Chapter Nine

My plans of relaxation were put completely on hold when I got set my first assignment.

After the fourth 16-hour day in a row of work finished, I went to the library toilets and cried shamelessly. I had been awake since 5 that morning, and it was now 9 at night, I still had a shit load of work to finish by the end of the week, I was the owner of a splitting migraine and was absolutely exhausted.

I'm not really much of a whiner, but right there and then, I could have complained for months.

If I thought being a student was going to be non-stop fun, I was sorely mistaken.

The only thing that made it better was that my whole Psych class was suffering alongside me. Every minute we didn't spend working, we spent in impromptu group-therapy sessions as we complained about the amount of stuff we had to do and how evil our professor was. Apart from the... well, the only word I had for them was pricks, who sat at their desks and did their work with a smug smile on their stupid faces, never complaining, declaring it all easy and clearly thinking us all simple minded.

I sincerely hoped my grade kicked their grade's ass.

Although I doubted it, considering the amount of times I had read over my project and wanted to smash my skull into my computer screen at the standard of it.

Stifling a groan, I splashed water onto my puffy face and exited the toilets. Jasper was stood outside, obviously waiting for me, looking as exhausted as I felt.

"Hi," he said, his voice a dull monotone. I almost smiled at how miserable we both were, but couldn't quite raise the energy. "You hungry?"

"I'm so hungry it's obscene," I replied. I hadn't had time for a lunch break, and ten cups of coffee and a granola bar weren't enough to sustain me for the length of time I'd been in that goddamn library.

"Is there even any food at the house?" he asked. I tried to think- but I hadn't been home enough other than to sleep to notice if my other housemates were keeping our home adequately stocked.

"It should be. They've got nothing else to do," I grumbled, thinking of the amount of time everyone else seemed to have to be able to do what they wanted- go out, party, eat and sleep.

Jasper shoved his arm around me, and lead me out of the library. "Aw, darling. Don't worry- I heard once this project is over we have it easy for awhile. They'll all be working really hard soon, anyway- law? Medicine? Architecture? And then we'll be the ones sat at home all day eating."

"I sure hope so," I yawned. The walk from the library to our house was only about ten minutes, but it felt like forever. Jasper and I staggered into the house, laughing hysterically about absolutely nothing as we made our hungry ways into the kitchen.

I was shocked to see the back of Edward's lanky frame stood by the oven. I hadn't seen more than a glimpse of him since my project got set just over a week ago. It had been two weeks since the evening Edward had fallen asleep in my bed.

I thought back to that morning after the night before. The whole house was still asleep, and I was sat in the kitchen, getting some work done before my class and drinking my coffee, when Edward rushed downstairs, looking half-asleep and unbearably frustrated. And insanely cute.

"Oh my God, Bella, I'm so sorry I fell asleep!"

I just laughed. "It happens to the best of us," I winked. "It was your turn to fall asleep in my bed anyhow."

"But you were in the middle of telling me something..." he said, his voice whiney.

"You're forgiven. Go back to bed, sleepy head." I wanted more than anything to wrap my arms around him and kiss him on his forehead, but I kept my hands clenched around my coffee cup. After all our stupid conversation last night, I felt even more at ease with him. I still didn't really know him, but I knew some of his silliest secrets, and I was still finding him to be a really lovely and funny person.

"It's okay. I have class in a bit anyway. If I fall asleep I'll never get up again." He sank down heavily in the seat next to me, and put his hand in his head.

"Hung over?" I asked. He nodded, and then groaned. "Aw. Hmm- that's funny."

"What's funny?" he mumbled.

"I was just remembering what you told me last night. You were... funny." It was my turn to flounce out the room this time, a vengeful smile plastered on my face as I left him wondering what the hell he had done to embarrass himself. Talk about a role reversal.

Fortunately, he didn't freak out like I had done when he had put me in the same position. We were all busy, so we didn't see each other very often, but we made flirtatious conversation if we met in the kitchen, and on Saturday night I had been tempted to a bar with a small selection of friends- me, Alice, Jasper, Edward, Sam and Victoria. Tanya had been out with her seemingly never ending social circle of people from her classes, or just people she pretty much befriended while walking down the street. We'd all had a great, silly night, just messing around and chatting, and although I didn't exactly get any alone time with Edward, just being with him and my friends had made for a good night.

But then my assignment- all about the biological aspects of the human brain, but much more complicated than I could ever hope to comprehend- had come up, and my life and freedom had disappeared from beneath me, and I hadn't seen Edward's pretty face for a long time. And the fact was, I was too busy to even think about that, and I hadn't even had the time to miss him.

