Hey, loads of love to my reviewers! You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Even if you don't review, thanks for reading—but I must inform you that if you ARE reading without reviewing, I will hire an assassin to kill your favorite Furuba characters… (maybe I'm joking, maybe I'm nuts…)

I'm happy I've found a way to work Hatori in. I feel like I haven't found a lot of room for other characters—it's just been the main folks & student council. I'm writing more and more these days…I feel motivated. I wrote the awesome-est poem (I had to read aloud) for school and have since been known as "writer chick", so maybe I feel obligated to live up to my title.

Anyways, please review, and please enjoy!

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"I liked you better when you smoked."

-The Warden, Holes.

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Recap:

"Why are you always doing that? Always making me feel like this?" I asked.

"Because…I love you, Yuki," he said, smiling genuinely down at me.

I suddenly sprang on him, holding his waist tightly, as my lips met his.

Someone could know about that and not think I'm disgusting. Kakeru knows about that and he loves me, still

As we lay there under the stars, kissing passionately, I thought of all the stars that lie above us. There were so many of them, all surrounding us.

I used to feel very small when I would look up at all the stars and see how much of the universe there was—how incredibly big it was, and how I was just…me.

But lying there, embracing him tightly…even while knowing all the rest of what there was out there and putting myself in comparison…I didn't feel so small anymore. I didn't feel like I was "just me" anymore. I felt like "me" was a real person who was worth something.

Kakeru…I love you, too.

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God loved all the animals, and there were certain pacts he made with all of them—gifts he gave them, so they would ultimately be equal (excluding the cat, of course).

The rat, being the smallest of the animals and therefore the easiest to hunt, was promised wit, so that he would never be out-smarted by any of the animals. Because the cat was the animal most likely to chase the rat, God promised the rat that he would always—always—beat the cat.

Yuki stirred in his bed, not yet awake enough to even see what was around him. All he remembered was that dream—that dream of an indiscernible voice telling him this story. At the moment, it seemed deep and meaningful. But, when he would really wake up, it would just be a story he would assume someone had told when he was young—as it always did. But, there, barely in the midst of his consciousness and sense of reality, there was a world full of possibilities from that story. A world that may or may not ever be opened to him when he really woke up, and the meaning of it faded away from him as the day went on.

These gifts were given in exchange for the animals' loyalty. But, should these pacts be broken…what would happen?

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"So, this boy saw Yuki transform?" Hatori asked from across the table.

"Yes, I already told you that," Shigure said annoyedly, sipping his tea.

"I'm fairly certain we'll have to erase his memory," Hatori said plainly.

"Why?" Shigure whined, "Things could get interesting…"

"Interesting? Do you want people to know about the curse?"

"The boy's not going to tell anybody," Shigure said confidently.

"What makes you so sure of that?" Hatori asked suspiciously, as he poured a pack of sugar into his coffee.

"He's trustworthy. I saw him carrying Yuki back into the house after he apparently passed out outside, last night," Shigure said slyly.

"What were they doing outside?" Hatori asked, as if suddenly waking up, "You know he can't go anywhere until something's been decided."

"I've been told he can't go anywhere," Shigure corrected, smirking, as he implied that his actions had nothing to do with you-know-who's orders, "Besides, he was just going into our so-called 'backyard'. What harm could he do?"

Hatori looked across the table at the man in front of him. Shigure wasn't a good man at all. He didn't care what happened to the people around him, as long as it was—as he often called it—"entertaining." It was as if nothing except "entertainment" mattered to him. But, of course, Hatori was always around him because of the curse. The unbreakable "bond" that they shared tied them together. And, then, was Shigure so wrong? Should Hatori even waste time thinking there was anything else left for them in life? Their existence was unnatural—pained and forced. They shouldn't be there, but they were.

Hatori's head was beginning to spin. He always drifted off into thoughts such as this. He would have been a philosophically questioning man, whether he had a demon inside him or not—it was even harder trying to contemplate the mysteries of the universe when you weren't even sure how you, yourself, could be in existence. Once Hatori had started thinking about things like that, though, when he was at least twelve or so, he had never really stopped. Nor had he ever found any answers to his inner questionings about the meaning of him, the curse, and life itself.

