Author's Note: Greetings and welcome back. I apologize for the delay, so sorry about that. Anyway, I'm glad to see you all again (metaphorically speaking of course) and am anxious to read your reviews.

Yue: Is that wise?

Flying Frog: Huh? Is what wise?

Yue: You sound like an author desperate to get reviews and it sounds kind of pathetic. It isn't you. You should write because you enjoy it.

Flying Frog: Of course I write because I enjoy it. I also enjoy good feedback.

Yue: So, have you figured out how Nodoka and I will survive our future challenges? In canon, Negi had Asuna and her magic cancel.

Flying Frog: Just watch and wait.

Yue: Hey! I want to make sure I survive to see the payoff you promised me in my contract to star in this fanfiction.

Flying Frog: Without further ado, our next chapter of Philosophical Magic.

Yue: Excuse me? Are you listening? Will I survive or not? Where are you going? Get back here!

Disclaimer: I don't own Negima or Trigun. Wish I did, but unfortunately I don't. I've never even been to Japan so I can't even pass myself off as a member of the team that made them. Sad day. And remember, if you have problems with crack fics, sheer randomness, overpowered villains and overpowered side characters aiding a soon to be overpowered protagonist...I know a nice little show about friendship and magic you may enjoy.


"So, he's your pet?" Yue dubiously asked Negi.

"And his familiar sweet-cheeks, don't forget that." Nodoka warily glanced at the ermine then looked back at her teacher.

"You two don't seem to..." she stumbled, trying to make clear what she was thinking about their partnership. "...to work together."

Yue nodded. "How did you meet?"

Chamo climbed onto Negi's shoulder, lit up a cigarette to smoke (which Yue promptly put out saying it's against the rules to smoke) and settled in to provide the appropriate exposition. "It's like this. I was on a quest to gather the greatest treasures in the world and was being hunted by a foul, horrible man!"

"Our village (and my friend Anya) complained that someone was stealing all their underwear and my uncle set a trap to try and catch the criminal," Negi laughed, remembering how upset Anya was with fond memories; the memories of her blaming him, however, weren't so fond. Chamo tripped in his pacing while Yue rolled her eyes and Nodoka giggled.

"Umm, yeah. So I got caught in that vile poacher's trap and broke my leg. Negi came along and found me. He pulled me out of the trap and used his magic to heal my injury. I watched from a distance as he was brutally punished for helping me!"

"It was only a light slap on the head," their teacher laughed.

Chamo waved a paw at him. "Not that! That friend of yours. Anya! She really tore into you. Even gave you a black eye." Everyone noticed Negi shrug it off. Yue and Nodoka were picking their brains, trying to figure out where this...Anya fit in. "After watching the wallop he got, I saw that Negi was a man amongst men (despite his young age) and so I, Albert Chamomile, swore that day to watch out for him and stick with him through thick and thin! I even returned most of the beautiful treasure to show my sincerity."

"Did Anya ever get her pink poka-dot panties back?" Negi asked completely innocently. Yue and Nodoka saw that there was no humor, sarcasm, or irony in his face. He simply wanted to know.

Chamo smiled, "Like I said. I gave back MOST of the treasure." He turned back to Negi's roommates, "Now, as I got to know him, I grew to respect him. I offered him my talents and capability to be his familiar. Ever since then, he's been my bro!"

Yue raised an eyebrow. "Man amongst men?"

Nodoka leaned forward. "What did you mean that we could help Negi without learning magic immediately?" Negi blushed and looked into a corner while Chamo smirked and settled into a lecturing pose.

"It's quite simple nee-san," he said with a grin, looking Nodoka up and down and making her want to drop something really heavy on him, "but you see, most mages, in order to achieve the highest title and honor they can, that of Magister Magi, have to take on a partner. These partners are formed by creating contracts called Pactios. These partners, called ministra, serve their magister in a variety of ways (it depends on the magister in question), including but not limited to fighting to keep them safe in battle, helping them through daily life, and what has become pretty commonplace, marriage."

