"Teresa," Jane whispered her name to himself.
He walked fast to reach her, the mix of happiness and surprise in his expression quickly turning into concern and confusion. "What happened?" He reached for her elbow but she was faster, using the sleeve of her shirt to hide the bandage covering her upper arm.
Even in the haze of drizzle and the dim light from his tent, Jane could see the red shade underneath the fabric.
"It's nothing. Don't worry," she didn't appear to be so certain of it herself.
"What happened? Are you alright?" He failed to hide the anguish in his voice.
She avoided him by looking at the floor.
"I'm fine, Patrick."
He took a step closer.
"Is it a bullet wound?"
Her hand tightened around the badge. "Yeah, I- I screwed up, we were…we were doing an arrest, and, anyway, it's just a graze wound," he looked shocked.
"I'm a cop. It happens," she stated the obvious but Jane continued to look at her startled, "it's part of the job, Patrick. I'm good."
How come Teresa was the one reassuring him?
"Why…what are you doin' here?" His voice was cautious and low, as though anything could scare her off.
"They wouldn't let me stay in my office."
He shook his head in disbelief, almost angry with her, "Of course not. You should be at home, or at a hospital."
"I don't need a hospital."
"Okay…"
What about your house? The question was implied.
"And Vince is waiting for me," Lisbon continued, "at my place I mean. He's going to be worried, make a bunch of questions, and, I don't know, I just… I don't want to deal with him right now, or anyone. I just want to be alone."
"You wanted to be alone so you came looking for me?"
Lisbon sighed, that interrogation hurt more than her wounds. "Damn it, Patrick! Yes. I don't know. I wasn't looking for you, I just, I had nowhere else to go," she paused for a moment. "But you're right. I shouldn't be here."
Jane thought for a second if letting her stay, was the right thing to do. He gently held her by the shoulders, "No, look, you're not going anywhere, forget what I said, you're in no condition to drive so, stay."
Lisbon nodded, "okay," she answered quietly.
She didn't refuse, didn't even try. That said a lot about her condition.
"Come on," he placed a hand on her back and helped her enter his tent.
"Are you sure you're okay, Teresa?" The way she was walking, it wasn't just an arm injury.
"I'm fine, it just hurts a bit."
He helped her take a seat on his chair before switching on a dull light in the corner.
The chair was facing a mirror above an old and small dressing table, Lisbon stopped to look at herself; she used her finger to clean a speck of dry blood off her chin, not hers.
Her reflex was terrifying, it showed everything she didn't want to, every emotion she was trying to conceal, all exposed in her look. She was sure Patrick could see it as well.
Besides the mirror the only other thing over the table was a teacup, the liquid inside was hot, she could see smoke rising from it, and the sweet smell was filling the small space.
She held the cup with both hands and brought it close to her nose, shutting her eyes to breathe in the aroma.
So that's what it was. She recognized the soothing smell from Patrick, she was never quite able to distinguish.
"Nothing makes you remember like a smell," Jane interrupted her moment.
Lisbon stared at him by looking at the mirror; he was sitting on a bench behind her.
She set the teacup back where it was.
"You should drink that; it will make you feel better," she could hear the anxiety in his voice.
"I'm not the biggest fan of tea."
"Why not? It's like a hug in a cup," he tried his charming smile.
"That explains it, I'm not a hugger."
Teresa turned around to face him, just now acknowledging where she was. It felt like she had been moving on autopilot since she left the CBI building that night, and now, finally, she was becoming aware of what she was doing and her surroundings.
She noticed the dark curtains in front of her, and to the side of his bench, separating that room from the stage. Light entered through a crack, the place was well illuminated. She could see a group of people getting in, the few chairs she had vision on were occupied. She could hear them as well, moving around and talking. How did she not notice it before?
"This is your tent."
"Yeah, you're on my…dressing room," those words always sounded too elegant to describe that place.
"They are waiting for you," Jane followed her look to watch the shadows moving behind the draps.
"I'm not doing any show tonight, I'll ask Pete to tell them it was cancelled."
"No, it's okay, you should go."
"Is no big deal. They can go to other presentations."
She hesitated, "it's just, that I need some time to think. If I could stay here alone while you…do your thing."
"If you want some time alone I could take you to my trailer, or I could just leave you here and wait outside in case you need anything."
She didn't care for those choices, but talking was tiring and she just looked at him in silence.
"Okay, if that's what you want, I'll leave you here and go do… 'My thing', then."
