Warning: This chapter has the potential to be very, very triggering for several reasons. If at any point you feel too uncomfortable to keep reading, please don't continue. Your mental health is more important than you finishing this story.
The italicized paragraphs should be skipped if slightly graphic depictions of self harm unsettle you.
Chapter 9
Naminé felt her boyfriend rest his chin on her shoulder from behind and sighed. She knew he had been too quiet. He was never content with just letting her read. "Hey, guess what?" he whispered.
She smiled to herself as she closed her book. If he was about to say what she thought he was about to say, it would have been the fourteenth time that week. Not that she ever got tired of hearing him say it. "What?"
"We're going to prom tomorrow night."
The blonde laughed as she sat her book aside and turned to face him. Roxas didn't hesitate to swoop in and kiss her lovingly. That was another thing she could never get tired of.
Well…she kind of was tired of it already. But he would never know that. It would only upset him.
"Man, this is unbelievable!" he laughed, throwing himself backwards on his bed with the biggest grin. He got a far away look in his eyes as his smile turned into something warmer. "I've always dreamt of going to prom with you, but I never thought it would really happen. Mom's gonna be so happy…"
Naminé felt her heart sink. It wasn't that she felt trapped or "manipulated" in any way. No, she wanted to go with him. But…what would his mom really think about this? According to Roxas, she wanted them together when she was alive. Was it possible that she could see them from some magical one way mirror in the beyond? If so, would she approve of their relationship now? What did she think of Naminé and how she treated her son?
"—all right, baby?"
She snapped back to reality, plastering on what she'd hoped was a convincing smile. "Yeah! Yeah, I just zoned out a bit."
He chuckled, folding his arms behind his head. "You're so cute. You don't have to imagine what prom will be like. It'll be here tomorrow, and I'll make sure it's the best night of our high school lives. I promise."
"I know you will."
She suddenly got the mental image of a small redhead and a brunette being separated in a sad goodbye. She was probably losing her mind.
Her brow furrowed the tiniest bit as she tilted her head. "Hey, how are Sora and Kairi doing?"
"Eh? They're okay, I guess. The relationship is still there if that's what you mean. He's still a goofball, she's still a perfect princess, and…" He shot up into a sitting position. "Oh my God, what if they get voted king and queen over us at prom?"
"I can't be voted queen anyway. I'm a junior," Naminé reminded him.
"Then what about cutest couple in the year book?"
"Again, I'm a junior. They're not going to vote us as anything because we're not in the same grade. It's the senior year book and the senior prom. You know how the senior class feels about the other grades."
Roxas groaned as he flopped back onto his mattress. "This sucks. I was totally going to make copies of all our prom pictures and take them to HBSU with me. Since I get my own sleeping area, I was gonna make one of the walls into like…" he gestured to the wall in front of him, making odd circular gestures with his open palms, "This Naminé mural you know? That way I can remember who and what I'm fighting for right after I wake up and right before I go to sleep."
Naminé had never been more certain that she didn't deserve him.
"Or is that too creepy…?" he grimaced.
"No, no, it's perfect," she smiled. "I've never had a whole mural before."
"You've never had someone care about you as much as I do," he smirked. "Seriously, despite all your mistakes, I'm really happy. You make me happy. Being in a relationship with you is…I…I've always felt that something was missing from my life. It was like a hole that needed to be filled. And I stupidly tried to fill that hole by filling other holes—"
"Gross, Roxas…"
"It's the truth," he laughed. "I thought I needed someone to complete me, but now I realize that's not the case. Someone won't do because it has to be you, Sunshine. It's always been you."
Naminé felt her face heat up and tried to cover it with her cool hands. "Oh my God, where is all this coming from?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe prom is turning me into a girly sap. Or maybe it's you. I don't hate it though."
She chuckled, awkwardly pulling her hair over one shoulder because she didn't quite know what to do with her hands. She felt uncomfortable with the sudden appraisal from absolutely nowhere, but at the same time, she didn't want to be ungrateful. She'd spooked herself out with those thoughts of his mom and couldn't help but feel like she was being watched now if that was the case, it was only fair that she said something nice back.
"I appreciate that. And I appreciate you too, Roxy. If it wasn't for you, I don't know where I'd be or what I'd be doing. You've saved me from a lot of dangerous situations and I'm thankful for it all. I really love you."
His smile grew bright as he sat up once again. Naminé stomped on the feeling of discomfort that started to grow in the pit of her stomach as he looked her right in the eye. "You know, I get the most amazing rush every time you say that. It sounds so perfect." And then his smile turned sad. "I don't know how I'm going to make it a whole year without you."
Naminé rolled her eyes. This was his second time mentioning college and she did not want to talk or hear about it. "Don't even bring that up right now. That's going to ruin our good prom vibes."
"Right, right. Sorry." Roxas paused, a sly smile slowly spreading across his lips. The sight of it gave her a bad feeling. "I know what we can do to get rid of the bad vibes."
This time around, Naminé knew what was about to happen. She still hadn't fully recovered from their last argument, from Yuffie, so she chose to stop it before it became a problem. She had a right to say no, and if Roxas really wasn't a rapist, he wouldn't force her. The second he leaned forward, she moved away. "I'm not in the mood for that right now."
He raised an eyebrow. She couldn't help but feel that the gesture was slightly condescending. "Is this about your retarded friend and her false accusations?"
Naminé flinched at the word. She'd told Roxas countless times how she felt about The "R" Word, yet he continued to use it. "That's unnecessary. You don't have to use that word."
"What else would you call it? Dumb? Stupid? Jealous? Nosy? Needs to mind her own business? God, I can't believe you let her get into you head like this."
Naminé frowned. This would not turn into another argument. It couldn't. She'd say she could get it under control but there was nothing to "control" because it wasn't a problem and it wasn't going to be a problem. "Stop it, Roxas. This has nothing to do with her."
Roxas scoffed, lifting his hands up and dropping them in what looked like exasperation. "Then what's the problem? It's not like it's your first time. Riku took that from me—"
"You need to let that go…"
"—and you can't be nervous because we've had sex before. What else could it be besides what Yuffie said?"
