Jasper's POV
I walked into to the hotel room to find Bella pacing the room with her cellphone in her hand. I could feel the nervousness and guilt pour off of her. "What's wrong?"
As soon as she saw me, she rushed over to me. "Jasper, I think we really did it. Alice changed her number."
"What? I just called her a couple of hours ago," I said in shock. Alice had not answered the phone, but her voice on her voicemail was clear as a bell.
"Well, I just called and I got a recording saying the phone was no longer in use," Bella said frantically.
I immediately took out my phone and dialed Alice. It wasn't that I didn't believe Bella. I was just hoping she called a wrong number or something. Anything if it meant Alice wasn't giving up on them both completely.
Sure enough, when I dialed Alice, I got the same recording Bella did. Alice had disconnected her phone, sending a very clear message. She was done with us.
I went over to the bed and sat down. I looked down at my hands. I felt more guilt than I ever had in my life. I knew part of that was because I was feeling Bella's guilt as way, but a good deal of it belonged to me too. I'd hurt someone who'd never been anything but wonderful to me. I knew Alice told me she would be okay if our relationship ended, but somehow I don't think she had this in mind. And clearly I was right, because she obviously couldn't forgive.
Bella came and sat next to me. "I'm sorry, Jasper."
"Don't!" I said sharply. "You haven't done anything wrong, Bella. Nothing worse than I did. It was my responsibility to stay true to Alice. And in any case, I was more than a willing participant in what happened.
Bella was either too buried in her own guilt to hear me or she was ignoring me because she just continued on. "I don't know what I was thinking. It's the first rule with guys. You don't go after your best friend's guy. Not ever. Look, you have to go back. I'm not deluded into thinking Alice will ever forgive me, but you're her husband. She loves you. She'll take you back."
I shook my head sadly. "No. You don't know Alice like I do. Once she makes a decision, that's it. Disconnecting her phone was her way of sending a message. She's done. She's done with us both."
"But if you go back, you can explain…"
"It won't work," I told her. And in all honesty, I didn't want to go back, not without Bella. If I went back it would be out of guilt.
"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let this happen," Bella cried.
"Bella, there's something I gotta tell you." I'd been debating for a while whether or not to tell her about the whole mate thing. I didn't want to overwhelm her or anything or make it seem like she had to be with me, especially since I wasn't sure I could allow myself to be with her due to the pain I knew it would cause Alice. But she deserved to know. I would not do what Edward did. I would not take her choices from her.
"What?" Bella asked.
"There's something about vampires that you need to know. It's about how we find our perfect match. You've heard of the expression 'love at first sight', right?" I asked.
Bella nodded.
"That's kind of like how it is. I guess it takes more than a look for some, but it's essentially the same. There's this one person that we're mated too forever. Carlisle has it with Esme and Emmett with Rosalie," I told her.
"And you with Alice. Oh, God, what have I done?" Bella asked quietly. My explanation seemed to be having the opposite result than what I'd intended.
"No, Bella. I thought Alice was my mate, but I was wrong. Carlisle always used to say that when you find your mate, you know," I told her. That was what he always used to tell Edward. That he'd feel it when he met his one and only. I'm pretty sure Edward confused his supreme bloodlust for Bella with that. He probably thought that meant she was his, but it didn't. She was his singer, not his mate.
"Then who is?" Bella asked curiously.
I simply looked at her, hoping she'd get it without me saying it.
She did. "It's impossible. You've gotta be wrong."
"No. Carlisle was right. It's something you know. I knew. The moment it happened, I knew," I told her.
"But I can't be your mate. You love Alice," Bella said.
"And you loved Edward," I pointed out. "And despite everything, he did love you in his own way. Not enough, just like I didn't love Alice enough, but it was still love. The kind of love I'm talking about though isn't something that goes away." I wasn't deluded enough to believe I'd ever stop feeling the way I did. That didn't mean I had to act on it though.
"So what you're saying is that we have to be together," Bella assumed.
"No, we have free will. We decided what we do with our lives," I told her. I wouldn't have her thinking she had no choice but to be with me. "I guess what I'm saying is that your thoughts will never be far from me and mine will never be far from you."
Bella was quiet for a few moments as she seemed to take in what I was telling her. "I feel that connection you're talking about. I have even before we kissed. I wasn't sure what it meant before. I guess I know now. But I'm sorry, I can't do it. I can't do that to Alice. Even if she never forgives me, I can't be with my best friend's husband.
"I understand," I told her. Truthfully, I had mixed feelings. A huge part of me agreed with Bella. I'd said it myself many times. I didn't feel right being with my mate when I knew it would hurt Alice. But a large part of me felt a sharp pain in my chest at the idea of not being with Bella.
"If you have to leave, I understand," Bella said.
"No," I said firmly. I couldn't leave Bella. I just couldn't. The idea of it made my insides hurt worse than when I was changed. I was ashamed to admit that I had considered going back out of guilt, but it would've made me want to die. A part of me was actually glad that Alice couldn't forgive me. Now I didn't have to consider leaving Bella's side. So no, I wasn't going anywhere.
