A/n: Hey everyone! Again, I am sorry for the delay. But here is an extra long chapter to make up for it :) Thank you so much for your response to the last chapter :) I believe that was the most reviews for a chapter I have received yet! This chapter will be both a mix of the present and the past, so you can get a little more insight. Enjoy! Thank you for all who have reviewed/followed/and favorited my story. As always I do not own and all mistakes are my own :)

"…And they burn from all the tears, I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you. Tie a knot in the rope trying to hold, trying to hold but there's nothing to grab so I let go." Pink, "Blow Me One Last Kiss."

Seattle, Washington:

Present time

BPOV:

As I walk out the door of Alice's house, I will myself not to cry. Because it was over. And the last thing I wanted was for Alice to see me like this. Broken down over a boy who had hurt me one too many times. Like I had expected any different. Like I expected it to end any different. I know it didn't make sense to anyone else. This pull…this connection that the two of us had. But it was there. And it was real. It was an all consuming love. A great love. One that burned too bright for either of us to ignore. It was complicated, and intense. It felt like there were a thousand tiny strings between us that no matter how hard we tried to fight it, or how hard we tried to pull away we would end up right back where we started... together again. I knew I would never feel this way with another person again. And now that it was over, now that we promised each other that we would let go, all I felt was numb.

I hadn't even allowed myself to consider what this was going to mean. How hard it was going to be to go back to New York again and start all over. I got caught up in the moment last night. And now that it is over…it was going to be even harder to get over him this time. My head told me that this was the right thing to do. It reminded me of how angry I was with him. That he hadn't changed, and that never was going to change. He couldn't be who I needed back then, and he definitely couldn't be who I needed right now. For fuck sakes we couldn't even be friends with each other without fighting. Or without drudging up the mistakes of our past... But my heart. My heart told me that I was never going to feel this way about anyone else again. And that by letting go, I was never going to be truly happy again. It was a war. Between my head and my heart. And while for right now, my head won, I wondered how long it would take for my heart to take over again. I sigh. Damn I must be a masochist or something. Letting my self get hurt by this man over and over again. And the funny thing was that I actually thought that he could be different. That going back to him would end in a different result. But it never did.

I was so confused and heartbroken. And I wondered how opposed Alice would be to going to a bar after our appointment. I am pulled out of my thoughts by Alice tugging on my arm. I turn around and she is looking at me suspiciously, her eyebrow raised.

"Bells, what the hell was that? Did something happen between you and Edward last night? Why were you staring at him today like you wanted to jump him?

"Alice- "

"No, Bella, I saw how broken you were over him before. He nearly destroyed you. So much so that you had to leave the fucking state to get over him. You left me and all of your friends behind because you wanted to forget about him… I just don't get you…Why do you always go back for more, after he hurts you? If you do this to your self again…If you get back together and then it all goes to hell again…which it will by the way, I'm not helping you through it. I'm not going to watch you do this to yourself over and over again. Because you act like your all strong and over it. Like nothing bothers you. But it does bother you. You are my best friend and I hate watching you do this to yourself. Why the hell are you doing this to yourself again? Do you not have any self preservation at all?" She rants without even taking a breath.

I understood what it looked like. It looked like I was weak and that I was giving in to him again. But I hadn't. Not completely anyways. I sigh. I was so tired of this. Why was I a magnet for unobtainable men?

I know that she was just doing this to help me, and to look out for me. But her warning me away from him felt like we were back to being the eighteen years old again. Back when everyone had warned me that getting involved with him would be a mistake. That I should run away as fast as I could. But in my 18-year-old mind I thought that I could make my own decisions. And I hated being told what to do. I thought that I could get involved with someone like Edward and still be able to get out unscathed…Unaffected. I can't believe how naïve I had been.

June 2009 (Day after the party)

I wake up to the sound of blinds being thrown open, and the shouting of "Good morning sleepyhead" being yelled from my former best friend. It was official. I was going to kill her. I throw my arm over my eyes and groan.

"I hate you." I say putting the covers over my face. I was definitely not a morning person. Especially when I was hungover as fuck.

She laughs and then shouts, "Come on get up, she says pulling the covers from my head. "We are going to get breakfast and then you and Rose have to go to work." She says.

I groan and turn around pressing my face into my pillow. Damnit. What the hell did I do last night? This was exactly why I have tried so hard not to hangout with Edward outside of work. Because I knew it would always lead to more. And it would lead to me making stupid mistakes like this. Especially when alcohol was involved. Damn…Why the hell would I have ever thought that it would be a good idea to sleep with Edward? Someone who was notorious for sleeping with random women and then never talking to them again. I had heard all of the rumors. That he had slept with half of the population of Seattle and then some. And probably fucked most of the women at work. Did I really think that I could be someone different? That I could possibly change his ways? If so I was incredibly naïve.

