Chapter 9
"Telephone for Lady Sybil" announced Carson.
Sybil immediately got up and went into the hall. Who could it be? Not Mary surely…
"Lady Sybil, it is Sir Richard" said Richard.
"Ah Sir Richard, what can I do for you?" said Sybil, suspecting that she knew exactly what he wanted.
"I was wondering if you had heard from Mary" said Richard. "I do so worry about her."
"I am sure" said Sybil, privately thinking that he was in fact not worried for Mary but more for his chances of having her back. "In truth, I have not"
"Would you tell me if you do?" asked Richard.
"Of course" lied Sybil smoothly. "I suspect however, that she will not be in contact anytime soon though."
"Oh?"
"Well she does not want to be found obviously"
Richard knew Sybil was right and he also did not entirely believe her when she said she would tell him if she did hear from her sister. Perhaps she needed reminding of the consequences for them all.
"You must know this affair your sister has entered into is entirely unjustifiable and ridiculous. If it comes out, it will damage you by association" stated Richard.
"I am not sure it matters much to me" said Sybil, in a sickly sweet tone. "I suspect it will look worse for you"
She could hear Richard taking a sharp intake of breath. Good, she thought, she had hit a nerve.
"And what about the rest of the family?"
Well, he did have her there. She knew very well her papa cared deeply about reputations.
"Well, all I ask is that if you see or speak to her, you tell her to come back" continued Richard.
"Sir Richard, I am sure you could find them easily enough with all your connections, so why have you not?" asked Sybil boldly. "Even if they have gone to the middle of nowhere and are living like hermits, surely you could find them?"
"I could, you are right of course. Now, I must be going" and Richard quickly rang off the telephone.
Sybil put the phone down, wondering why he had not answered her.
In London, Richard leant back in his chair thinking about Sybil's question. The truth was if he went to wherever Mary was she would not come without creating a fuss and that would ruin the current deception at play. No, he needed Mary to be stuck with him. He needed himself to be the only option for her. She had to feel like coming back to him was her only choice. And he was quite sure that day might be soon. There were rumours of a war, Mr Crawley would surely go to fight and then where would Mary be?
…
Mary lay in Matthew's arms feeling rather content. The sun had just risen and she had slept so very well. She looked over at Matthew. He was really rather adorable asleep. She took a moment to take stock of all that had happened. Running away from her husband with another man was most definitely against all the rules of society! Yet she found she did not care. Obeying the rules had brought her nothing but misery and she had been oh so tired of that damned mask she always had on. She had hated having to pretend everything was alright, to have to cover up her bruises and various injuries. She hoped to God that she would never have to return. Then she thought of her family, her papa would be so bitterly disappointed she knew. But it was too late for that. Just then Matthew woke.
He smiled down at her sleepily and then kissed her on her forehead.
"Morning Darling" said he.
"Morning" said Mary, reaching up and giving him a kiss.
"It's my day off" reminded Matthew. He gave her a flirtatious wink.
Mary giggled and said "For you, the dusting will not wait."
"Oh can it not? I did not realise how demanding dusting was" Matthew said jokingly.
"You'd be surprised; I only did it a few days ago but..." She was cut off as Matthew pressed his slips against hers to silence her.
…
A couple of weeks later, Mary realised she was in real trouble and this was confirmed by her trip to the local doctor. He congratulated her profusely while she pretended to be pleased but inside everything was screaming panic. She was not very far along – only two months so it would be a while before it started to show. Oh dear God. What was she going to do? She and Matthew did not have the funds to raise a child like she was raised, although that was not the part that worried her most. More importantly, they were not married. They could never marry. They would be raising a child on a lie. What had she gotten herself into?
…
When Matthew came home he had a deeply serious expression on his face. Mary frowned at him when he walked in and asked what was wrong.
"Mary… Oh God… It has been announced that we are at war with Germany."
Mary covered her mouth in shock and turned away, grasping at a chair for support. She sat down, her mind racing.
"Will you go and fight?" she asked faintly.
"I haven't decided. I suspect that if it goes on long enough, I will have to go" he replied.
The baby… if Matthew was off at war how on earth could she look after the baby? She would not be able to work when she got too far along. Would she even be able to find work? Matthew would probably earn a small wage… but if he were… killed, she would have nothing. Matthew would be gone and she would be all by herself. All alone… with a child to care for. She could not do it. She knew not one thing about children or child birth. She wished her mother was here. It made her feel childish to think it but in all honesty, she had never felt the need to be with her mother so strong in such a long time. She could see only one option open to her. The child had to be protected above all and not punished for her own mistakes, even if Matthew was the best mistake she had ever made.
"Mary?"
Matthew's voice broke into her thoughts; she whirled around to face him.
"Oh Matthew, don't you see? We have been so terribly wrong."
"Mary?" Matthew's voice sounded pained.
"We should not have done this. My family… they do not deserve it. And neither do you. I should not have run away with you."
"Why are you saying this darling? You cannot mean it" begged Matthew. He tried to take her hands in his but she simply pulled away.
"I do. This cannot last and I was a fool to think it might"
"But what about us? I love you"
"I cannot stay. Not now."
It was breaking Mary's heart to say these things but she had to. What choice did she have? This was about more than her and Matthew now.
"But we are happy Mary. It is meant to be just you and me, together forever."
"It will not work. Richard will not let us be, don't you see? This is better. I was so selfish, this has only hurt my family and your mother too. Think of the shame we are bringing on our families. And I have ruined you too. How can you go back to practicing law when we are living in such sin? No firm would accept you surely if they knew the truth."
"Oh Mary…. I will not be happy with anyone else. Society be damned! Don't you dare tell me every kiss, every touch was a lie."
"It was all in a dream which is now over. Reality is calling me back" She tried to avoid looking into his beautiful eyes.
"I just want to be your Matthew Crawley for always" said Matthew, pleading with her with his eyes.
Mary knew what she had to say to that however much she might not want to. She shut her eyes and forced the words to come out of her mouth.
"But I don't want to be your Mary Crawley. I am Mary Carlisle and I should not forgotten that"
And with that her heart split as she watched Matthew crumple. A tear rolled down her cheek as she went into the bedroom and packed her small case. When she went back to the living room, Matthew was sat with his head in his hands. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small stuffed dog. She placed it in front of Matthew and whispered "I am so sorry. Stay safe." then she left, leaving Matthew alone.
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