Chapter Nine

Loki's head pounded as he slipped inside the house that night. Sigyn wasn't as happy as he'd thought she'd be with just having some fun (and was he really having fun?). She had started to talk about marriage. When he'd gone quiet on the matter, she'd starting talking more apparently misconstruing his silence for simply having not heard her. He'd heard her all right. He just didn't want to.

Even when they were fucking he had to resist the urge to put his hand over her mouth. Sigyn was nothing if not vocal. He'd attempted closing his eyes but then he'd seen Jane in his mind's eye and that had put an end to that right quick.

He was almost to the stairs, ready to stagger up them when he heard Jane's soft voice saying his name. Now he was hearing her in his head, too?

"Loki!"

His head whipped to the side and there she was in her blasted night rail and robe. "Jane, what are you doing up?" he snapped. "You should be in bed along with everyone else."

"You're not," she retorted.

"Must you fight me on everything?" he demanded. His nerved were positively frayed already. The last thing he needed or wanted was Jane arguing with him. "What are you doing up?" he asked again.

"I have to catch you at some point with the hours you keep and then you're sleeping or gone during the day…" She heaved a shaky breath. "I needed to speak to you about something important."

"Jane, are you crying?" he asked, peering into the darkness. The only light shed was the candelabra burning on the table in the foyer.

"No," she said a might too quickly. Then, another sigh. "Yes."

"Why?" he asked, forcing himself to stand still.

"Because we haven't been getting along. Because you're upset with me and you won't even look at me. You do everything you can to avoid me and – and it hurts and I don't know how to make it better. It's like you're gone again only worse because I know you're here but I can't talk to you."

"Jane," he said raggedly and went over to her. He drew her into a hug and shut his eyes, cupping the back of her head with his hand. He stayed still, he would not do anything improper. Not again. He ignored the fact that he could feel…more of her. Yes, she had on a robe, he his suit jacket still, but it was different and he could tell the difference. She smelled like lavender and Jane and he had to force himself to stand still.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry I've been so awful."

"No, no…I haven't been able to accept…" He sighed. "I haven't been able to accept that you're not my little Jane anymore."

"But I am, Loki. I'm still your Jane," she said vehemently and looked at him. "I'll always be your Jane."

But she wasn't. She was something else, and it was the something else that disturbed him. He ached to have things back to normal, to dispel these growing feelings that no amount of drinking and bedding Sigyn could change.

"Do you still love me?" she asked, her eyes welling up in fresh tears.

"Always," he whispered. "I will always love you, Jane."

"Do you forgive me?"

"Yes. Do you forgive me?"

She nodded and hugged him again. She let out a trembling breath and they stood there, entwined, for a long while. Finally, Loki started to ease back before he got a little too comfortable in her embrace.

Jane pulled back first, her hands twisting before her. "I need to speak with you about a delicate matter."

Oh, God. She was getting engaged. Someone had asked for her hand and she was going to accept. Was it Lord Erik?

"It's about Darcy," she said.

Loki blinked. "Pardon?"

"You remember Darcy? You just spoke with her this afternoon."

He nodded and ran a hand through his hair. He winced. Sigyn had pulled it a bit too hard that night. "Yes, yes." He caught a whiff of Sigyn's cloying perfume on him and he wanted nothing more than to be able to fully wash himself before having this conversation with Jane. He felt dirty knowing Jane could probably smell Sigyn on him. He felt as though he was tainting her.

"She thinks herself in love with you," Jane continued, oblivious to his plight.

Loki stopped fidgeting, as if moving would cause Sigyn's scent to fall off him, and stared at Jane. "Pardon?"

"Darcy thinks herself in love with you. I told her I would speak to you on her behalf."

"Now?"

"As I said, I can't get you any other time and I thought perhaps if Darcy piqued your interest you would perhaps cease with Lady Sigyn…"

Loki gaped at her. "You know about Sigyn?"

"Everyone does," she said. "I'm sure even Mother knows by now."

He was dirty, there was no longer any question. And just standing here in Jane's presence was sullying her more than Erik Lehnsherr ever could.

"Jane—"

"She comes from a good family, you two seem to get on well – at least that is how it appeared when I saw you speaking with her this afternoon. She's funny and smart…I think it would be a good match if you had any interest…?"

"You wish for me to court Lady Darcy?"

"I would prefer that over Lady Sigyn."

"I think I would prefer Lady Darcy over Sigyn myself. Hell, I would prefer a leper, he muttered. "It would get her off my back in terms of marriage."

Jane started. "Pardon?"

"It seems Lady Sigyn would like me to make an honest woman out of her."

"You cannot be serious."

"I'm afraid I am."

"I will not have that woman as my sister-in-law," Jane said, her voice edged with disgust. "Or as a wife for you. I cannot even imagine her and Mother sharing a dinner table – no, Loki, that must not happen."