But damn why did he have to be so good at sex? It was hands down one of the most erotic things I have ever done. Having sex against a wall. With our closest friends in the other room. Able to hear us and walk in at any second. While I had sex before, it had never been as good as last night… or as intense.

How did this happen? And why did I give in to him? I was so incredibly mad at him for what he did. He acted like a jealous asshole the whole night. And then he humiliated me in front of all of our friends. Basically calling me a whore and a tease. Despite the fact that he, himself, couldn't stay with the same girl for even a night... And he accused me of stringing him along... Accused me of stringing all of the guys that I dated along. What a fucking hypocrite he was. He strung along every fucking girl that he slept with.

But I know why he acted the way he did. He was jealous. Pissed off that I wouldn't give him the time of day when I was happy to talk to other guys. Pissed off that I wouldn't give him what he wanted, when he was so used to girls giving in to him so easily. And pissed off that I was using the excuse of being coworkers as a reason not to date him. But I had to be focused on my future. And not let a boy, even though he was a gorgeous boy who effected me like no other guy ever did, get in the way of that. Because I know everything wasn't going to be handed to me. And I was going to have to work for what I wanted. So I knew we would have to go back to just being friends. That there was no future with us. And there was no point in even trying. Because neither of us could be what the other needed.

He was right though… I was scared too. And I was using the fact that he was a player and the fact that we were co-workers as an excuse to not date him. Because the truth was I could really see myself fall for him. Fully and completely. More so then any guy I had ever met. Despite who he was and his reputation. Despite his flaws. No matter how naïve this made me. No guy had ever had this deep of an effect on me…. We had this connection that was just too hard to shake. No matter how hard we tried to fight it. But I knew that falling for him could only end in my own heartache.

I know it didn't make any sense. That I was setting myself up for failure. And that he wasn't the settling down type. But neither was I. I learned a long time ago what settling down with someone did to you. It left you weak. Vulnerable. Open to being hurt. Open to failure. And that person you thought loved you, would end up leaving you broken when something better came along. That is what happened to my parents. And it could definitely happen to me. But I could see myself fall for him despite my fear of commitment. And that scared the hell out of me…

God damn I revealed way too much last night, I think groaning. I told him too much. It was a mistake. Telling him that no other guy would ever compare to him. Letting him know how much I wanted him… And giving in to him way too soon.

And It was stupid of me to think that last night wouldn't change anything. Because it had. It had changed everything. And now that we have had sex, now that we went too far last night, I had no idea how I was going to pull myself back. To become friends again.

I had no idea where we would go from here. Could we go back to being friends again? Could be hangout and have it not be weird? Could we hangout with each other and see other people and pretend like it didn't bother either of us?

I was so confused. But I couldn't exactly talk about it with anyone at work. While there was no actual policy that we couldn't date someone from work, (after all I had gone on a date with Brady and everyone found out about it, even though I thought we were good at hiding it), it was deeply discouraged. Not only that, but I had promised Rosalie on the first day I started working there, that I wouldn't start something with Edward. That I wouldn't go down that road with him. And I owed Rosalie… a lot. She gave me a job that she wouldn't normally give to someone as young as me. And her and I were becoming really good friends. She trusted me. And I felt like I had shit all over that trust last night. I groan, "Damn I was never drinking that much again"; I think as I run my hand over my face.

Then I stretch for a second finally get out of bed. Knowing that if I didn't Alice would find the most unpleasant way of getting me up. I look around and notice that Rosalie's apartment is empty.

"Where is everyone?" I ask finally turning towards Alice. She looks at me for a second. Probably seeing my struggle…Had she been watching me the whole time I had been in my head? She knew me entirely too well…and she probably knew exactly what my struggle had been…

After a long minute she finally responds, "Everyone took a cab or walked back to their own apartments last night. She pauses for a second looking at me. "Why is there someone in particular you are looking for, Bells?" She asks me a smirk forming on her face. And I knew then that she knew exactly what I had been thinking about.

I roll my eyes at her, "Shhh," I say looking around the room making sure Rosalie wasn't anywhere in sight. "Rose doesn't know and she cannot ever know."

"Don't worry she is in the shower," she whispers. She looks at me for a second. "I noticed Rose was really against this whole thing when I was talking to her about it last night. Do you know why?"