Frustrated, Naminé stood and grabbed her bag. She had been planning on staying the night, but now that felt like a terrible idea. Staying would eventually lead to something bad happening, and there was no need for that before prom. "You know what, I'm just going to go. Yes, I'm still going to prom with you. No, I'm not breaking up with you. No, I'm not mad at you. I'm just going to leave before this turns into an argument."
"The only way this can turn into an argument is if you start overreacting again. We're just having a conversation about why you're acting different all of a sudden."
Naminé froze in place on her way to the door. For once, she didn't agree with what Roxas was saying. She didn't even consider it to be the truth. If he had said she was running away, she'd have agreed, but she wasn't overreacting. She just wanted to stop everything before it blew out of proportion like it always did.
She dropped her bag onto the floor and turned to face him. Although she was absolutely terrified to speak her mind about this, she knew she had to. If she didn't, it would bother her every time she saw his face, heard his voice, felt his touch, or inhaled his scent. It was time to be an adult and actually face confrontation. Without giving in, without backing down. "You say that…but looking back, I don't ever remember overreacting with you. I feel like every reaction that I've had to you, your words, and your actions has been appropriate."
Roxas snorted, though there wasn't a single trace of genuine amusement in his expression. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, hands clasped together as his elbows rested on his knees. "Appropriate," he smirked, shaking his head slowly. "So ignoring me for two weeks and blocking my number because I wanted a little space is appropriate?"
"I…okay, I realize that was unfair to you," she mumbled, averting her eyes.
"Oh, I'm not done," he laughed. It sounded a bit like a serial killer when he knows he's close to the current target. It was unnerving. "You think confiding in an old friend about our sex life is appropriate? When you could have just talked to me about it?"
"I just wanted an outside opinion because I felt weird about it."
"That is my whole point!" he spat viciously. "You felt weird about what exactly? The sex? The fact that you said no before you said yes? Me? Yourself? I—" Roxas huffed almost helplessly. "No…I see what's going on here. You're trying to find a reason to break up with me."
"What? That's insane—"
"No, that's obvious. This is all some ridiculous ploy for you to break up with me because you're…you're cheating on me. Aren't you?"
"What?! Roxas, do you even hear yourself right now?! Why would I cheat on you when all I've ever wanted was to be with you?! Why would I cheat when you know how hurt I was when Riku cheated on me?! I would never want to put anyone through that type of pain—especially not you!"
His face fell. "Oh. I…forgot about that."
"I couldn't tell. You bring it up all the time," Naminé spat.
"Okay, my bad, whatever. You still haven't explained to me why sex is suddenly a problem for you."
Naminé narrowed her eyes at him. "Why does that seem like the only thing you want from me now? We've been together for less that a month and if we're not having sex, we're arguing about having sex. What the hell is that?"
His expression softened as he stepped closer to her, gently taking her hands in his. "I'm just making up for lost time, Sunshine. I've been waiting so long to be with you and now that I actually am it's…I'm like a kid in a candy store! If that makes you uncomfortable them I'm sorry, and I'm sorry for accusing you of cheating. I really don't wanna fight, baby. I just want to spend time with mygirlfriend."
Naminé appreciated his honesty and his apology, but now that he'd brought up cheating… "Question: while Yuffie and I were out the other day, we bumped into Olette. She said some things. I'm not saying I believe her—"
"But you want to confirm that what she said was a lie," he cut her off, looking significantly less angry. "It is. She's used the exact same our boyfriend line on all of my girlfriends. Ignore her. The only person I want for the rest of my life is you."
She released a breath she didn't know she was holding. It was true that she never believed Olette in the first place, but having him confirm it out loud made her feel so much better about being accused by him. You know the saying: guilty dogs bark first. She didn't want to blindly believe that he was being faithful, and then have that belief crushed. "Thank you for that."
Roxas smiled, but there was still something off about it. "You're welcome. We good now?"
"I guess so," she shrugged. He pulled her into a hug, and she was glad for the comfort. How many times were they going to argue before they got settled into this relationship thing? She missed their honeymoon phase.
…Did they even have a honeymoon phase?
"I'm sorry," she whispered. It was only out of habit because she wasn't even sure what she was apologizing for anymore.
He laughed softly. "It's fine, Sunshine. Come here."
Naminé leaned away when he tried to kiss her again. "Please don't."
"Oh, here we fucking go…"
The blonde stared as her boyfriend walked away, kicking over his desk chair as he passed it. Hadn't they just solved the problem? Why was he still angry? "Honestly, what is wrong with you?"
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Tell me the truth: am I that bad? Do you not like it?"
"No! I'm just not in the mood! You said yourself that I can say no, but now that I'm actually saying no, it's a problem?!"
"Yes, it's a fucking problem! It seems like I always bust my ass to give you what you want and need, but whenever I want something, you suddenly get all uptight and prudish about it! I have carried your hopeless ass through three years of high school—what the fuck have you done for me?!" he shouted. Before Naminé could even answer, he shook his head and scoffed. "I'm done with this shit. Go home."
Naminé frowned, eyes watering as he picked up his desk chair and sat down, blatantly ignoring her existence as he did something on his computer. Her throat tightened as her hands curled up into fists. "Is that what you think of me? I'm hopeless?"
Roxas didn't bother to respond.
Naminé sighed, threading her fingers through her hair in frustration. It seemed to her that they had more problems as boyfriend and girlfriend than they ever did as just friends. Did they get together too soon? Did they create tension by rushing into things? Everything did happen a little fast. She knew full well that she should have waited longer to date Roxas after their two weeks apart, but she just had to have her way.
"I think…" she started, regretting the words before they even left her mouth. She had to do this. She had to be responsible. "I don't think we should be together anymore."
Ever so slowly, Roxas turned to face her. In all the years she'd known him, she'd never seen such rage in his expression. It was different from when he'd fought Riku, or when he'd had to pin her to her bathroom floor. This one reeked of instability. Roxas wasn't just upset or angry...Roxas looked unhinged.
"What did you just say…?" His voice was calm, but she knew better than to trust that.
Swallowing hard, she took a cautious step backwards. "Maybe it's best if we just stay friends for now. W-We can try again in college if you want, but I just don't think now is a good…"
His eyes hardened, face darkening more than she ever thought possible.
