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From Chapter 8
When Mac did not answer his question, Don opted not to force him. He signaled for the bill before speaking up again.
"Let's go Mac. Too many things had happened for one day. Take a rest. It'll help clear your mind."
Mac stood up after they paid their bill and they went their separate ways.
His mind was working triple time due to information overload but Don's voice kept on interrupting his trail of thoughts.
Do I love Jo?
Chapter 9
-Mac's Apartment –
Mac lay on his bed, his mind troubled.
He had just gotten out of the shower when his phone rang. When he saw it was Christine calling him, he did not answer it and just let it rang until it stopped. He was still unsure of what to feel about her, and what she'd done. He knew she did not lie to him, but she did not tell the whole truth either. It would have been okay if he did not ask her about Jo. The thing is, he did; and yet she chose not to tell him everything.
On the way home, his mind kept flashing images upon images of a helpless Jo, sitting in a corner of the hospital waiting room. He ached to hold her, to tell her not to worry about him, to comfort her, to soothe her. But he was not there for her. He couldn't be there for her.
'Do you also love Jo?' Don's voice kept on echoing the same question over and over in his head.
These past few days, her ignoring him as if he didn't exist had brought too much pain in his heart. He couldn't complain to her, though, because he knew that her behavior towards him changed because that was what he pushed her to do.
For the past few days, he watched her as she carefully chose her words when she's talking to him, carefully navigated her way around him, all smiles and laughter eliminated. All of her defenses were up whenever he's around her and only when he left that she let her guard down.
It pained him to know that she felt vulnerable against him, for her to be like that. Gone were the days where she was so relaxed, and carefree around him. And Don was right; they seldom looked at each other now. He couldn't forget that time at the diner. God, at the diner. He could still feel the frustration that he felt that night when he kept on trying to catch her eyes but she wouldn't budge. She literally ignored him as if he was invisible, just mere air that was there but she couldn't see. And her smiles; they didn't reach her eyes anymore. Her laughter sounded hollow. Her demeanor, like a defeated warrior's.
Aware that he was about to cross the border, he steeled himself. He knew that once he had acknowledged that strong feeling, there would be no turning back. And he just wanted to be sure so that he wouldn't hurt anybody, especially Jo. Hurting her again was definitely out of the question. He would do everything in his power to protect her from getting hurt again. He had hurt her enough and he wouldn't want him to be the cause of her pain again, ever.
Instead, he would love to hear her child-like squeal again. He would love to hear her chatter again. He would love to see her eyes light up like Christmas lights again. He would love to see her smile reach up her eyes again. He would love to hear her admonishing tone again telling him to go home and rest. He would love her to start teasing him again, and maybe a little bit of flirting too.
Mac smiled at that last thought.
He would love her to go back to being the Jo that he knew from that day she introduced herself beside a dead body. He would love her to be the Jo that he came to lo-…
But what about Christine? She stayed with him for the last six months as he recuperates. She basically forgot about her own life just to be with him. It wouldn't be fair to her if he breaks up with her, only to start a relationship with Jo. All the more that you should tell her! If you don't tell her the truth, it wouldn't be fair to her, to Jo, and to you.
Mac frowned at all the thoughts that had been swarming in his head.
But thinking about Jo made him all warm and fuzzy inside, just like… Home.
He thought of all the times that she made him laugh. He thought of all the times that she made him smile at the most mundane of things. It was like being a child again. During those times, she gave him the chance to experience once again the carefree, worry-free state of mind only an innocent child could have.
He remembered the movie night, the video game play off, the burlesque club, the cheerleading stint, the request for him to accompany her to the parking garage, and the Black Friday night.
He smiled at all of those memories. His insides were melting with all the good memories he had shared with her, in just a span of two years. Maybe Don was right. Jo breathed a new life in me.
Then suddenly another memory popped into his mind that made him grin like a fool yet, again.
Mac Taylor, I adore you.
He could still remember how he felt so mushy inside when she told him that. He didn't know how to react or what to say so the geek in him just offered her a box of tissue when she started to tear up.
Mac suddenly shot up from his bed. Why didn't I take notice of it that time? She already had practically confessed her feelings to me!
He recalled again her adorable face while she blabber on, assembling some food on the table, and tears pooling in her eyes.
Mac sighed at that memory.
God, I do love her.
How could I be so stupid not to notice my own feelings for her?! No, you're not stupid, just a little dense, is all. He rolled his eyes at himself, before falling back to his pillow.
Mac spent the rest of the night feeling giddy like a teenager, and when he finally fell asleep a little before two in the morning; it was a peaceful and dreamless sleep.
-Crime Lab-
Mac walked over to the pantry to get himself a bottle of water. He was only a couple of steps away from the pantry door when she heard Lindsay's high-pitched squeal.
"That's so sweet, Jo! Do you think Russ is sincere in what he's doing?"
Mac stopped on his tracks. Russ? First the burger, then the flowers. Now what?! He closed the distance between him and the door and saw Jo and Lindsay standing side by side, their backs to him.
