This is the second to last chapter of this story! I am a bit sad, but I have to say I will be happy to see a colour other than white. I mean seriously, this isn't a mental institute, but then again tell that to Aizen.
Kaname Tosen
Interview Questions
Tosen's Answers
Szayel's Comments
1. Why are you in Hueco Mundo?
To bring justice to the world. Technically, all you're doing here is playing babysitter with Wonderweis. Don't contradict me, you unjust being.
2. Are you happy here? Why or why not?
Yes, there is more justice here than back in Soul Society. Really? When I read literature on the lives of those in Soul Society I found that there is a great legal system which is up kept wonderfully by the Captain Commander and other Captains. Words are only just that; words, but if you truly wanted to see what was going on in Soul Society you would have to see it with your own eyes. So, you're saying that you would need to see to understand. Correct. Then you saw nothing because you are blind. I- ugh, I already told you not to contradict me. I rest my case...
3. Who do you want to fight the most? Why?
Fighting is a very useless pastime that I do not enjoy so I can not answer that question. You can, but you should just alter it to 'If you had to fight someone, who would it be and why?' It is the interviewer's job to alter the questions not yours. I am clearly a more intelligent being than her, so I have full right to change the questions if I see fit. Note to self: Make Szayel's interview super gay.
4. Do you 'like' anyone?
No, romantic relationships are just are useless as fighting so I do not partake in them. Love clouds the way of Justice. On the contrary, Kurosaki Ichigo used his love for Rukia to fuel him and make his stronger so that he could save her in the Rescue Rukia arc. Ichigo loves Rukia? Yes, of course, you have to be blind like Tosen not to see it.
5. What is your sexual orientation?
Straight, anything other than that is incorrect. Incorrect? It works and it can be done so it is correct. Can two gay men have children? No. You see my point now? Oh, you were meaning the original use of sexual intercourse. Yes.
6. If you had to change it, with who do you see yourself?
I would see myself killing anyone who would even try to approach me in that way. Very interesting, so you would kill if it meant you would remain 'just'. Yes, that is indeed correct.
7. Are you happy with the way Aizen rules?
Yes, his word is law and I accept that. What if his law was unjust? It will never be unjust, he is Aizen a god and thus he is incapable of being wrong. He may be a god, but until he opens the King's Gate he is just a simple Shinigami.
8. Do you think you will win the great winter war?
We will, we have justice on our side but all the Shinigami have is will. Will has been proven to be stronger than justice. You are lying. I am a scientist, I do not lie, I just smudge figures but this figure was so irrefutable that I would not smudge it.
9. How do you think you are going to die?
When justice is accomplished I will die. Are you saying you're immortal? No, justice will be soon! Dream on, even I know that's impossible.
10. Who is your best friend?
He is back in Soul Society, there is no need to even talk about him. She asked, you should answer. No mere human will ever be able to force the answers out of me. Aww, and here I thought you were the nice one.
11. If you could have anything, what would it be?
Justice. Is that all you are capable of talking about? At the moment, yes.
12. Where would your dream vacation be?
Justice has no time for vacation, I can not take breaks. Then why are you here? I believe that by doing this interview I am bringing justice to my image.
13. What are your hobbies?
I have no time for hobbies, I just train to be stronger and do as Aizen tells me. Training can be a hobby too. Not for justice.
14. What would you do if you found a stray kitten?
Nothing I could do with it would lead to justice so I would just walk past it and leave it there for some other person to find it. Wow, you're the second person to just leave the kitten there. It's because he can't see the kitten's large, cute eyes. Yeah, that must be it.
15. What would you do if one morning you woke up and you were fat?
Go to Aizen. He would make the correct decision on what to do. Oh, and I would also stay away from Nnoitra... I've heard about what he does. Good choices, I am glad to see you can rationalize.
16. What is the most embarrassing thing you've done?
I walked in on Aizen, Gin and Toshiro in underwear. Toshiro looked terrified and the second I opened the door he ran out of there like Wonderweis when he sees a hollow he wants to eat. Did you ever find out what they were going to do? No, it was just too creepy so I left as well.
17. Are you afraid of anything? Why?
No, I fear nothing because if justice fears nothing, neither should I. You do know that justice is just a made-up standard humans have created so it can not have feelings and thus it can't 'fear nothing' because it is incapable of the gesture. Just shut up.
18. What makes you sad? Why?
Like I said above, nothing. And like I said above, that is impossible.
19. What would you do if you found Aizen naked in your bed?
Run. So you fear the one that brings justice? No, not fear, but I am cautious of what is near my rear. Yeah, when it comes to Aizen, you always need to be cautious.
20. What would you do if you found Nnoitra naked in your bed?
Kill him; I am stronger so the feat would not be hard. Wouldn't Aizen be upset? No, he doesn't really like Nnoitra. So Aizen is bias? Guess so.
21. Do you have any mental problems? Be honest!
No, blindness is not a mental problem. In some people it is, but after examining Tosen's brain I see in his case it has nothing to do with mental issues. When did you examine by brain? Remember that time something knocked you out and you could never figure out what it was? That's when.
22. Would you ever betray Aizen?
No, he has given me so much justice; I would never dare betray him. How can he give you justice? It is an ideal, not an object. It is something you will never know, foolish scientist.
23. Do you think that Aizen and Gin are more than friends?
Yes, I think that Aizen isn't interested in Gin, but Gin is in love with Aizen. Really? Then how do you explain all the moans and sloppy noises coming from the throne room? Oh, that... it is Aizen's favourite soundtrack, Sex in the Water 2. Disturbing, but finally, the mystery of the sloppy noises and moans is solved!