Lisbon watched him getting up and putting on his jacket.
"If you need anything, call me, or toss a shoe at the curtains."
She laughed softly, "I will".
"And drink the tea."
Jane didn't like that at all. She had seen the show before, but it was different now, He didn't want her hearing him play cons in a room full of desperate people, taking advantage of them.
It had been years since he could feel any pleasure assuming the psychic part, but tonight was going to be excruciating. _
Lisbon held the warm cup in her hands and turned again to face the curtains. She needed some time alone just as much as she needed to know Patrick was no more than a few steps away from her.
She didn't have many friends, none to count in a situation like that. Mostly, Lisbon didn't like to rely on anyone. She always preferred to handle things on her own, now however, with Vince in her house, the circus seemed like the perfectly place to hide; and Jane, the con man, a reliable and trustful company. She was too tired to start questioning her choices or to find logic in them.
With every sip of tea, the fog in Lisbon's head slowly dissipated.
She returned her attention back to the show, Patrick's voice becoming again more than a comfortable noise in the background. She smiled when Jane looked back searching for her and completely lost track of what he was saying. He was so good with mumbo jumbo she thought the audience never even noticed his nonsense.
While choosing the victims for his con, Jane went for the ones he knew were there for pure entertainment and unbelievers. No pretending to speak with the dead this time, no famous cures and magical solutions for life problems, just silly tricks, guessing work. It wasn't a good show, Jane knew that. he thought it'd make him feel better but it only made it clearer how sick he was of doing that. The exhibition lasted for about 20 minutes but if felt like hours.
Not many were waiting for the psychic after the show; Jane was able to get rid of them in just a few minutes and with a single card with a woman's number on it. He waited until they were all outside to get behind the curtains.
"Hey."
Lisbon looked well, just a little tired, but Jane was just as bad.
"Hey. What happened to you?" It was a comment on his exhausted expression.
"Were you watching?"
"Sorry I wasn't paying much attention."
"Good."
He sat on the couch and Lisbon joined him.
"But I did notice you looking at me at very five seconds."
"Just making sure you hadn't escaped."
"Was the show really that bad?"
Jane chuckled; he was relieved she was finally looking at him in the eyes.
"You look better."
"I am." She felt a little embarrassed. "I wasn't thinking straight when I got here. I had time to put things into perspective."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I just want to lie down and forget about this day. Until tomorrow at least."
"Do you want to sleep here?"
She was more than surprised with his question.
"Take my bed; I can sleep on the couch."
"Patrick… Thank you but It's fine."
Lisbon side looked him amused.
"What?" Jane tried to read her.
"Isn't that a little out of character for a Casanova like yourself?"
"Casanova?" He pointed to himself. "Me?"
"Yeah, right. Like you don't have a different damsel in every city you ever woke up. Just waiting to have her heart broken again by the charming psychic."
"Well, two, in case one of there is busy when I come back."
Lisbon slapped his arm chuckling, "Hush. I'm not joking!"
"And I'm no heartbreaker; I've been nothing but a gentleman to you. But I appreciate the "charming"."
She laughed and they shared look.
"It's very sweet of you to offer, but I have to go."
"You can't drive that way."
"I'll manage."
Lisbon exhaled loudly, "What am I even doing here?" she asked herself frustrated, but regretted when she realized how that could sound to Jane. "I'm sorry," she looked at her empty teacup, "I'm really glad I came, I'm just confused."
"Don't apologize, it's alright." Jane looked down at his hand letting Lisbon know he was a little nervous. "But… the rain is getting stronger," he continued, "you could wait here for a bit, just until it's safe." She tried to protest but he interrupted, "and before you go, let me show you something. After that, I promise I won't insist for you to stay, and I'll drive you home if you want."
"Show me something? What is it?"
"You will have to come and see."
"I'm in no condition to do," she gestured to her body "…anything."
"You won't need to do anything just come with me to the main tent," he got up and offered his hand to help her.
"It was closed when I got here," she accepted his hand and slowly got up.
"I know. There's no presentation there today."
Outside, the shows were being cancelled and the public was leaving. The sky was black and not a single star was visible.
Jane and Lisbon were underneath his tent's little balcony, watching the movement. The furious wind was dropping posters and making hats fly.
"Everyone's leaving; it will be just you and me."
Lisbon arched her eyebrow at him. "I believe you were going to show me something?"
"Yes, come on."
