AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I AM SO SORRY FOR MY ABSENCE! I have no excuses other than a simple lack of motivation. I'm heinously ashamed that this fic has been taking so long to write so I'm focusing only on it for the time being! I'm now aiming to upload as much as possible as soon as possible. I'm doing my best, so please bear with me!
Okay! Small recap for people who want to refresh their mind about what's happened: Matthew chose Dauntless after Al at the choosing ceremony and since then their relationship has become rocky at best. Their instructor is Gilbert, who Matthew has realized he has conflicting feelings for. Matthew feels he doesn't belong in Dauntless at all but wants to stay with Al. The initiates are now competing to see who gets to stay in the faction because a total of five initiates will be cut by the final stage. Matthew's chances of making it are slim to none but he's trying his best but he's met some Dauntless born who appear to want to help him. They are being ranked during their current stage by how well they fight. Matthew has lost one round (boy got REKT) and won one round.
The door to the dormitory was thrown open with a bang, people streamed into the room with flash lights. Heavy boots thunked against the ground thunderously, rousing the initiates from their dreams.
Matthew sat up quickly, startled awake by the sudden noise. He glanced around the room, squinting through the dark to see what was going on. His mind was groggy from having just drifted off to sleep and the painkiller that was slowly making it's way through his system.
"Everybody up!" A penetrating voice demanded. A flash light moved past the speaker's face and Matthew could faintly make out the sharp features of Francis, who had a wicked smirk on his handsome face. He stood with other Dauntless members, most of which Matthew didn't recognize. A flash of silvery hair caught his attention and Matthew realized Gilbert stood at Francis' side, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Hey, Stiff! Did you get hit in the head too hard or are you just deaf?" Gilbert asked, flashing his light over to Matthew's bed. Matthew's injured eye burned at the sudden brightness and he quickly ducked his head, snapping out of his daze.
He slid out of bed, very much regretting his choice of night clothing. He stood beside his bunk, arms crossed protectively over his slim chest, while he looked up through his soft lashes at the intruders.
Gilbert's light illuminated Matthew from head to toe, the light revealing that he wore only his long Abnegation t-shirt, his legs were left completely bare.
Gilbert's gaze flicked over his form, lingering on his pale lean thighs, before once again meeting his eyes. Matthew felt his heart skip a beat and he looked down at his toes, embarrassed.
Matthew nibbled his lip, instantly regretting the action when pain echoed from the still swollen wound. He prayed no one was looking at him, but Gilbert's light was trained on him and he knew he was completely visible, lack of pants and all.
Clearly he wasn't the only one who had chosen to sleep in some less than appropriate attire because Francis spoke up again, addressing the group as a whole.
"You have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks." He flashed his light across the confused faces of the sleepy transfers. "We're going on a field trip."
Matthew blinked his bleary eyes, trying to adjust to the sudden wakefulness. Around him the others dressed quickly. He tugged on his pants and shoes, and turned toward the door, ready to leave.
A grunt of effort came from behind him and he glanced back. Lovino sat at the edge of his bed, struggling to tie his shoes. He bent forward before groaning and pulling his shoulders back in an effort to dull the ache.
Matthew recalled the other day when Lovino mentioned having to fight Im Yong Soo and how he almost popped his shoulder out of it's socket.
With a slight grimace at the memory Matthew stepped closer and knelt down in front of Lovino.
"What are you doing?" Lovino asked, glaring down at him.
"I'm helping you." Matthew said, swiftly tying the laces of his left boot. He moved to the right but Lovino jerked his foot back.
"I don't need help." He snapped.
"Didn't Candor teach you not to lie?" Matthew quipped. He was irritated that Lovino couldn't just accept the assistance he needed. All he was trying to do was help him when he was in need. "If you really don't want my help I'll go."
Lovino opened and closed his mouth before giving up. He gave a small sigh of resignation. "Fine," He muttered, sticking his leg out again.
Matthew hummed to himself as he tied the other lace and stood up. "You're welcome."
"Thanks," Lovino grunted, shoving himself off the bed.
The two hurried out of the room together, following their fellow initiates down the winding hallways of the dark Dauntless compound. The faction members seemed unfazed as the bed-headed, sleepy-eyed transfers sprinted up the winding pathways toward the railway. Matthew wondered briefly, as he did his best to keep up with the others, just how many times the Dauntless saw people sprinting for their lives on a daily basis.
Matthew followed behind Carlos as they left the compound and trotted across the hard ground. A cool breeze rustled Matthew's already messy curls. A large group hovered by the train tracks, a pile of something oddly shaped was mere feet beside Francis, who stood proudly at the front of the gathering.
Matthew stared at the objects, waiting for them to come into focus. His good eye was still fending off sleep while the other ached every time he blinked. He spotted Arthur, huddled near Alfred and edged his way closer to them, being careful to stick close to the front of the group so he could still see what was going on. The Dauntless borns were a tall group.
He was caught by the arm suddenly and he turned, coming face to face with Belle. She smiled and jerked her head to the side. "Me and Sadik are over here, come stand with us!"
Matthew cast a glance back at Arthur and Alfred before allowing Belle to lead him by the wrist over to the group of Dauntless-borns.
"Are we going to be doing some target practice?" Belle asked, her eyes glinting mischievously. Matthew followed her gaze to the pile beside Francis and he squinted his good eye. Through the dark he made out a cluster of long gun barrels and trigger guards.
