000
"So how did it go?"
The blue furred vixen sighed and leaned her head back against the seat of her Arwing, not having the slightest clue how to answer Katt's question. Most of her felt that it went awful, that it was a complete and utter failure. It seemed that no matter how close she managed to get to the vulpine there was always something, or in this case someone, who got in the way. Up until that moment everything had been going great. Fox finding out about her giving him part of her pay ended up being a good thing, it had played into her hand after she had given it some thought. But the end result, the dinner and conversation that followed, it all had ended in the worst possible way.
He's stuck on Fara not me...I should have known all along, how could I have been so blind? I can read minds for god sake.
"That bad?" Katt asked, a disappointed look obvious on her face even through the small communicator's screen in the cockpit of her Arwing.
They had finished gathering 'supplies' if you could call them that. At this point she just assumed he was scouting for anything Fara would like, anything to make her stay more comfortable. The whole time they had shopped she had been picking his mind, desperate to figure out if there might be another reason why he had looked away other than because of Fara. But the only thing she got from probing his thoughts was darkness and pain, an emotion she could relate to all to easily at the moment.
Once or twice he had began to talk to her, struggling to find the right words only to bite his lip and look away. She could only look at the ground and continue following behind. She hated this. Sure, before all of this had started Fox had been shy and nervous around her, but now the reason for it was completely different. He didn't want to talk to her. He was too scared of risking his chances with Fara to admit how he really felt.
You don't know that...you don't know he's still in love with Fara. You don't know that he was EVER in love with Fara!
Those thoughts and similar ones had been fighting back and forth in her mind for the last couple of hours until the two silently made their way back to the airport. She had helped him pack it all into their Arwing's before climbing inside her own, nodding at the vulpine after he awkwardly told her he was going to talk to the flight director for a second about an old friend of his...Bill or someone. It didn't matter, nothing really did now. Within the next hour or so they would be back on the ship and he would be back with Fara and all would be well.
I tried, I really did. I gave it my best shot. I love him and I want him to be happy, and if that means being with Fara then so be it.
It seemed that every time she replayed that scene in her mind, watching Fox look away from her, a look of guilt on his face as the image of Fara burned hot on his mind, she died a little more inside. She felt sick to her stomach. She had hoped that Fara was just being arrogant and cocky, that Fox couldn't really have feelings for someone such as her, and that she actually had a chance with the vulpine she was so madly in love with. But every time she thought about him now all she could picture was his well-toned body, his powerful and loving arms wrapped around that brown fennec fox and not her.
What was I thinking? Cerenian's are known freaks to the rest of the universe, even if he did love me he wouldn't want to be seen in public with me.
And so, with all these pessimistic thoughts running rampant through her mind, the sapphire vixen had quietly stuck by his side for the rest of their journey through the crowded streets. For the most part they avoided speaking at all and she noticed that he couldn't bring himself to look anywhere close to her direction. So it had been that way until they finished getting what they came for...or at least he did, and made their way back to the airport.
"This whole thing was a horrible idea," she finally managed to mutter, trying not to sound as heartbroken as she felt. "I don't know what I was thinking."
Katt frowned, letting out a sigh of her own before responding, "You want to talk about it?"
"Later."
A brief moment of silence filled the dimly lit cockpit and the vixen couldn't help but feel grateful for its quiet peacefulness. Usually when she felt this bad she would hide away somewhere she could find solitude and meditate to get a grip on things, but this was just too much for her. How could she possibly ever feel at peace when the only guy she ever loved didn't feel the same way about her?
"Well..." Katt said regretfully, "I don't know if this will matter since it looks like you're fixing to leave but I guess I might as well tell you...
"She's on her way?" the vixen asked, still looking out the side of the canopy at the orange sunset sky. "Let her come."
"Krystal, what...what happened?" her friend asked caringly, "What went wrong?"
Everything. Everything and nothing. If he never loved me then nothing went wrong, because I never had a chance. But for some reason I thought he did...
