Warnings and Disclaimer in Chapter 1.
Enjoy.
"Her vitals are looking better," Janet commented from her workstation hours later. "Looks like she might wake up sometime tomorrow."
"But who will she be?" Jacob asked quietly from the back. Nobody answered. All they could do is wait and hope. True to her prediction Sam woke up the next day. Still unsure what exactly they were dealing with the isolation order was still in effect, leaving only Janet and a few of her nurses able to interact directly with Sam. The rest of the group were hovering by the window of the observation room, watching Sam carefully for any indication of who emerged.
Janet did her checks efficiently, keeping up a stream of dialog for Sam which was met with silence. Instead Sam continually looked around the room, never focusing on one thing for more than a few seconds. By the time she focused on the diminutive doctor her energy was wavering. "Who are you?" she managed to ask, but her eyes closed before she could get an answer.
"So we're back to square one?" Jack asked from his position at the table. A few days had passed since Sam woke up. She was still sleeping a lot, but it was a healing sleep now. The few times she had been awake, she had seemed just as confused as when she first woke up. At General Hammond's request Healer Koln had travelled to the SGC and examined her. Healer Koln reassured him that Briok had passed and Hammond finally dropped the isolation order. The infirmary was currently running a few tests before they moved her back into the main ward.
"All that progress we were able to make is gone?" Daniel asked.
"I'm not sure," Janet admitted, looking through the latest EEG readings. "These readings are strange."
"Doctor?" Hammond asked from the head of the table.
"When they first got back Sam's readings were a hair above brain dead. Minimal brain activity just a tad better than the clones. As time went on her readings came up like I expected, but I thought she would plateau at a level similar to when we first got her back."
"You mean when she didn't remember anything?" Daniel asked. Janet nodded. "But she doesn't remember anything."
"Exactly. Her EEG should be similar to the one after she was rescued from Birona."
"But it's not?" Jack asked hopefully.
"No. It's showing much more brain activity. I can't explain it."
"Briok did say he would give her back to us," Hammond spoke. "Is it possible he is actually fulfilling that promise?"
"It's possible," she admitted, "but it's so far beyond my understanding I'm only guessing at this point."
"What about their secret lab?" Jack asked. "Would we find answers there?" Janet shook her head.
"There's so much information that's so far beyond our current understanding. It could take years before we can even begin to understand." She looked hesitantly at the Colonel. "Dr. Lee did find the genetic samples Pandora used to clone Sam, as well as all her Jaffa. I've ordered all the samples to be destroyed." Everyone nodded their agreement.
"I would like you to personally oversee that Doctor," Hammond ordered. Janet nodded. She was already planning to do that herself. She didn't want to take any chances that this could happen again. "Dr. Lee also found a complete registry of all the Inturi bases and labs located throughout the galaxy. While most have already been neutralized there are a few that require ships to access. I thought the Free Jaffa Nation would like to assist us in eliminating those." He directed the last statement toward Teal'c, who was sitting patiently in his own chair across from Jack.
"Indeed," he said with a small smile, already planning the revenge for the wrongs they did to his friend.
"Coordinate with SG-1," Hammond said, silently wishing the remaining Inturi luck. For a very short time he had been on the receiving end of Teal'c's Jaffa revenge. He never wanted to see that side of his friend again. "Dismissed."
Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c followed Janet down the infirmary. Sam should have been moved by now and sure enough they crossed the doorway to find Sam glancing around curiously just as she did in the isolation room. "Hey," Janet greeted, heading straight for her chart. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," she said, forcing a small smile onto her face. It fell away a few seconds later when she saw who the doctor was with. "Do I know you?"
"Indeed," Teal'c said, "and there will be time to renew our friendship. However I must ask you a question. Do you remember an individual named Briok?" The rest of them winced. They knew they had to bring up the subject sooner or later; they just weren't sure how to do it.