"They're just paint ball guns." Sadik stated, nodding his head toward a large crate of what appeared to be ammunition that had the word "PAINT-BALLS" written across the side in large writing.
"Alright, everyone!" Francis called over the chatter. "Grab a gun and a pack of paint balls!"
Belle stepped forward excitedly and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "You guys wait here, I'll grab 'em for ya!" She hurried forward, into the rush of bodies all grabbing and snatching the items.
Sadik leaned closer to Matthew and ducked his head, speaking softly. "I know we practised a bit earlier, but I never got to ask. How's your eye doing? Still bad?"
Matthew nodded his head. "Hurts pretty bad, but its fine."
"Lemme see?" Sadik gently grabbed Matthew's chin and tilted his head back. Matthew could feel the heat rushing to his face at their close proximity.
Sadik inspected his eye with a careful gaze. After a moment he whistled and shook his head. "It looks pretty nasty, Matthew. Do you have anything for it?"
"Ah, um, no. Just painkillers. Um, Arthur said it'll heal on its own in a couple of weeks." Matthew stuttered out his sentence, struggling to keep his composure while Sadik's face was so close to his own.
"Good," Sadik smiled warmly, "maybe if-"
"Hey," A voice interrupted from beside them. Matthew was mortified when he saw Gilbert standing there, his arms crossed over his chest, glaring at them. "How about instead of fondling the little transfers you go and grab a paint ball gun like you're supposed to?" Gilbert snapped.
Sadik released Matthew's chin and stood up straight. "Belle's getting them for us, Gil. And I was just looking at his eye. No fondling here." He raised his eyebrows, looking more amused than anything.
Matthew glanced between them. Sadik had referred to Gilbert as 'Gil', just as Liz often did. Did that mean they were friends? Jealousy sparked inside him and he tried to ignore it.
Gilbert grunted in response, turning and making his way back to Francis, who was staring off into the distance. Matthew followed his line of vision and saw a small circle of light growing steadily larger as it approached. His stomach dropped when he realized that of course they would be taking the train.
Matthew glanced back to Gilbert who faced the oncoming lights of the train. The lights cast faint shadows in the hollows of his cheekbones and Matthew quickly looked away, trying not to think of how handsome Gilbert looked, even at obscure hours of the night.
Belle appeared out of nowhere, quickly draping a paint ball gun over his shoulder, letting the heavy metal rest against his back. She pressed a pack of paint balls into his pocket and hurried to do the same with Sadik.
Francis and the Dauntless members were the first people to jump onto the train. Gilbert held back with the initiates, keeping just ahead of them as they began to sprint alongside the tracks.
Matthew watched, with a mix of curiosity and fascination, as Gilbert easily pulled himself into the train car. Unlike the others who had jumped on and disappeared into the dark of the train, Gilbert turned and held his hand out, helping the next person behind him into the moving car.
Only one person was a head of Matthew and when Sadik effortlessly jumped into the darkness of the car, he was next.
And there was Gilbert's hand, pale and rough, reaching toward him. Matthew grabbed his arm, noting quickly how soft the fabric of Gilbert's dark jacket was and that even through it he could feel the taut, defined muscles.
Once inside Matthew quickly released him and hurried to stand out of the way. He leaned against the wall of the train car and nibbled his sore, cracked lip.
It took less than 30 seconds for everyone to gather inside, and as once they all were, Mathias spoke up from the shadows. Matthew grimaced when he realized two out of the three Dauntless leaders were with them, though he wasn't sure why they made him feel that way.
"Listen up, everyone! We'll be dividin' ya up into two groups to play a special version of hide-and-seek. Each team is gonna have a mix of Dauntless-born initiates and transfers. One team will get off first and hide. Then the second team will get off and seek. Hiders can shoot seekers and seekers can shoot hiders. The first team to have all of their members hit loses." His voice turned serious as he added, "This is a Dauntless tradition, so take it seriously."
Matthew felt someone brush against his shoulder and he glanced over. Alfred leaned against the small space of free wall beside him, but kept his eyes forward. A warm sense of safety and comfort began building in his chest and he pressed close to Alfred, aching for the sense of home he hadn't felt in so long.
"Who are the team leaders?" Arthur asked.
Francis stepped forward. "I will be one, and Gilbert the other."
"An' I'm the judge." Mathias grinned.
"What do we get if our team wins?" Someone called from the back, Matthew didn't recognize the voice.
"That's the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask," Gilbert remarked, "You get to win, obviously."
"Let's divide up the transfers first, shall we?" Francis looked at Gilbert, and placed his hands on his hips. Matthew groaned inwardly, he was always chosen last during sports related things at school and he knew it would be no different there. "You go first."
"Matthew." Gilbert said instantly, no hesitation or uncertainty in his voice. Beside him, Alfred stiffened. A chorus of snickers erupted and Matthew ducked his head, flushing both from anger at being laughed at and extreme giddiness from Gilbert choosing him first.
Francis gave him a strange look, before turning his attention back to the small crowd of initiates. "Alfred." He said, training his eyes on the two brothers leaning against one another.
Matthew tried to concentrate on Gilbert and Francis and who they were going to pick but his heart was beating so loudly he could hear his blood thumping in his ears.
