Tuesday: August 19th 2014
Time: 6:30 AM
Perspective: Fi
I sit on my couch silently. Sophomore year… It's rather exciting. This is the year where many learn to drive. Those who are still too young at least get classmates who haul them around. I haven't taken nearly as many courses this year because sanity is now a factor. That, and it will give me more time after school to focus on Ruto. I smile at the thought of her. My hand wanders to my shoulder. Although it's covered, I still know of the bite mark that she left there. She always leaves some reminder for me. Yes, it hurts, but I also get to think of her even more. Ruto is my everything… It's hard to imagine a world before her. How did I manage? How didn't I just wallow in despair? I need her…
Besides Ruto one girl comes to mind. Zelda Harkinian… My heart hurts whenever I think of her. She's my one grip on reality… The one thing that reminds me of who I can be without Ruto… But she's seeing Saria… I haven't spoken to Zelda in nine months. It seems crazy, but it's the truth. Ruto has occupied all of my time lately and I just never patched things up. Who knows what Zelda is even like now? She might have a motorcycle… Might have lost an eye over the summer… The one thing I do know is she's still very much with Saria.
Midna and Malon were next on Ruto's list. I haven't interacted with them in just as long. Basically any attractive girl had to go. I can't blame her though, she's just being protective. The thought of her caring that much makes me feel warm inside… But I'm no fool… I need my friends too. I've needed them for the better part of a year. Ruto may be important to me… But so are they! I sigh and fall backwards onto the couch. Why is life so complicated? There's a knock on my door. Ruto walks inside; dropping her bag onto the floor and smiling at me.
"Hey Fi! Excited for school?" She walks up to the couch.
I sit up.
"As anyone could be." I laugh. "It's still school after all."
I have to confront her on this. In our entire relationship I've never said 'no' to her… But I need this. I need her to understand where I'm coming from and why.
"Ruto…" I say softly.
"Yes, love?"
I frown. What am I doing? What if she breaks up with me? I'd be without direction. No… I'm just going to say it.
"I could never leave you, so why don't you trust me to have friends?" I ask, looking into her deep eyes.
She just stares at me. I'm terrified. Have I angered her?
"Fi… Honey… Are you still upset about Zelda?" She looks genuinely concerned.
I sheepishly nod 'yes.'
"You're that broken up about it?" Her eyes widen.
"Y-yes… I just didn't want to make you mad."
I gasp in shock as she pulls me close. She holds me tightly, hugging my smaller frame. I cry. I'm not sure why, but I do. I cry hard. She rubs my back.
"Fi… You can be friends with Zelda. I just didn't want you to leave me for her…" She whispers into my ear.
"I could never!" I assure her.
She pulls away, looking me in the eye.
"Then there's nothing to worry about."
"So I can see her? And hang out with her?" I smile like a child offered candy.
"I insist." She kisses me
I moan, holding her close. Her tongue enters my mouth and I accept it enthusiastically. Like always, I suck on her tongue and wrap my legs around her. We make out for around five minutes before she pulls away.
"Now… How does a good girl say 'Thank you'?"
She raises her skirt. I eagerly nod, lowering my head.
Tuesday: August 19th 2014
Time: 6:30 AM
Perspective: Zelda
Shower? Check. Deodorant? Check. Bag? Check… I run through everything that I could possibly have forgotten as breakfast cooks in the microwave. August 19th… It's been a year since I met that idiotic genius on the school bus… A year since I realized that I could make friends… While Fi is no longer a part of my life, I'm happy that she was. That girl taught me so many things. From math to emotions, she was always there for me… Until Thanksgiving of course. Sometimes I still cry about it but what can you do? She's been distant and ignoring me more than twice as long as she was kind and caring. I can't ignore that. Still, it's hard to forget that small genius in the baggy hoodie… Fi… My Fi… Not the one that exists now.
While she's been avoiding me we do still live in the same town. I've seen her around… What was once a self-doubting overachiever wearing baggy clothes and glasses is now an overconfident tool with skinny jeans, shades, and everything else. She's always with Ruto. And seeing how they interact in public makes me wonder how intimate they are when they're alone. The idea of Ruto and Fi having sex bothers me… I'm not sure why… Maybe it's because some part of me still likes her? I dunno, it just doesn't sit right with me.
Either way it doesn't matter. Fi wants nothing to do with me. She made that extraordinarily clear all those months ago. I can still remember the last thing she ever said to me. 'Zelda, you're trespassing'… What a bitch. You can't do that to someone. Stroll into their life like a god-sent gift and then leave a burning path of grief in your wake. It's not fair. I wish I could just vocalize how I feel… But it's hopeless. I look at the time and sigh. Time for school.
"At least I get to see Saria." I mumble.
