. He just stared at her with wide, vacant eyes. For a while, he seemed to be thinking. Eventually, he spoke softly and quietly.
"You have no idea." he looked away from her. She looked away as well, suddenly feeling awful. "But it's ok. I only ever wanted you to be happy. And you seemed so happy with him. I just accepted it." Severus added quickly. It was far from the truth. He had been angry. He hated it and if James had gotten close enough, Severus might've killed James. But, he knew that would only drive Lily farther away so he didn't. Instead, he retreated farther into the companionship of his fellow Slytherins. The ones that had turned on him.
Suddenly, the calming draught seemed to be losing its effect. He remembered Avery's arm wrapped tightly around his throat, choking him. Then he remembered being thrown through the air and landing on the hard ground, right at the feet of the Dark Lord himself. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying not to over react. He had embarrassed himself last time.
But his mind was plagued once more with images of Voldemort's piercing red eyes and sadistic grin. His heart raced as he remembered the pain that instantly hit him. As soon as he had hit the ground, he was hit with an excruciatingly painful bout of the Cruciatus curse. He cringed at the memory of how the curse had raced through his veins and delivered pain to nearly every molecule in his body. Lily was calling his name, but once again her voice seemed so distant. He wanted to reach out to her, to be close to her as she held him, but he couldn't. Every move simply hurt.
Groaning, Severus tilted his head back and ground his teeth together. He squeezed his eyes together and let out a suppressed cry. He was fisting the sheets with his free hand.
Voldemort was standing over him, his wand poised in the air above him waiting for another spell to be cast.
He heard commotion around him once more. People were surrounding him. It frightened him.
More and more Death Eaters circled him like vultures. All were masked from view, but they all had the same cackling laughter as they threw hex after hex at him.
He thrashed in the bed and felt hands starting to hold him down. He was yelling now, and he knew it. Well, it was more like screaming and nearly at the top of his lungs. Lily
was sobbing by his side, trying to get him to calm down. He held her hand in a vice grip, not wanting to let her go as the people - who were those blasted people – pushed her away from him.
"Grab him!" he heard someone yell. He was still screaming, his mouth wide open. Why was he screaming? He tried to stop, tried to calm down. Nothing was working.
"NO! No you'll hurt him! STOP!" Lily was screaming almost as loudly as he was. She was farther away now, and their hands had been forced apart. He kicked his legs and flailed his arms, trying to get the people away. Now, he had nearly forgotten of the pain and just wanted them to go away. There were too many bloody people!
Lily was screaming for them to stop again, and he couldn't tell what they were supposed to be stopping. They didn't seem to be doing anything other than surrounding him. Then he heard a rough male voice.
"Grab his head!" and then two big hands grabbed either side of his head to keep him from moving.
"Imperio!" a voice yelled out. He thought it sounded strangely like Lucius Malfoy's, but he couldn't be sure. Then, he felt a strange sensation of being filled with another being. He could still sense everything around him, but he couldn't do anything. Someone had forced him aside in his own body and took over. Slowly, he felt himself rising to his feet and walking over to a tree. Many people laughed as he began banging his head as hard as he could against the tree. Inside of his mind, he cried at the pain that he felt. But outside, he merely looked at the tree and kept hitting himself against it until there was nothing but darkness.
"Please let him go!" Lily was crying. "Can't you see you're scaring him? You're only making it worse!"
Severus thrashed his body, trying to move his head. His eyes were wide open now and he could see the people around him. The man's hands were positioned to keep his mouth open and he saw another man that looked oddly familiar standing above him. There was a rather large looking vial in his hand.
"Please Professor Slughorn, don't! We won't be able to wake him up if you do that! Please…" Lily's sobbing voice was drowned out as Professor Slughorn leaned over Severus and poured the vial of horrible tasting liquid down his throat. A burning sensation coursed through Severus' body and his eyes were drawn closed once more. His yelling and thrashing was stopped immediately and he fell limp on the bed. The group of Aurors moved away. Lily rushed up to Severus' side and pulled the blanket over him as he slumbered away in his potion induced sleep.
"Miss Evans, I'm so sorry. I couldn't stop them. They think they know how to handle the effects of the Cruciatus curse better than a trained healer!" Madam Pomfrey entered through the now closed curtains. She raised her voice a little on the last part, but stepped closer to Severus' side. "He won't be able to handle it. They should've only given him a little bit. The curse will try and take over his mind if he sleeps for too long." she shook her head.