Gilbert leaned back against the door frame of the car and rubbed his chin in thought. The moonlight reflected off his eyes, making them seem bright and sharp as he scanned the group. "Lovino."
Francis quirked his eyebrow but made no comment. "Ivan," He said, nodding his chin toward the biggest of the transfers.
"Arthur."
"Do you have something to prove, Gilbert?" Francis asked with a sneer, "Or are you just picking all the small ones so you have someone to blame your loss on?"
"Something like that." Gilbert said, shrugging and giving Francis a sly grin.
Francis narrowed his eyes in suspicion and brought his hand up, subconsciously rolling his small labret piercing between his thumb and index finger.
Matthew caught sight of Arthur who now had an unpleasant scowl on his face, clearly displeased with having whatever Gilbert's strategy was being based off his height, or lack there of.
Matthew knew he should be angry too, angry at Gilbert for insulting them like that but he still felt excited that he had been chosen first, or to be exact, that Gilbert had chosen him first.
"Carlos." Francis said, breaking Matthew's train of thought.
"Last one left is Im Yong Soo, so he's with me." Gilbert said.
Another small joy, Matthew realized, was that he didn't have to deal with Ivan or Carlos being on his team.
"Dauntless-born initiates next."
Matthew zoned out, only catching that Belle was on his team and Sadik wasn't. He watched the dark night breeze by the open train car door. He wondered exactly what time it was, he and Sadik had practised in the training room until almost midnight and he felt like he hadn't been asleep for long before the Dauntless came barging in.
Matthew tuned back in just to hear there was an odd number of initiates and Francis stood smirking and waving toward Gilbert. "You can have the last one, your scrawny team needs all the help it can get."
"Don't do me any favours, Francis." Gilbert retorted, his signature proud smirk spreading across his face. "You know I don't need them to win."
"Fine, you'll lose no matter how many people are on your team anyway." Francis snapped, "She's with me then."
Gilbert snickered slightly. "Do you want hiders or seekers?"
"I had hiders last year- if you don't recall- so my team will seek."
"Fine with me." Gilbert turned back to the group. "If I picked you for my team, we're getting off any second."
Matthew eased away from the wall as the others on Gilbert's team rose and gathered near the door. The train dipped toward the ground and they surged out. Bodies all clothed in varying shades of black (and Matthew in his grey) hit the ground, landing in various poses.
Matthew landed on his feet but had to run forward a few steps from the momentum to keep from toppling over. He bounced on his toes excitedly when he realized he had stuck a train jump landing for the first time and he felt proud at the small accomplishment.
He looked around at the others. Arthur was casually brushing his knees off and Lovino was furiously smacking dirt off his elbows, cursing under his breath.
"Where's the best place to hide?" Belle asked, tapping Gilbert's shoulder to get his attention.
"Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the exercise, Belle." He responded coolly.
"There's an old business neighbourhood that way, it's basically rubble but it's probably good for hiding." Said a Dauntless-born initiate with straight blond hair. He was taller than Matthew, though just barely, and had lean muscle. His voice was flat and monotone, as though he could care less if they listened to him or not.
No one objected, Matthew because he had never been in this part of the city before. They had to cross a large, old metal bridge to get to the area, Matthew glanced over the side, at the dark water beneath it and grimaced.
There was one river that raced through the city, from one side of the fence to the other, all the other rivers and even one lake had been turned into muddy marshes. Though Matthew had never seen the lake, he still had a hard time imagining a larger body of water than what the river could hold.
"This is near Navy Pier, right?" Belle asked.
"Yup," Gilbert confirmed, "It's part of the abandoned parts of the city, across the bridge."
"Aren't we pretty close to Erudite headquarters too?" Lovino asked.
Matthew turned his eyes to Arthur and Im Yong Soo, almost in unison the two glanced over their shoulders. Their expressions were completely different. Im Yong Soo scrunched up his nose and shook his head, while Arthur, for the briefest second, had a flash of longing in his eyes. He quickly turned back to the front.
Across the bridge was a completely different world than what Matthew was used to. Almost all of the buildings behind them were in use or at least looked like they were being maintained. In front of them a sea of broken glass and crumbling concrete decorated the ground. Old abandoned buildings began appearing around them as they edged their way toward the centre of the old neighbourhood. There weren't many, maybe six that Matthew thought would be safe enough to actually enter, the rest were just crumbled stone and old metal frames.
The silence was eerie. Matthew had never heard a quiet like it. It reminded him of nightmares and he shivered. It was hard to see where they were going, it was well after midnight and all the city lights had been long turned off. All they had was the small light cast by the moon when it wasn't being shrouded by clouds.
The blond Dauntless-born initiate clicked on a flash light and shone it along the ground.
"What, you scared of the dark Lukas?" Belle teased.
"No, but if you really want to step on broken glass be my guest." The boy-Lukas, snapped. He clicked off the flash light regardless.
It hit Matthew then, the realization that there was nothing especially brave about wandering around the dark streets with no flash light, but for some reason the Dauntless would, if only to be more self sufficient. That just to prove they were strong and independent, they would make things more difficult for themselves. The Dauntless were supposed to be capable of anything.
They stopped next to one of the buildings, it's sign had been ripped off and the windows were boarded up with old wood planks. Matthew wondered what it used to be.
