CHAPTER 9
"Potter."
Harry looked up with a start, wiping at his face.
"How did you-?"
"I followed you. You will kindly return to the dungeons with me."
"I shall do no such thing!" Harry shouted.
"I really must insist," Severus said.
"And I really must resist," Harry retorted.
"We are going back."
Harry's tear-stained face was stubborn.
"No, we will not!"
With a spell, Severus made Harry's trunk rise from the floor. Then, before Harry could move or speak in protest, he scooped up his husband and proceeded to carry him out of the room.
"SEVERUS SNAPE! PUT ME DOWN IMMEDIATELY!" Harry yelled at the top of his voice, struggling and trying to hold on to Severus at the same time.
"You are being shockingly recalcitrant."
"ANYONE WOULD BE RECALCITRANT IF THEY WERE MARRIED TO YOU!"
"Potter, please don't scream in my ear or I shall be forced to cast a Silencing Spell on you."
"I WANT THAT DIVORCE!"
"I do not want the divorce."
Harry was so shocked that he fell silent before renewing his struggling and shouting.
"I STILL WANT A DIVORCE!"
The portraits on the walls looked on interestedly. Some of their subjects even left their frames and followed the couple by jumping from picture to picture. Severus sighed and shifted Harry in his arms.
"You are truly deafening me, Potter. One more loud sound, and I will use that Silencing Spell on you. You're heavy, by the way."
"Then why don't you put me down? My overwhelming weight is a perfectly valid reason, even for you," Harry snapped.
"I shall not," Severus growled. Harry sighed and resignedly held on to Severus, who carried him all the way down to the dungeons in stony silence.
"We have reached our rooms."
"Our rooms? Our rooms? This is world-breaking news to me!" Harry exclaimed with a sneer worthy of Severus, "and do you think I am so stupid as to not know where I am?"
Nessa the serpent eagerly stretched out her head as the two wizards approached. She took one look at them and uttered her characteristic staccato chuckle.
Severus tersely said the password and she let them pass. Severus at last set Harry down on his feet and, with a directing flick of his wand, sent the trunk to Harry's bedroom.
"Did you bring me back so you can have me sign the divorce forms immediately?" Harry spat.
"I told you that I do not want a divorce."
"I want one. And I want it NOW!"
Severus studied Harry's face calmly. Then he extracted Harry's wedding band from his pocket, took Harry's left hand and slid the ring over his finger.
"I am not very good with constructive relationships of any kind, Po – Harry."
Harry's eyebrows shot up at Severus's use of his first name.
"Yeah, well, I noticed that," he said rudely, "you're wonderful when it comes to destructive relationships."
Then he realised that Severus was trying to apologise and how much effort it was probably costing him. Harry took a deep calming breath.
"Okay. So why don't you want a divorce?" he asked.
"Po – Harry, we both have one enemy in common. It makes sense that we defeat him together and that you have blood protection."
"Ah. Well, political reasons are always strong ones to keep a marriage going," Harry remarked acidly. "Anyway, I don't want to delay your trip to that bar."
He yanked his hand out of Severus's.
"And I don't see why I should stay down over here. I'll talk to Professor Dumbledore and ask him whether I can move out altogether."
"You are my husband! You will not live anywhere else!" Severus said, his anger mounting.
"You will not do this, you will not do that! Is that all you have to say to me? How promising for our relationship! And see what happens. We just have to open our mouths to speak and we're already arguing. You are a bully, Severus Snape, and I'll wear this damned wedding ring for the sake of defeating our common enemy, as you put it. And what difference does it make where I live? I live separately from you anyway! We don't share a room or a bed or any sympathy, for that matter. Look, I'm tired of discussing with you. I know that you'll be flinging insults at me any moment, so I'm going back to my room and I'll keep out of your way like I've been doing since my stay in the hospital wing. You hate me, and you'll only smile once you read my obituary."
He marched off to his bedroom, leaving his husband standing in the room, hands hanging limply by his sides – only to stop in front of the door. He sighed and turned back. Severus had not changed his position. Harry walked towards him.
"Sorry," Harry said, his anger evaporating. He suddenly felt for the man who was cloistered away in his solitude. He felt for him like he had on seeing that fateful memory of his father and Sirius bullying Severus in the Pensieve.
"Can we sit down and, uh, talk this over a bit?" he asked Severus awkwardly.
Severus studied his face with an unreadable expression before going to the sofa near the hearth and sitting down. Harry occupied the chair opposite Severus, who gestured with an elegant hand.
"Talk," he said curtly.
"Well, if we're going to live together, then we ought to interact."
Severus's eyes narrowed, and Harry continued hastily:
"I mean…we could sort of meet up in the evenings and…just talk about what we did. Or if you don't like to talk, maybe we could do something which doesn't involve too much talking…I could help you with slicing up Potions ingredients or something…"
"You? Help me slice up Potions ingredients?" Severus said incredulously. Harry went red and opened his mouth to argue, but Severus, noticing the danger signs, added smoothly:
"Maybe you could indeed make yourself useful. I do prefer working alone, however."
"You prefer doing everything alone," Harry said. "What about going out for a drink together?"
"Potter, I am not fond of socialising."
"Is it so unnatural that I should want to interact with someone who just happens to have saved my life and who just happens to be my husband and Protector? I asked you that question once before. Severus, I…I can't expect you to want to know me, but I want to know you."
"Potter…Harry. You already know me and have done so for quite a number of years."
"Do I really know you? I've known you as a teacher. And I know that you have a, uh, complex temper, but I don't know what your, uh, favourite food is, or favourite Potion, favourite book, favourite music, whether you collect stamps…you know, things like that."