"They gave him a lot! What if the curse does make him mental?" Lily was still crying.
"Then Professor Dumbledore is a skilled Legilimens. I have already spoken to him about this. Severus will need it no matter what." Madam Pomfrey unconsciously reached out and pulled a stray piece of hair away from Severus' cheek.
"What? Need what?" Lily questioned.
"Evidence suggests that the Cruciatus was used on him many times. In order to fully heal, Severus needs to find himself. He needs to pull away from the memories and stop feeling the pain and shock of the torture, but rather embrace it. That is the best way to describe it." Madam Pomfrey explained. Lily still didn't understand it, but she made no attempt to. She didn't even know what the bloody hell Legilimency was!
Shaking her head, Lily turned back to the now sleeping Severus. As stressful as it was on all of them when he was awake, Lily preferred him that way. Sighing, she looked over her shoulder. Professor McGonagall was standing in a small opening in the curtains.
"Hello Professor." Lily said quietly. Professor McGonagall had not visited before, like most of the other teachers had. Transfiguration had never been Severus' best subject, but he was adequate at it.
"Good afternoon, Miss Evans." Professor McGonagall said. She folded her hands in front of her and observed the sleeping Slytherin boy on the bed. "How is he?"
"Not so good. Madam Pomfrey says that the effects of the Cruciatus curse are starting to show. Professor Slughorn gave him a full vial of sleeping potion." Lily sighed.
"I'm sorry to hear that he's not well. But, actually, I was here to see you." Professor McGonagall sighed. Lily smirked, knowing that her head of house would only be there to show concern for one of her precious cubs, and not show much interest in the Slytherin next to her.
"Why?" Lily found herself saying somewhat bitterly. She tried not to glare at the Professor but she couldn't stop herself from voicing her disapproval of McGonagall's lack of interest in Severus' well being.
"Mr. Lupin approached me yesterday and told me he was worried that you are falling behind in you studies. I have spoken to other teachers and they inform me that you haven't been to any classes for days! You haven't completed any assignments, either. You must understand that your N.E.W.T. level courses are very important." McGonagall told her. Lily just rolled her eyes.
"I'm no more behind than Sev is. We can catch up together." Lily declared. McGonagall sighed, contemplating ordering the girl to leave the hospital wing and return to her classes. Instead, she settled for a much less drastic order.
"Miss Evans, perhaps you should at least return to your dormitory for a decent night's sleep. Your friends are wishing to see you." McGonagall told her. Lily sighed, knowing that the professor was right. Mary and Joanna hadn't visited her since Severus had first been found. Remus hadn't visited since two days ago before Severus first woke up. She didn't look forward to seeing James, but she would have to face them all soon. Besides, Severus wouldn't wake up at least for twelve hours.
"Alright." Lily stood up and looked down at Severus. With a satisfied smile, Professor McGonagall turned and left through the privacy curtains. Lily turned back to Severus and leaned over him before gently pressing her lips to his forehead. "I love you, Sev." she whispered. She turned and left his side.
XXXXXX
The Gryffindor common room was busy as Lily entered it. As she walked in, silence fell over the room. People were shocked at seeing her for the first time in nearly a week. It was now October and most people had gotten used to Lily being absent from the common room. When people got over the near shock of seeing her enter, the first person to approach her was Remus. He walked over to her and made a motion like he was going to hug her. He paused before he did, but she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him.
"How are you?" he asked as they separated. She was smiling, a sight he hadn't seen in a while.
"Good. Did you hear that Severus woke up?" Lily asked him. At this, there was a buzz in the common room.
"No, I didn't. That's great!" he said, more just because he was happy that she was happy than anything else.
"Yeah, he's ok. He took a sleeping potion, so I decided to come up here and see everyone." Lily told him. He smiled at her and steered her over to the couch beside the fireplace. A third year came over to them and stood in front of Lily.
"So what really happened to Snape? Everyone's been wondering." he told her. Lily just looked up at him, not expecting anyone to really care about Severus.
"Um...I don't really know what happened to him. He…uh…he hasn't really told us much." Lily shrugged, finding it was somewhat of a weak point and she didn't really feel like talking about it.