Gilbert turned to them, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. "The other team will come looking in ten minutes. The goal is for you to find the best possible hiding place so you can take them out before they take you out." He looked between their faces. "It's best that you take this time to formulate a strategy as a group. Mental preparedness is an aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect."
Belle swung her gun around and rested her finger on the guard. "I think we should all hide together, in one of the buildings close to the bridge. We can launch a full frontal paint ball attack from there and it'll be harder for them to reach all of us."
Lukas shook his head. "It's stupid for us all to be together, they could surround us and take us out all at once."
"We should try and get as high as possible and take them out from above." Added another blond Dauntless-born boy. He had a soft face and gentle features, his cheeks were rosy from the cool night air.
"You're just saying that because you've got a crazy sniper shot, Tino." Belle shook her head. "I need to be closer to my target."
"We should have people low and high," Arthur said suddenly. "It would make sense, maybe even have people on each side of the street as well."
"Do these buildings have two floors?" Lovino asked Gilbert.
He nodded his head in confirmation.
"Then there. We split up and the people who shoot the best from higher up or further away take the second floor. People who need a solid close target shoot from the lower levels."
Belle shifted. "Maybe we should have some people hang out outside and shoot from the dark shadows between the buildings?"
Matthew turned to Gilbert, stepping closer so he would hear him. "Um, do we have to stay in one place the whole time or can we move around as long as we stay out of sight?"
Gilbert's lips twitched upwards at the corners and he nodded. "Good question, Matthew. You are allowed to move around, if you aren't seen, they can't call you out or shoot you."
"Wait, what?" Arthur stepped forward. "What did Matthew ask?"
"If you can move around during all of this. As long as you stay hidden you can move around."
"I thought we had to stay in one place!" Tino bit his lip. "Well this could be good, we can have the people outside moving around and keeping a watch."
They continued back and forth, until Matthew was exhausted just from listening to their plans. They split up when Gilbert told them they had one minute before the seekers came to find them. After an argument between Belle and Arthur, they agreed on a plan of attack. There were seven initiates and a handful of older Dauntless members, so they split off separately, one initiate per each building with Belle prowling around the front lines. Tino and Lukas were both on either side of the street, shooting from the second floor windows of the first intact buildings. The rest placed themselves further and further back on the ground level, and were to move around silently and stay hidden in the small spaces between the buildings and broken walls.
Matthew leaned against the cool brick exterior of one of the farthest buildings, stifling a yawn with his hand. He stood just in the shadows, enough that he could peek around the corner and see if anyone was coming, though in all honesty he would much rather be sleeping than playing a game of glorified hide and seek. Beside him was a doorway, a side entrance to one of the stores, the boards had been pulled off but the room had looked completely empty when he had peeked inside.
He heard the sound of paint balls being shot and he wondered who was shooting, their team or Francis'? He could hear voices, laughing and yelling but still from a distance.
He toyed with the trigger of his paint ball gun, hoping that no one actually made their way this far back and that he wouldn't have to shoot it.
He could hear footsteps on the pavement, running around in the dark. He wondered if it was Belle, she had a fiery glow in her eyes when they all split up and he figured she would be a strong competitor.
Bored, tired, and completely inattentive, Matthew pulled a hand up and rubbed his eye. He wanted the game to end as quickly as possible, how long could it even really last?
Suddenly a hand clamped over his mouth from behind. Startled, Matthew dropped his gun and began clawing fiercely at the offending appendage. He was pulled back by an arm wrapping around his torso and panic welled inside his chest as he was pulled into the dark doorway of the abandoned building.
Fear gripped his heart as he wiggled and tried in vain to free his mouth. The hand was large enough that it covered part of his nose and he was beginning to have a hard time breathing.
Anxiety clouded his mind, he couldn't remember any of the fighting techniques he had been taught. His eyes stung as his airways began to constrict, burning for oxygen.
"Shhh!" The person hissed, pressing him against the inside wall. "And stop-stop struggling!"
Matthew recognized the harsh whisper at once and froze. He twisted, trying to see behind him and the person released their grip on him.
"Gilbert?" Matthew squawked.
"Shh!" Gilbert pressed tightly against Matthew, forcing him against the wall. He squirmed and tried to put some space between them before he heard voices passing by the door, where he had been standing moments ago.
"See? I told you! No one's back here, let's keep moving."
" But I could have sworn I heard something."
"Well you fucking didn't."
Matthew froze, realizing Gilbert was keeping him hidden with his dark clothing, using his jacket hood to keep his pale hair from showing. Of course, Matthew realized too late, he'd be easier to see in his gray Abnegation clothing.
They listened to the retreating steps of the other team members before Gilbert lowered his head to look into Matthew's eyes.
"Remember when Mathias said this game should be taken seriously?"
Matthew nodded numbly, unsure of whether he felt relieved it was Gilbert or more anxious now than before.
"Did you intend to just stand there and let them shoot you? Were you even paying attention?" Gilbert didn't sound like he was chastising him, rather his tone was light and almost teasing.
Matthew could feel his senses slowly coming back to him. Angry, he should be angry for being startled like that. He placed his hands on Gilbert's chest and tried to shove him away. "Why did you grab me like that? You scared the hell out of me!"
Gilbert hardly reacted to the shove, instead of stepping back he moved closer to Matthew, placing his hands on either side of Matthew's head, blocking him from escaping.