Except for the time he spent with her. He had never questioned his existence with her. She had been his reason for existence. There was no need to question anything. All his answers were in her gaze and her voice and mostly in her touch.

"Well, I'll tell you when the kid wakes up," Shigure said, tiredly leaning back against the wall, himself.

Hatori stood up and began walking, sparing any words or explanations.

He walked out the door and pulled out a pack of Marlboros.

Every time he started thinking about Shigure, about the universe, about the curse, his meaning in life, why he was there, why any of them were there, why it had all ceased to matter with Kanna then abruptly began to matter again—whenever he thought of Kanna at all—he only came to one conclusion.

This is why I smoke.

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MMPH!

The pillow directly and purposely wacked Yun-Yun's head.

"Wakey-waky!" Kakeru said, hitting Yuki repeatedly with the pillow.

"Wha…?" Yuki lifted his head up slightly, though the pillow wacking continued, "I'm awake, stop it!"

A shirt-less Kakeru sat next to Yuki in his bed with the covers pulled over his legs, repeatedly hitting Yuki with a pillow in order to wake him up.

As soon as Yuki looked over at Kakeru, and then at his own shirtless self, his mind immediately jumped to the dirtiest conclusion.

"What…did I—we do last night?" he asked, looking confused with the sides of his hair sticking out.

"Yuki, how could you not remember?" Kakeru asked, pretending to be very hurt.

"We…?" Yuki stared with mixed feelings about the idea.

"Yun-Yun, how could you not remember stealing my precious innocence?!? I kept telling you no, but you just wouldn't listen!"

"I could've sworn I told you to sleep on the counch…" Yuki said, dumbfounded.

Kakeru began snickering, and got out of Yuki's bed, revealing an unexpected pair of pants on his legs.

"Yeah, I just wanted to see your reaction," he said, laughing.

Yuki threw the pillow at Kakeru's head, letting his own sleepy self fall back down onto his pillow. He was too tired to figure out what he did with whom.

"Oooo, touchy-touchy, Yun-Yun!" Kakeru said, "Just hurry up and get out of bed already!" he said, throwing the pillow back to the bed.

"What happened to your arm?" Yuki asked, looking at the line of scratches on the side of Kakeru's left arm.

"My cat got really made at me yesterday," he said, snickering, and walking out of the room with his shirt in his hand.

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Hatori could remember back to a time when he never questioned anything. Though, he hadn't understood anything either. It was as if even though he didn't understand, he couldn't question, either. Like the rule written in the bible—never question God. Even though in the back of your mind, you may start thinking "This doesn't make any sense!", you won't allow yourself to think "What makes this guy so great?" because you're afraid of some unwritten consequences.

Hatori, until he was twelve years old, had never questioned his God.

When Hatori Sohma was exactly eleven years, twelve months old, his father, Doctor Sohma, died of a heart-attack—on Hatori's twelfth birthday.

He was walking home from school with Shigure and Ayame, and found a woman he barely recognized waiting for him at the front gate. But, then, how many Sohma women—or men, for that matter—did he really know well enough to recognize?

"Hatori?" the woman looked at the three boys as they approached the gate, apparently not knowing who he was either.

"Yes?" Hatori said, growing slightly curious as to why someone had been sent to speak to him.

"Your father's died of a heart attack," she stated plainly, not looking as if she cared about Dr. Sohma, or Hatori at hearing of his father's sudden death.

Hatori stood there, blankly, as she went back through the gate.

"Are you okay?" Ayame asked, not really knowing what to say or how to make it better. He enclosed his usual self that tended to annoy Hatori, since he didn't want to make him feel any worse. Especially since he was secretly, and somewhat guiltily, loving the drama.

"I'm fine," Hatori stated plainly.

"Um…well, maybe we should leave you alone," Shigure said, dragging Ayame through the gate with him. Shigure had not been as inconsiderate at the age of twelve as he had grown to be. He had indeed been at an age where life had meaning, and there were at least a few possibilities lying ahead of him. His eyes even spoke, at rare times, of a certain innocence.