Maybe the work was good for me after all.

I was so surprised to see him that I didn't notice the overwhelming smell of burning until it forced its way violently up my nostrils.

"Jesus Christ!" I exclaimed. Edward span round, a look of horror on his face. I ran over to the hob, where there was a large wok full of an indistinguishable pile of charred... things.

"I just went upstairs for a few minutes..." he murmured, still horror-struck. I couldn't help it- I burst out laughing. Jasper joined in, our weary hysteria creeping back until we were both leaning against the counter for support. Edward just watched us, no doubt thinking we had lost our minds.

"What were you trying to do?" Jasper asked, when his laughter had finally subsided. Edward sighed and his shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I knew you guys would be back soon, and I knew you'd been working really hard, so I was just trying to make you dinner, but I guess I left it in the pan too long. I'm really sorry." He looked at the destroyed food in the pan mournfully.

"Aw, Edward. That's really sweet," I said, touched that he had even attempted to make us dinner, even if it had failed abysmally. Before I could think about what I was doing, I gave him a quick hug. I had never done that before- never embraced him. It felt good. I was shocked, but he didn't seem to be.

"Yeah, it was, but, can I just ask... what the heck was that supposed to be?" Jasper asked, a smirk on his face.

"Stir-fry," Edward admitted, a ghost of a smile on his face. "I thought you had to leave it for like... fifteen minutes to... cook." He trailed off lamely.

"Not quite," I grinned. My stomach rumbled so loudly it practically reverberated off the kitchen tiles. Edward stared at me, horrified.

"Have you eaten in the last week?" he asked.

"Sporadically," I laughed.

"Nice idea and all, Edward, but I think we should just order take-out," Jasper laughed. "Bella, what do you want?"

"I do not care. If it's got food in it, I'll eat it," I said, because I was too tired and too hungry to consult a menu. Jasper started dialling whatever take-out service he fancied.

"I'm really sorry," Edward said again, as he tipped the remains of dinner into the bin.

"Don't be ridiculous," I said, my voice low and sincere. "It's not your job to feed us, and I appreciate the thought. I'm just glad you didn't hurt yourself. I think you and cooking are perhaps like me and walking along flat surfaces- natural enemies."

He just smiled weakly. "Edward, do you want anything?" Jasper called.

"I'm good, thank you," he replied. I stood up from my seat at the table to get myself a glass of water, but before I could get to the sink, Edward quickly asked me, "what do you want?"

"Just water," I said. He practically sprinted to the sink to get it for me. "Hey, I can walk you know," I laughed, as he passed me the glass.

"I know," he shrugged, "it's just... no offence, you look like you're about to keel over. Seeing as I couldn't manage to feed you, a glass of water is the least I can do. How's everything going, anyway?"

"Slowly," I replied, taking a long sip of the cool water. "I could break down literally every five minutes, it's so hard. And there's so much to do. But I'm sick to death of hearing myself complain about it, so I'm just going to shut up. What've you been doing?"

"Working, but not to your extent," he admitted. "It's been quiet round here without you."

"Oh, yeah, I bet- Tanya and Leah and Mike are such little mice, and there's me and Bella constantly providing a string of noise," Jasper said, sarcastically, taking a seat at the table.

Edward grinned. "Well, I've missed the little noises you guys make that I appreciate rather than Tanya's squealing and Leah's arguing and Mike's dickhead-ness."

"Bella, I ordered everything I could pronounce," Jasper said, proudly. "We have enough food to last us weeks."

"Excellent," I said.

"You can always take it to the library with you tomorrow if you can't finish it," Edward said, sounding a little like my dad, strangely protective. "So you have something to eat and don't come home half-dead from starvation."

My stomach gave a very noisy rumble. "I don't think finishing will be a problem," I said. I needed to go to my room to get a book and make some notes for an hour or so- doing more work seemed impossible, but it still needed to be done. If I went to my room, I could have changed into pyjamas as well, which seemed like a fantastic idea. However the thought of walking up all those stairs made me groan out loud.

"What's up?"

"I need something from my room. And I cannot be bothered in the slightest," I admitted, sounding pitifully lazy and not even caring.

"I'll get it for you," Edward volunteered straight away.

"Nah, nah, it's cool. Sit down. I need to get changed anyway." Slowly I got to my feet and wearily began the climb upstairs. As usual, the place was a bubble of activity. I poked my head around Alice's room and saw, to my surprise that she was sitting with Leah.

"Hey," I called.

