Chapter 9

A/N: Hey guys! So I loved all the reviews for the last chapter, they were great! Thanks to everyone who regularly reviews, if you didn't, I wouldn't be half as motivated to write.

I'm not so sure how I feel about this chapter. They can be pretty hard to write when there's so much stuff I need to get in there, sometimes it's hard to get info in without making everything seem disjointed. Anyways, here you go, I hope you enjoy it!


"Okay JJ, you're doing great. We're just going to take these needles out and then I promise you, we're gonna get you to a hospital and you'll be fine, okay? You just have to stay with us," said the female paramedic, noticing that JJ was quickly losing consciousness.

"I count 6 needles in total, but…" the paramedic said. "Damn, these needles are really thick. At first I thought they were normal syringe needles but these are something else. The amount of blood here just doesn't add up, there's too much of it. And it looks like most of them penetrate muscle, there may be some serious damage there," she said, the team growing worried at her tone.

"Well what the hell does that mean?" Morgan demanded. "We're running out of time here, I don't know how much longer she can hold on."

"It means we're gonna have to do this quickly but very gently. We're going to need your help again, agent."

Morgan nodded and positioned his hand around the first needle in her knee.

"Okay, try and pull it out at the angle it went in, don't shift it around too much or it may cause more damage," said the paramedic.

Morgan quickly did as he was told, and all JJ could do now was whimper, a few solitary tears escaping her eyes. Everyone in the room could see that she was barely holding on. Their time was running out and JJ was losing consciousness.

When Morgan was done with the needles in her knees and above each collarbone, they only had two left. The last ones were in her temples.

"Okay now these are going to be tricky. Now… he must have stopped each needle just before it hit the temporal bone, otherwise they would have penetrated their brain and… there's no way she would have been able to make it this long. But you're still going to have to be very careful," the paramedic warned Morgan.

"Okay, I got it," Morgan snapped, very nervous about what he was about to do. One wrong move and he could kill JJ. And he was not going to let that happen. He started to pull the first needle as quickly as he could without shifting it, which he managed to do. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, but knew they weren't out of the woods yet. Morgan pulled out the final needle as the other paramedic ran to go get the gurney.

"JJ we're getting you out of here," Emily went to assure JJ, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, her tears dripping into JJ's head. But JJ didn't move. Everyone had been so focussed on Morgan pulling out the needles that they hadn't noticed that she hadn't moved in a while.

"Oh God, JJ wake up," Emily yelled frantically. She hurriedly pressed two fingers to JJ's neck, checking for a pulse. She couldn't find one.

"Oh my God, she's not breathing. We need some help, she's not breathing!" Emily yelled, and everyone's heart dropped. The paramedics ran to go move JJ, ready to shock her with the defibrillator when Reid called out.

"Wait, stop, you can't move her!" he yelled, causing many heads to turn towards him.

"Kid, what the hell are you talking about, we don't have any time left, she's dying! Morgan yelled. Everyone was on edge. JJ was technically dead and now Reid was telling them they couldn't move her to help her.

"I think there might be another needle. The last girl that was murdered, I remember there was something different about her, Reid said, thinking. "Oh God, the UnSub got her somewhere else, two needles in the small of her back."

One of the paramedics ran to the back of the chair, checking JJ for any more injuries. "He's right, there's two here. This is not good," he said.

"Why, what's going on?" Emily yelled. "Please hurry, she's dying here!"

The paramedic was flustered. "These needles are placed very close to her spine, if we move them, we might cause paralysis, but if we don't then we can't move her."

The team was at a standstill. They couldn't afford to be, but they couldn't help it. How could they make that decision? Then again, there wasn't really a decision to make. The only way that JJ would even have a chance was to take out the needles. Their only other choice was to leave her there to die. And they all realised this. But they knew the only person that could make this decision was Emily. So they all looked to her. But she was already one step ahead.

"Do it, move them. Now!" Emily yelled.

And so they did. Ever so slightly and carefully, Morgan pulled the needles out, being so careful not to shift them even a millimetre. And when they were out, all they could do was hope they hadn't hit her spinal cord.

"Okay, get her on the gurney now!" the female paramedic yelled, and Hotch and Morgan picked up JJ and carried her over to the gurney. The paramedics hooked JJ up to the defibrillator. The first shock that pulsed through JJ's body did nothing. Her heart still did not beat.

Everything was back into slow motion. No one moved, no one even breathed as they watched as JJ's body convulsed with the shock. The time in between both charges seemed like forever. But the paramedics shocked JJ once again. A few seconds passed before everyone breathed out a sigh of relief and Garcia let out a slight involuntary sob. She was just so overwhelmed. JJ's heart had once again started beating.

"Okay let's get her outside to the ambo quickly. One person can travel with us to the hospital. The rest of you can meet us there," the paramedic said, quickly wheeling JJ out towards the elevator. Prentiss followed straight behind them.

"I'll see you guys at the hospital," she said quickly, before turning around and continuing behind JJ.