"T-Time. Ah…I should go. I'll see you later, Roxy." And with that, Naminé turned to leave the room. Her mind was racing with thousands upon thousands of thoughts, and her hand trembled as she picked up her bag from the floor. Roxas was clearly angry, so she needed to give him some space. Hopefully he would be okay and revert back to normal within a few days. Or weeks. However long it took, she was willing to give him that time.
Just as her fingers were about to close around the doorknob, she felt a hand roughly turn her around and shove her back into the solid wood of his bedroom door. Not only did it stun her into silence, but it physically knocked the wind out of her. All she could do was stare helplessly at the pissed off boy towering over her. "What do you think is going to happen when you walk out of that door?" Roxas spat, face just inches away from hers. His eyes were wild and his grip on her upper arms was too tight. "You think that everything will be all hunky dory and all your problems will magically disappear just because you want to run away from me again? You think your dad's gonna stop beating your ass and be the parent you need him to be, or that some other guy will suddenly appear and replace me? News flash: you fucking need me. Me. I am the best thing that has everhappened to you and the best thing that ever will."
She stared at him in wide-eyed shock and confusion. This was going a little too far and the things he was saying was kind of mean. No, really mean. They were downright awful. "Let go of me—"
"Shut up," he growled as he shook her. "Shut the fuck up. You can't do this to me. You can't string me along and-and-and play me like this. I'm the only one who cares about you. No one else is going to love you with all these ugly ass scars you have. But I will. I do. If you walk away from me right now, you'll be walking away from real happiness. Don't you want to be happy with me? Don't you want to be saved? I can save you. You just have to stop acting like a goddamned idiot."
Naminé was absolutely speechless. She wouldn't have known how to respond to that even if she wanted to. The name-calling hadn't bothered her at all; it was much deeper than that. The one person in the world that she thought would never use her self harm against her had just used it against her. The one person she'd loved more than anything and put before everyone else had ripped her heart to shreds like a useless sheet of paper. She stared up at him with unseeing, watering eyes, chest wound too tight as she struggled to inhale.
And then she remembered.
On the top shelf of her closet was a small gray lockbox where she kept all of her money. The tray full of bills could be removed to reveal a tiny rusted razor blade. It was the one she'd kept for emergencies when Roxas had confiscated all the others. She hadn't needed it in so long that she'd forgotten about it.
The need to breathe was urgent once again, just as it was years ago. She remembered it like it was yesterday: the freedom she felt as the small blade separated her skin. The oxygen around her would rush into her lungs as if it were brand new. She was the only one who got to breathe that brand new air, and it seemed to make everything she had gone through up until that moment worth it.
She needed it again. God help her, she needed to breathe.
The blonde exhaled shakily, forcing herself to inhale again through the pain and the memories. Her eyes began to focus again, and she no longer saw an angry Roxas. He looked just as hurt as she felt.
"I didn't mean that. I didn't mean it, I promise. I swear, I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me."
Naminé watched in awe as Roxas dropped to his knees and buried his face into her stomach, clinging to her waist as if she were his life force. "I am so sorry. I should have never said any of that to you. I'm an absolute moron and I don't deserve to be forgiven for that but please. I need you and I'm so sorry." As he said this, his hands slowly slid from her hips to her knees.
The blonde blinked, watching as his wild blond hair turned an inky black color. When he looked up at her, his tear-filled sapphire eyes had turned into a terrifying golden color. Her stomach turned as she finally understood why she saw her father when she stared down at him, and she felt no sympathy for him. She felt embarrassed for herself. After all that time she'd spent calling her mother stupid, Naminé had gone and fallen in love with an abusive guy just like her. It seemed like all the women in her family were destined to fall for the exact same type of guy who used the exact same manipulative tactics on each of them. And they all fell for it.
It was only a matter of time before he began to hit her. It was up to her to break the cycle. She'd rather die than to live like her mother.
"Get up," she spoke softly. Within seconds, Roxas was on his feet, still begging for forgiveness. All the while, her dependency for that razor was returning with a vengeance. She needed to get out of there before she had another breakdown. She needed to get to her closet. Another notebook page had been filled and it was time to rip it out.
The moment she realized he was reaching for her face, she slapped his hand away. She was finally smart enough to not fall for his tricks this time. "I'm done with you," she whispered. "I don't want to see you or...hear from you ever again."
Roxas stared, chuckling after a few beats of silence. "I know you don't mean that, baby. You're just upset right now—"
"I mean it, Roxas. Stay away from me."
"Sunshine, please. You don't know what you're saying."
Naminé didn't bother to respond. Instead, she used all of her strength to push against his chest and quickly fled the room once he'd stumbled far enough back. The trembling blonde fled the house as quickly as she could, ignoring his shouts. Her heart nearly sank into her stomach as she swore she heard footsteps right behind her, trailing her. She used her panic as a driving force and nearly threw herself across the lawn and into her own yard. Whether she was being extremely paranoid or not, she didn't know, but it felt as if her life was on the line.
Once she was safe inside her own home, she bolted past the blurry images of her parents, fled to her room, and locked herself inside. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Everything was a mess. Even worse, she was starting to realize that Riku was right. Yuffie as well. The rumors about Roxas were true. He was crazy, and she hadn't even seen it. She'd done nothing but made excuses for him and enable his behavior. So much for knowing him like the back of her hand.
Sobbing quietly, she sank to her knees next to her closet door. She hated herself for being so stupid. She hated herself for still not hating him. When she'd told him she'd always love him, she hadn't lied. Knowing the truth about him wasn't enough to stop the way she felt about him. It wasn't enough to stop the ache in her chest, or the empty feeling she got from simply being away from him.
Naminé began to empathize with her mom and it felt wrong. She didn't want to love an abusive man, but she didn't want to lose her best friend. He was such a big part of her life for such a long time. Without him, she was nothing.
After the tears had passed, Naminé slowly picked herself up and dragged herself to the closet. The lockbox was still exactly where she had left it. As she went to reach for it, she stopped. Time itself seemed to stop as she stared up at the adorable little Moogle plushie sitting on top of it.
She hadn't thought about him much since she and Roxas made up.
"Riku…"
I love you.
Oh, well, I'm anemic. On top of that, I have poor blood circulation. My hands are always gonna be cold.
Talk to me, Nam.
He's manipulating you again.