24. Tell me the truth, do you like tea?
No, drinking tea leisurely does not bring justice, although it does nourish your brain. There, someone appreciates my statistics. Yeah one person, big whoop.
25. Who do you think is the stupidest Espada? Why?
Grimmjow, he is hindering justice and promoting injustice. I hate him. That's why you cut his arm off? Yes, I found that it was reason enough.
26. Who do you think is the gayest Espada? Why?
Nnoitra, those stories have to come from somewhere and there has to be at least a little bit of truth to them. There is truth! You think I would lie about being raped! I don't know your intentions, so yes.
27. Do you want kids? If yes, how many, and if no, why?
No, I already count Wonderweis to be my mentally challenged son, so I don't need any more children. Everything works out great in adoption doesn't it? Yes I agree, I don't understand what all those women complain about. Note to self: Make Tosen's interview super gay.
28. *Hides* What is your favourite colour?
White. So it was your idea to make every single frigging object in Hueco Mundo white! Yes... why? I hate you! I've been feeling like I was in a mental institute for a week because of you! Like I care about your designing tastes. You're blind; you shouldn't be able to design anything! Hey, hey, stop being so mean to Tosen. Fine, just go on to the next question.
29. On a scale of 1-10 what do you give you overall? Why?
I would give myself an eight, because I have not yet brought justice to the world. Why don't you give people some of that materialized justice that Aizen gave you? I don't like your sarcasm, Szayel.
30. What do you think about humans?
They are weak sinful creatures. I like the hot ones.
31. How do you feel about insects?
Well, Wonderweis likes them, so I guess they are okay. Better than humans. I disagree, humans can be fooled but insects comprehend nothing. How many times do I have to tell you to stop contradicting me? Many more, I am a scientists and I will only stop contradicting you when you give me some proof on why I shouldn't.
32. Do you like Justin Beiber?
No, but Aizen likes him. Justin's songs are on Aizen's second favourite soundtrack. Why does he like Justin? I don't know, I think he has a thing for little boys.
33. What do you think about the anime 'Naruto'?
I like Pein. His idea of world peace is very correct and I applaud it a hundred percent. When you teach people what true pain is, peace will come. Interesting idea, maybe Aizen should try it some time. Yes, I agree.
34. Do you like the author of Bleach?
Only if she makes justice come in the end. And if she doesn't? I will kill her. But we're dead remember? Don't remind me.
35. Would you switch anime's? Why?
Yes, I would like to see how much justice there is in Konoha. I would just like to experiment on them ninjas.
36. Do you drink?
No, I don't have time for that. My 'vision' would be obscured by liquor if I drank. Good point, but a couple of drinks wouldn't hurt once in a while
37. Do you smoke?
No, never. He saw Ulquiorra without any makeup on once and ever since cigarettes are taboo.
38. Do you gamble?
No, justice does not require gambling, it requires skill and precision. It also requires intelligence.
39. Do you repent to Aizen, your God, if you do something bad?
Yes, I need to be sinless in order to bring justice to the world. Not necessarily, Aizen is full of sin and yet he brings justice to the world. He's a god, that's why.
40. What would you do if a bird pooped on your head?
I would wonder why this happened and then go take a shower. Wonderweis would probably kill the bird for you.
41. What would you do if Wonderweis pooped on your head?
What a bother, I have already taught him not to take off his diaper but if he did I would scold him and then shower, for a very, very long time. His poop is like toxic waste. I actually found some uranium in there. I'm not surprised.
42. What would your dream house look like?
My house would be perfect; it would be a large white dome. That way I wouldn't bump on a sharp corner. You walked into a corner once? Yes, I was distracted and in a hurry.
43. Do you ever see yourself getting married? Why?
No. I have no time for that. He has to go materialize justice. Stop with the sarcasm.
44. Do you like snow? Rain? Sun?
I care for none of it, but I do like the sun a bit more than the other weather types. It's because he doesn't like it when strange liquid falls out of the sky and onto his face.
45. What is your lucky number?
I don't have one, luck is useless. You just don't believe in luck because you're so unlucky. Oh and you are? No... My point exactly. Wait a second, both of you are forgetting that luck exists but it is often mistaken for probability. So? I don't know, I just like sounding smart. We figured.
46. If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?
My new name would be Justicezilla, because it would be like Gin and Aizen's names. What are their new names? Godzilla and Ginzilla. Why do all of your names end with 'zilla'? I never actually knew, but I figured it was because Aizen loves that movie.
47. Would you ever let your fan girls/ boys into your room?
I have fans? Not very many, but they're there. Oh, wow, this is so unexpected. I don't know what to say except... spring forth my fans and spread the power of justice! You sound like Rock Lee from Naruto.
48. Are you a pimp or a bitch?
I am the pimp of injustice. I had no idea that injustice was materialized as well. Tosen, you are a true genius. NOT! Get it through the head that injustice and justice are NOT material! Someone's going on a little rampage there. Shut up.
49. Do you take any medication to enhance your power?
No, it is all fake and temporary. I strongly disagree; medication can work forever... well until you die from overdose that is...
50. How do you feel after the interview?
Very well, I have found out that I, Kaname Tosen, have fans! I'm content as well, there is only one day left until all the interviews are posted. Yes, tomorrow I will post the interviews in the main Espada meeting room for everyone to see. Also, I will be sending a copy to the Shinigami to read. What! You traitor! I never actually said I was loyal to Hueco Mundo. I had my fingers crossed...
Any thoughts?