"Briok?" Sam repeated, her eyes going vacant. A few minutes later she started speaking, though in a trance like state. "My biggest regret through all of this is this one lie I gave to you. I knew I would not be able to return Samantha to you. The damage Pandora did was too great. I pray you'll forgive me this deception, for I knew no other way to ensure your help, and your help was key to stopping Pandora.
"There is one thing I can do to help, though I do not know how productive it will be. The mind is a very complicated and beautiful thing. Forgive me if I simplify it to help you better understand. Each person's mind is a unique map. Thought, feeling, emotions, memories all have their specific spots on this map, where they can be accessed at will. When Samantha sacrificed her mind to save your lives on Birona, she erased this map. Since then, her experiences have been falling randomly throughout her mind, leaving it very difficult to access or build upon these experiences.
"My last gift to her is to restore this map, though it is blank. It will not bring Samantha back, but I hope it will allow her a future, perhaps even unlocking the past experiences that have been lost. I know it is not enough to compensate for her pain and suffering, but it is all I can give. I have said my peace. All that is left for me is the hope that the Gods find my soul worthy." Sam leaned back in the bed and closed her eyes as if in great pain. When she opened them again the vacant look had gone. "Hello," she said hesitantly. "Do I know you?"
"Yes," Daniel said quickly overcoming his shock and moving a chair to the side of her bed, "but you might have forgotten. I'm Daniel. That's Janet, Teal'c, and Jack. We're your family." He sat down, placing his hand near hers on the bed but giving her the option of whether to grab it or not. She stared at it for several minutes before she slowly inched forward, interlacing their fingers and giving him a shy smile.
"I'm so confused. I have so many questions."
"That's okay," Jack said, grabbing his own chair and plopping down on Sam's other side. "We've got nothing but time and answers." Teal'c nodded his own agreement and after an awkward moment Sam started asking question after question, barely leaving them enough time to answer. This went on until Janet finally put a stop to it, insisting Sam needed to rest.
"We'll be back later," Daniel reassured her when she tightened her grip on his hand to keep him here. She could only nod as the sleep she had been fighting the last few minutes finally won.
"Do you mind?" Vala asked, pulling back the curtain isolating Sam's bed slightly so she could see inside. Sam was sitting cross-legged on the bed; staring at the book of crosswords that had so mesmerized her. Sam nodded and Vala wasted no time grabbing the chair and sitting back, putting her fee on the bed. "You kicked the boys out," she said. Sam nodded. "They were looking rather gloomy in the hall. Was it something they said?"
"No," Sam shook her head. "They've been nothing but kind to me. I don't know why I kicked them out." Vala didn't say anything but smirked, kicking back on her chair until it balanced on two legs. "I'm sorry, but do I know you?" Several people had stopped by since she had been taken out of the isolation ward. Sam was finding it very hard to keep track, but the woman before her looked familiar.
"True we have never been formally introduced," Vala told her, dropping the chair back to the ground with a thud, "but I have helped rescue you twice now. Vala Mal Doran at your service." She extended her hand, which Sam took after a minute.
"Why do I feel this tingle in my skin when you get close?" Sam asked, not releasing her hand and staring at it."
"You are reacting to the Naquadah inside my body," Vala said simply.
"Because you were a host?" Sam asked. Vala nodded as Sam released her hand.
"You were too, a long time ago. I was a host to a Goa'uld. You were a host to a Tok'ra. In different circumstances we would be mortal enemies." She kicked back the chair again and began rocking on the legs.
"So I'm sensing the Naquadah?" Sam asked. "Why do I sense it when my Dad comes to visit?"
"You are sensing Selmak, the Tok'ra symbiote he currently carries," Vala told her. "To be honest I miss the feeling. You never truly appreciate the sense of Naquadah surrounding you until it is gone. It makes me homesick." Sam chortled.
"I'm not sure what I think of when I feel it, but it isn't home." Vala stopped rocking.
"I can leave if I'm making you uncomfortable." Sam shook her head.