I sigh. "It's complicated. Because they have a weird relationship…She loves him, like a brother. I mean they are practically family… But I think there are a lot of reasons. She knows what he is like. How he treats women. And she doesn't want me to get hurt. She knows that he is not the relationship type of guy. And he had done this before. Fucked a girl from work, and then acted like a complete asshole to her so much so that she quit a few weeks later. At least that's what she told me the day of my interview, after she asked whether Edward and I were fucking," I mutter.

Alice gasps for a second. And then starts cracking up…practically rolling around on the ground… apparently thinking this was the funniest thing in the world.

"That sounds like Rose," she says finally able to maintain her composure.

I roll my eyes at her. "And even worse he has told girls before that he has bitches on his dick. I don't know whether he thought It was a way to impress girls or if he thought it made him look cool. I'm sure he has used it in the past though, because it worked. And most girls swooned over it. Thinking they were so lucky to be one of the many. But as soon as he said it to me I slapped him… He is probably one of the biggest reasons there is a no dating policy at work."

"Oh shit, Bells. Why didn't you tell me this before? The shit he has done in his past? I didn't realize that he was that bad. You should definitely let last night be a one-time thing then. Don't put yourself through that. There are going to be plenty of guys that you can date and have fun with once we start school.

"And that is exactly the reason I didn't want to tell you," I say in an exasperated voice. "Because I swear to god if one more person tells me to stay away from Edward I am going to scream. I get it. He is an asshole. And he doesn't deserve shit from me. But I like him. More so then anyone I have liked before. And despite what other people are saying, and despite what he has done, I have seen a different side of him. One that most people don't get to see. And I need to make my own decisions about him. My own mistakes that have nothing to do with anyone else. Does that make sense?" I ask her pleading with her to understand my predicament. "I need to stop feeling guilty for having feelings for him. For wanting him. Even though it probably makes me the most naïve person in the world. I need to figure shit out on my own. I need to make my own mistakes and live with the consequences."

We are both silent for a moment. Contemplating what I just said. Deciding I didn't want to talk about this anymore I decide to change the subject before she could say anymore about it.

"God I am so excited to move into these apartments," I say looking around Rose's apartment.

I look at Alice for a second, and she looks back at me suspiciously, knowing I want to change the subject, but still wanting to know more about my relationship with Edward, and know more about the side of Edward everyone else seem to be missing. I know that deep down the romantic in her wanted us to work it out. She wanted to believe that he could change for me. That he could change if he met the right girl. But I was a cynic. And I didn't think it would be that easy.

Realizing she wasn't going to win she rolls her eyes at me. She knew it was like pulling teeth trying to get me to talk about my feelings. So she lets it go.

She bounces up and down excitedly and says, "I know me too! Thank god my dad could get us out of living in the freshman dorms.

Alice's dad worked for UDUB and was pretty high up in the ranks. I didn't know exactly what he did, but because of him Alice was able to get free tuition, and was able to get out of living in the dorms freshman year. And I, being the best friend was able to live with her.

"Come on let's go get you ready for work! Can I curl your hair, Bells?" She asks me pleadingly.

I roll my eyes at her. She had a way with people. And a way of getting people to do things for her. She could probably go toe to toe with the worst kind of people, and use her charm to get them to eat out of the palm of her hand.

"Fine. But you better hurry, I have to leave for work soon." I say rolling my eyes at how easily she could get me to do things. And I started wondering, if there was another reason behind her wanting me to look good...

Rose and I walk into work an hour later, and I could admit, I was nervous as hell. I had been quiet all through breakfast, and Rosalie kept looking at me suspiciously. Wondering what was wrong. Fortunately, I could use the fact that I was hung over as an excuse. But I wasn't entirely sure she believed me. I spot Edward leaning against the bar. Talking to that bitch, Victoria. She had her hands all over him… running one of them up and down his shoulder. And they were standing entirely to close. He seemed to enjoy the attention though. He was flirting with her right back. Laughing with her, and making her smile.

And when he reaches up to put a piece of hair behind her ear, that is all I need to see before I am strengthened in my resolve. That last night had been a mistake, and that being friends was the best thing right now. What the fuck was he doing? How could he go from the most incredible night last night, to flirting with some other girl today? Letting her touch, him and put her hands all over him. Acting like he wasn't effected. Acting like last night hadn't been life changing. A slew of emotions ran through me, and I tried to keep it from showing on my face. Because I knew that eventually he would look over and see me. That connection letting him know I was there.