Lisbon didn't seem to be able to run so Jane slowed down until she was comfortable with the pace, using his jacket over them to protect from the bitter rain.
He kept his free hand on her back the whole time, stroking her gently; it was the only part of her body that didn't felt cold, she wondered if he was aware of his movements.
When they reached the tent and his hand dropped, she let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding.
"So, there's a little problem with my plan."
"You don't say," she smirked.
"Would you be able to, hm, go up that ladder?" He pointed to the steps used to reach a platform used by circus performers.
"Patrick, at any other day I'd love to trapeze with you but today is just not a good day for me."
He smiled, "I'm serious."
"Why would I go up there?"
"You will see, come on, I'll help you."
"I don't need help," frustrated, Jane opened his mouth and closed again. Lisbon continued, "But I'll accept it, just so you won't look at me like that."
"Thank you." He said rolling his eyes.
He helped her up, but instead of taking her to the platform, he made her lie down in the safety net used by the aerialists.
"Okay, this is actually very comfortable."
"It gets a little better." He rolled over her and got down the stairs again.
"Hey, where are you going?"
"Just wait."
"Patrick if you leave me here, I swear."
"Of course I'm not leaving you there, calm down, woman."
She sighed. It hurt to turn to look down so she lay on her back, still able hear him.
Suddenly all the lights were turned off, before Lisbon could protest, the darkness became an immensity of stars reflected above her. An impressive special effect.
A moment later, Jane joined her.
"You have to admit, this is pretty nice."
"Fine." She smiled at his brag. "It's beautiful."
"Not as good as actually looking at the night sky, but it'll do it." "When I was a kid, I used to sleep here if it was raining."
"The airstream?"
Jane sighed, "My father wasn't the best person to share a small space like that."
Lisbon looked at him with eyes that knew too well what he meant. He had given hints of how his childhood had been like and unfortunately, she could relate to the worst of it.
Everything went quiet for a good while.
Without noticing, she was staring at Jane, making a map of his features. He was looking at the lights lost in thoughts of his own.
"Patrick?"
He turned to look at her.
"For how long are we going to pretend our fight never happened?"
"Do we really need to talk about that?"
"Yes. We do."
He sighed tired.
Lisbon continued: "You stormed off; I saw it on your face when you left my office that you didn't want to see me again. We can't let things as they are."
"But we're fine, aren't we? I overreacted. Now I'm over it. I still think I had the right to know, but I understand why you couldn't tell me."
"I just need you to know that it had nothing to do with trusting you, I never thought you would become part of that investigation."
"I know. I'm sorry, about everything I said. I guess I have some trust issue to work on."
"I'm sorry too. I was doing my job and that's all I thought about. I didn't consider how it would be for you…"
"I get it." He stared at her. "Thank you for the message."
She knew he was talking about the message she sent when she found out Jane's father had nothing to do with Marcos' scheme.
"And thank you, for the flowers."
Jane looked happy to know she got them.
"Why did you tell Vincent they were for Van Pelt?"
"I didn't want to cause you any trouble."
"I wouldn't do anything wrong by receiving flowers. You should have told him the truth, if he had anything to say he should say it to me."
Jane preferred not to comment on her strange, obvious need to pick a fight with her fiancé.
"Why? I didn't even know if you would accept the flowers."
"Yes, you did."
"Maybe, but I didn't have the right to assume that. And he didn't believe it anyway." "There's also the matter of, you know, his size."
Lisbon looked puzzled.
"I didn't want to get a guy that big as my enemy!"
She put a hand on her stomach and slapped him with the other, "Don't make me laugh!"
He smiled with her but he was focused on her eyes.
Every time they looked at each other, he could see she was being crushed by guilt, even now that she was feeling better, more alive and smiling, whenever those green emeralds looked back at him, it was like she was asking for forgiveness.
Given her state when he first saw her that night, and knowing what she did for a living, he guessed what happened, and hoped that wasn't going to affect her more than it should, that it wasn't going to break her.
Just like that, the conversation took an inevitable turn. Jane couldn't hide, actually, he didn't want to hide his worriedness.
His hand slowly lifted her shirt, sending shivers down her spine. She watched as his face turned into the same panicked expression, he had when he first saw her that day.
"How?" He asked but she didn't answer. There were multiple black spots on her belly, caused by a shotgun, he guessed.
"Please tell me you let the doctors take a look at these. I'd be the first one to tell you not to trust them but…you could have a broken rib or something."