"Nothing," she answered, finally looking back at Katt, "We got what we came for and we're on our way back."
The pink feline knew this was the vixen's way of telling her she didn't want to talk about it now, and she didn't press the topic any further, though it was hard not to considering the whole reason they went through all of this was just so they could get the two foxes together one last afternoon during Fara's stay.
"Oh...okay then," she replied, "Well, I'll see you then."
Instantly Krystal regretted her cold tone with her friend, knowing that she was only looking out for her. She started to reply, wanting to apologize for it, but before she could the screen went black and she was left alone, now with an even worse feeling in her stomach. After Fara takes Fox away from me, or they force me to leave, Katt will be the only friend I have left. But the way I just treated her I cant blame her if she refuses to talk to me at all.
The pessimistic thoughts seemed to flood the sapphire vixen's head now, but she merely leaned back and waited for the vulpine to reappear, allowing her world to continue crashing down around her. So badly she wanted to feel the touch of his lips against her own, their fur rubbing against the others as they held on to each other for dear life. But every time she pictured that dream come true in her mind she found that she had been replaced by another vixen, one she felt nothing but hate and envy for.
The crackle of static over her headset brought her back to the cockpit and she turned just in time to see the canopy of his Arwing fall shut.
"I guess that's everything," he said softly, "We can exit the hanger for the runway after the next flight takes off."
"Great," she murmured.
Another awkward silence ensued as they both waited off to the side of the massive runway. She could tell he wanted to say something but was holding back every time he thought he had the right words planned out. At this point she couldn't help but feel annoyed with him. Sure she loved him more than life itself, and she'd easily give up whatever she had to in order to be with him, but it was Fara he wanted right? If that was the case, if he didn't feel anything for her as shown earlier at the restaurant, then why was he still so damn nervous around her?
"Just say whatever it is you need to say," she muttered, her tone dull and hurt.
She could practically hear the vulpine stiffen at her words but she didn't falter. She wasn't sure what it was doing this, maybe the fact that she was sure he chose Fara over her, or the fact that she had failed in winning him over, or maybe just the fact that she was tired of trying, but whatever it was it caused her to feel an emotion towards Fox that she had never felt before.
Anger.
"About earlier," he started, struggling to decipher what his heart and mind were telling him to say, "At the restaurant...the...the reason why I looked away was because...
"I know why you looked away," she answered, the stern tone in her voice now harboring sadness that caused him to pin his ears down. "But do you really think it bothers me?"
Because it does! You're just too stupid to realize it! You're too stupid to realize how I really feel about you. How can you not see it? How can you not see how much I love you?
000
The words struck him like a slap to the face, except a slap to the face wouldn't have hurt nowhere near as bad. He slowly leaned back against the seat and tried to piece it all together.
I was so scared that I had messed up, that she wouldn't forgive me for picturing Fara back there, but it turns out it didn't bother her at all. That means...
He couldn't bring his mind to accept the 'so called' truth, even though it had been the biggest fear in the back of his head ever since he had first met her. After doing that to her, turning away at the last second and screwing up so horribly, he had felt awful. But the pit in his stomach that he had felt then was nothing at all compared to what he was experiencing now. The small area inside of his canopy suddenly seemed to deprive him of the oxygen he so desperately needed and he wasted no time in throwing it open and jumping to the ground, falling to one knee and breathing heavily.
"Do you really think it bothers me?"
"Do you REALLY think it bothers me?"
The vulpine gritted his teeth and did his best to keep from vomiting up the absolutely awful feeling that had formed in the pit of his stomach. Often times he had wondered what it would feel like if he found out she didn't love him and now he knew. He couldn't compare it to anything less than agonizing, gut wrenching pain that not even the strongest warrior in the universe could experience without falling to his knees.
So I was right all along...I never had a chance with her. I was so naive.
