I'm so sorry John. I didn't mean anything that I said 13 days, 21 hours, 39 minutes, and 59 seconds ago. Please disregard it. It was a moment of weakness brought on by your failure to return. No. Don't believe that. It was just a moment of weakness where I was stupid enough to doubt you. Rest assured that it will never happen again. I promise. I won't ever doubt you. You have to believe this. This one thing I want you to believe. Please do this for me John. Please believe this one truth that I'm telling you.

When you come back, because I know that you will once I have found a way to convince you to, I will never make any of the comments that I made when I was previously talking to you. Especially not the one about you being as stupid as Anderson. I don't even know why such an insult came to my mind. There is simply no way that you could actually be as dull as Anderson. You are so much more interesting than that and I will admit that you can be smart in your own way.

Also, I don't think I'd be able to get along with just any old soldier. I'm sure that I could find one who would be willing to join me on my cases, but I think that you are the only one who I would ever allow into my home. I wouldn't have invited any old soldier to live with me. Or any human being in general. Mrs. Hudson, of course, does not count since she is my landlady, but no one else has ever been allowed to live in my flat with me. I know that you have always assumed that I am the one to always get kicked out by my roommates or that I drive said roommates away, but the truth is that I just never allowed anyone to live with me. I even left my house filled with my family as soon as I was able.

You are special though John. I can live with you. I don't know how I knew that you would be different, but I know that somehow or another I would be able to live with you. Not some random soldier I met on the streets, but an army doctor who came into Bart's talking about how it's, "A bit different from my day," and then nonchalantly allowed me to deduce your whole life story. Of course, you didn't know at the time that that was what I was doing when you handed me your phone, but you complimented me later when I made you aware of my deductions. And then you stayed.

That's why you were the perfect flat mate, John. It had to be you. So don't believe anything that I've ever said about how I don't need you in the flat or that I was never looking for a flat mate.

Well I guess the bit about not really looking for a flat mate is true. I wasn't, well at least not consciously, but when you walked into the room I knew that it had to be you. I didn't need anyone to live with me, but I wanted you to live with me. I wasn't looking for a flat mate, but I wanted you to be my flat mate. I wasn't looking for a partner to work with while on case, but I need you there to help me out. I wasn't looking for so many things, but you gave them all to me.

I could list all the things that you have been for me that I didn't think I needed right now, but I know that you wouldn't like me to. Every time I try to bring up such a subject, you start to get all upset and storm out of the room. Of course you can't hide the fact that you blush as you make your way out of the room. I know you don't believe me when I talk about these things, I've noticed that you never really believe anyone who compliments you, but you really should. This is one of those things that I wish you would believe me when I say them to you. Why is it that you always seem to believe the bad things that I say and do, but you never believe the good things? I've actually had to formulate on more than one occasion a random reason for doing something nice, usually I can just use the excuse that it's an apology for something that I did earlier that day since I always seem to be doing something to upset you, even though the true reason is because I actually wanted to be nice to you. You would never go for that, though, because for some reason that I will never understand you think that you are unworthy of compliments. Sometimes I even see you looking at me like you think that you are unworthy to be in my company.

Is that why you still have yet to return? Do you still believe that useless notion that you are unworthy of me? That can never be the case John. If anyone is unworthy right now, it is I. After all the things that I've said to you, all the times that I've hurt you, I should be the one who stays away because I am unworthy.

I can't do that, though. I can't stay away from you. I need you. Your light is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going. The only reason that I haven't fallen this whole time that you've been away is because I'm looking forward to seeing your light once again. Your beautiful light.

You don't know this John, but sometimes when you're in just the right mood, your light radiates off of you and it actually makes you glow. I'm going to tell you that when you come back. You won't believe me of course, but I want you to know just how much you mean to me. I'll tell you about that and all the other things that I love about you as soon as you return.