"Oooh," Gilbert smirked down at him, "Did a Stiff just swear at me? Scandalous!"
Matthew felt heat rising to his cheeks, Gilbert's face was barely inches from his own. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and turned his head away from Gilbert's, choosing instead to stare into the darkness of the room.
"What's wrong, Stiff? Don't like when I stand this close to you?" Gilbert's voice was harsh, grating. And Matthew loved it, just the sound of his husky whispers made him weak in the knees.
"Don't call me that." Matthew said sharply, turning back to Gilbert and looking him straight in the eye.
"What, a Stiff? You are one." Gilbert cocked his head to the side, his eyes held a condescending gleam.
"No I'm not." Matthew said firmly, before lowering his voice and adding, "Not any more."
Gilbert leaned closer to him, so close Matthew could feel Gilbert's warm breath against his lips. "You'll always be a Stiff."
Matthew clenched his jaw and turned his head away again, glaring at nothing. Gilbert didn't move right away, he stood watching Matthew silently before he slowly dropped his arms and took a step back.
"Game's gonna be over soon," Gilbert said, sliding his hands into his jacket pockets. "I saw Belle flailing around two paint ball guns, so I'm pretty sure she took out most of the other team by herself." He snickered, "I don't even know where she got the second gun, now that I think about it."
Matthew tried to suppress a smile, because he could perfectly imagine Belle doing just that, and glanced back at Gilbert.
"See you in a while... Matthew." Gilbert winked before he sauntered out the door and into the night.
Matthew stared after him, aching to follow but forbidding himself to do so.
Matthew left his hideout when he saw Arthur walk past, gun slung carelessly over his shoulder.
"Arthur!" Matthew chirped quietly, trying to get his attention.
Arthur tensed and turned, relaxing when he saw it was only Matthew.
"Is the game over yet?" Matthew asked, trotting to catch up with him. "I'm so tired."
"I think so, Lovino said he was heading back to the bridge because he saw Gilbert heading that way, so I came to see if I could find you... And I did. So want to head that way?" Arthur chatted casually, his eyes skirted around them, though Matthew couldn't hear or see anyone.
"Do you know which team won?"
"I believe we did, Belle's really competitive and the rest of us moved around a lot and are apparently very good hiders." Arthur raked his eyes over Matthew's body. "Plus neither of us appear to have been shot."
They walked along in silence, listening to the faint sound of chatting and the occasional shot from a paint ball gun.
There was a crowd at the bridge, a mix of the two teams though Matthew couldn't spot Alfred amongst them.
Arthur shifted his paint ball gun to his other shoulder. "I'm going to see what's up." He gestured toward Gilbert and Mathias, who stood off to the side chatting. A lit cigarette hung from Mathias's lips.
Matthew made his way over to Sadik who was leaning over the side of the metal bridge.
"Hey." He greeted quietly.
Sadik peered over his shoulder and nodded his head once in acknowledgement. "Hey."
"What's going on?" Matthew asked, stepping closer to look over the side of the bridge.
"Belle dropped her gun and it got stuck on one of the bars. She's trying to get it but I don't think she can reach."
"It's not that I can't reach!" Belle called up.
Matthew caught sight of Belle who leaned against one of the vertical metal supports, her head tossed back to yell up at them.
"What's wrong then, Belle?" Matthew asked, peering over the edge of the metal railing, trying to get a better look at her.
She pursed her lips, looking slightly disgruntled and irritated. "I can't get through the bars. My hips are too delicious to fit."
Matthew tried to suppress his grin at her choice of words. He turned when a hand grabbed his shoulder.
"What did she say was wrong?" Sadik asked, squinting.
"Oh, um," Matthew flushed, "She said... Her hips are too big to fit through the bars."
"I said 'delicious'!" Belle yelled in indignation.
"I'm not saying that!" Matthew squawked in embarrassment.
Sadik snorted and shook his head. "What should we do Belle?"
"Send down someone with small hips!" She yelled.
Sadik frowned and glanced around. "Mine are too thick, I think. Oh, Arthur! Come here!"
Arthur had already ended his conversation with Gilbert and Mathias and was on his way over. "What is it?"
Sadik tossed a thumb over his shoulder. "Belle dropped her gun and can't reach it because her hips are too wide. Think yours are small enough to fit?"
Arthur glanced over the metal railing and blanched, quickly pulling away again. He turned to Matthew and looked him up and down, his face pale. "Honestly, I think his hips are smaller, Matthew might fit better."
"Come 'ere." Sadik grunted, grabbing a hold of Arthur's hips. He squeezed briefly before turning to Matthew and grabbing his hips. He hummed in thought as he compared them.
Matthew glanced at Arthur, pale faced and large eyebrows knit in unease.
"I can try to get it?" He offered, letting his gun drop from his shoulder.
Sadik stepped back and raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure?"
Matthew nodded his head, biting his lip. "What do I do?"
Arthur grabbed Matthew's gun and eased the strap over his shoulder, letting it rest against his own.
Sadik guided Matthew to the ledge and for a brief second Matthew was reminded of the first day at the Dauntless compound, of Alfred grabbing him and jumping over the side of the building. The fear in his stomach as they plummeted into the unknown.
He shivered and tried to suppress the memory.