I'll always be here when you need me. Promise
All of the anger, sadness, and self hatred that had been boiling within her for months finally erupted. Naminé grabbed the lockbox and the plushie and hurled them at the wall across the room. "Why can't you be here when I need you?!" she yelled, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.
Riku had been right the entire time. Riku had warned her, but she hadn't listened. In that moment, all she wanted was to tell him that he was right. If she had to sit through an hour of his I-Told-You-So speech, she'd do it just to have him back.
She sobbed quietly as she sank to the floor in front of her closet. She couldn't do this by herself. Roxas clearly wasn't going to help her, and she wouldn't dare ask her mother for help while her father was there. Her hands trembled uncontrollably as she retrieved her phone and dialed a number from her contact list.
You have reached the voicemail box of—
Naminé hung up and dialed again. And again. And again. Yuffie didn't answer, and she probably wasn't going to answer because of what had happened at the park. She slowly shook her head as she hugged her knees to her chest and cried.
-.-
"I did not fucking cheat!"
"Yes you did because you're a piece of shit! You were a piece of shit last week, you're a piece of shit this week, and you'll be a piece of shit for the rest of your life! Die mad about it!"
Naminé chuckled softly as she watched the two boys shout at each other. She actually enjoyed watching Roxas and Riku play Guitar Hero. They were competitive to the point where it was comical. Imagine seeing two fairly muscular teen boys—with toy guitars strapped to their persons—screaming at one another and imitating the sounds of a guitar to emphasize their points. Then cut to the two of them glaring at the screen while the sound of plastic hitting plastic and button mashing intensifies. You now have a mental image of what Naminé considered entertainment most Friday nights.
"Okay!How did I cheat?! How?!" Riku shouted.
"You're using the whammy bar more than you're supposed to! You know that gives your notes more points!"
"Tch. You're just mad because your stubby ass sausage fingers can't reach the whammy bar. They never could and they never will. Die mad about it."
That started a whole new round of shouting, but it was short lived. Soon enough, both boys were looking at her expectantly. It was now her call on whether or not Riku had actually cheated or if Roxas was just an extremely sore loser. The verdict?
"Calm down, Roxas. If using the whammy bar was against the rules, they wouldn't have made it a part of the game."
Riku smiled triumphantly, pushing his incredibly long hair over his shoulder. "She likes me best."
"sHe LiKeS mE bEsT."
"ShE lIkEs Me BeSt!"
From there, the conversation turned into repeated variations of that same sentence. Each variation sounded less and less like actual words and eventually turned into the two of them screeching unintelligible noises at each other. Naminé could only laugh uncontrollably from her place on the couch; she was breathless and unable to put a stop to the madness.
The front opened. Neither of the boys noticed, but Naminé did. It was Riku's mother, and she looked absolutely mortified. Behind her stood all of the nice women that she'd recognized from his mother's book club. She looked over to the wall clock and frowned. Was it really seven o'clock already? When did it get so late?
"Um…" One of the women leaned over towards Riku's mom, "Which one did you say was yours again?
If they were in an anime, she surely would have seen the gigantic sweat-drop on the poor woman's forehead. "The girl. Yup. She's mine."
Her voice seemed to distract the boys from their argument. Riku perked up while Roxas looked like he wanted to sink into the floor and never return. "Oh hey Mom," the silver haired teen grinned.
She threw her head back and sighed. "I hate my life."
The women all giggled as Riku moved to cut the console off and removed the plastic guitar from his person. They knew they were getting kicked out of the living room so his mom could have it. "We're already gone, don't mind us," he assured her.
"Try to keep the noise down this time, honey."
"Well the orgy might get a little loud so no promises."
Both blonds glared at him in disgust. He stuck his tongue out at them and started towards the stairs. How was it that he could just casually say the most repulsive things in front of people? Did he not care what they thought of him? Naminé knew she herself was capable of making some pretty gross jokes, but she'd die if anyone other than Riku and Roxas heard her.
"You're horrible," she muttered as she followed behind Roxas.
"Being horrible is one of my best qualities," Riku grinned.
The small trio had gone up to Riku's room and gotten comfortable in his bed. Naminé sat cross-legged near the headboard, Riku flopped onto his stomach, and Roxas took to laying his head in her lap. It was a perfect routine that they had all gotten used to long ago.
"So…what do we do now?" Roxas asked.
Naminé looked around the room for something to spark an idea, but found nothing. This always happened. They'd be bored for an indiscernible amount of time until someone came up with something that sounded fun. They just had to wait for it.
…
…
…
"Let's watch a movie. We haven't done that in a long time," Roxas suggested with a small smile.
It quickly spread to the other teens. "Sure," they both shrugged.
Roxas sat up quickly, as if he hasn't expected to be taken seriously. Naminé was actually surprised that he had suggested it. He was still in that I don't like sappy stuff phase, and apparently watching movies together fell under that category. "Really? Can I pick the movie too?"
"Anything but Chain of Memories," Riku frowned. "I can't go through that again."
"Agreed," Naminé grimaced.
Roxas appeared confused. Of course he didn't know about Chain of Memories. He was doing something else around that time.
"The movies are in the basement now. Dad suggested I get them out of my room because it was taking up too much space—"
"I didn't ask."
"I DiDn't AsK."
"I dIdNt aSk!"
Naminé pressed her fingers against her temples and sighed as she began to rub the area in circular motions. The two of them together were a headache.
"Man, go get the damn movie already!"
"Eat my ass, Ri—Ms. Catherine, hi!"
The two teens that were still in the room snickered until they were red in the face. With the two of them around, Naminé found herself laughing more and more. She couldn't help but be thankful that they were in her life. Their presence alone was a constant reminder that no matter how shitty things got at home, her boys would always make it better by just being themselves. They would always be a perfect, inseparable trio, headaches and all.
Riku sat up, chuckling as he pushed his fingers through his hair. Most of it fell right back into its original place, which she smiled at. God, she loved his hair. If only she could play with it all day, every day, for the rest of her life. She had touched it a couple of times and it was unbelievably soft. "So," he started, but never finished.
She raised a thin eyebrow at him, tilting her head the slightest bit. Whenever Riku started a conversation like that, you had to expect that things were going to get really uncomfortable really fast. "So…?"