'MARRIAGE!" Yue and Nodoka both thought at the exact same time. Followed by matching mental visuals of their own respective persons at the altar with Negi.

"In exchange for this service, the contract allows the ministra to access to the mages own magical power. It improves strength, endurance, stamina, how much energy you have, and even provides the ministra with an artifact completely unique to them."

"An artifact?" Nodoka asked, curious about it.

Chamo nodded. "That's right. Some people end up with magical weapons of some kind, some people have tools to gather intelligence, some even get modes of transportation. It's all completely unique to the partner, and the artifact in question fits the personality of the ministra perfectly. There are no down-sides to a Pactio." Yue nodded her head.

"So that means Negi can only take on one partner to help him like this, right? Because of the marriage thing?"

Negi's blush deepened while Chamo grinned and pulled out a cigarette to smoke. "Not at all nee-san. That contract is a permanent pactio. It provides the most benefits and the most power. Most mages don't have enough power to have more than one of them. But Negi is way too young to consider forming a permanent Pactio. He however, can establish probationary ones. And since those use a lot less power to keep active, he can make a lot more of those. The constant flow of magic to multiple partners would be similar to exercising regularly, and would allow him to grow more powerful. Mages naturally gain more power if they have a constant strain on it. So if he makes multiple pactios now while he's young, he can potentially become powerful enough to have multiple permanent pactios in the future.

Nodoka raised a hand and Chamo pointed at her. "What's the difference between a probationary contract and a permanent one?"

"The provisional contract gives you a weaker artifact than the permanent one, and the magic flow from the magister to the ministra is less, so the ministra receives less benefits." Negi recited as if he read it from a book. Which he probably had.

Yue's lip curved upward on one side. "So if we form these pactios with Negi-sensei, we can help him without needing to learn magic immediately?"

Chamo jumped up and down in a happy-ermine dance. "That's right! I can even draw up the magic circle right now if you want. We'll just need to clear some space first." He said looking around the dorm, cluttered with books of all kinds.

"CHAMO! I'm not sure I'm ready for that!" Negi cried in dismay. The ermine in question turned to Negi.

"Come on Aniki, don't be such a baby. It's not like a kiss is going to kill you." A hand grabbed Chamo from behind, and roughly pulled him up and he was looking at some very dangerous eyes beneath a large and shiny forehead.

"What's this about a kiss?" Yue asked, completely deadpan. Although Chamo couldn't hear any emotion in her voice, he was sure his answer would determine pain or not.

"It's pretty simple. In the old days, there was a long, complex, and completely annoying method of establishing pactios. Most people found them so inconvenient that a new way of establishing Pactios was formed. All it requires is a little smooching." Yue and Nodoka blushed. "All you do is kiss inside a magic circle and BOOM, you're his partner. It's easy baby!" He was thrown as hard as possible against the wall. "ANIMAL ABUSE!"

"We...need to...kiss Negi-sensei?" the words barely left Nodoka's mouth as they almost mistook her blush for a red traffic light. Chamo pulled himself up from the floor.

"If you can't kiss him for a provisional contract, how can you be sure you'll put your life on the line for him?"

Yue's head slumped. "If a kiss is how you achieve a provisional contract, how are those permanent ones formed?" Negi started coughing, his blush near atomic levels and Chamo grinned perversely for a second before waving a paw at Yue. "I'll let you know when Aniki's older. He's too young to consider such things now." Yue and Nodoka exchanged jaded and embarrassed looks, both thinking the same thing. If a kiss is required for a provisional contract, than the more powerful, and more intimate bond would require...

"So that's why a pactio often ends in marriage?"

"Is what why?" Chamo grinned. Ugh! Yue didn't want to say it. And she was more than glad that Haruna wasn't here right now. Not only would she be saying exactly what she would be thinking, but she'd also be all for the provisional contract right now.

"I don't think it'll be such a good idea until I know more about what's attacking the students." Negi added, looking out the window over the area. Chamo looked back at the desk/workstation Negi had set up. He looked at the magically infused crucifixes, the magic gun, the garlic extracts and the catalysts.