I walk outside and step onto the bus. It sure has been a while. Reality hits me and I realize that it's actually time for school again. I hate that time of summer. Ya know, the part where it's over? Since I'm only the second stop the bus is completely silent in the dark foggy morning. I slowly walk to where I usually sit and am completely floored by what I see. There's no way. Why is she here? She hasn't taken the bus in months. I stop and stare at her. She looks up and meets me gaze.
"Fi…" I whisper, glaring at her.
"H-hey…" She mumbles.
I hesitantly approach her and take the seat to the right. We stare at each other for a few seconds.
"I can explain everything." She looks away.
"Explain, huh? You can explain? Thanksgiving 2013. You left me alone. I ate my holiday takeout on the couch with no one to laugh with. No one to talk to. While I assume you were preparing your lovely Ruto a home cooked meal and kissing her feet." I snarl.
It's brutal, but what do you think happens when shit like this is pulled?
"The meal wasn't that good…" She mumbles.
I laugh. Is it normal to laugh when you're unbelievably pissed?
"Amazing. So you did cook for her?"
She nods.
"Why are you here Fi? I'm sure your girlfriend could have taken you to school." I sigh, looking out the window.
"Well… I wanted to see you." She smiles softly.
I turn. Did she just say that? My expression must be scary because she shies away.
"You wanted to see me?" I laugh. "I've wanted to see you! For nine months! But now that you're in the mood I'm just supposed to forget everything like a good loser and take you back in? That's not how relationships work Fi. I haven't been on hold for nine months just waiting for a phone call. I've been living. Without you. You had so many chances… And you blew it." I hiss.
She looks heartbroken…. Ya know what? Good. Let her stew for a while. Maybe she'll understand what it feels like. We sit there silently for around ten minutes. She just looks out the window. Whatever… I don't give a crap… Let her feel bad. She hugs her legs, wrapped in the same hoodie as last year. The one she stopped wearing around December. As the small girl reaches into her pocket to change the song on her iPod, her sleeves pull up slightly. My eyes widen in recognition when I see her arms. Mother of Creation… Her arm. The bottom of her left arm is completely lined with scars. No… Not scars. Slices. Fresh carvings. Some look a month old, some look a day old. Fi is cutting herself… And I just shot her down like that.
"Fi…" I reach a hand out.
The bus stops and she stands. We're at school… She immediately flees the scene; leaving me in the dust.
What have I done?
Tuesday: August 19th 2014
Time: 11:50 AM
Perspective: Zelda
Lunch time… Finally I have time to think about this morning. What could possibly possess Fi to cut herself? What reason could such a beautiful, intelligent girl have to do that? The thought makes me sick. Picturing her sitting alone in her room… Crying out of complete defeat…. The only way to let it out is through her physical pain. I won't allow it. She came to me this morning and I was selfish. Does Fi really seem like the kind of person who would abandon me without reason? I didn't even give her a chance. I search every hall looking for her. I suppose it's possible that she has lunch 'B' or 'C' this year…
"Fi… Where are you?" I sigh.
I sit down on a bench to catch my breath. It's a big building, and I have no idea what her schedule looks like. And then, like the goddesses are looking out for me, I see exactly who I'm looking for. There she is… Walking down the hall alone. I stand and approach her. She hasn't seen me yet. I stop suddenly when Ruto comes into view and grabs her. Maybe I should stay back…
"Hey baby…" Ruto smiles, kissing Fi.
I look away. C'mon… We're in public.
"Hello, Ruto." She says in her beautiful accent. The one I've missed.
I'm now tucked behind a corner. For some reason I think it's best that Ruto doesn't see me. It seems strange I know; but that girl rubs me the wrong way. I hear them kissing even more and peek around the corner. Why are they doing this? Get a damn room. Ruto pulls away and smiles, rubbing Fi's arm.
"Did you talk to Zelda?" She smiles.
What?
"She didn't want anything to do with me…" Fi frowns like she's about to cry.
Fi…. No. That's not what I meant.
"Maybe it's for the best. She did always use you…" Ruto holds her close.
Use her? When did I ever use her?
"Used me?" Fi asked the same question I have.
"Well, you helped her with homework every night? Practically did it for her sometimes. C'mon, you've told me these things. You're just too innocent to see when you're being manipulated." She kisses Fi.
"I am?" Fi looks confused, like she's doubting herself.
"Of course… But don't worry. I won't let anyone use you Fi. As long as I'm here, you'll be safe."
"Th-thanks Ruto… I can't count the amount of things I owe you." Fi smiles, resting her head on Ruto's chest.
I can't believe what I'm seeing. Ruto Sapphire is using Fi… She's using all of the classic abusive moves. Putting her down, saying that Fi needs her, saying that she'll protect her… She's making Fi feel useless… Like her only use is Ruto. I have to stop this somehow. I've got to break those two up…