When he finally does see me his face turns from smiling at whatever Victoria had been saying to a look of panic and remorse. It was obvious that I had failed at keeping the emotions off of my face. He starts to remove himself from her grip wanting to come over to me. But I shake my head at him. Letting him know not to worry about it, and that I didn't want to make a scene here. Instead I point to the back room. Telling him to meet me there. When he nods his understanding, I watch him turn towards Victoria wrapping his arm around her and whispering in her ear. We must not have been as sly as I thought we were because she looks up at me, realizing that we were having a silent conversation when she had been working so hard to flirt with him. She has a smug look on her face though. Loving the fact that he had his arm around her while I was watching.

When he finally releases her, she gives me a look of disgust, probably from taking Edwards attention away from her. Then she turns on her too- high heel and walks away. She shakes her ass the whole way, most likely hoping that Edward would be watching. I watch her leave and look at her in disgust. I mean really? Were these girls really this desperate for attention? And were these the kind of girls that he hooked up with? I turn and look at Edward to see if he is watching her walk away. To see if he is really the asshole everyone said he was. But he wasn't. He was staring at me. Focusing all of his attention on me. With a heated look so intense that I had to look away for a second.

While looking away I try gaining my composure, so that I won't let this intense connection we have effect what I was about to do. Finally, I look back up at him. Scared to see my own feeling reflected in his. Because that was going to make what I was about to do even harder. When I do look up, I gasp. Because he is looking at me. In a way that I don't think I have ever seen him look at a girl before…almost like love? But that's not possible. Edward isn't the type of guy who falls in love. And I start wondering…is it just my own feelings being reflected back to me…Is it wishful thinking? Me trying to see what I want to see? But then I realize what I am saying…am I really in love with him? I barely even know him…so I can't be…right?

That heat is still there. So intense. And so real. For the first time since I met him, I felt like I was way out of depth with Edward. That I was in way over my head. I wasn't prepared for whatever the hell these feelings between us were. I had never been in love before, but I could see myself falling for him…hard. I could see us turning into more. And I knew that would only end in my own destruction... my own heartbreak. Because I knew the kind of guy he was. He would never settle down. And he would never be happy with just one women.

Finally, he breaks the connection, and turns, heading towards the back room. I sigh, prepping myself to go talk to him. While it was the last thing I wanted to do right now, when he had just been flirting with another girl, I knew it had to be now or never. Because I had to act like I was unaffected by him flirting with another girl…And because I don't think I would have the nerve to able to do it later.

I wait about five minutes to walk to the back room, not wanting anyone to get suspicious. After all we both had our reasons to keep this a secret, I think to myself bitterly. His reasons being that he didn't want the other girls to know that he had hooked up with me. I walk into the back room and shut and lock the door. I don't turn around just yet, still trying to prepare myself for what I was about to say. Finally, I turn around and look at him. He has a look on his face. Almost like he was pleading with me to understand why he was flirting with Victoria. Deciding I didn't want to talk about her right now…or really ever, I start talking.

"Edward look about last night." I sigh trying to get everything out…but struggling…and for some reason not being able to say the words. Why was it so hard to say how I feel? I run my hands through my hair, a habit I picked up for him, and finally just decide to spit it. "Look Edward about last night- "

He cuts me off shaking his head. And for the first time his face looks serious. "Bella don't worry about it- "

"No…I feel like I owe you an explanation…for walking away like I did. It's just you...and me…we are a bad idea… and this whole situation is so confusing. And fucked up. -" I start struggling for an explanation. "It's like one minute you are calling me a whore, telling me I play games, and the next second you are telling me how much you want me. I mean…fuck" I say running my hand through my hair. "I really don't get you. Or what you want."

He looks at me for a second. Almost like he is trying to read my thoughts. I didn't know what I wanted him to say. If I really wanted to be with him for real or not. But my heart was racing in expectation.

He sighs and swears under his breath. Shit, I just-" He runs his hand through his hair, struggling for an explanation. Finally, he looks up at me, a pained expression on his face. Almost like it was killing him to say this to me. "Look Bella, you said it yourself. You are not the relationship type of person…And really…. neither am I. You were- "…he swallows and closes his eyes, "right to walk away from me last night. Because I don't think I could really give you what you want. And maybe it would be better if we were just friends."

My heart drops. Because that was the most dismissive rejection that I have ever experienced. And all I felt was hurt…and stupid for having these feelings for him. But why was I this hurt? Wasn't I about to say the exact same thing to him? Maybe it bothered me because I hadn't really meant what I was going to say. But it was obvious that he did. Because it really didn't make sense… that he would want me. That he would be willing to give up his harem of girls because of one night of sex. No matter how mind blowing it was, I think. But maybe it wasn't mind blowing for him. Maybe I built it up so much in my head. After all he had has sex with countless women. Who knows how last night really effected him? Regardless of his declarations that it was the best sex he had ever had, and that it had never felt so good.