"It's not you. It's me. I can't make sense of anything that I'm feeling right now." She gestured to the hallway. "I want them here, but at the same time I can't stand them and I don't know why." Vala was quiet for a moment before shifting over to the bed, mirroring Sam's cross-legged stance.
"I was taken as a host when I was very young. I was summoned, along with all the other women in our village, to the palace. We were forced to kneel before our Goddess as one by one each of us was brought before her. When it was my turn she nodded. The Jaffa took me in the back while the rest of the women were released to their chores. The next time I emerged I was a host to Qetesh." She stopped, fiddling with a loose string on the blanket before continuing.
"Qetesh was evil and loved torturing those around her. No one in our village knew the truth behind the Goa'uld, not even myself. They didn't realize I couldn't help my actions any more than they could. I was a victim also. I had to watch as my friends, my family, the people that I loved turned against me. And I grew to hate them for it. When the Tok'ra finally freed me I knew I couldn't stay there. Even if my people could understand there was no way I could ever forgive."
Sam was silent for a minute before speaking. "I can't remember much, and the few memories I do have seem more like a dream, but I do remember our promises. All four of us. We would always be there for each other. But I was left behind. For years the one thing I was sure of is they would come for me, but they never did. They broke their promise and I hate them for it." Vala grabbed Sam and pulled her against her chest just as the first tears fell from her eyes. She didn't say anything, just held the other woman as she cried.
"Feel better?" Vala asked as Sam pulled back. Sam nodded, red-rimmed eyes facing the blanket. "Any idea when Janet is going to let you out?"
"A few days," Sam answered distractedly, "she's just being extra cautious. I keep thinking I should be upset by this, but I don't have anywhere else to go."
"How about a jailbreak?" Vala said mischievously.
"What?" Sam asked, keeping her voice down, though her head popped up anxiously.
"You know a change of scenery. A girl's night out I think it's called here, though I'm confident an excursion during the daytime would qualify. Besides there's something I really think you need to see."
"Okay," Sam said excitedly. "Vala?" she asked as the other woman jumped off the bed. "Could I maybe get some real clothes?"
"Absolutely," Vala smiled from the curtain. She poked her head out to make sure the coast was clear. "I'll be back in five minutes. Be ready to run because once they figure out what we're doing they're probably going to try to stop us." Sam nodded eagerly. Maybe this little bit of rule breaking was just what the doctor ordered.
Sam couldn't believe her luck. True to Vala's word, she returned five minutes later clutching a bundle of clothes. The sweatpants, sweatshirt, and sneakers were by no means fashionable, but they were a big step up from the hospital scrubs Sam had been wearing. Just getting into real clothes made Sam feel more alive. She followed the thief out of the room, wondering how she managed to clear the halls of personnel. "A good thief never reveals her secrets," Vala said as she led Sam through the back halls of the SGC and eventually into the SGC parking lot. The car Vala had checked out was waiting for them.
"Can I drive?" Sam asked as they approached.
"Not on your life," Vala told her as she climbed in the driver's seat. "It's one thing to tempt fate with Doctor Fraiser for a few unauthorized hours away from the infirmary. It's another matter entirely with Jack and allowing you to do anything that might hurt you. Keep your head down," she said as they approached the guard posts. A few tense moments and they were out.
"Where to first?" Sam asked, sitting up in her seat and looking at the world like it had finally opened up for her.
"I missed lunch so I thought we'd start there." Sam nodded her head guiltily. She didn't have much of an appetite right now and just picked at her food. She knew it was one of the reasons Janet was so reluctant to release her. "What are you hungry for? Pizza? Chinese? Mexican?"
"I don't know," Sam admitted. She didn't really care what type of food they gave her in the infirmary and made no attempt to learn.
"I know just the place." Vala smiled as she pulled into the buffet parking lot. "Lunch is on Daniel," she said, pulling a wad of cash out of her pocket, grabbing several bills before pushing it back in. They went in, paid, and were seated within minutes. Sam eagerly tried all sorts of different things, while Vala stuck with a few well known entrees. Sam asked questions all through lunch. Vala, with her limited knowledge of Earth cuisine, answered as best she could, but could only shrug at most of them. "We should bring Daniel back here. He'd know everything about this." Sam's enthusiasm diminished at that thought, but the sight of the dessert bar brought the smile back to her face. By the time they were finished Sam had never felt so full in her life.
