Hello! I have returned! Gah, camp was sooo much fun. From awesome worship services and amazing conversations, to less serious things like staying up until 3:30 in the morning to frolic through the grass, have rolling-down-the-hill races, gaze at stars, and play The Flashlight Game. One night we even dressed up a guy like a pirate when he dozed off in a chair. And the best part, we got to stay in a lodge this year, so no creepy crawlies in the shower! YAY! Also, I guess my mom listened to some of my music while I was gone, because she now thinks Owl City is quote on quote "pretty neat." And the other night she watched Coldplay in Concert with me. On VH1.

I have also begun working, so updates may not be as set in stone as they have been. But on a bittersweet note, after this chapter there are only six more chapters to go, so I guess that...yeah. Thank you to those who reviewed last chapter! And thank you for waiting a little bit for this update.


Think of every town you've lived in

Every room you lay your head

And what is it that you remember?

Do you carry every sadness with you?

Every hour your heart was broken?

Every night the fear and darkness laid down with you?

~"Half Acre" by Hem


Maria shot up in bed, her heart pounding like a drum inside her chest. As she rubbed her clammy hands to her forehead, she told herself what she said every night: It was only a dream. Forget about it, and go back to sleep. But tonight, Maria couldn't just repeat what had become her nightly mantra; no, tonight was different. Tonight, that horrible nightmare that had been plaguing her mind for the past month had become too much to bear. Why though, she wasn't quite sure.

She inhaled a shaky breath to suppress her tears; she had no desire to wake Tony and worry him. But that was a task easier said than done. In no time, warm tears began to stream down Maria's face. She felt Tony turn over on his side.

"Maria?" Tony dazedly asked as he sat up in bed. "Maria, are you okay?"

Maria said nothing, and only began to cry harder at the sound of Tony's voice. She felt Tony pulled her towards him, and then felt the gentle motion of his hand rubbing her back.

"Maria," he began, his voice soft, "you can tell me what's wrong."

"I would rather not," she choked out through tears.

"Are you sure?"

Maria weakly nodded. She couldn't tell Tony about the dark thoughts that her mind created. It frightened her to know that her mind was capable of such horrible thoughts. But the longer Tony held her, she thought back to that summer night. That night when Tony could of possibly - no, Maria didn't want to think about that; but her brain seemed to think otherwise. That seemed to be the case lately. Maria had so many other thoughts on her mind, she couldn't possibly let another one clutter up her mind - especially one of such a dark quality.

But she knew that the longer she kept those bad thoughts bottled up inside, the worse they would get. Maria also knew she was just giving Tony more worry; he had his own things to worry about. It was these ideas that compelled her to finally come to terms with her negative thoughts. She lifted her head from Tony's shoulder and looked at him in the eyes. Those clear, blue eyes that she could of possibly lost.

"Tony, that, that night we ran away...Chino...Chino was looking for you." She inhaled a sharp breath, fresh tears falling from her eyes. "And he had a gun. He wanted to kill you Tony. He wanted you dead and he did not want us to be together, and I do not know why this is bothering me so much. I wish I knew, because I..."

Tony brought a hand to Maria's cheek, causing her to silence for a bit. "I see." He had the slightest bit of disappointment in his eyes, but his eyes also held a bit of understanding.

"Tony I love you. I love you more than anything, and if you were not here I do not know what I would do. Which is why I want to know why I think about such awful things."

What Maria didn't know that she wasn't the only one who kept awful thoughts on their mind. Not a day went by when he didn't think or something didn't remind him of what he he almost witnessed that night at Doc's. He shudderd as he remembered. Oh how he wanted so badly to tell Maria. But then he'd be breaking a promise, and that didn't seem right either.

"We all have those bad thoughts and worries Maria," he said, not wanting to risk going into too much detail.

"But do these thoughts ever mean anything?"

"Sometimes they do." Tony felt a lump forming in his throat. "But other times they don't."

"Does what I think of mean anything?"

Tony pulled Maria towards him once again and kissed the top of her head. "No, of course not." He could tell her if he wanted to; the words were already formed in his mouth, just yearning to be said. "I'm sure you're just...worried about something." So close; why couldn't Tony bring himself to just tell Maria?

"I love you," Maria whispered.

There was the reason Tony couldn't tell her. He loved Maria, and he didn't wish to bring anymore pain upon her. Tony felt as if it was his duty to tell Maria everything would be okay; by telling her about that night at Doc's, he would just bring her down. With that thought, he kissed her once again.

"I love you too," he replied.