Maybe last night effected me so much because this was the first time I actually cared. That I wanted a one night stand to end in something more. But that didn't make sense either. Being friends is what I wanted. Right?

I sigh. Even though I know this was what was best…for both of us. And even though my head was telling me that this would save me from a whole hell of a lot of pain, I knew that this wasn't really what I wanted. I take a deep breath…trying to not let my emotions show on my face like they always did. Trying not to cry. This was ridiculous. Why was I getting so worked up over one night of sex? Its not like I haven't done it before. I wasn't a whore. Contrary to what Edward seemed to think. But I also wasn't a prude. I have had sex before. So why was it that he effected me like this? More then any other guy that I have ever been with? What is it about him? I was becoming one of those girls that I hated. The girl who overanalyzed ever single interaction that she had with a boy. To try and figure out if he liked me as much as I liked him. But that wasn't me. I wasn't that girl. So I decided right then that I wasn't going to care...that I was going to let it go.

I look up at him and say, "Your right. We should just be friends. We don't want to make this more complicated then it already is. Especially since we are going to be working with each other."

I look into his eyes and I see a flicker of…disappointment in his eyes? Almost like he was mad that I gave in so quickly. But what did he expect? For me to fight for something that I didn't even know that I fully wanted? That I didn't even know that he even wanted? And was he really disappointed? How is that possible? He is the one who said we should be friends. Is that not really what he wanted? But he said it himself. He couldn't give me what I needed. And while I wanted him…Probably more then I have ever wanted any guy…I knew this was the right thing to do.

"Yeah friends…"

He clears the disappointed look from his face almost immediately. Like he was aware of it…but was trying to hide it from me. Was he scared of getting hurt too? Of showing too much of his emotions?

I broken from my thoughts when he smirks at me and jokingly says, "You know if we are going to be friends we should really try hanging out, outside of work."

End Flashback

And that's what started our friendship. Our real friendship. Not the one we were trying to resurrect now. Back when he was being his self and not the asshole he is now. Because I got to see another side of Edward. One that most people, other then Jasper and Alice, had never been able to see. We had always had this connection. And we just got each other. I wished more then anything we could go back to that.

At the time Alice, Edward, and I had been inseparable. Spending all of our time together during the summer, and when school had started. But that friendship we had only lasted about five months. Because shortly after school started we once again we found our selves in a compromising positon. And fell into our pattern. Our mistakes that we made over and over. And that's when I realized. Trying to be more than friends is what had really shot everything to hell. I miss that friendship. The one that we had before feelings, and sex got in the way. Before everything got to be so complicated, and confusing. Because I knew now how impossible it would be to become friends again. To go back to the way things were before sex. He proved that today when he became a jealous asshole when I brought up my boyfriend. Insulting him and trying to make me doubt my relationship. Or becoming a jealous asshole anytime I talked to any man for that matter. I knew though that I wasn't any better. I hated his new girlfriend. Hated that he was even able to have a serious girlfriend when he claimed that he had problems with commitment.

That had obviously been a lie. I really was naïve to think that. But he strung me along for 2 years. Making me think that our "relationship" was more than it really was. So I thought that was just the way he was…that he wasn't able to commit. But then I realized…he was obviously able to commit. After all he was with Kate, and had introduced her to his friends right? So they must be serious…The problem was that he just couldn't commit… to me. Was there something about this new girl, some quality, that I didn't have? I mean really, why wasn't it me? Why wasn't he able to commit to me?

Being brought back from my memories I think about Alice's part in my relationship. I realized how wishy washy she has been about my whole relationship with Edward. How one minute she would be scheming to bring us together only to tell me it was a bad idea the next minute. I stare at her hard for a second. I didn't understand.

"What the fuck is with the back and forth, Alice?" I ask her annoyed. "Your mood swings are really giving me whiplash you know? Weren't you just smirking at me earlier for looking at Edward?" I ask. My voice sounds accusatory, and I wince, knowing that I am probably outing myself for checking him out earlier.

She looks at me for a moment and sigh. "This is going to sound really selfish. Especially because of everything that happened between the two of you, and how shitty he was. I just- "She looks off into the distance for a second cutting herself off. I hated when she did this. It was like she was able to see things that no one else really could. She starts up again.