Hatori simply stood there for a few moments, looking up into the sky.

My father…is dead. Why am I not sad? My father was good to me. I should feel worse than this.

He waited for the pain to hit him—for the idea of his father being dead to sink in. He thought, perhaps, maybe it would come to him unexpectedly, when the idea would really sink in—then he would be sad, wouldn't he?

His efforts at some emotion proved fruitless upon the day he heard of his father's death, upon seeing his father's no longer animated body being taken away, and upon the day he went to the funeral.

The sun was shining incredibly bright on the day of the funeral. He had imagined that it would be dark and gloomy, that the skies would be pouring down and mourning Dr. Sohma's departure, but…the skies seemed to be happy. They couldn't feel any difference since Hatori's father had died.

Hatori chuckled bitterly to himself.

Neither can I.

The "sermon" was given by the same woman who had been the bearer of bad news at the gate days before. She spoke as if she had known Dr. Sohma very closely. As if she had felt something other than servitude for him—though, she was not so blunt in her speaking it, Hatori could plainly see that this woman had been Dr. Sohma's mistress. Hatori had a gift for deducting things like that—he had mused on the possibility, and then concluded it from the way she spoke and how she acted towards him. Of course she had been cold to him at the gate—he was proof of Dr. Sohma's "relations" with his wife

Apparently, Dr. Sohma's wife hadn't noticed, though. She was quietly crying throughout the entire service. But, Hatori didn't really care that his father had cheated.

Hmm. Just another thing I can't feel.

When the service was over, and most people had left, only Hatori and his mother remained among the pews (his father wanted to be cremated, so there was no service at the cemetery).

"Why aren't you crying?" His mother asked him, with tears running down her own cheeks.

"I…don't know," he replied, not hinting at any emotion whatsoever.

"What's wrong with you? You're father is dead, and you haven't shed a single tear! Do you care?!? Do you even care that he's dead, now?!?"

"…yes…" he replied, after a moment of hesitation.

"You're not normal! If I struck you across the face, would it leave a mark?!? If I put a knife to your skin, would you even bleed?!? Would you feel anything?" she was sobbing hysterically now, and ran out of the church.

In truth, the words she said did not come from within her, but from within her own sorrow and despair. With a heart attack, she couldn't put the blame on anyone, as she could have if it was a murder (she could blame the killer), or a disease (she could blame the doctors), but an unexpected heart attack? There was no one but the boy who shed no tears.

But her words probably affected Hatori more than anything in his entire life.

She's right. I don't feel things like normal people do. Am I a phsychopath? Do I not have emotions?

Hatori walked home in the sunshine, as his mother had already driven off in the car.

He came home to an empty house. He walked strait to his room, no idea where his mother was, and not caring about that either. He tried to concentrate on his math homework to take his mind off things (he was actually very bad at math, so he knew it would take a lot of concentration). He began drawing a circle with his protractor, so he could find said circumference in a math problem. But the same words kept ringing over and over in his head.

"You're not normal! If I struck you across the face, would it leave a mark?!? If I put a knife to your skin, would you even bleed?!? Would you feel anything?"

Would I feel anything? He wondered to himself.

He looked at the pointy end of his protractor.

There's only one way to find out.

He put the sharp point to the skin on his left arm, slowly making a small cut. As he watched the blood slowly ooze out, he realized something.

It…hurts.

The pain that he had been waiting fruitlessly for had finally come, in a wave of hurtful relief. He could feel pain. Just like everyone else could. Anyone else in the zodiac, anyone else in the world—he could feel the same pain that they could. And for years, until he met Kanna, all he felt was pain. Both physical and emotional. It made him feel alive, it made him feel human

But, then, once he met her, he felt an entirely different emotion. The walls he had subconsciously put up inside himself to keep from getting hurt were torn down, and upon the relieving destruction of these walls, Hatori felt something he had never felt before.

He had felt love

And even when she was gone, he could still hold on to that love. And when she was leaving, he felt hurt. No matter how much it hurt, it gave Hatori faith. Faith that there was more to life than pain and suffering. And that he could feel those things.