"And then, we need to get…" Tony trailed off when he felt as though he was being watched. He looked up from the grocery list in his hand, and caught sight of a woman staring at him and Maria. It was nothing new; he and Maria often got second glances and fingers pointed at them. Still, it didn't sit well Tony. It was bad enough that Carol made it quite clear that she didn't like Maria; having complete strangers make subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, hints of disapproval was worse. It was like they thought that he and Maria didn't notice, so that gave permission to strangers to give odd looks and point fingers like he and Maria were some sort of carnival sideshow attraction. They were just in love; since when was love considered an anomaly?

And as much as Tony knew it did, Maria acted like it didn't bother her. She simply would just shrug when Tony would apologize about others' judgments, saying there was noting for him to apologize for. But today was different; today the look that the woman gave them was laced with downright disgust.

"Come on Maria," he said as he took Maria by the hand.

"But what about…"

"Just forget it; come on."

As Tony led Maria down the aisle, she glanced over her shoulder. A woman was talking to another woman as one of them pointed ahead. Then they both covered their mouths with their hands like they were little schoolgirls giggling over gossip.

"You should not let them bother you," Maria whispered to Tony.

"But they shouldn't do those things to begin with."

Maria couldn't argue with Tony there. He was right, after all. She and Tony couldn't help that they had fallen in love; love is an emotion that is beyond anyone's control. So Maria usually remained quiet whenever things like this happened, and kept her head up to show the strangers that their bitter words and looks didn't bother her.

She watched Tony as he mindlessly began tossing things into their cart.

"Tony," she began, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine; lets just finish up."

Maria just nodded and followed Tony down the aisle. They continued their grocery shopping in silence, and it wasn't until they reached their car - actually, it was Carol's car, who wasn't at all happy about loaning it out - that either of them said anything. After Tony placed grocery bags in the backseat, he climbed into the car. As he slammed the keys into the ignition, he glanced at Maria.

"I'm sorry about all that." Tony counted out one, two three; he knew what Maria was going to say next.

"Tony there is nothing for you to be sorry about."

"Yeah there is."

Maria placed a hand on Tony's. For a moment, he stared at them. They both were hands, that were both covered with skin and both had five fingers on each hand for a grand total of ten. And the longer Tony stared at his hand that was covered by Maria's, the more it bothered him that people were so narrow minded.

"What is it that you are sorry for?" Maria asked. "You did nothing wrong."

"Well the rest of the world seems to think I did."

"No; they think both of us did something wrong; so I guess I should tell you sorry as well."

Tony turned to Maria. Her eyes were wide, and full of such warmth and love that it didn't seem fair to Tony that she had to experience such things as this.

"Maria, if people are like this to us, what are they going to be like to…" Tony trailed off, his eyes adverting downwards. It angered him already to think that his child could possibly have the same stares and fingers directed at him or her. "Kids can be cruel Maria." Tony knew that for a fact.

"I worry about the same things," Maria said in a nervous tone. "But we must believe that things will be fine."

"I know, I know. I just..." Tony pulled his hand away from Maria's and slammed both of them against the steering wheel. "I thought things would be different here."

"Tony, sadly there are some things that you can never get away from," Maria said flatly.

Tony looked out the window at the slushy parking lot. He watched people as they made their way through the mess and walked inside. He watched couples that went under the umbrella of "normal" in the eyes of others. Normal; what did that even mean? Did it mean that a person had everything together and had nothing but blue skies ahead? Was it a word used to describe the cookie cutter pattern of life that people were so fond of? Some things that were labeled as "normal" sounded pretty nice. But some things sounded straight up boring. They sounded dull, run of the mill, and perhaps even lifeless. After Tony had spent eighteen years living in a world where houses ran together and everyone seemed to have their own daily ritual for life, he knew didn't want that. And some snide whispers and points from strangers weren't going to change his mind.

He glanced over at Maria. Her clasped hands were rested on her stomach, like she was assuring the baby (and possibly even herself) that he or she would never have to face such things that she and Tony did. But Maria wasn't stupid; she knew that there were mean people in the world, and people who thought that it was wrong for her and Tony to love each other. And sadly, some of those people were mere children who had been trained by their parents to believe that love could only happen between two people who looked alike.

Tony silently started the car and for most of the trip home, both he and Maria were quiet. When Tony stopped at a red light, he said, "We'll get through it, don't worry. We're going to be great parents."

Maria shrugged. "I like to think that too. Of course there will be some hard things we will face," Maria said, indirectly hinting at the incident in the grocery store.

"Yeah, but like you said: we should just believe things will be fine." Tony rested a hand on Maria's knee as he continued through the light. "Don't worry; we'll deal with all that together." He smiled. "All three of us will."