"I'm sorry Bells. Its just… complicated. I hate what he did. I hate that he hurt you. But there are times I am reminded of our college days. Like the way you were staring at him today, and the way he was looking at you… it reminded me of how you guys were with each other back then. Before you were together. When we were all friends. And we were all happy. I was reminded of all of the crazy time we had together. And I miss that. Sometimes I wish we could go back to that, you know? Become the tight knit family that we were again. Does that make me selfish to say that? I'm sorry Bella. I know you probably hate being reminded of the past. Because all of the bad times are probably brought up with the good. And they probably overshadow the good times don't they?" She pauses for a moment, but probably worried about my reaction, she rambles on.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about this. And that's why for now on I am going to keep my mouth shut about him. I am going to let you make your own decisions, and stay out of it. I just want to let you know that I love you and I never want to see you get hurt again. And that's why I have been acting the way I have. Warning you that getting back together with him would be a mistake. But this time I am going to stay out of it. And you can decide what you want to do." She finally finishes her long rant letting out a breath.

I sit there for a second letting what she said sink in…trying not to let myself think about what she said about him looking at me like he used to. I wasn't going to go down that road again. But I could understand where she was coming from. All of us being back together again did make it hard for me not to think about the past. Back when we were all happy and a tight knit family. But it did bring back more bad memories then good. It reminded of all of the secrets, lies, and betrayals. It reminded me that he was like a puzzle. So fucking difficult to figure out. I never knew what he meant...or what he wanted. But most of all it reminded me of what it was like to love someone so much and to be so naïve, and innocent, thinking it was going to last, only to have the rug pulled out from under you.

I had been so close, so many times since I have been back, to throwing caution to the wind and getting back together with him. But now that I think about it, I had been I realize how stupid I was. To think this time could be any different. To think I could ever get out of a relationship with Edward unscathed. I got out of it last time so broken down that I could barely function. Did I really want to put myself through that again?

As much as I loved Alice I really was ready to go back to New York. To continue my life, the way it was without the ghost of loves past being there every time I turned around. To stop being reminded of the past every fucking time I saw him. I needed an escape. And I needed it fast. And I knew exactly who to call to make that happen. I dial the number of the one person I know can help bring me out of this funk.

Present time, Seattle Washington

EPOV:

"So who is all in the wedding party?" I hear Kate ask me as I work on dinner.

I had gone to Kate's house shortly after my argument with Bella. Needing to get out of that quiet house where all I was able to do was think. About us. And how, like always, I had shot everything to hell by being a complete asshole to her. Ruining any chance, we had of being friends again. But really I knew that it would be impossible to be friends again. We had too much baggage. And I don't think either of us could be happy seeing the other with someone else. No matter how ok Bella sounded when she was asking me about my girlfriend I knew it was a mask…a façade to hide her own feelings. I knew this because it was exactly how I felt when I saw her with her boyfriend. So out of jealousy I lashed out at her when she started talking about how great her boyfriend was. I insulted her boyfriend and tried to make her feel insecure in her relationship. It was a shitty thing to do…But I was hurt…and a jealous asshole when it came to her. Once again I started wondering why I couldn't ever do anything right by her. And why I always seemed to let my jealousy take over whenever I was around her. I couldn't help but insult that prick of a boyfriend she had though. The way he was all over her the night before, laying his claim on her, bothered the fuck out of me. And I started wondering if he knew more about us then he let on. He really was a jealous prick who didn't deserve her. But then again… she never had been good at picking guys that were right for her.

God there had been so much I wanted to say to her this morning. I wanted to tell her how much I wanted to be with her and that last night hadn't felt like a mistake to me. I wanted to tell her that I would never be ok with being friends…because I would always want more. But she said that she just wanted to be friends and to forget last night had ever happened. And that killed me. Because I realized that I had really blown my shot of being with her…

But then she pleads with me…begs me to tell her what I wanted…And I froze. Because I was confused. One minute she was telling me it was over and the next she was asking for something. But what she was asking for I wasn't sure. Was she tired of these games that we were playing? Or was she waiting for me to tell her that I wanted her first, because she was going to tell me that she wanted me too? I froze because I was searching for something from her. Some sign that she wanted to be with me too. But I didn't see it. All I saw was a girl who had been hurt one too many times and was over it. So I didn't tell her. Because I was a coward. I was afraid to lay it all on the line…and tell her how I felt. Because I knew that it would lead to her walking away from me. And I don't think I could have handled being rejected like that a second time. Regardless of the fact that it was my fault, and I was the one who drove her away. But she walked away from me anyways. And when she walked away I knew that she was done. It felt like it was over. Maybe it had really been over a long time ago. And I knew now that I had to find some way to get her out of my system.

I sigh thinking about my entire relationship with her. The only time I had done anything right by her was when I told her I just wanted to be friends after we had sex for the first time.