"Collect stamps?" Severus asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh, I forgot that wizarding people don't use stamps…once long ago, Ron sent me a letter and the envelope was covered with stamps, the Dursleys were really hacked off. It was rather funny, actually…" he trailed away, realising that he was starting to babble in order to cover his nervousness.
There was a tense pause.
"So what do you think if we have some kind of regular interactional meeting?"
Severus stared impassively at his husband, who looked back at him with an expectant spark in his green eyes.
"And please don't say that you'll think about it. It's a sign of procrastination," Harry added seriously.
Another pause.
"I know that it sounds a bit weird, but it's not like we've never, er, interacted before."
"I quite remember our….interaction, as you put it. As you yourself have pointed out correctly: that type of interaction was forced."
"So I guess we've got to give ourselves a bit of a push to get into a more or less verbal type of interaction," Harry persisted. "I mean, we're talking now, aren't we?"
"Considering that you are doing the major part of the talking…I suppose you could say so."
Harry tried hard not to stand up and walk away in complete resignation.
"Let's meet up once or twice a week in the evening and just…exchange news or do something together. You are a very organised and scheduled person, and we could fix the dates and times-"
"Potter, you are starting to babble."
"I…" Harry's voice became unsteady. His nose was still slightly stuffy from crying. He stared at his feet for a few seconds. Then he rose.
"Give me five seconds."
Severus shrugged nonchalantly and picked up a book which was lying on the table.
Harry went to the shelf where the flask containing their bonding blood was. He grabbed it and stamped up to the sofa, sitting next to Severus. To his surprise, Severus shut his book and took the flask. Looking into Harry's desperate eyes, he murmured the bonding words which the witch had recited to them during the ceremony:
"'My joys will be yours, as your joys will be mine. My sorrows will be yours, as your sorrows will be mine. I am your Protector, and my blood will merge with yours.' Tell me, Harry. What joys have I to share with you, or you with me? Would you ever want…" here his satiny soft voice became harsh and hoarse, "…the sorrows of Severus Snape to become yours? After our most romantic consummation, Potter, can you imagine what the emotional exchange would be like? Can you imagine it?" He shouted out the last sentence, his knuckles whitening as he squeezed the flask. Harry reacted with complete calm. He gently wrapped his hand around Severus's so that they were holding the flask together.
"You have too little faith in me, Severus. I know what sorrow and pain are. Give me a chance to prove what I am saying. We don't have to exchange strong emotions all the time. I just want to do things together with you, if you're willing. I want to know you."
"Do you know what you are asking for?" Severus whispered.
Harry looked into his eyes and smiled a little.
"Not completely. But I want to find out."
"On your head be it, rash Gryffindor. And wipe that childish smirk off your face."
His tapering fingers relaxed around the flask, and it slid into Harry's grip.
"It binds us together on a level which transcends the symbolic border," Harry said, choosing his words slowly and carefully.
Severus sneered slightly.
"That may be the case, Potter, but I will tell you this: you and I will never bond together spiritually or emotionally."
"Never say never," Harry answered undauntedly. Severus snorted and got up from the sofa.
"Have we finished our most enlightening discourse?"
"Just one more thing. When do we meet up for, uh, interacting sessions?"
Severus eyed him scornfully.
"I guess it is sort of unnatural, but when we get used to it it'll become more natural and we won't have to follow, er, fixed times and stuff."
"Potter, I am not at all surprised that Professor Trelawney was so shocked at your Divination skills."
"Look, why the hell did you carry me back all the way here and refuse a divorce if you are so pessimistic about our relationship?" Harry said tiredly.
"Were you not paying attention? The chances that we can defeat Voldemort if you possess blood protection are better," Severus spat.
He grabbed the flask containing their blood and whisked past Harry. Harry returned to his room, downcast. He felt that nothing fruitful had come of their discussion and that they would continue living separate lives.
He ripped the wedding ring off his finger.
"You're too good for a wretched union like this one," he said to it, "you should have been given with love. Instead, you were given with hate."
Nessa noticed Harry's glum mood the next evening.
"He doesn't want to know me, Nessa," Harry said unhappily. "I think I'll just leave the dungeons for good."
Nessa unwound herself with such force from the pestle that the Potions tool rocked.
"Don't!" she hissed.
"I'll stay married to him, Nessa. But why did he carry me back, as you saw, and then make it clear to me that he would never connect with me emotionally or spiritually? Nessa, I don't want a repetition of the time when I grew up without warmth. I can't…" he choked back a sob. "My friends are not here anymore. I can only get to them via owl post. Even Dobby can't be his usual self when he comes to our – I mean, Severus's rooms. I don't appreciate being buried alive and have only a few training lessons and broom rides to look forward to until the students come back, and that's still a couple of weeks away."
"He will be very angry, Harry Potter."
"I don't care. Someone has to stand up to him. The next time I return it will be because I want to, without being carried away like a sack of potatoes."
Nessa laid her head upon a coil of her body, gazing at him sympathetically.
"Come down and visit me from time to time," she said softly. Harry smiled and nodded.
When he was sure that Severus had retired to bed, he and his trunk – which he still hadn't unpacked except to get fresh clothes – glided out of the dungeons to Gryffindor Tower. The wedding ring was in his pocket.
"What! Back again, dear?" the Fat Lady exclaimed.
"Yes," Harry said wearily. He went up to his old dormitory, now reserved for the next batch of Gryffindors. He removed his shoes and lay down on his faithful four-poster bed, trying very hard not to think how Severus would react once he found out that Harry had forsaken the dungeons for the second time.
---
