This chapter is dedicated to one of my best friends, Holly. Bella likes Rum & Coke, too! Love you!
As always, I don't own Twilight or any of it's "stuff." I just play in Steph's world - and I love her world!
Chapter 9
Alice's heartbreak over Ben lasted about two weeks, and during that time I was subjected to a lot of 'retail therapy.' I was happy to see her through whatever steps to recovery she needed, but I also found myself enjoying the time I was able to spend with her. I wanted to be there for her whenever she had a breakdown, and there were quite a few. But we made it through, and life would go on; I had no doubt in my mind that Alice would find another guy who would appreciate her for the wonderful person that she was. I think I had even convinced her that Ben didn't deserve her, and she almost admitted as much to me one day. That was a turning point, and she was back to her old self after that. Edward asked about her one day at work, and I suspected that Emmett had been filling him in on the situation as much as he could, given that Alice didn't really confide in him.
"She really must appreciate what a good friend she has in you, you know," he said.
"Mm-hmm," I agreed. "Well, we've been best friends for quite a while now, so I know she would do the same for me if the situation was reversed," I explained. I wondered if he thought about whether Alice would be comforting me after his impending graduation and subsequent leaving that was looming on the horizon.
"I know Emmett values your friendship with Alice a lot. He doesn't worry about her as much with you around. It gives him peace of mind," he said, checking the air in the ambulance's tires nearest to the stool where I always sat.
"Huh," I expressed. "I never realized Emmett even gave that much thought."
"Oh, you'd be surprised at some of the things that cross Emmett's mind," Edward said with a chuckle. I thought for a minute before replying, since I had never really thought about what Emmett might think about, least of all my being almost a part of his family. Maybe I hadn't given him enough credit in the big brother department?
"You know, you're probably right. I figured that the only people interested in what crossed his mind were the editors of Sports Illustrated and Playboy. I always took him for a jock with a mind for pretty girls and not much else. He must do okay in school, or else he wouldn't be graduating, but I just don't see much more. Is that terrible of me?" I asked, a little embarrassed at my admissions.
"No, I don't think so. And neither would Emmett," Edward replied smiling at me. "He likes to be thought of as the ultimate ladies' man. So, your assessment would suit him fine."
"Oh," was all I could reply, not being able to help the smile responding to Edward's own. "So, are you looking forward to graduation?' I asked, thinking it was an innocuous subject.
"I am, actually," he answered, thoughtfully. "Funny, though. It's such a turning point, yet I feel like I'm not ready to choose which way to go. On the one hand, I'm ready to leave for college and experience life out from under my parents' roof, but on the other hand there are parts I'm not sure that I'm ready for."
"You mean living with Tanya?" I asked, boldly.
"Well, yes, I suppose that's part of it," he said, looking at me with cautious eyes. "But it's also the choice of a college major, making a commitment to something I may be doing the rest of my life. I'm not sure I've fully decided what I want to do."
"I thought you had decided on being a doctor?" I asked, surprised at his sudden confession.
"I thought so, too. And part of me still thinks that's the right choice for me. But lately I've just been unsure of so many things, I wonder if I haven't rushed my decision based on what my parents want, not necessarily on what I want."
"What do you think you want?" I asked innocently.
"That's the other problem. I'm not sure what the answer is there, either," he said in a whisper, looking intently into my eyes. He looked down at the floor for a moment, then back up at me. I felt like I could see right into his soul, as if I was the only person in the world who existed at that moment. He stood and walked towards me then, slowly, still holding my gaze.
"Bella," he said, "there are so many things right now that are confusing. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you are here for me, but the last thing I want is for you to get hurt in the crossfire of my uncertainty."
My heart was about to jump out of my chest at his words. There was no question at that point that Edward knew exactly how I felt about him, but his words confused me, too. I was afraid that not only Edward, but everyone in a radius of ten miles, could hear the frantic pace my heart was keeping.
"Edward, I just want you to be happy," I said, my voice slightly cracking. I realized at that moment that those words were truer than I had known, and I felt an epiphany at how much I truly loved this boy standing not two feet from me. He chuckled lightly then.
