Chapter Nine: "Inner thighs a vagina do not make."
My excitement level peaked. Edward was willing to try once more, for the sake of our marrage, for the sake of my pleasure, for the sake of sex. He breathed heavily along my skin, causing ripples of goosebumbs to erate from the spot.
"Mmm... Edward..." I moaned deeply. "That's it... that's the ticket... The ticket to my swelling..."
"Oh yeah," Edward grinned as he looked upon my supple flesh.
We fond ourselves once again, fully naked on the bead that "The King' himself seemed to have designed. His beastial hands, strong with the desire of my womanhood, splayed my legs open for the thrust. He whipped his penis into place, a satisfied look upon his face.
"I remembered to take the pill a half hour before AND added the thin layer of Curel like John recommened!"
I'm very proud of you honey," I cooed and moaned. "Now just stick it in there!"
Edward placed his penis delicalitly to the opening of the gates of paradise, freshly mowed might I add. I waited for the initail thrust to begin. I began to close my legs to creat a nice tight space for my dear Eddie's penis. Cosmopolitain explains that the tighter the maximum pleasure for both parties! And boy did I want maxiumum pleasure after my night of sexual dissapointment.
I waited for the pressure of his Godly penis to park in my parking lot. I waited. And waited. And waited.
"Oh yes... Oh baby..." Edward moaned above me as he rocked his hips back and forth. I glanced up, noticing how gorgeous his mid-thrust face was. He was like a painting created by one of the ancient masters, flawless in every way except for the light cracking due to age and oxidation on the paint. I glanced down between my legs, knowing that I should be feeling something from his work. There was a sliding motion, but it wasn't within the amusement park of my body.
Edward was a golfer hitting for the 18th hole when he was playing a 16 hole game.
"OH MAN!" He growled, his primal instincts showing through. "This fit is so tight and amazing! Just like Cosmopolitain said it would be. However, it is a bit dryer that I would've imagined," He paused his thrusting to ponder this thought.
"Uh dear?" I contemplating telling him the truth. He had been awful sensitive as of late.
"What? Are you loving this just as much as I am. Is it as good for you as it s for me, as the cool kids would say!" he wiggled his eyebrows, and began to continue his college trying thrusts.
"Uh Edward? I can tell you why it's so dry down there?"
"WE FORGOT TO PICK UP SOME LUBE! THAT'S WHY!" He snapped his fingers as if he just discovered to formula for safe teleporting.
"No." I heaved a sigh at how dense my love could be. "You're not thrusting in my lady lump."
"That's preposterious! I'm between your legs thrusting. Why where else..." he looked down. I didn't have to tell him for him to catch on. He clearly saw he penis gently being cradeled between my two thighs.
"...Lube." He stated once more, denying the fault being his own. "I once saw that they carried different flavors. I believe, Bella, that what you need is Banana Pineapple. I think Strawberry would only harm the situation. I didn't know your condition was so dire."
"...Edward, I don't have a condition. I'm fi--"
"It must be a human thing," he decided. "I should have asked Carlisele. He would have prepared me for such encounters. Although I can't say I'm not... disgusted."
"What?!" I demanded.
"Bella. I realize you are Italian but no one should consume so much yeast!" Edward said, matter-of-fact-ly.
"I do not have a yeast infection, Edward," I said, unamused. "If I were, I would not be dry... although I'm not. You're just not in the right pla--"
"No worries, my love!" Edward inturrupted once again, standing quickly. "We shall mend this for you! I once read that putting yogurt up there can help. Perhaps some activia? It has something that will help keep you regular as well and Lord knows you need that."
Edward began riffeling around me suitcase looking for something.
"AHA!" he exclaimed pulling an open box of tampons from my suitcase. Tampons flew to various location across the room as he flung them up in triumph. "On of these things should do the trick. I believe they're called Toopoons, or something like that. I learned about it health once. never really payed attention in that class."
"They're Tampons Edward!" I lunged foward off the bed in an attempt to grab my feminine hygine products from his hands.
"Now let's see," Edward brought box down to inspect it more closely, causing me to land with a thump on the floor. "Hm gentle glid. Different sizes for the different courses of you flow." Edward read the back of the box. "No instructions on what to do in the case of a yeast infection though." He looked at me sprawled on the floor next to him as a result of my recent tumble from the bed. "Bella," he rolled his eyes," This is no time for playing games."
"I'm not playing, Edward," I huffed. I stood, leaning against his solid granite, gorgeous, perfect body in an attempt to balance myself. "I just want my tampons back."
"What?!" he exclaimed, astounded at my request. "Never again, Bella!" he said. "It says here that the use of these... tools, can cause DEATH."
"That's if you leave it in too lon--"
"NEVER!" he screached, throwing the tampons out the window. I watched in horror as they fell on the heads of a group of nuns. "WE'LL FIX YOUR YEAST THE OLD FASHIONED WAY, BELLA."
"What are you planning to do...?" I asked nervously, afraid of his next idea.
"The only sane thing to do. Scare it out of you," he said.
"What...?"
"Bella..." Edward proclaimed, staring at me seriously. "Tonight we make bread."