His eyes narrowed as the corner of his mouth lifted. She had never seen that expression from him before. Was she supposed to take this seriously or was he about to tease her? It looked like a mix of both, but she wasn't sure. Their friendship was still new. If she were comparing it to how long she'd known Roxas, that is. There was still so much to learn about him.
"You like Roxas, don't you?"
Naminé made an unidentifiable noise, mouth opening and closing in both shock and frustration. She didn't even know what to say to such a bold accusation. No, she didn't "like" Roxas. How could she like Roxas? They were only friends. "Why—what are you talking about? That's ridiculous," she snorted.
Riku stayed silent, but she didn't like the way his eyebrow quirked. That was so condescending. Did he think she was lying? Because she wasn't lying. She had no reason to lie.
"I'm not lying!"
"Okay," he grinned.
"Stop it, Riku, I'm not!" she whined. That probably made it look like she was lying, but she knew she wasn't. Roxas was…he was a big dumb jerk. He was like a brother to her. He would never in a million years want to be with her and she would never in a million years want to be with him. That would just be weird and it wouldn't work. The mere thought was stupid and Riku was stupid.
He rolled his eyes, crossing his legs and propping his chin up on his fist. "I'm not trying to tease you, Nam. It's just kind of obvious that you're into each other. I mean he's all over you all the time, he calls you Sunshine, you blush every time he so much as breathes in your direction, I see it all. You should go out with him."
"Those are all really stupid coincidences," she frowned. "You're…you're trying to connect dots where there are no dots to connect. I'm not interested in Roxas like that. I'm not interested in anyone right now."
Riku hummed, smile dimming. "Not even me?"
Heat rushed to her face quicker than it ever had before. What was he saying? What was he implying? "What does that mean?"
"What do you think it means?" he laughed.
"It probably means that you're a weirdo and you're trying to spread your weirdness to me by asking me weird questions. If you want to say something, just say it."
Riku shrugged. "Okay. Do you wanna go to the movies with me this weekend?"
The blonde stared at him, confused. "Yeah, I…guess. Don't know why you had to be all weird about it, though." Honestly, it wasn't like they couldn't hang out without Roxas around. They had done so before and they would most likely do it again in the future. What was he on?
Riku stared at her pointedly, and it made her uncomfortable. Was she missing something here? "You do know what this means, right?"
"Um, duh," she scoffed. Damn, what movie was so important that he had to start questioning her about…oh. Oh, now she understood. "Wait, did you ask me that because—?"
He smiled wide. "You finally get it."
All right, that made more sense. Stupid her. He was asking because he thought she would be weirded out by spending time alone with him if she were into Roxas. Even if she were into him—which she totally was not—they could still spend time together. They were all friends. No one in the trio was interested in anyone else in the trio, so there was no reason to make a big deal out of everything.
Naminé smiled. "Yes, I'll go to the movies with you."
However…the brilliant smile that had spread across his face once she'd agreed to go with him was kind of adorable.
Roxas returned with a bowl of popcorn and a stack of movies in his hands. "Okay so we have KH1, 2, Dream Drop Distance, and Final Fantasy XII. What are we watching?" he asked as he threw the cases on the bed.
"Why twelve specifically?" Riku asked.
Roxas huffed. "Because no one seems to pay attention to twelve and I'm sick of it. It's a work of art—a cinematic masterpiece. It may be super long and the plot may be a tiny bit hard to follow, but it still deserves attention like the rest of the series. Not to mention that Fran is a very important part of the entire thing, and she doesn't get proper recognition either. It's madness!"
Naminé stared blankly at him. "So basically, you wanna watch Fran prance around in her skimpy outfit for six hours?"
The blond's cheeks puffed out as he averted his eyes. "I don't see why I can't enjoy Fran for everything she has to offer."
"I don't see how you always manage to find my popcorn when I hide it in hard to reach places."
Roxas smirked as he as shoved a hand full of popcorn in his mouth and chewed it obnoxiously. Riku grabbed one of the DVD cases and chucked it at his head, but Roxas ducked just in time. The case collided with one of the empty glasses he had been drinking from earlier and shattered upon impact. All three teens cringed as the sound echoed.
"Riku! What was that?!" his mother yelled from downstairs.
The three of them exchanged quick, panicked looks. "Uh, the TV's just too loud! Sorry!"
Roxas let out a pig-like snort, then doubled over in laughter. Naminé had to pretend to cough in order to cover up her own laugh. "That's what you fucking get for trying to abuse me! Now when she comes up here to beat your ass—"
"She won't," Riku said matter-of-factly.
"Oh yeah, she's probably gonna lower the limit on your credit car or something," the blond smirked. "Fucking rich people and their first world punishments."
"I don't even have a credit card."
Roxas' eyebrow lifted slightly.
"…It's debit."
Naminé frowned. The three of them couldn't do anything without the boys having a pissing contest or being at each other's throats. It was usually funny, but there was only so much of it she could take. "Can we just watch the movie already?"
Roxas pouted. "Are we annoying you?"
"Yes."
"Good," both boys laughed. They even did they're obnoxious bromantic handshake to go along with it. Guys were dumb.
As soon as the movie was on, everyone got comfortable. Riku was back on his stomach, Naminé leaned against the headboard, and Roxas' head returned to its place on her lap. Just like they had remembered, the movie was slow to start. It took two hours for the entire party to come together, and three hours for Roxas' lewd comments about the Viera to start up. Despite both of those things, the movie was still fun to watch.
That was what made Roxas' bullshit reason for wanting to watch the movie seem valid: it truly did not get the attention that it deserved. It was long, sure, but you remained invested in the plot even during the slower points in the movies. And each time you watched it, you discovered something new that you had once looked over. Not to mention that the acting was superb, the attire for that era was pleasing to the eye, and the world was so well thought out. It didn't feel like a fantasy movie, but rather a retelling of a story that had actually happened to a group of people long ago.
At the three hour mark, Naminé was sure that Roxas had fallen asleep. Riku appeared to be wide awake and focused solely on the screen in front of them at first glance, but the slightly cloudiness in his eyes that she saw upon further inspection told her he could drop any second. The boys did have a pretty eventful day: a full day of school, being a part of the pep rally, and then coming straight home to play Guitar Hero for hours. They also had a game the next day, so she didn't know why they were staying up so late to watch this.