"Bella!" Alice exclaimed, hugging me. "Jesus, I thought you had died. How are you doing? Wow, you look tired."

"Thanks," I muttered sarcastically. "I am tired."

"God, you and Jasper have been working way too hard," she said, more sympathetically. "I miss you around here. When will you be done?"

"Deadline's in three days," I yawned. "So I'll be done then, ready or not."

"Fantastic. I'll plan us a night out."

I rolled my eyes. "When this is over, I'm going to sleep for a week. How are you, Leah?"

"Great," Leah grinned at me- surprising me again by how upbeat she seemed. Leah wasn't exactly depressive- but she was no ray of sunshine at times. Alice shot me a look that told me she'd tell me more later.

"Well, I need to go and put my pyjamas on and then eat my weight in whatever cuisine I am being surprised with," I excused myself, continuing my walk to my room, being greeted by a menagerie of "Hey, Bella" 's, and "you doing okay?" 's.

My room was a mess. All of my clothes littered the floor, and each morning I simply grabbed anything that didn't smell of mould and shoved it on. I hadn't changed my bedding in... too long, and the room was hot and stuffy. Surveying the destruction just made me feel more frustrated. I sank down on my unmade bed and laid there for five minutes, trying to find the energy to move. Eventually, I wriggled into my pyjamas like a worm, grabbed my book, laptop and my purse and then made my way slowly back down the stairs.

"Oh my God I've seen you twice in five minutes. That's more than I've seen you this whole last week!" Eric called as I walked past his room.

"Oh, go do some work or something," I said lamely.

Edward and Jasper were talking quietly when I came back into the kitchen. The conversation stopped as soon as I appeared, but I didn't ask them what they were talking about. If they didn't want me to know about it, I wasn't going to pry. I hoped quietly it was about Jasper finally getting the courage to ask out Alice. I appreciated he hadn't seen her anymore than I had over the last week, but whenever the two did see each other, they flirted like the love-struck teenagers that they were. And I knew how much Alice liked him, because she didn't talk about him very much, and whenever he came up, she clammed up, the opposite of the usual, bubbly Alice. Attraction does strange things to people.

"You can't be doing more work?" Edward exclaimed, aghast.

"Just a bit," I said, defensively. "I need to e-mail my parents as well." I hadn't spoken to them or Jake for a few days, and if I knew my mom, she'd be freaking out. I checked my inbox and, sure enough, I had a total of 12 increasingly angst-ridden e-mails- 7 from my mom, 4 from Jake, and just the one from my dad, who was always, took the more laid-back parental role. I rolled my eyes and skimmed through them. My mom was still gushing about Phil- they had just shared their one month anniversary. I was still more than a little sceptical, but if she was happy, then I was happy for her. My dad's e-mail was as devoid as information as always- he didn't really know how to work the computer and typing took him forever. Jake's first e-mail was generic, asking how I was, a quick update on his life- and then the next two were frantic. Because I had taken more than 48 hours to reply, he had decided I was lying dead in a ditch somewhere in Oxford. The last one was completely unexpected.

Isabella Swan.

Clearly you have forgotten all about me and moved on to bigger and better things in Oxford. Now, I'm not going to take this lying down. I'm going to remind you of all the reasons why you are simply not allowed to forget about me. And don't call me a sap, I'm tired and I miss you and Billy's cooking is dreadful so I'm hungry and you know hunger does funny things to me and you're not replying to me and did I mention I miss you?

Remember the first day I ever met you? Me and Billy came round to meet Charlie's new arrival. I was thirteen and you were taller than me and it bruised my ego. And our Dad's stuck us in a room together and it was really awkward, until you made me watch Titanic for the first time, and I cried like a baby.

I still blame that on hormones, just FYI.

Remember that bonfire I threw for you on your 15th birthday at the beach? And I didn't cook the sausages properly and ended up giving you food-poisoning, so you spent all of your actual birthday tossing up?

Yeah, I'm still sorry about that, by the way.

Remember that dorky police dance Charlie made us go to? And Tyler tried to kiss you, and I punched him? God, I think I was only 15. Tyler didn't even know I liked you.

Hmm, these memories aren't really bringing out the best in me.