"That was great," Sam said as she climbed back into the car. "Are we going back now?"
"Not quite. There is still something I want to show you." Vala pulled the car out of the parking lot and drove. The joyous air became more somber the closer they got to their goal.
"Vala?" Sam asked uncertainly when the alien turned the car into a cemetery.
"I knew why my family abandoned me," she said, putting the car in park and turning to look at the blonde beside her. "And while there are times that I'm still angry about it, I have also begun to understand and accept. It's time you find out why your family abandoned you so you can also begin to heal." Vala got out of the car and waited patiently by the sidewalk. Sam knew Vala wouldn't push her to do something before she was ready, knew she could simply stay in the car until Vala relented and took her back, but also knew that she needed to see this. Her hand shook as she slowly opened the door.
The sun was high as Vala somberly led her through the cemetery, stopping at the headstone and turning to look at Sam. Sam feebly took those last few steps, dropping to her knees before her own headstone. "They didn't abandon you any more than you abandoned them," Vala said as Sam stared at the headstone. "They all died that day; only you were the one lying in the ground. You're death nearly destroyed them, and their actions since discovering you are alive has been nothing short of obsessive." Vala stepped back, giving Sam what privacy she could as Sam raised her fingers and disbelievingly traced her own name carved in the stone. Sam wasn't aware of the time passing as she stared at the headstone trying to understand what it all meant. It was a great surprise to find the sun had started sinking when she looked up at the sound of a truck racing into the parking lot.
"Vala!" Jack screamed, jumping out of the truck before it had fully stopped. Daniel was right beside him. "What did you do!" he demanded, rushing over to her side before really noticing where he was. They both stopped when Sam rose and turned to look at them, their faces paling when they realized exactly where in the cemetery they were.
"I'm dead?" Sam demanded, glancing between the two guilty faces. Neither man could bear to answer so Vala came up to stand beside her.
"Yes," she said simply, staring at the headstone. The two men got over their shock and started contradicting her, but she shut them up with a glare. She turned Sam until they faced the headstone again. "Major Samantha Carter died on that fateful night so many years ago. Just as I did a long time ago."
"So what do I do?" she asked quietly, hand reaching out to trace her name again but stopping just short.
"That is the question you need to ask yourself," Vala said, "and only you can answer. I took my hate, my pain, my betrayal and buried myself so deeply so that no one could ever hurt me again. It worked for a while. For a few years I was able to convince myself I was happy, traveling from place to place, never making any real connections because I knew they would just hurt my like my family did. Vala the thief was born and she survived many years until she met a people she couldn't simply forget. A place that made her want to do more with her life than swindle, lie, and steal." She glanced over her shoulder to where Jack and Daniel stood, discretely standing a few feet behind the women. "Vala the thief died the day General Hammond offered me safe haven. I don't know exactly who I am today, but I'm having a fun time trying to figure it out."
"I don't know who I am," Sam whispered.
"I think that's the point Vala was trying to make Sam," Daniel said, coming up to stand on Sam's other side, staring at the headstone too. "We were so lost when you died and then when we found out you were alive it was like it brought us back to life too. We were so focused on getting you back we never stopped to consider you were not the same person."
"But you left me behind," Sam said slowly, voicing the thought aloud to these two men for the first time. "We promised we'd be there for each other no matter what and you left me behind."
"And I've regretted it every single day," Jack told her, "Even before we found out you were still alive. I went up to my cabin and just thought 'why couldn't it have been me?' I would have traded places with you in a heartbeat, but I couldn't." She nodded and they just stood there in silence, which was interrupted by the ringing of a cell phone. Jack looked sheepish as he pulled the device from his pocket and backed up several feet. "O'Neill. Yeah. It's okay. We found her. Right. I'll bring her in right away Doc."