"Oh." the third year looked somewhat disappointed. Then he shrugged and walked away. Remus chuckled beside her as he leaned back and casually rested his arm behind her on the back of the couch. Lily felt herself tense up as her friend made such a casual gesture. Remus thought nothing of it.
"Hey what's all the commotion in here?" an unwanted voice echoed throughout the once again silent common room. Everyone looked up at the staircase that led to the dormitories to see James coming down. He surveyed the common room and spotted Lily. His trademark smile faded for an instant, but came back. He strode over to the couch and plopped down next to Lily.
"Hey Lils. How's dear old Snivelly doing these days?" James said, grinning. Not even a moment later, the sound of Lily's palm connecting with the skin on James' cheek seemed to echo throughout the common room. Lily stood up and glared angrily at James. Remus looked somewhat shocked, as though he hadn't expected James to enter and be so forward.
"How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling him that horrible name?" Lily ground out.
"Oh, you can tell me all you want, Lily dearest. But will I listen? Probably not. I will call that slimy, greasy git Snivellus until the end of time!" James stood up and glared at Lily, who was nearly crying once more.
"Why do you have to be so mean to him? Can't you just think about someone's feelings other than your own?" Lily cried out. Remus stood and moved to Lily's side, placing a comforting arm on her shoulder.
"James…" Remus trailed off, shooting his friend a warning glare. James shook his head and kept up a glare of his own.
"No, Remus I want to answer her questions. I don't have to be mean to him. I enjoy it! It gives me a way to deal with my problems in life. And I do think of someone's feeling other than my own. I think about how horrible you must have felt after you broke up with me." James raised his voice slightly.
"You are a horrible, selfish, arrogant bastard! You don't know half of what Severus has been through! You don't know anything! All you ever do is try and make his life even worse than it already is!" Lily tried to contain her tears as she defended Severus.
"Oh, the slime ball has no friends, so you feel sorry for him? You may be pretty, but you're awfully stupid. Your biggest weakness is finding the best in people like him. Unfortunately, Lily, that's a lost cause because there is not 'best' in greasy old Snivelly." James sneered.
"You don't know anything! You didn't see him bruised and battered from nearly being killed! You don't have to sit by his side while he screamed from the pain and the memories of being tortured by the Cruciatus! You didn't have to walk in on his own mother holding a knife over his chest while he slept because she didn't think her own son deserved life! You think you are so special because your mummy and daddy treat you to everything you want and you think you have so many friends! You're wrong, Potter! I thought I loved you once, because I thought you changed! But you're just as arrogant and selfish as you were before!" Lily was crying and yelling at the same time. Remus just stood there looking from Lily to James, not sure what to do.
"Trying to make me feel sorry for the git? It won't work. I'll never feel sorry for him." James ground out.
"You insensitive bastard!" Lily reached out and slapped him hard before turning and running out the common room, leaving everyone in Gryffindor staring at James.
"What?" James snarled at a group of first years staring at him. They jumped back at the glare worthy of Severus himself. James stalked off up to the boy's dormitory.
XXXXXX
Lily ran all the way down to the hospital wing on the first floor. By the time she got there, she was utterly exhausted. She hadn't had the energy to run that much to begin with and she had been planning on staying the night in Gryffindor tower and eating in the Great Hall in the morning. But of course James Potter ruined it. And now, she was running back over to the private, curtain covered bed of her beloved Severus, who at the moment was blissfully unaware of the horrid bout of insulting and name calling that had just went on. Somehow Lily imagined being called names didn't compare to the pain he had endured during his week of torture.
With a sigh, Lily returned to Severus' side. She gently nudged his warm body over as she crawled into the bed next to him. She rested her head on his chest and splayed her hand out on his thin abdomen. He had eaten nothing the whole time he had been asleep and probably during the week before as well. Madam Pomfrey had told her that before he could return to normal meals, he had to take several rounds of nutrient replenishing potions. Poor Sev. Lily closed her eyes, slightly comforted by the steady rise and fall of his chest, and silently cried herself to sleep.
So, this chapter was unbelievably hard to write. I hope you guys thought the way I portrayed the effects of the Cruciatus curse, and if you don't understand it quite yet, you will. Anyway, feed the bunnies with reviews please! Thanks to Black Wolf-Dog as always for her lovely motivational skills...