"Okay, see that bar there? All you gotta do it lower yourself to it. Belle can show you where to go after that."
Matthew bopped his head and swung one leg over the railing.
"And I'm right here, so don't sweat it too much, okay?" Sadik grinned, keeping his hands on Matthew's arms to help him.
"Got it." Matthew nodded, swinging his other leg over the side of the railing. He turned to face the dark water beyond and felt his stomach twist into knots at the sight.
"Okay, face me." Sadik instructed. "It's easier to climb that way."
Matthew turned back, his legs already shaking. He bit his lip hard, ignoring the stinging pain.
"You can climb down a few bars there, right below your feet. Belle, you ready?" He called.
"Yup!" She hollered back.
Matthew lowered his foot, finding the metal beam easily. Slowly and carefully he eased himself down to the next. His hands were beginning to sweat and he tightened his grip.
Sadik held his wrists firmly until finally Matthew was out of reach and he was forced to reluctantly let go. He leaned far over the side as he could, watching intently.
Matthew moved to lower himself to the next rung, but couldn't find it with his foot, he tried to glance down but all the metal bars made it hard to maneuver himself.
He felt cold, clammy hands suddenly grab a hold of his hips, just above the hem of his pants and under his shirt. He tensed in surprise.
"You have to drop the last of the way, there's no more bars to climb. It's only a foot or two of a drop." Belle said, her grip tight. She was reaching up above her head to hold him. "Don't worry, I got you."
Matthew squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. As he exhaled he released his grip and dropped.
The metal clunked loudly when he landed and they both wobbled, trying to maintain their balance.
"Okay?" Belle asked, slowly releasing his hips. "We're okay?"
Matthew nodded his head, relieved for the moment. "Yeah, we're okay."
Belle lowered herself onto her knees, the metal base they stood on was no bigger than a meter, either side. Matthew followed suit, sinking to his knees. The platform felt flimsy under them.
"See, I dropped it and it hit this-" she smacked the base they crouched on, "and bounced down there." She pointed toward the darkness on the inside of the bridge structure. A maze of huge metal girders and supports ran every which way.
Matthew caught sight of the paint ball gun, not far from where they sat. It had fallen a couple feet lower and sat resting, caught between two supports. The problem was the two thick wire tethers that crossed in front of them, blocking the way. A small triangle of space was open at the bottom and Matthew could how Belle's hips wouldn't have fit. He wondered if his would even fit.
"You see it?" Belle asked.
"Yeah, I see it." Matthew turned back to her. "I just have to squeeze through these wire things and get it?"
"Basically, you should be able to grab it from here once you get your hips between the wires. I got caught at the stomach or I could have grabbed it. Then just pass it to me and we can get back up there."
Matthew nodded his head, cautiously lowering himself onto his stomach. He took a deep breath to calm himself when he felt gusts of wind blow against his legs, which hung over the far edge of the base.
He ducked his head under the point where the tethers crossed and carefully wiggled forward, easing one shoulder through the narrow space at a time. He felt his shirt tug in the back, caught on a fray in the tether and Belle pulled it loose for him. Letting her hands rest securely on his back.
He struggled to pull his arm through, caught at the tightest point, but managed to get it free. He slid forward, shimmying and wiggling to move on his stomach. His other arm easily freed itself, stretching out. He grabbed one of the metal beams and pulled himself forward, letting the wires rest against his hips.
Matthew felt unbalanced now, with move than half of his body hanging off the base. The worst part would be leaning down, seeing the unruly darkness below, and attempting to gather the gun.
"Doin' good, Matthew." Belle murmured in encouragement.
He focused, slowly letting go of the rung in front of him in favour of one hand holding the base his lower half rested on and reaching for the paint ball gun.
The moment he began to reach for it and he realized how close he was, if he just shimmied forward a tiny bit he'd have it within grabbing distance. Without warning the entire structure let out a loud groan and the platform they sat on trembled threateningly.
Matthew and Belle let out startled cries in unison. She jumped, one hand fisting the back of his shirt tightly and the other shot out, grabbing the closest railing. Matthew screwed his eyes shut and silently prayed that his death be quick and painless.
"HEY!" A frenzied, irritated voice came from above. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?!"
The distinct voice belonged, of course, to Gilbert, though Matthew didn't have the courage to actually look up and confirm.
"G-gun." Belle chocked out, clearing her throat before she spoke again. "I dropped my gun and we're just trying t-" The platform shivered again, dropping an inch. They both screamed in surprise. "OHMYGOD!" Belle shouted.
"Are you okay?!" Sadik yelled.
"WHAT THE FUCK?" Gilbert shouted over him. "Forget the fucking gun and get your asses up here!"
With the platform slowly sinking under their combined weight, Matthew was now closer to the paint ball gun (and being disembowelled by sharp wire tethers but he tried not to focus too much on that). He quickly jerked his arm forward, straining his hand, and snatched the paint ball gun by the barrel.
He wiggled backwards, half pulled out by a frantic Belle, and shoved the gun into her hands. She slipped it over her head and one shoulder, letting it fall against her back.
They both stood up and took a step toward the bars, where it was easier to climb. The platform tipped when they stepped close to the edge and they quickly tried to balance it again, gathering together at the centre.