Naminé sighed as she wondered what high school was like. She would be there with them next year, but she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Riku claimed to hate high school because everyone there was so superficial and obsessed with drama, but Roxas claimed to love high school because everyone was so honest and friendly. How could two people who were so similar and had so much in common have such polar opposite experiences? Being friends didn't necessarily mean that they had to have the same thoughts and opinions about school, but their opinions were so drastically different.
Aside from the never-ending playful arguing, the two of them really care about each other. They had to, or else they wouldn't be friends. This made her think about what could possibly be happening to Riku in school. Or maybe nothing was happening. Surely if something was going on, Roxas would help. That was just the kind of person he was: smart, kind, caring, and always wanting to help others. Especially his friends. It was totally possible that Roxas' outgoing nature had drawn more amazing people to him, while Riku's slightly introverted behavior might have lead people to believe he was rude or standoffish.
Then again, who the hell was she to say? She wasn't there with them. They rarely ever told her anything about high school because they wanted her to "find out when she got there."
"Gotta piss," Riku announced as he suddenly stood and made his way to the bathroom.
Naminé grimaced as she stared pointedly at his retreating form. As if she needed to know that. Once the door shut behind him, she shook her head dismissively and turned her attention to Roxas. His comments about Fran had gone quiet about ten minutes ago, and that's when she knew he had fallen asleep. She smiled to herself as she leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Are you sleeeeeeeping?"
The blond grunted, nose twitching as he jerked his head to the side. "Mmno."
"Really? What's the last thing that happened in the movie?"
"…Shut up."
She laughed, pushing her hair over her shoulder to get it out of the way. It really needed to be tied back before she fell asleep with it down and got it all tangled. "How are you going to pick the movie and then fall asleep halfway through?"
He groaned, rolling onto his back so that he could look at her through tired, half-lidded eyes. "I can do whatever I want and you can't stop me," he pouted.
"Yeah, yeah. Go back to sleep."
"Well I'm up now," he muttered, slowly moving his arms above his head and around Naminé's waist so that he could stretch. Something popped loudly, and then he settled back into his original position with a satisfied sigh. And then he…stared. Naminé's brow pinched together in confusion. He mirrored the gestured, chuckling. "You okay?"
"I'm fine. You're the one that's staring. Unless there's a popcorn kernel on my face that no one's told me about, it's just creepy."
He made a noise that resembled amusement. "Oh, nah. I just like looking at your beautiful face."
Roxas had made a habit of practicing his pick up lines on her. Spoiler alert: they were all corny. "Go get a girlfriend."
"I'm trying but the girl I want is stupid," he whined.
"Well then you'll be perfect for each other when you finally get together."
"That's emotional abuse and I'm fucking calling teen protective services on you."
Riku walked in, and groaned almost immediately. "Why'd you wake this asshole up?"
In a split second, he hopped up and turned towards the silver haired teen with a frown. "She missed me because I'm the fun one in this group."
"You are the comic relief in this trio and nothing more. Go back to sleep, you crackhead."
Another shouting match ensued. It went on for quite some time before they heard quick, angry footsteps approaching the room. The idiots had woken Riku's mother up and she would not be happy.
-.-
After what felt like an eternity, it was finally prom night. The blond sigh happily as he finished fixing his tie, then smoothed his hands over his tuxedo jacket as he examined his reflection. Everything looked perfect. He could only imagine what Naminé would look like in her dress. It'd probably be something straight out of movie: watching her descend the staircase with that beautiful smile of hers as she held part of it in her hand to keep from tripping on it. And he'd smile too, because he'd be her Prince Charming for the night. He just couldn't wait to see his Cinderella.
"Rox…"
Another, much taller figure appeared behind him in the mirror. His face didn't look as happy as Roxas had expected it to. His eyebrow arched in confusion as he turned to face him. "What's up?"
The tall redhead, with his usually wild hair now pulled back into a low ponytail, looked incredibly distressed. "I don't think it's such a good idea to go over there. She hasn't answered any of your calls or texts all day. Does she even want to go still?"
He snorted. "Of course she does. Naminé loves me, and she wouldn't dare skip out on prom. I know it's my prom and not hers yet, but it's important to her too. I'll be gone in the fall and she'd regret not sharing this moment with me."
"I hear you, I do, but you know how she is."
"Axel…" Roxas frowned. He didn't want anyone or anything raining on his parade tonight. He was going to go to prom with Naminé on his arm and Olette would lose her shit and probably be embarrassingly jealous. He'd apologize once again and she'd forgive him and he'd never do anything that stupid ever again.
He wasn't an oblivious, selfish imbecile. He'd seen how much his words had affected her. After so many years of trying to protect her from the bad people, he had become one of them and the guilt was eating him alive. He would do anything to make it better. No one would ever hurt her again—not even him.
Axel held his hands up in defeat. "All right. I won't say anything else. I'd just like to briefly remind you of how dramatic she can be at times."
"Don't fucking call her dramatic, okay? She's just having a hard time right now."
The redhead deadpanned. He looked as if he wanted to say more, but refrained. "Okay, Roxas."
Roxas' nose wrinkled in irritation. "What's your problem, dude?"
"Nothing, man."
"No, say what you have to say."
"It doesn't even matter. We have this conversation all the time and nothing ever gets through to you, so I'm done trying," he spat as he walked over to check his phone.
Oh. Axel was about to go on another long rant about how he should stop being with Naminé because she had too much power over him. Well he could shut up because no one knew Naminé better than he did. Even if she was a little annoying at times and did some stupid things, he would never leave her.
And if the ever really broke up for good, which wasn't likely, she wouldn't be allowed to date anybody else because she still belonged to him. She knew that. Everyone knew that. They would remain best friends and he would protect her from all of the assholes with bad intentions.
Roxas rolled his eyes and turned back to his reflection. "Whatever," he muttered as he shook his hand head and went to pick up his own phone from his dresser.
No notifications
He didn't let it get to him. Naminé was probably busy getting ready. She was going to look absolutely beautiful.
"Still no texts, huh?" Axel pressed. "I'm telling you, she's—"
"I'm telling you to shut the fuck up. Everyone loves to speak on things that they aren't even involved in and it's annoying as hell. Stop talking about her like you know her, got it?"