"No," she interrupted forcefully.
"What?" he asked before turning back to the phone. "Hang on a minute."
"I'm not going back," she said before clarifying. "To the Infirmary. I'm not going back. Not tonight anyway."
"Does she need to be there?" Jack asked into the phone, frowning at the response. "Let me call you back. And can you call Hammond and have him call off the search?" He nodded as he ended the call. "So Miss Independent," he started,throwing out a grin that didn't quite mask the fear on his face as he rejoined them, "what is it exactly that you want?"
"I'm not exactly sure." She turned and looked at the headstone once more before hugging the three people around her. "But I think I want the chance to figure that out. And I think I want to start with sleeping in a real bed tonight."
"I think we can work something out," Jack said. Sam reached up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"I can't work out if I love you or hate you," she admitted, "and I think it might be a little bit of both."
"Sam," he said, leaning down to capture her face for a kiss. "I once said I would do anything for you. I meant it then and I mean it now, even if that means giving you up so you can be happy. I'm here for you whatever you need."
"Well," she said mischievously, shooting a quick glance to Vala as they walked back to the parking lot, "someone did mention an upcoming social event not to be missed."
"The dance?" Daniel sighed. "Are we still having that?"
"Tomorrow night," Vala confirmed. Jack smiled, getting down on one knee once they reached the parking lot.
"Samantha Carter," he started, ignoring Daniel's eye roll or Vala's giggling. "Will you make me the happiest man on the Earth and allow me the privilege of escorting you to the dance?"
"Of course," she said happily, reaching down and helping Jack to his feet where they hugged fiercely.
"Thank you," Daniel said next to Vala. "I haven't seen her this happy in a long time. If there's anything I can do to repay you."
"Well actually," Vala started, gesturing to where Sam and Jack had started kissing again.
"What?" Daniel asked before comprehension filled his eyes. "Fine," he relented. "Vala. Would you like to go to the dance with me?"
"Absolutely," she shrieked, causing the other two to look up in confusion. She ran and pulled Sam out of Jack's arms. "Samantha and I will need to acquire new outfits for the occasion, and I am told new foot ware is essential for these social events. We will need to borrow your treasure card Jack."
"What?" Jack asked. "Why can't you use Daniel's credit card."
"Don't be silly," Vala said. "Daniel already paid for lunch."
"What?" Daniel asked, grabbing his wallet and finding it empty. "I thought you said Vala the thief was dead."
"Well," she smiled seductively, "a girls got to have some hobbies." Everyone laughed until Jack got an idea. He quickly excused himself and pulled out his phone, having a quick conversation with someone before rejoining the group.
"Okay. Here's the deal." He turned to address Sam. "Janet says you can either spend the night in the infirmary or at her house. If you choose her house you, Janet, Vala, and Cassie will spend the day down in Denver getting pampered as you shop for dresses. My treat. But you have to promise you will never run away like this again. And you will do whatever Janet tells you from now on, even if you don't like it. Deal?"
"Deal," Vala said, her eyes gleaming in anticipation. "Say yes. Say yes."
"Okay," Sam agreed, "but I'm driving." Jack opened his mouth to protest but thought better of it after Sam sent one of her glares shooting his way, followed by one of Daniel's 'we can't protect her forever' looks.
"Okay," Jack relented, "but I'm following. Just to make sure you get there okay." Sam didn't like it, but realized nothing could change his mind. Vala hid her nervousness until the door closed.
"You do know what you're doing, right?" she asked, clutching her seatbelt like a life line.
"Relax," Sam said, starting the car and taking a few minutes to acquaint herself with the various buttons and knobs. "I've been driving since before I can remember."
"Funny," Vala choked as the car jerked into motion. It took a few minutes for her to get the hang of driving again, and she was secretly relieved at Jack's reassuring presence behind her, but by the time they pulled into Janet's driveway Sam was grinning infectiously.