And maybe someday, just maybe, he would feel them once again.

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Kakeru ran downstairs, still buttoning the upper half of his shirt, and immediately searched for an occupied room.

"Hey, I'm up! Where's that Hamori dude you guys kept talking about?"

" 'Hamori' is outside, having himself a cigarette. Go yell for him to come inside," Shigure said, lazily leaning back against the wall, unwilling to go call for him himself.

"M'kay," Kakeru said, running out the back door.

Shigure thought back to when Hatori had first started smoking.

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It was a few days after Hatori had erased Kanna's memory and she had left her job.

Hatori was alone in his office, trying not to think about her. About what she had done for him, what she had made him feel…and about how now, she was gone from his life.

He looked at his left arm. Only a few scars remained. After he had met her, and seen that there was more to feel than just that pain, he had stopped mutilating himself. Why would he want to feel pain when he could feel love?

But now that she was gone…what else was left for him to feel? And the fact that he couldn't save her from Akito…that he couldn't do anything…it gave him another new emotion. When he did it this time, he did it not only to cure his numbness, but also as an act of self-loathing.

He looked around for a random object that would do. He chose an unused needle (he was in his office) and brought it down to his arm.

"Hatooorrriii!" Shigure came through the door, "I thought I'd come to cheer you up!"

Hatori panicked. He had, of course, never let on what he had been doing to himself for all those years. He knew it would only cause worry, or worse, someone would think he needed psychological help. The very idea of a shrink—of someone rummaging through his head and trying to figure out what was "wrong" with him sent shivers up his spine. He quickly rolled his sleeve down and shoved the needle in a random desk drawer.

"Hey, you here?" Shigure asked, looking around.

"I'm back here. I was just going through some files," he said, as Shigure made his way to the back room, where most of the filework was indeed conveniently kept.

"Hatooorrriiii, your arm is bleeding," Shigure said, looking at Hatori's left sleeve, which had a blood stain gradually growing bigger.

Hatori couldn't think of an excuse quick enough.

"You're doing it again, aren't you?" Shigure asked, apparently knowing something, but not looking the least big sad or upset.

"What? Are you telling me you knew all this time?" Hatori asked, still not able to think of a reasonable excuse.

"Yeah, ever since we had to start changing for gym class, back in highschool. Anyhow, I didn't think it was any of my concern then," Shigure said nonchalantly, "I still don't really care, but should you decide to kill yourself, life would be horribly boring."

He tossed a pack of cigarettes at Hatori.

"What? I was never suicidal," Hatori questioned blankly.

"I'd rather you kill yourself slowly," Shigure said, ignoring his comment, and turning around, "That's all I came here for."

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Originally, he had just wanted to get Hatori hooked so he could support his own habits. If Hatori smoked, he could get his own occasional cigarettes from him. And it seemed like the perfect opportunity—to replace one bad habit with another was a very easy thing to do when you found someone who was completely addicted.

And yet, it occasionally hurt even Shigure that every time he found Hatori smoking, that could easily have been another mark on his arm, had he not intervened.

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Yuki came thumping down the stairs, as well.

"Where did Kakeru go?" he asked, as he approached Shigure's room.

"He's outside, talking to Hatori," Shigure said, sleepily as he lay on the floor.

Hatori and Kakeru had a discussion outside, one of which's contents would not be revealed for several years. But, they came to a definite decision, one that they hoped Akito would support, as well.

"Well, boys," Shigure said, as they both came back into the house, "What's the verdict?"

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Tune in next time to hear the verdict! Though, I'm sure you have all guessed it already. Anyways, I'm sorry there was little, if any, fluff in this chapter. But, I had that idea for Hatori today, and I thought it would be good to give him a little more backround. Not much is said about Hatori's childhood in the manga (unless that's a super-secret that won't be revealed until the end of the series).

So, I hope you enjoyed, and I'm kinda hopin' you review. Yours who just wrote for a couple hours instead of doing her homework,

Psycho Sombrero.