"Bella, if I were truly happy, things would be very different," he said. At that point he came two steps closer, wrapped his arms around me, and held me. It was a hug, nothing more, but the heat and electricity that was in the air mimicked that night in the car, and I knew we both felt it. I wanted so badly for him to do what I believed we both wanted at that moment, I could hardly stand it. But after just a couple of moments he pulled away, looking even more lost and confused than before, but somehow also happy. As if the embrace that we just shared somehow had given him some strength to go on, and make the decisions about his life that had to be made.
But where did that leave me? What decisions did I get to make? I was going to be left here in Forks without him; with nothing left of the love that I had found but the memories that I would hold onto for dear life. I had to push those thoughts back into the back of my mind as I just enjoyed and reveled in the complete bliss that I had found in his arms at that moment. It was nothing short of pure heaven, and I would not let my insecurities cause me to lose that. My memories would just have to see me through when the time came.
Three Months Later…
I woke up feeling groggy, and pulled myself up into a sitting position to help get my bearings. Alice's daybed was comfortable enough, but after the graduation party the night before, I didn't feel like I had slept well. I ran my hands over my face and looked over at Alice, who was still sleeping peacefully, and I smiled as I thought about how happy she must be after last night.
The previous night…
"Bella! Bella!" Alice squealed as she ran over to where I was standing with Charlie and Emmett's friend, Rich.
"Alice, what is it?" I asked as she pulled me over to the side of the driveway. Alice was literally bouncing up and down with excitement.
"You're not going to believe this, Bella. Jasper just asked me out!" she exclaimed, still bouncing.
"Alice, are you kidding? That's great!" I hugged my best friend, knowing how badly she had wanted this. I was so happy for her, and yet part of me couldn't help but envy that she had fallen for someone who could actually return her feelings. I was not that lucky.
"He said that Emmett wouldn't let him ask me out even though he wanted to a while ago, but now that graduation is behind them he finally gave in. I could absolutely kill my brother for making me suffer for so long!" she said, but the look of pure bliss on her face while she made her threats against Emmett didn't given them much weight.
"I'm so happy for you, Al," I said sincerely.
"Thanks, Bella. I can't believe it! I need to run inside for a minute, but I'll be right back," Alice said. I nodded at her as she skipped towards the house. I would have to remember to keep her away from the helium tank; one whiff of that and she would definitely float away.
I was walking back to Charlie and Rich when I saw Edward and Tanya out of the corner of my eye. They were standing in the back yard near one of the food tables, talking with Edward's parents. He must have sensed that he was being watched, because he turned and looked directly at me. He started to smile, but then looked curious as he took in my expression. I must have been scowling; I had to admit that I felt angry. I was angry at him for not making my dream come true the way Jasper had for Alice. It was a little immature of me to feel that way, I know, but I couldn't help myself. I looked away, unable to smile and pretend that everything was okay.
I changed direction and went over to the table where the beverages were and poured myself a Coke. I spotted the bottle of Captain Morgan's Rum nearby and decided that my Coke needed a little spicing up, so I added some to my glass. I wasn't a drinker, which was apparent when I started to cough and spit after adding too much of the rum.
"Bella, are you okay?" I heard a voice ask. It was the last voice I wanted to hear at the moment.
"Um, yeah. Fine. Really," I answered Edward, but not very convincingly.
"Hey, go easy on the hard stuff, okay? You know that guy standing over there is the chief of police," he said, cocking his head in Charlie's direction and grinning at me. I was torn at that moment between wanting to kiss him and wanting to slap the smile right off of his face. Of course, I was too chicken to do either, and knew I was letting my emotions get the better of me.
"So, congratulations on graduating. You must be pretty psyched," I said, effectively changing the subject.
"Thanks. Yeah, I really am. Not that I minded high school, but I am looking forward to Stanford in the fall," he replied.