The corner of Axel's mouth curled up into a half sneer. "…Got it."
Roxas smiled. Axel probably knew it was only a peace offering to try and ease the tension between them. "Fantastic. Now, let's go have the best night of our high school lives."
The two boys left the house and went straight to Naminé's. Axel hadn't spoken a word, but his dark mood was still polluting Roxas' air and he hated it. This is why he couldn't stand his friends sometimes. They were annoying know-it-alls who kept putting themselves into his business."
He decided to ignore Axel's presence entirely as he rang Naminé's doorbell. A few seconds later, her mother opened the door. The huge grin that spread across her face was incredibly infectious. Even Axel caught it. "Oh, look at you!"
Roxas stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the grinning woman. He hadn't seen her so happy and peaceful looking since before her piece of shit husband became such a piece of shit. "Hi mama. Where's my beautiful date?"
"Should be in her room getting ready. She took her dress straight to her room when it arrived this morning, but I haven't seen much of her since. Who's your friend?"
Roxas tried to keep his smile looking as genuine as possible. "This is my friend Axel. We're picking up his date after we leave here so we can all ride together."
Naminé's mother gave the redhead a warm smile as she pulled him into a hug as well. "It's so nice to meet you. You look amazing."
"So do you. I didn't know you were coming with us tonight," he smirked.
Roxas rolled his eyes as he slipped into the house. Axel had a gross habit of flirting with older women, but Roxas had no idea he'd stoop so low as to flirt with someone that was like a mother to him. They would have to talk about that later because the Fair women were off limits.
He took the stairs two at a time, excited to see his gorgeous girlfriend in her gorgeous dress. His hands were trembling and his heart was racing. Finally, finally, finally, things were going to go right. It was him and Naminé against the world now, and it would always be that way.
Once at her door, he opened it and poked his head through. No Naminé. His excited smile turned into one of confusion as he stepped into the room. Her room look like the S.W.A.T. team had rushed through it in search of something. He grimaced as he carefully maneuvered his way through the mess. On his way over to the bathroom door, he spotted a Moogle plush. The Moogle plush that Riku had given her at the arcade that night.
He tossed it in the waste bin with a frown. She didn't need that.
"Baby?" he called as he approached the door and knocked with the knuckle of his index finger. "You okay? What the hell happened in here?"
Nothing. He pressed his ear to the door, but could only hear the loud hum of the A/C vent.
"Good grief, girl," he muttered bitterly as he tried the doorknob. It opened easily. Rolling his eyes, he walked inside. "Did you not hear…?"
His breath caught in his throat as he stared at the scene before him. There she was, his Cinderella, sitting in a tub of red.
He blinked stupidly, mouth hanging open as he took a couple of unsteady steps forward. Naminé wasn't moving. Naminé wasn't breathing. That knowledge took all the strength out of his knees and he collapsed to the floor. Her beautiful eyes, the same ones that were once so full of life and lit up with the most adorable sparkles when their eyes met, were now dull and unfocused. There was no soul behind them, and he felt as if he were staring at a Halloween decoration.
"No…" he choked, tears rushing to his eyes. His chest felt as if it was being pulled tight like a spring. Despite that horrible feeling, his breaths were coming faster and faster, each one more shallow than the last. It wasn't real. No way could it be real. It had to be some gross nightmare born from the nagging guilt he'd felt from what he'd said to her.
Without even thinking about it, he reached over the tub and cupped her face in his hands. Her skin was still sort of warm, but he could see the color quickly fading from her lips and cheeks. He shouldn't have touched her. That made everything real.
"Sunshine," he whispered. His heart was racing worse than it ever had in his entire life, his vision was blurring, and the world around him had started to spiral.
And then he got angry.
"Naminé, this isn't funny. T-This is sick. If you're trying to prove a point or something then I get it. I'm an asshole and I'm fucked up for what I said to you yesterday. You can get up now."
No response.
"Get up, get up, please!" he sobbed. No matter how much he didn't want it to be true, he knew that this wasn't a joke. He squeezed his eyes shut, violently shaking his head back and forth as he let his hands drop to her shoulders. "I'm so sorry!"
"Roxas, what's the—holy shit…" The room went silent for a little while, and then Roxas felt a pair of hands tugging at his wrists. "Rox, we gotta get out of here."
"No, no! Don't fucking touch me! I'm not leaving her! She needs help!"
The hands tugged hard, and Roxas' attention was drawn to his best friend's face. He'd never seen Axel so pale. "Dude, we have to call an ambulance! That's the only way we can try to help her!"
Roxas tried to push him away, but he was too weak and in too much pain to put up much of a fight. He wound up being dragged out of the bathroom by the redhead. He struggled a great deal, kicking and screaming the entire way. For a split second, Axel's grip slipped and Roxas scrambled to get back into the bathroom, but he was quickly grabbed and dragged away again.
He didn't want to be away from her. He had to fix it. He had to fix her.
Roxas screamed and swore as he struggled to break free again, but the last remnants of fight in him evaporated as the redhead pinned him to the floor. He couldn't move, couldn't see, and could barely breathe, so the only thing left for him to do was cry. Somewhere in the background, in the real world, he could hear a high pitched, feminine scream. He didn't want to focus on it. He didn't want to be there because he knew it was all his fault. If he had only taken better care of her, been more firm when warned her a way from idiots like Riku and Seifer, kept Yuffie far away from her, and asked her out of first, this could have been prevented.
She was never completely his. That's where everything went wrong.
The pain was unbearable, and for the first time in his life, he felt as if he couldn't breathe. Naminé's voice echoed in his head as he struggled to breathe despite feeling like his chest would explode with every desperate inhale. Axel's weight on him wasn't helping, but he couldn't form the words to tell him to get off of him.
His mind still raced through the pain and he hated it. He didn't want to think about the rest of his life without her. How was he supposed to live knowing that his love, his Sunshine was gone? He was supposed to protect her and he'd failed. His mother would be so disappointed in him.
A strangled cry escaped him as he buried his face into the carpet and sobbed almost uncontrollably. The two most important women in his life were now…dead. They were dead because he hadn't loved them enough to save them. It was all his fault.