He stood up and looked out toward the runway, now trying to decide if Fara was worth it after all. At first he thought his biggest fear had been having no one, being left alone without anyone to spend the rest of his life with. And he had wanted Krystal to fill that hole, the sapphire beauty having been the perfect round peg. But now he knew that his only chance of that fear being killed off was if Fara still loved him. He never really did love Fara like he did Krystal, but what choice did he have now?
Do you really think it bothers me?
The words continued to play over and over in his mind and every time it felt as if his heart were being ripped out of his chest and stomped on.
I don't know why I'm so surprised, how in the world could someone like her have ever ended up with me?
He looked back up at the vixen's canopy, his heart aching as he imagined her immense beauty resting behind its tinted glass. His whole heart and mind wanted to just break down and let it all out right then and there, but he didn't. It didn't matter that she was his world, not if she didn't feel the same way towards him. All he could do was try to save their friendship and focus on Fara, at least she still seemed interested in him. Yet he knew that if that ended up being the case he couldn't keep Krystal around. There was no way he could take Fara as his mate and at the same time continue to be teammates with the sapphire fox.
It seemed like his whole world was falling apart...and maybe that was because she was his whole world. There was still a part of him that was trying be rational though, that told him she never 'said' she didn't love him, that she never 'said' no to anything.
But she might has well have.
The sound of a jet engine firing up somehow phased the vulpine and brought his attention back to the real world, which suddenly seemed much, much colder. The flight that was to take off before them was beginning to circle around the half track in order to line up straight for take off. For the first few seconds he ignored it, still numbed by what the vixen had told him and trying to figure out how he could continue now that he had lost her.
But another, extremely similar yet higher pitched sound caught his attention yet again. He stepped out of the hanger a few more feet, turning around and opening his eyes in surprise as a massive commercial jet came soaring down the runway at a speed far too high to ensure a safe landing. He heard vixen's canopy fly open behind him as she rushed out of the hanger beside him, the two emotionally destroyed foxes somehow managing to forget about each other for this one moment as they watched the scene play out before them.
The jet that had came soaring in for landing had one of its turbines on fire and was hardly level enough to hit the runway at such an angle to where the landing gear would support the planes weight equally. In addition the other jet had just gotten the alert to stop and already had its left wing over half of the runway.
Fox didn't have to watch to know what was going to happen next, yet he couldn't tear his eyes away and looked on in surprise as the wounded jet sloppily fell to the runway, the landing gear supporting the first bounce or two before snapping in half due to the impossible combination of speed and tilt on the plan. Waves of sparks accompanied by flames and smoke flew out from the sides of the jet as the underbelly now took the responsibility of slowing it.
If there was one upside that he could see so far it was that the body of the plane sliding across the runway, rather than the landing gear, was slowing it significantly faster than normal. This might have been enough to keep the jet on the runway and not outside the airport into pedestrian filled streets. It was not, however, going slow enough and they both watched in concern as the crippled airliner tore through its waiting counterparts wing like a knife through butter.
There were only a few seconds more of the bone chilling screech of metal being torn apart until everything fell silent, leaving the two foxes with their front row seat, in tact and amazed. The scent of burnt rubber mixed with smoke and fire instantly overtook them and in the distance they could hear sirens wailing in nearly every direction as help was called in from the numerous fire and rescue departments.
All of this, the 'almost' kiss, what she said about it, the plane crash...it all felt like a dream, too unreal and horrible to be real life. He wanted so badly to wake up in his bed now, the day before he had known Fara was coming and when he still thought he had a chance with the beautiful vixen that he loved so god damn much that it hurt.
But this wasn't a dream, the pain in his chest reminded him that it was all too real, and with that reality came consequences he had to suffer. With a look that one could call both exhaustion and depression the vulpine met her gaze, wanting to say and do so much to fix everything that he had done but instead only being able to softly mutter the only thing he knew to be the truth.
"Guess we're not going home tonight."
And with that he took off in a jog towards the smoldering wreckage, an equally confused and burdened vixen taking off after him.
000