"I don't, I would recognize the pain."
Hearing that stung. "You still need to take care of it."
"It's not like I hid and ran from the paramedics. I let them make this bandage." She tried to easy the moment, earning a faint smile from Jane. "But I will check with them again, tomorrow, I swear."
His hand reached for the bruises on her stomach, his fingers tenderly caressing the area, light as a feather.
Lisbon's breath got faster and heavier.
"Does it hurt when you breathe?"
"I took some painkillers, they did the trick."
She put her hand over his. "I'm going to be fine, don't worry," she said before unfolding her shirt back into place.
Jane looked at her in silence as if apologizing for crossing any lines.
"If you weren't wearing a vest…"
"But I was, nothing happened," she couldn't deny it wasn't all that bad to know how much he cared about her, but he looked so scared she felt guilty and a need to calm him down.
"How can you say this is nothing?" His voice was hoarse and so low she could barely hear him over the sound of the rain outside.
He laid down on his back again and watched the star shaped lights dancing above. He closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, "What happened today?"
Silence.
"You don't have to tell me, but it might be good to let it out."
"A woman died today, and it was my fault."
He had to wait a moment before asking: "How was it your fault?"
"I told her I'd protect her. I promised, but I got there too late," her voice broke; she closed her eyes to recompose herself.
"I'm sorry," He said firmly looking into her eyes. He wish he had something better to say, but it was pointless to tell her it wasn't her fault, Teresa knew that already, but she would need time to digest it.
"It was the first time I lost someone like that since I became in charge of the unit. I was calling the shots, I was responsible for the investigation, and I was responsible for getting there too late."
"Teresa, I don't envy your job but isn't that even… common? I'm absolutely sure you did your best, but you can't win every time."
"I know that, but I shouldn't have promised her. I could've done things different," "…If I had got there sooner, she would be alive," rage was getting the best of her.
"Did you get her killer?"
"We did. The son of a bitch will pay for her life."
She wiped a single tear with her palm. Her face was pure anger.
"No one had the courage to stand against him, no one but Amanda."
"She knew of the risks when she decided to help you."
"Or maybe she really believed I could protect her."
Lisbon surprised herself with how much she was telling Jane.
"He went to my office, he mocked my team and I couldn't do anything." "I always judged my superiors when they didn't go by the book, but if I had learned anything with them..."
"But that's not you, Teresa."
"No, it isn't," she said, not entirely sure that was a good thing.
It seemed nothing else could be said and the discussion died there. Once again, they were silent. But this time Lisbon was feeling much better, the guilt was still there and she wouldn't get rid of it so easily, but having someone to share those feelings made it all better.
Lisbon revisited that day. What could have happened if she wasn't wearing the damn vest? What would she regret? Facing death was not a rare occurrence in her line of duty; she couldn't question her whole life every time she heard a gunshot. But this time she couldn't help but think about her current situation.
Maybe being with Jane for the next week wouldn't change her life, but why not live that experience with someone who could make her feel so good, when the alternative was to be stuck with someone that didn't add anything to her life and was rather becoming a nuisance.
Normally a day like that would lead to her crying alone for a night, coming back to work avoiding the subject at the same time, immersing herself so deep into a case she would forget about the world. She would act calm for everyone to see while the anger was eating her up to the point she thought she was going to explode.
She didn't want to imagine what she would be capable of, if things got out of her hands. If she couldn't make things right, again. Her destructive way of dealing with frustrations and traumas was scary, but that was her process, it had always been. Letting someone inside, a stranger no less, that was new. She couldn't just ignore him.
"Patrick. I'm sorry, I have to go." Lisbon quickly raised her upper body forgetting about her bruises, she clenched her teeth to hold back a moan of pain, and closed her eyes tightly.
Jane was already behind her, he put a hand over her wounds and she rested her back against his chest, it hurt so bad she thought she was going to pass out.
"Stay here, you can go in the morning." He whispered.
"You promised you wouldn't insist."
He pressed his forehead against her back and sighed. "Yeah, I did."
He licked his lips, a little anxious, "Are you going to be alright?"
"Don't worry. I'll be fine; it felt good to talk with you."
"Just promise me you won't let this get into your head."
"I won't."
"Amanda died because she wanted to do the right thing. She wouldn't blame you for it." the seriousness in his tone got Lisbon's full attention.
"Jane?"
"Hm?"
"This won't be the last time we'll see each other. This time I'm sure of it."