"But won't you miss the fast-paced life that Forks has to offer?" I asked, teasing. He was pensive for a moment, and then his eyes turned down suddenly, and he looked serious. My mind returned to our conversation in the garage a few months ago.
"There are some things I will miss very much," he said slowly. Before I could register a reaction he looked up at me with his crooked smile and excused himself to go back to his parents and Tanya.
"Hey, sweetie, are you having a good time?" Renee asked as she poured herself a glass of wine. Her sudden appearance startled me and I almost dropped my own cup.
"Hi, Mom. Yeah, it's great. Alice did a nice job, as usual," I said.
"That girl knows how to organize a party, that's for sure," she said, looking around at all of the decorations. I had to laugh a little, since that was usually Renee's specialty. "Bella, what are you drinking?" Uh-oh.
"A Coke," I answered. I hated lying to my mother, but there was no way I was having this conversation with her. It also didn't seem fair to be reprimanded for something that I wasn't even enjoying.
"Oh," she said. "Are you staying with Alice tonight, or do you want me and your father to drive you home later?"
"I'll stay here with Alice and help clean up. I can walk home tomorrow morning," I answered.
"Okay, honey. Well, I'd better go rescue your father from Principal Bonner before he shoots himself; or Principal Bonner, for that matter. Have fun," she said, winking at me before she turned and walked away. Alice came bounding out of the house then, and I couldn't help but notice that she had checked her makeup and her hair, for Jasper's benefit of course.
"So, have you talked to Edward today?" she asked when she reached me.
"Just enough to get an AA pep talk from him," I replied sarcastically. "Part of me really wishes I could just see him as a friend, Alice. It's not getting any easier knowing that he's leaving soon and that there's nothing for me afterwards except having to get over him," I whined.
"You still have the summer to see him at the station, though. Don't forget a lot can happen in three months," she said.
"Yeah, I guess," was all I could reply. I looked over again to where Edward was standing, and I could have sworn he was staring over at me and Alice, trying to figure something else out, before turning his attention back to his mother. As they left the party a bit later, he waved over to where I was standing with Alice and a couple of other people, and I think he mouthed "See you tomorrow," as he left with his hand entwined with Tanya's.
The next morning…
I yawned and stretched as I thought about the rest of the night. The party ended well after midnight, and everyone seemed to have a great time. I saw Jasper saying goodnight to Alice, and they looked so good together. I could tell by the way he was looking at her that he had wanted to ask her out much sooner than he had been allowed by Emmett, and Alice looked nothing short of blissful. I was sure she would be in a perpetually good mood not just for today, but for quite a while.
"Quite a night, wasn't it?" Alice asked me as she stretched and swung her legs over the edge of her bed.
"You did a great job, Al. Everyone really had fun," I said, smiling.
"That's not what I was referring to, but thanks just the same," she said with a mischievous grin.
"Oh? Why, did something else happen?" I asked, teasing. A pillow made contact with the left side of my head a split second later, and I laughed.
"I still can't believe it," she said, looking starry-eyed up at the ceiling.
"I'm really happy for you. Jasper is a nice guy, and you two probably have a lot in common. At least you both have some funny Emmett stories, if nothing else," I offered, and Alice giggled.
"We're going out next Saturday. Oh my god, Bella, we need to go shopping for an outfit! I have absolutely nothing to wear for a first date with him!" I knew this was probably the farthest thing from the truth, since Alice's closet would rival that of any current supermodel, but I also knew that buying a new outfit for her date would ease some of her anxiety and allow her to enjoy herself more, so I would happily play along.
"No problem, just tell me when," I said. We both stood up and walked toward her bedroom door, both needing our morning caffeine fixes, and she put her arm around me and squeezed my shoulder.
"Thanks, Bella. What would I do without you?" she asked rhetorically. Silently, though, I wondered the same, just in reverse.
OK, so not a ton of reviews last chapters - just my faithful friends (whom I appreciate more than you know!). If you haven't reviewed, please let me know what you do or don't like! Should I continue with Merlot when I write, or should I switch to Pinot Grigio? You have the power... :) Please review - it means so much.