Okay- remember when I let you ride my motorbike with me for the first time? And how much you loved speeding around the Reservation with your hair flying around and blinding you? So I made you one from old parts I found in the garage, and Charlie threatened to murder me if I ever let you ride it? But I still did. And he learned to accept it- even if you did have to go to hospital over it. Twice. Remember when we got into that big dumb fight last year because I was being an absolute jackass, so to make it up to you I snuck into your room (and almost broke my leg) at night with every flavour of Pop-Tart I could find in the supermarket and a portable toaster and I even watched The Pianist with you because I was so keen to make things up with you? And this time you cried at the film, not me, so ha. Remember when I took you to that Charlotte Trall concert in Port Angeles for you birthday? You cried again then, if I recall. Remember that April Fool's Day when I pretended to propose to you? And you got really, really flustered and told me really, really nicely that you didn't want to marry me at the tender age of seventeen (and I think it was inferred, actually, that you never wanted to marry me) and your face was such a picture I almost died laughing?

I could go on for a couple more years, I think, but I'll save up more memories for if you ever think it's acceptable to not reply to me for a week.

A WEEK, BELLA.

I miss you Bellabear.

Reply or I'll get Charlie to file a missing person's report.

Goodbye.

Jacob

(I love you)

Jacob's memories had me laughing and almost crying in equal measure.

"Didn't know Psychology work was this amusing," said Jasper.

"It's not," I smiled, beginning my reply to Jake's e-mail. "I got a funny e-mail from Jake."

"Jake?" Edward asked. "Is he the boy in all your pictures by your bed?"

"Uh-huh," I said, remembering that I had never mentioned or explained Jacob to Edward before, my own brain feeling uneasy at the idea of him knowing about Jacob- which was ridiculous, of course. "He's my best friend from Forks."

"Don't worry, man, he's not her boyfriend," Jasper winked at Edward. I blushed scarlet, and began typing furiously.

"Ha ha," said Edward, without humour. Jasper and Edward bantered back and forth, but I zoned out. I was thinking of other memories I had of Jacob that he hadn't mention.

Like the first time we ever had sex. He had just only recently turned sixteen, and Jacob had, very awkwardly and shyly propositioned me. I remembered our long, convoluted conversation.

"Bella- I know you don't, like, love me or whatever," he said. We were sat in his bed at his house, and Billy was out. "But you know that I really like you, right?" I nodded, awkwardly. "And I know you don't like me like that. That's okay. But... like, remember that time we kissed?"

"What specific time, Jake?" I laughed. "We kiss all the time."

"Yeah, I know," he grinned. "And you said you didn't want to lead me on, but you liked being with me that way, even if you didn't want to... be with me as a couple. Because we both agreed that it just felt right, and you said everything was just... comfortable. And you said that was really, really selfish and it was fair enough if I never wanted to speak to you again, and I said I didn't care and I didn't think it was selfish? And that I know you're not using me?"

"We have this conversation every couple of days so, yeah, I'm pretty well versed on how it goes," I tried to smile, but couldn't quite manage it. "And I'm not using you, because no matter what, you're the most important person in my life. But I'm still treating you badly because I know how you feel about me and I don't feel the same and..."

"Yeah, I know Bella," he had interrupted. "Let's not go through this again, okay? I just wanted to say that... well... we're getting to that age now... I think we could take it past kissing. I mean, if you're comfortable with that? I just want... to try something. Is that okay?"

"Jake," I said, hesitantly. "I don't want to hurt you. I think this will hurt you in the long run."

"Bell, I've thought about this again and again," he said, the awkwardness gone and conviction heavy in his tone. "We get on so amazingly because we both know what we're going to get from each other. You're my very best friend and I love you, and I hope you think the same about me..."

"I do."

"Good. Well, I know I'm so lucky to have someone who I'm so close to, and I know what I'm going to get from you. You want me as you friend- and I'm not going to expect or get upset when I don't get more than that from you. But we can... offer something more to each other, you know?"

"Like friends with benefits?" I snorted.

"Not exactly. Just like friends who have no boundaries," he shrugged. I wanted to argue with him, but he silenced me with a scorching kiss and... well... I just let him continue. It was a little awkward and quite painful, but it improved over time. And only once, to Jacob's credit, did he ever lash out at me for not feeling the same as he did. That night of the Pop-Tarts he had mentioned. But I didn't want to think about that argument, didn't want to lie to myself that I had been in the right when I knew that I should never have let Jake sleep with me in the first place, even if it did feel good and right and his logic had made some sort of bizarre sense.

I was dragged back into the present by the sound of food arriving. My stomach almost exploded with happiness.

As I typed the ending to my e-mail to Jake, and leaped to get the food, I caught Edward staring at me as I left in the strangest of ways. When I came back to the kitchen, carrying the vast amount of steaming food, he had disappeared upstairs, leaving me and Jasper to tear into our food alone.