It had been her idea…really… not mine. But I knew what she was going to say that day. That it had been a mistake. That getting involved with me would be stupid. And that's why she walked away from me that night. Not even looking at me after we had sex. I'll admit that I was hurt…and confused when she walked away from me, without a glance back. It bothered me more then it probably should have. Because it made the fact that we had just had sex completely meaningless. But then after thinking about it, I understood that making it seem like it didn't mean anything was probably her goal. It was all about self preservation. It was her trying to get out and save herself before she fell too deep. Before real feelings got involved. And it was her trying to make it seem like she cared less than she did. Because I knew she didn't want to get involved with me. She knew me too well. She knew that I didn't know how to be in a real relationship and that I would probably run at the first sign that our relationship was something real. And she was right. Because I did get scared. And it led me to hurt her and make stupid mistakes…over and over again. Until finally she had enough. Because that was what I had always done before.

So I spoke up before she could say anything. Trying to avoid being rejected. Because being rejected by her? I could admit that it would have killed me. But at the time I had thought it was the right thing, telling her we should just be friends. That she deserved better then me and my womanizing ways. That she deserved to be with someone that could give her what she wanted. Because I knew I couldn't give her that. A real relationship with a guy who could open up and talk about his feelings. I wasn't that guy. I had too many demons. Too much shit that happened in my past for me to be able to be in a real relationship. But I wondered what would have happened if I was able to tell her how I felt that day? Would we have gone through all of the pain…all of that hurt… that we went through if I had been able to admit my feelings back then?

I am brought out of my memories, realizing I haven't answered her question. I think about what she asked me and I freeze for a second. Suspicious about where she was going with this.

"The groomsmen are me, Jasper's brother, and Mike."

"And the girls? Jess, the girl I met briefly last night, and that girl Bella right?" I start to panic when her name comes out of Kate's mouth. She seems to be pushing for an answer…a reaction. Almost like she knew more then she was letting on. How was that possible? Who could have told her about Bella? And why? Was it that obvious based on our interactions, or did Alice tell her? If it was Alice, then she was purposely doing it to hurt me. To ruin my relationship… And probably trying to defend her best friend. And while I get it…I really did…it really was a shitty thing for her to do. Her and I used to be friends. And I didn't think she would ever really do anything to purposely hurt me. I knew I never would do it to her… Despite everything. Because I really did still consider her one of my best friends…

But Kate had to know something about me and Bella. That had to be why she behaved the way she did last night. Metaphorically pissing on my leg and laying down her claim on me. Emphasizing the word girlfriend, a little too much when she was introducing herself to Bella. It was weird because I had never seen her act jealous around other women before. She was always so confident in our relationship. Confident that we were in love and confident that she helped me to "change my ways." While she was there for me in my loneliest times, and she helped me through a lot of shit, it wasn't her that changed me. Even though she thought it was. Even though she told anyone that would listen that I was the most attentive loving boyfriend she had ever had.

It wasn't her that changed me though. It was Bella. It had always been Bella. Even though I was scared as hell to be in love, she was the first girl to ever make me think it was possible. To be in love. To love someone and to be happy. And not feel like I was being suffocated…or stuck. That I could have a love that was different from my parents. A better love. Without feeling like I was obligated to her. I really thought I could be happy back then… And I really thought I had been ready to be in a relationship. But I hadn't been. And I think that is what ultimately ended us.

But now even though it didn't look like it, especially since this girl drove me crazy, made me do stupid things, and make stupid decisions, I knew I was ready to be with her for real now. To be in love and in a real relationship. Whatever that would mean. And however we could make it happen.

I started thinking about my relationship with Kate and how different it was with her. It disturbed me how Kate viewed our relationship. I don't know whether she was trying to flaunt it, or what her deal was. But she made our relationship sound like I was the most attentive boyfriend in the world. But I wasn't. I was mechanical. Going through the motions of a relationship. I barely gave her any attention. How could I when I was so clearly in love with someone else? The shit she was spouting was bullshit. And I didn't know what game she was playing. Or what her end goal was. Why she was trying to put up a façade to make our relationship look better then it was? I don't know who she was trying to impress. But the way she was acting wasn't attractive.

If she knew about me and Bella, then she was doing all of this on purpose to hurt her. To play games. And although we weren't together anymore, Bella and I used to be friends. And I would never be ok with anyone purposely trying to hurt her.