"Emily," Hotch yelled, his voice full of emotion. He couldn't say anything else. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what would happen to JJ, whether or not she'd be okay. All he could do was give Prentiss a look she rarely saw on him. He was scared. She simply nodded back to him and ran to catch up with the paramedics.

No one wasted any more time before heading down to their SUV's to head to the hospital. But they could barely even look at each other. Everyone was too caught up in their own grief. What no one wanted to feel or to think about was the guilt they shared. But each and every one of them carried it.


The BAU team, by nature, was never really one for waiting. They were always on the move, always following up new leads or chasing down UnSubs. They were always in charge. When they had information, they had the power to keep it from the public and the power to choose exactly when and to whom they shared it. They were not used to being in the dark. But on that fateful night, sitting in the hospital waiting room, heads bowed low, they had nothing. They had no power over their situation and they had no idea what was going on with JJ. She'd been taken into the OR 3 hours ago, and the team had heard nothing of her condition.

Emily had been with her in the ambulance. She'd watched as JJ's heart struggled to keep beating, giving out once more before they had reached the hospital, and it killed Emily inside. Seeing her girlfriend die twice in one night was her own personal hell. And she was convinced that was what it was. Emily had accepted her part in this. She knew she should have stood up for JJ in front of Hotch earlier when she'd said not to go after Carter. But she hadn't. And when they got back, despite the bad feeling she had, she hadn't gone to check on JJ. She'd walked straight past her office, blissfully unaware that the girl she loved sat inside, bleeding to death in excruciating pain. And now JJ was paying for it. All Emily could do was suffer alongside her, accepting the overwhelming guilt that sat in her chest. This was her fault.

And now they sat silently in that hospital waiting room, heads bowed low. Morgan watched as Emily sighed in frustration and put her head in her hands. Everything was just so uncertain. The whole situation felt disjointed and disconnected. Some moments flew by, everything so frantic, while others had seemed like they would never end, so full of pain and grief that Emily felt like her heart was going to explode. Now she was just lost. She had no idea what came next. All she knew was sitting in that waiting room waiting for news was agonizing.

"Hey, Em, what's up?" Morgan asked.

"This is all my fault," she whispered almost inaudibly.

"What?"

"I said this is all my fault," she repeated, louder this time, taking her head out of her hands and looking up at Morgan. He was taken aback.

"Hey, you can't think like this. There's nothing you could've done. This is not your fault," he tried to assure her, but he could tell she didn't believe him. "Hey I mean it. The only person whose fault this is is the man who did that to JJ. That man is a monster. And you are not him."

"You're wrong," Garcia from off to the side. The rest of the team, having been listening in, turned to face Garcia.

"I'm sorry?" Morgan asked, confused.

"You're wrong. This is your fault," Garcia said, directing it at the whole team, who were all completely shocked. Morgan was about to say something before Garcia continued, standing up. "You all need to stop sitting here feeling sorry for yourselves, because JJ is in that OR in so much pain, fighting for her life all because you didn't trust her judgement. You left her alone after she told you not to go out after your suspect. You should've trusted her, because she was right in the end. If you had just listened to her, waited a day before charging out and trying to be heroes, then she would not be in there, suffering, in so much pain. Even if by some miracle she survives this, nothing is going to fix that. So, yeah, this is your fault," Garcia said, her voice breaking as she thought about JJ. As soon as she had said that, she regretted it. She didn't think those things, not really. This whole situation was breaking her down. She was so exhausted and her grief was overwhelming her. She hadn't meant to take it out on the team. Although she did recognise some truth to what she had said.

The team simply sat in silence. No one could say one word in reply. While they may have not wanted to believe it at first, they all knew deep down that this was partially their fault. They may have closed off their guilt before, but they sure as hell felt it now.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. This isn't your fault, I'm so sorry. I get antsy and serious when I'm worried about one of you," Garcia gushed, apologising profusely. No one blamed her. They all felt the same way. This had been possibly the worst situation the team had faced together, and they had seen a lot. Having one of their own so brutally attacked on their own turf… in their own home. It was the one place they all felt safe. They put up a good front, but every one of these agents got scared sometimes. And when a job got personal or they found themselves or another teammate in danger, it was the one place they knew that they would all be safe, that no one would take any member of that little family of theirs away from them. That was, until that night.

"I'm just… I'm gonna go grab some coffee, call me if there's any news," Garcia said while walking out in a hurry, still sorry about her earlier outburst.

Following Garcia's exit, the team settled back into their uncomfortable silence, just waiting for some news, all of their thoughts and prayers directed to JJ, hoping that by some miracle she made it out of this alive.

At one point or another, every member of the team thought about something: if JJ did make it out of this alive, would she forgive them? Or would she agree with the guilt they so badly wanted not to be theirs?


A/N: Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, I am very excited to get into some different stuff next chapter so you should get excited. It may take me a day or two extra to post the next chapter because I'm through all the chapters I planned out in advance, I'm gonna try and plan out a few more or I won't know where I'm going with the story (I do have a general idea though so don't worry!). As always, please review, or follow or favourite the story if you like it! :D