Special thanks to the few sweet people who sent me encouraging messages. This one is for you 3
…
Severus drifted in and out of sleep as the potion took effect. After some time his breathing slowed with the rising of his chest and he fell into a dream.
Severus was back in the bar, staring into Lupin's bright amber eyes. The man's face turned pink as he looked down. Seeing the opportunity Severus went for it – he reached out and pushed Lupin's hair back, relishing the feeling of the soft strands running through his fingers. Lupin looked up with a shy smile that Severus unabashedly returned. He began to lean in when he heard a boy scream behind him - "RUN!"
Severus jumped up to look for the source of the familiar voice screaming. Suddenly he felt a strong hand wrap around his arm as he was pulled back down. He turned back just in time to see Lupin's face morph into that of a wolf. Severus opened his mouth to scream, but try as he might, couldn't get any sound to come out. The wolf opened its jaws wide, revealing massive, razor sharp teeth before lunging forward. As the mouth closed on his head and everything went black Severus woke up.
He woke up screaming and thrashing about in his bed – his sheets were all tangled around his legs and his throat was on fire. Angry and in pain he reached out and grabbed the empty vial of calming Draught and hurled it against the wall, making it shatter and rain shards of glass onto the floor.
He stared furiously at the glittering fragments now littering the ground before turning his attention to his ensnared body. With one hand holding his throat he pulled himself free of his sheets and drew his knees up close. Light tears soon turned into full blown sobbing that wracked his body. What do you want? He questioned himself desperately. He wanted to scream out, plead with his mind to stop this madness, but he stayed silent, not wanting to hurt himself further. He laid there hugging his knees until he couldn't cry any more.
Severus was awoken again a few hours later by the chirping of birds- he had actually cried himself into a deep sleep. He stretched his legs out and went to yawn, causing him to wince at his raw throat. A pain-relieving potion is in my near future –he thought to himself.
He climbed off the bed, carefully stepping over the glass still spread on the ground. There he stood, taking in the mess on his bed and the floor. He sighed – I'll deal with it after I get rid of this agonizing pain ripping through my throat. He thought before turning and moving towards his potion cabinet in the other room.
He opened both glass paned doors and looked across the potions carefully placed on each shelf. Surprised that he didn't immediately find what he was looking for Severus began to frantically search the rows of potions stacked behind the main ones. Maybe I just put it in the wrong place? He thought hopefully.
As it turned out, the cabinet, normally stocked with every potion imaginable was coincidentally missing one potion – a pain relieving potion of course. Giving up, Severus kicked the corner of the cabinet in frustration – causing a loud pop and much more pain than expected. He cried out and whimpered as he cracked his toes back into place.
What am I going to do now? I don't have pain-relieving potions stocked anywhere else and it would take much too long to brew one right now. He thought to himself, rapidly losing hope in a quick solution. Wracking his brain he realized he would have to limp all the way up to the hospital wing to get one. At this moment that felt like a fate worse than death.
He sat down in a nearby chair and carefully mapped out the most unused path to the hospital wing. Confident that he could get there without human interaction, Severus threw his robes on over his pajamas and set out.
In the dungeons it was easy enough to stay in the shadows and dodge behind statues if anyone was nearby. Unfortunately up on the main floors it was a bit harder. Once out of the dungeons Severus made a mad dash to a small hallway just to the left of the dungeons entrance. There behind a tapestry of a large, white unicorn was a portrait of a Grecian witch, Circe. Severus hid himself behind the tapestry before whispering the password "piggywiggy" and disappearing into the passageway.
The corridor brought him right to the grand staircase where he promptly entered a portrait of a young wizard, Temeritus Shanks. Finally reaching the fourth floor, Severus slowly climbed the winding stairs to the hospital tower. It had taken him longer to ascend the stairs than expected with his injured toes, but he did manage to get to the hospital wing without being spotted.
He slipped into the hospital wing and then straight into Poppy's office at the back. The old, grey haired witch looked up with wide eyes at Severus' bedraggled appearance. "Is everything alright Severus?" She asked hesitantly, assessing and diagnosing him before he even answered.
"I just need a pain relieving potion and for my toes to be healed" he croaked in response.
"Sure…" she answered questioningly before shuffling over to her own store of potions.
She soon found one and headed back. "Sit down here and take off your shoe" She commanded while sliding out a chair from behind her desk. Severus followed the orders and sat before being handed the potion. He greedily swallowed the potion, but didn't get to enjoy the relief long as with a quick spell and an excruciating crack his toes were set. His face slowly un-scrunched as the pain receded. "Thank you Poppy." He managed to get out as he tested his numb throat and tried to put pressure on his foot. "Not so fast" Madam Pomfrey reprimanded as she pulled up her own chair to sit across from Severus.
"Now I want an explanation. Are the nightmares returning?" She asked, her voice full of concern and care.
Severus internally cursed himself. Poppy had been treating him since he was a child and was always able to sense when something was wrong. Maybe it would have been better to suffer with broken toes – thought ruefully.
"I just kicked something by accident" he answered cooly without making eye contact.
"Mhm and your throat?" She replied all knowingly.
" I must just be getting a cold… now if we're done here I have things to get back t.." he weakly answered before being cut off.
"Severus, you were never good at lying, now tell me what you've been dreaming of." She replied with authority.
He sighed before giving in. The old witch was as stubborn as ever and he knew she would keep him there all day for observations if he didn't come clean. He explained in detail his dreams and the panic attacks, although carefully leaving out the beginning of his last nightmare.
When he finished they sat there in silence for a few moments as Severus composed himself and Madam Pomfrey organized her thoughts.
"Severus, calming draughts and pain relieving potions can only work for so long. When you were younger you weren't ready to deal with what happened to you and buried your feelings and memories. You have allowed this wound to stay open all of these years and now it's time for healing. Unfortunately this isn't a healing I or any potion can help you with. In fact, I think there's only one person who can help you…"