Belle, still clutching the back of Matthew's shirt, tossed her head back to look up at the others. Matthew worried his lip, glancing longingly at the bars. All he wanted was to be asleep, even if it was at the Dauntless compound. He hated that they had come out to play some stupid game he hadn't even participated in and he hated the stupid Dauntless traditions.
"Um..." Belle furrowed her perfectly shaped eyebrows. "Guys, we have a bit of a problem."
"What's wrong?" Sadik asked.
"Well..." Belle hesitated, glancing back to the supports. "I don't think we can climb back up. If we step on the sides of the platform it tips and we'll probably fall and die. I don't think the edges of this thing were ever bolted down or whatever!"
There was a string of curses from above and Matthew couldn't tell if it was from Sadik or Gilbert.
"Can you find another way back up?" Arthur called, his voice sounded muffled and most distant than the others.
The voices from above floated on the wind and Matthew could faintly make out the chatter from everyone above them.
"I guess we can try..." Belle muttered. "I don't really dig the idea of dying on a piece of crap rusty bridge."
Matthew tried to force a laugh at her joke but it came out as a pitiful whine. She tried to give him a reassuring smile, though it was just as forced.
Belle swivelled around, as daintily as she could, taking in the little she could see of the structure around them.
"Maybe..." She frowned and shook her head before trying a different approach. "How about... OH!" She nudged Matthew with her elbow. "Look here! There's a beam under this!"
Matthew followed her pointed finger. A long girder stretched as far as he could see from underneath the platform they stood on. Matthew realized the thin sheet of metal they stood on had been bolted only once, dead centre. Clearly it's intended purpose was not to hold people.
"We can walk along that, right?" Belle looked determined as she nodded her head excitedly. "We totally can! Look, we walk along that and get to a spot where we can climb up."
Matthew grimaced. "It goes out far over the river, though... What if we fall?"
"Better than falling the other way." She said, beckoning behind her with a thumb. "It's dirt back there. Fall on that and we're D.O.I."
"D.O.I?" He asked.
"Dead on impact." She said simply, shrugging a shoulder.
Matthew swallowed thickly. She was right, he knew she was. But he still didn't like the idea.
"Okay." He nodded. "Let's do that."
"You go first." Belle instructed. "That way I'll know where not to step if you fall."
"Belle!" Matthew squeaked.
She laughed nervously. "I'm just kidding, Matthew! Sorry, I make jokes when I shouldn't. You'll be fine."
Matthew cautiously slid his feet across the platform, too anxious to lift them in case it caused the sheet to tip. He reached the girder and stepped onto it. Carefully, with his arms out stretched for balance, he placed one foot in front of the other.
The metal sheet dropped the moment Belle stepped completely off of it. It hit numerous beams loudly before getting caught somewhere. They both flinched at the sounds.
"Guys?" Sadik called over the railing.
"We're good!" Belle yelled back, Matthew could feel her close behind him. "Trying to find a place to climb up!"
Matthew ignored their conversation, instead he focused on the steps he was taking, trying to stomp out the fear that gnawed inside his stomach.
48... 49... 50... 51
Matthew moved to take another step and his foot connected with nothing. He stumbled, wobbling dangerously. Belle grabbed at him, trying to steady him.
"Matthew!" The finally steadied themselves, breathing heavily. "Christ, you scared the hell outta me. What's wrong?"
"There's... Nowhere else. Nowhere else to step." Matthew warily swept his foot over the dark area before him, where the girder should have continued on. He was met with nothing but darkness. "It stops here."
Belle was quiet for a moment before she cursed loudly.
"What should we do?" Matthew asked loudly, trying to be heard over the wind that ripped through the metal beams.
"I don-"
Belle was cut off by a loud voice, almost directly above them. The deep, usually friendly tone, said one commanding word.
"Jump."
"Are you crazy?" Belle shouted.
"You're almost dead centre of the river, it's the deepest at this point. Jump an' swim to shore." Matthew knit this eyebrows trying to discern who the voice belonged to, he hated not knowing.
Belle remained quiet, her hand found it's way to Matthew's shoulder again.
"What are you guys gonna do?" Sadik called. His voice was closer than the rest. He was clearly leaning farther over the railing than could possibly be safe.
"The only thing we can do," Belle said, her voice firm, "We're gonna jump."
Matthew took a step back, bumping her with his back. The fear had finally escalated to a point he couldn't take any more. He felt sick to his stomach.
"I can't- Belle, I can't." His voice was quiet but panicked.
"Matthew? Hey, Matthew! Calm down!" Belle rubbed his back awkwardly from the angle they stood at. "It's fine now, we'll swim for it. It's better than climbing this old, rusty mess."
Matthew shook his head again. "No, Belle." He groaned, "I can't! I can't swim."
"You can't?" Belle hesitated for a half a second. "It's fine, it's fine! I'm right here. Okay? We'll jump together. I'm an amazing swimmer, I promise."
Matthew didn't respond, he stared down at the water below them. The dark sky was reflected back upon it's self. His eyes burned and he felt like he couldn't get control of his quivering limbs.
"Matthew, just hold onto me." Belle slid her hand down his arm to his hand and gripped it tightly. "Trust me, okay?"
He pressed his lips into a tight line. He didn't have much of a choice, either way.
"Okay..." He whispered.
She squeezed his hand comfortingly. "We jump on three."
He tried to swallow past the lump in his throat.
"One..."