"Oh, he's sincere, alright. But we're already done. I just agreed to have dinner with him because of Ellie and Tyler. I wouldn't, for the life of me, have had imagined that he had arranged a separate VIP room for just the two of us, leaving Ellie and Tyler at the main dining area. And by the time it had dawned on me, it's already too late and I didn't want to cause a scene."
"But you loved it?"
Jo hesitated a little before sighing.
"Well, at first, I was really annoyed. When we walked into the VIP room, I saw a big bouquet of roses with a lone teddy bear in the middle. When he handed it to me, I suddenly remembered that it was the exact same thing that he gave me on our very first date, all those years ago. I thought he was manipulating me but when I looked into his eyes, I saw hopefulness and nervousness. It was then that I realized that he already knew how I might react, thus the nervousness. But at the same time, he was also hoping that I would mellow down when I remember its significance."
Jo paused for breath before continuing
"So I decided to let it go. And the night had proved to be a good decision on my part. It was the first time since the divorce that we had talked that much, that sincere, with no pretentions, no worries. You know, the kind of talk long-lost best friends do after years of not seeing each other?"
"Like the very first date?" Lindsay asked Jo.
"Hmmm.. much better. Because now, we've both matured. And we already knew how to carry a mature conversation." Jo smiled.
Mac felt his heart breaking. He knew that, if Jo's actions the last time Russ was here were to be based on, there won't be any chance of them getting back together. But right now, standing here and hearing all of those things made him doubt for a moment. But he knew that he had to fight for this one. He also knew that he wanted to fight hard for her.
Lindsay saw him first. She took one look at his stern face and hastily excused herself. She didn't know what's happening between him and Jo but she knew that giving them a chance to talk whenever possible might be good for them.
Jo was surprised when Lindsay scurried out of the pantry but immediately understood why when she finally turned her head and saw him standing in the doorway. She nodded her courtesy at him and was about to pick up her mug and leave the pantry when he suddenly spoke up.
"I got thirsty reading budget reports." He said quickly to stop her from leaving, looking at her.
Jo just merely smiled and nodded at him, before taking two steps toward the door.
"I'd prefer to have some… uhh…" Jo saw the now becoming familiar, crease on his forehead whenever he's lost for words.
"…uhhh…"
Jo's heart shattered at the sight of this used-to-be very articulate man in front of her struggle so hard just to get a single word out of his mouth.
His frown went deeper for a moment, then, as if all life had been drained from him, he dropped his eyes to the floor. And with a look of resignation all over his face, he just said
"But... I gave it up about two years now so I'll make do with water instead." He looked up at her again with frustration in his eyes, before walking past her to get a bottle of water from the fridge.
Jo now understood what he was trying so hard to say and said
"Water is better than coffee."
He turned to face her again, now with a grateful little smile on his face.
She returned a smile of her own before turning to leave.
"Jo?" he called after her.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you." He looked at her sincerely.
"You're welcome." She said with a small smile.
Mac just got off the phone when his mobile rang.
"Taylor" he said even though he knew who was calling.
"Hey Mac, are you free for lunch today?" said Christine on the other end of the line
"No, I'm sorry. Too many paperwork." He told her a little bit sternly.
Just then, an idea came to mind
"How about dinner instead? My place, 8PM." he retracted, but in a formal tone.
"Okay then. See you later. I love you." Christine said, a little uncertainty in her voice.
"Okay. Bye." he couldn't even bring himself to say 'I love you' back to her.
Mac knew what to be done. But he had no idea how to do it. He just thought that however this turned out, the night should not end without him doing what he ought to do.
It was already 7:30PM when Sheldon, Danny, Lindsay, and Jo, all went to his office to say their good nights to him. He had noticed that Jo had never walked into his office alone since he reprimanded her that night. She would always join other members of the team whenever they would stop by his office before going home.
Noticing the time, he sighed a frustrated sigh before turning off his computer. It's time he thought grimly. He quickly stood up, got his coat and turned off the lights before closing the door to his office. He jogged his way to the elevator and stopped beside Jo, as they all wait for the elevator to come up.
"Going home this early?" Danny mocked him.
"Yes, I'm going home this early." He answered him with a smile.
"You have a date, no?" Sheldon asked, eyes twinkling.
Conscious that he was standing beside Jo, he hesitated before answering.
"Uhh… I'm meeting with Christine." he chose to say instead.
Lindsay frowned at what she heard but did not say anything. She looked at Jo to see if she had also noticed but she was too busy with her phone.
"Nice. Going strong, huh?" Danny said with a sly smile.
Mac just smiled at him without answering.
The elevator finally announced its arrival, much to Mac's relief.
As always, Danny went in first to hold the doors open, then Lindsay followed, positioning herself behind her husband, while Sheldon took the other side opposite Danny. Mac stepped forward and held his hand against the door, while his other hand hover over the small of Jo's back. He was not touching her, but she could feel his hand hovering behind her.
Jo went in and stood behind Sheldon, leaving the center space for Mac. Mac took his spot and stood at the center, right beside Jo. Danny finally released the button, letting the elevator closed its door.