-.-
One of Roxas' top five favorite things about Naminé had to be the way she looked when she was fighting her sleep. Her skin was exceptionally pale, so the small red tint that came to her cheeks whenever he caught her nodding off was like waking up to a house full of presents on Christmas morning to him. He frowned to himself, but only to keep the goofy smile off his face. It'd look incredibly creepy for him to suddenly have a mega-watt smile in the middle of a gore-y horror movie.
"You tired? You look tired," Naminé slurred. She was just barely holding her eyes open, eyebrows raised in a failed attempt to appear awake.
Roxas shook his head, chuckling. "If you're tired, go to sleep. I can finish the movie by myself."
"No, that's rude. I asked you to watch this movie with me; what kind of a person would I be if I just fell asleep on you?"
"A sleepy one?" he smirked.
Naminé whined as she rested her forehead against his shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah, whatever. Just go to sleep, dummy."
"Keep calling me a dummy and I'll hit you."
Roxas rolled his eyes, allowing a comfortable smile to spread across his face. Roxas knew better than to take her half asleep threats seriously. In fact, he never took any of her threats seriously. Naminé would only ever hit him in extreme circumstances. He'd spent the last few years learning which buttons made her explode, then used everything he'd learned to avoid getting hit.
That wasn't the only reason he took the time to learn these things about her. As her best friend and protector, it was his job to steer her in the right direction. Sometimes he had to push the wrong buttons to find out what her breaking point was; that way, he could keep her away from anything that would harm her. That included people and places.
Despite what his eyes observed daily, he knew Naminé wasn't perfect. No matter how many times he tried to tell her something for her own good, she still wanted to do certain things and see certain people. Nine times out of ten, that ended in her getting hurt. If only she would listen to him more, then she would never know what pain felt like ever again.
Roxas frowned again, annoyed with himself for the millionth time. She was in a "relationship" and he was going to respect that like she'd asked him to. For now, at least. It was obvious that they were going to get together sooner or later. He'd made it up in his mind that Naminé was the only girl for him, but Naminé had yet to realize that he was the one for her. So he allowed her to be with Riku while he played the field a little.
Hopefully she wouldn't think he was disgusting when they finally got together. It was just an extended bachelor party of sorts. However long Naminé took to make up her mind would be how long Roxas wasted his time with whoever wanted some fun. It wasn't fair for him to be faithful if she wasn't going to be.
In short, it was her fault he slept around so much.
His thoughts were interrupted by a loud snore. He blinked in surprise as he looked down at her. Naminé only snored when she was extremely exhausted. It was a good thing he let her get some sleep instead of being selfish and forcing her to stay up with him. Next time he would, though. This was the third time he'd let her sleep through their movie night and it was getting too frequent. They were supposed to be spending time together.
Then again…he rarely ever got to admire her sleeping face. Now that was pure perfection. Her pale pink lips were parted ever so slightly, and her cute little face looked so relaxed. Smiling, he slowly reached for the remote and turned off the TV. The movie wasn't all that interesting anyway.
As soon as the screen went dark, Naminé stopped snoring. "I was watching that."
"Hush. I'm putting you to sleep."
Her limbs dangled lifelessly as he lifted her bridal style and started up the stairs to his bedroom. The mess could be cleaned up some other time. "I'm not a dog, asshole. And if you kill me, I'm gonna be so pissed when I wake."
He laughed and tossed his hair out of his eyes with a quick shake of his head. "You're not making any sense, love."
"You don't make sense, you yellow bitch."
If anyone else were to see her like that would have sworn that Roxas had slipped her something during the movie. No, Naminé just lost her entire mind whenever she was half asleep. This had been happening ever since she was a little girl, and he thought it was the most hilarious thing. Add that to the long list of things he loved about her.
He used his foot to open the already ajar door to his room and flicked the light on with his shoulder. Naminé was already snoring again by the time he'd laid her down in his bed. He stood there for a few minutes to make sure she wouldn't move. She didn't.
"Awesome," he whispered as he quietly jogged across the room to his bookshelf. On the far right of the very bottom shelf was an unmarked blue binder. He pulled it out as quietly as he could, and cradled it carefully in his left arm as he flipped it open. The first page was blank, and he flipped past it mindlessly. The second and third pages were the ones that brought a warm smile to his face. Nestled in their plastic coverings were several Polaroid pictures of a sleeping blonde. His sleeping blonde.
Roxas flipped through more pages until he found a picture of her asleep in his letterman jacket. This one was his favorite. She'd actually come to one of his games for once. They'd lost with a pretty embarrassing score, but she still wore his jacket proudly. When they got home that night, she'd crashed from her little adrenaline rush. His fingertips touched the edge of the picture, and he wished with everything in him that he could go back to that night for just a few moments."
Roxas sighed happily as he flipped to the next blank page in the binder and sat it atop his dresser. He pulled his sky blue Polaroid camera out of the drawer and made his way over to the bed. Because of the position she had rolled into when he'd laid her down, he had to be extremely careful. "Let's see…" He lifted his leg and slowly applied some of his weight onto the mattress. It creaked loudly and he winced, but Naminé didn't wake up. Heaving a breath of relief, he used his hands to keep him steady so that he didn't fall.
"There," he smiled, hovering over the unsuspecting blonde as he lifted his camera to his eye. The picture was already perfect and he hadn't even snapped it yet. Naminé's beauty was natural, and he wouldn't take the chance of repositioning her. He didn't want her to appear posed. There was something…amazing about capturing things the way they really were the first time around.
His hands shook in excitement as he pressed the button. There was a brief flash, and then the whir of the camera printing his masterpiece.
He exhaled as he grabbed it and waved it back and forth. It developed slowly, but when it did, it was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the real thing. He was sure to take the same careful measures that he did getting into the bed as he got out of it. It took no time at all for him to place it into the binder and put everything back in its place.
Now that the job was done, he could sleep.
He walked over to the light switch to flip the light off and got comfortable in his bed next to his best friend. "Good night, my Sunshine," he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. "I love you. Even if you don't love me yet…you will."
-.-
That last scene was inspired by Mr. Jefferson from Life is Strange. Why? Because they're both creepy as hell.
A lot happened this chapter, I know. I don't even know what to say about it myself. I had no idea I could actually follow through with writing something like this. It has a purpose, I promise.