"Yea, and Angela, who I don't think you have met yet." I say trying to keep the bite out of my tone. She hums in response and I keep stirring, hoping that she would just let the subject drop. The last thing I wanted to do right now was talk about Bella. Especially, since this morning we agreed to end things. To leave each other alone…Believe me it was her idea not mine. I thought I was being selfless. Giving her what she wanted for the first time in our relationship. Finally, willing to walk away no matter how hard it was. But I didn't think it would be so painful. And It was painful enough already without having to talk about it, especially with Kate.

"Bella seemed nice, she continues on, "Well for the few minutes that I met her. How does she know Jasper and Alice?"

I stop stirring again and turn around to look at her. Her face is the picture of nonchalance. Almost like she was trying too hard to act like she didn't care about the answer…But I knew her too well. And I knew there was a reason behind her questions.

"Her and Alice have been best friends since high school, and went to college together."

She looks up at me for a second and then sashays over to me, trying to look sexy but obviously failing. Well most guys would think it was sexy. But I was too suspicious of her motives to bother caring. Beside a long time ago I knew a girl who could look sexy without even trying. And I liked that. But Kate always looked like she was trying way too fucking hard. She wraps her arms around my waist and looks up at me.

"Oh so you hadn't met her before the wedding festivities?" I look down at her. Now I was fucking angry. Why couldn't girls just say what they really fucking mean?

"Kate why don't you just tell me what you really want to know?" I say frustrated with girls who just wanted to play games. I wrap my hands around her arms pulling her off me. Then I run my hands through my hair backing away.

"I'm just wanted to know more about Alice's friends, Edward. Especially since we are going to her wedding party dinner tonight." She says pissed off. "There isn't any motives behind what I am asking you. Alice wasn't exactly warm towards me when I met her, and I just wanted to know more about her friends so that I can get to know them. And her… Maybe even become part of the group. Beside you said Jasper is practically like a brother to you right? That his parents practically raised you? If we are going to be a couple I am going to have to be friends with your friends. Be able to hangout when them when we all go out together. Right baby?" She purrs wrapping her arms back around my waist.

I want to laugh at the fact that she wants to be friends with my friends. Because I know that would never happen. Alice was too loyal to Bella to ever let that happen. And Alice wasn't exactly my biggest fan right now either. I knew I needed to keep up pretenses though. Because Jasper still didn't know. And although I knew it would come out eventually, like all secrets did, I wanted to stay friends with Jasper. He was honestly one of my best friends. And she was right. He was still my brother for all intents and purposes. And he put up with a lot of my shit.

"Yep. Last night was the first time I met her, Kate." I say trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice but obviously failing. She looks up at me suspiciously obviously not believing me. And that's when I realized that she really did know more then she was letting on. Was it an intuition? Or had Alice really said something to her? I was internally starting to freak the fuck out. I didn't know what to say to her. To get her off my back and to not blow this entire thing out of the water. Because I didn't need anymore drama.

But then her face clears and she goes back to acting like she doesn't care about my answer. "Ok, cool. Well she definitely seems like someone that I could hangout with. We should all go out on a double date some time. You, me, and her and that boyfriend of hers. I only met him briefly but he seemed like quite the catch. Did you see them together? They seemed really into each other didn't they? It was cute. He didn't leave her side, and he was constantly touching her. They looked like they were really in love." She said dreamily.

I feel like I have been punched in the gut. Was she doing this on purpose? Reminding me that Bella had moved on to someone else, and was happy? Reminding me that I shouldn't be so focused on Bella? Did she know that she was crushing me? If so she was succeeding. Could she know more then she was letting on? I started looking at her in a new light. Because it was almost like she was manipulated me. Was this her way of manipulating me into moving on? Or was this her way of telling me she wanted to be more serious? Either way I didn't like the side of Kate that I have been seeing.

My mind can't help though but to think about what Kate said about Bella and that…kid's relationship. Were they really as happy as they seemed? Or was it an act… a front Bella was putting on for my sake?

I think back to what she said this morning…was he really as good to her as she claimed? It wasn't jealousy, entirely, that drove what I said this morning. He seemed to be possessive, and manipulative of her last night. Letting every other guy know that she was taken. But then she smiled at him like she didn't realize. And looked at him in a way… I shake my head clearing my thoughts before they went to a dark place. Where she was happy and in love with someone else…because I didn't want to believe it. That she could really be as happy and in love with someone else as she was with me…despite what happened, and despite how everything ended.

But if that was the kind of guy she wanted… and who made her happy then fine -tonight I'll prove that I had really moved on just as much as she had…

A/n: Next up the dinner party. Who do you guys think that Bella called? And do you think Kate knows more then she is letting on? Thanks for reading :) And I'll see you in two weeks!