They turned and properly faced the dark water. Belle tightened her grip and they both crouched.
"Two..."
Matthew felt like he forgot how to breath.
"THREE!" Belle shouted the last number and they both jumped forward, soaring through the air.
Matthew had the slightest sense to cover his nose and force a blast of air into his lungs as they flew.
They broke the surface of the water feet first. They plunged deep into the ice cold water. The force of the impact knocked the air from Matthew's lungs and air bubbles filled the water around them.
He registered the fact that he could still feel Belle's hand in his, but they both stayed still, muscles tense from the sudden cold.
I don't want to die, Matthew thought, I want to go back to Abnegation with Alfred and be a family again.
Suddenly they broke the surface of the water and Matthew gasped for air. Belle surged forward in the water and grabbed him. The air was filled with laughter and splashes as the other Dauntless members and initiates dove from the bridge into the water.
They clung to each other awkwardly, Belle doing her best to keep them afloat. Moments later, Matthew felt a strong arm wrap around his chest from behind. He figured it was Alfred but once he saw that the skin tone was much darker than his own he knew it wasn't. Belle released him and swept her wet hair from her face.
"Thought you were afraid of heights?" She asked, breathless but still teasingly.
"I am but I couldn't miss out on the opportunity to see you looking so ridiculous." Sadik snickered.
Matthew shivered and Sadik turned his attention to him. "Can you swim?"
Matthew shook his head.
Sadik towed both of them back to the shore, where the three of the slumped onto their backs. Matthew wanted to cry with relief.
They listened to the sounds of their own laboured breathing and the loud splashing as the Dauntless and initiates continued to jump and swim about.
Finally Sadik sat up and leaned over. "Are you okay?"
"Fine," Belle sighed, "Cold as hell but fine."
He turned to Matthew, who lay with his arms over his face, still breathing heavily. "Matthew?"
"Fine." He whispered, though his body ached and cried in agony. The sudden cold shock had caused him to tense so abruptly that his sore muscles seemed to have renewed their injuries.
"TRAIN'S GONNA BE HERE SOON! LET'S GO!" Mathias hollered from the top of the bridge. Matthew instantly knew it had been him who had instructed them to jump.
Sadik gathered himself before pulling both Belle and Matthew to their feet. They made their way back to the bridge, climbing across it slowly as they met up with the rest of the group.
Matthew was exhausted, nearly asleep on his feet. Beside him Belle was trying to shake the water out of her paint ball gun.
"Hey!" A deep voice barked at them from the edge of the bridge. Gilbert had clearly been waiting for them as he stepped into their path, blocking them from reconnecting with the group. Sadik cast a sympathetic glance back at them as he continued on.
"What the fuck was that?" Gilbert hissed. His arms crossed against his chest.
"I dropped-" Belle began, only to be cut off.
"I know that. Do you idiots have any clue how fucking dangerous and stupid that was?" He glared intensely at them. "And all for a fucking paint ball gun? Are you kidding me?"
Belle frowned. "So what? We're Dauntless. We're supposed to stuff like this all the time."
Gilbert rolled his eyes, dropping his arms before pulling his hand up and rubbing his temple. "You're not Dauntless. Not yet." He sighed, giving them a tired look. "That isn't what being Dauntless is about. Being Dauntless isn't risking your life for a paint ball gun. Use your fucking head, you're smarter than this."
He locked eyes with Matthew and held his gaze for a moment before turning and striding back to the other Dauntless.
"What the hell?" Belle grunted. "Being Dauntless IS about doing crazy and daring and outrageous things."
Matthew shrugged, trying to keep the chills from getting to him. "Let's just hurry. I wanna go back to bed."
As they sat in the train, everyone quiet and trying to stay awake. Matthew watched as the sky began to lighten, morning only a short time away.
Gilbert turned to the initiates, who had managed to all cram into one train car together. "Be by the tracks at eight o'clock. We're going on a field trip."
Lovino groaned loudly. "Are you serious? Another one?"
"This wasn't a trip." Gilbert corrected. "This was a tradition."
Arthur leaned closer to Matthew, who was freezing in his wet clothing. "That gives us just under three hours of sleep."
"Great." Matthew mumbled.
Arthur smiled at him fondly and Matthew gave him a weak smile in return.
The train car smelt of fish oil from the paint balls, where most of them sat covered in splotches of pink, blue and green, some of the colouring washed away from jumping in the lake.
Matthew caught sight of Alfred, leaning against the opposite wall, he had a smattering of paint over the left side of his chest. His normally loud voice was quiet, hidden by the noise of the train, and Matthew couldn't hear what he was saying as he spoke to Lovino.
With a defeated sigh, Matthew rested his head on his knees and closed his eyes, considering if it was possible to sleep for three hours but still feel as though you slept for twelve.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
So in the book there was a heavier importance on the actual game they play (capture the flag), while here I wanted the focus to be more on Matthew avoiding a typical Dauntless tradition and the whole jumping off the bridge bit. I get it if this chapter seems really boring, it is, I know. The next two chapters are pretty good in my opinion because we get to see some alone time between Gilbert and Matthew and then some POV changes where you get to see what happens when Mattie isn't around. And Alfred starts showing up more soon.
Anyway, if you have a twitter you can follow me on there and get updates on what I'm working on and just general nerd chat! My username is ereconn so go follow!
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