"It will not, Jane. I grow weary of her myself."

"Then why – never mind. I do not pretend to understand men."

"And I do not pretend to understand women."

"Do you love her?"

That was a question Loki hadn't been expecting. Love Sigyn? "No, Jane, I do not love her. And I do not believe that she is capable of the sentiment herself. I'm not even sure I am."

"You are," she said softly. "You've just not met the right woman yet."

And what if the right woman is you? Then what? Then hell for me I suppose, he thought. Though I've always known I was meant to burn.

"Will you consider Darcy?" she asked.

"May I think on it?" he asked. There was much to consider in courting Jane's best friend. Such as Jane and the feelings for her that he couldn't make sense of or rid himself of either. How could he court her best friend? How could in all honesty court any woman feeling as he did…?

However, he had to stop these feelings so what better way to do that than with someone new – someone that wasn't a succubus like Sigyn?

"Yes, of course," Jane said. "Good night, Loki."

"Good night, Jane," he murmured.

As tired as he was, he wasn't ready for sleep. His mind was racing, his feelings amuck. No rest for the wicked, he supposed.

xxxxxxxx

The following afternoon, Loki was as usual not around. He did plan on attending the ball they had all been invited to that evening however, and Jane wondered if this meant he had made his decision regarding Darcy. It will not bother me seeing Loki and Darcy dancing and talking together, she told herself. It will not bother me. They will make a great match. They will get married and have babies and be incredibly happy. Whatever I thought I felt is gone. Completely and utterly gone.

She frowned at herself in the mirror while her maid pinned her hair into place. She didn't feel like it was gone no matter how much she told herself it was. But, Loki's happiness was important. It mattered to her. If Darcy made Loki happy then Jane would be happy, too. Darcy was far better than Lady Sigyn. At least Darcy wasn't a trollop!

"Did I do something wrong, mi'lady?" her maid asked worriedly.

Jane realized she was now glaring at the mirror as though Lady Sigyn was reflected in it. She shook her head and smiled. "I'm sorry, no. My thoughts took a bad turn is all."

She stood and smiled at her maid, and then made for the door. Time to play the part of matchmaker for Loki and Darcy. Even if killed her.

"Were you able to speak with Loki for me?" Darcy asked as soon as she got a moment to speak with Jane alone.

Jane nodded. "Yes."

Darcy smiled broadly. "What did you say exactly?"

"That you and he would make a wonderful match."

"What did he say?"

"Not much, but it was also late and I haven't seen him all day…" Darcy deflated before Jane's eyes and she felt horrid about it. "Darcy, he promised he would come tonight, but he wasn't home to arrive with us. Let's just wait and see, all right?"

Darcy sighed and nodded, looking utterly crestfallen. "Of course," she said. "If you'll excuse me I think I may get a lemonade."

Jane watched her go, feeling torn. On the one hand Jane didn't want to even watch Loki with a woman no matter who she was, and yet she couldn't very well wish to be the woman he wanted could she? He was her brother.

Stepbrother. You're not blood.

Her mind was trying to destroy her.

"You look troubled, Jane. Everything all right with Darcy?" Thor asked as he came up beside her.

"Everything is fine. I am just dreadfully bored by this ball."

"I am as well," Thor sighed.

She looked up at her brother. "You wouldn't be if you danced."

"Who am I to dance with?"

"Lady Sif. She's been watching you ever since you arrived."

Thor looked surprised. "She has?"

Jane rolled her eyes. "My brothers are hopeless," she muttered and headed for the refreshment table. She felt pretty hopeless herself actually.

"Lady Jane."

Jane looked up from the glass of lemonade she was about to pick up off the refreshment table and found Steve standing on the other side of it, grinning at her. "Hello, Lord Steve," she said. "I hope you are quite well."

"I will be if you dance with me."

Jane resisted the urge to shrug. She didn't feel like doing much of anything but sit alone in a room somewhere alone, but she supposed this was better than nothing.

She heard Darcy's loud laugh and looked over her shoulder. Loki had arrived apparently and now he and Darcy were speaking and laughing together. He hadn't even bothered to say hello his family…to her?

Jane felt as though an arrow had lodged itself in her chest. She looked back at Steve and said, "Please just take me away from here."

He smiled. "Done."

Discreetly he led her out of the ballroom and out onto the veranda. Jane placed her hand on the rail and gazed out into the gardens, wishing she could just run to the carriages and go home.

"Jane, I must speak with you about something very important," Steve said earnestly.

Jane sighed inwardly. She didn't want to talk about something 'very important'. She just wanted to be in silence for a while and quiet her thoughts and her emotions that she couldn't seem to control at all lately.

"What is it?" she asked, hoping she didn't sound too snippy.

"I wish to ask for your hand in marriage, Jane. And I hope that you will say yes."

That was the very last thing Jane had expected and all she could do was gape at Steve and ask, very unladylike, "What?!"