"You're vampire hunting, aniki?"

Negi nodded. "Sasaki-san and Izumi-san were attacked by a vampire. I was taught how to recognize the magic feeling from a vampire's venom and how to remove it. Those two were definite victims of a vampire attack." Chamo leaped onto Negi's shoulder, took a deep breath and started yelling into Negi's ear.

"Are you nuts! You're going after a vampire without ANY backup! Do you have any idea how dangerous they can be?"

"It's my duty to protect my students." Once again, Yue was stunned at how seriously their new roommate was taking his duty. But the rat was right. There was no way he was putting himself in danger without anyone to help him. But Negi was also right, that they shouldn't rush into kissing, er, engaging in, no that was the wrong word too! Forming a pactio, yes, that was the phrase.

"Before we rush into anything, perhaps we should gather information first. Tomorrow is Friday, and you promised a day out with the cheerleaders to get more clothes for the weekend. So after classes tomorrow, we can investigate these vampire attacks. On Saturday, after spending time shopping we can discuss more about these pactios."

Chamo's eyes looked like question marks as he tilted a head. "You going out with those cheerleaders Friday or Saturday?" He shook his head. "Ah well, doesn't matter. Cheerleaders are always so perky! Right aniki? Uh, Negi, what are you looking at?" Negi's entire attention was focused on the sidewalk below them where he saw Yuna was out for a jog with a basketball, dribbling it with a decent amount of skill. Oh, and the shadow that was following her from a distance and getting closer.

"Akashi-san!" Negi cried, grabbed his staff then rushed out the door, and in his rush, left everything else he had prepared behind. Yue glanced at the table, particularly the magic gun.

"I must be crazy," she muttered to herself as she grabbed the gun and left while Nodoka grabbed the magic crucifixes and rushed out as well. Chamo stood on the desk watching them all leave. "Hey, my legs aren't as long as yours! Don't leave me...behind. Ah what's the use, they're already gone." He made to go after them as well, stopped for a second and glanced back at Yue's underwear drawer. "Then again, it'd be a shame to leave those beauties alone. Never expected a girl her age would go for that."

A couple doors down, Misora and Cocone were cooking their dinner. "I'm telling you Coco-chan, it's perfect. If Negi-sensei is anything like his father in the power department, then we could have some awesome pactios!" Cocone tilted her head stared at her roommate. "Don't be like that! Just think what kind of Pactio we could have from him! How powerful it could be. We could one-shot any test Sister Shakti throws at us!"

"Or you could study magic longer than five minutes a week." Cocone muttered to herself.

"And let my grades drop in school or my place in track fall! Not happening." Cocone looked at the fridge where Misora had her latest report card, showcasing all of her remarkably low grades. She wasn't a baka ranger by any means, but barely put in enough effort to pass most of her classes. The conversation slowed as they heard running out in the hall. Misora curiously opened the door and watched Negi rush past, followed by Yue holding a gun and Nodoka holding a few crosses. And they all had a strong feeling of magic rolling off of them.

"Where are they going? OUCH!" Misora rubbed her head after Cocone threw some shoes at her, already getting ready to go herself. "Hey, Coco-chan, where you going?"

"Curious. Aren't you?" Misora blinked, grinned, then nodded.

"Right, you convinced me. Let's go."


Dribbling the ball and practicing changing directions to dodge shadow opponent teams seemed like a perfect way to fight her way through the tension her anxiety over Ako's and Makie's attack. Akira felt that until whoever did it was caught, it would be too dangerous wandering outside their dorm room at night. But Yuna couldn't help but feel restless staying in the room. She had way too much to think about after visiting Ako and Makie.

They told her all about how Negi came to visit them. How he observed their necks where they had been bitten by...something. Vampire? Asakura thought that. Chupuacabra? She couldn't remember who said it by Asuna jumped all over that theory before Negi showed up for class that morning.

Negi. Yuna stopped dribbling the ball. The sheer pleasure Ako and Makie described from Negi rubbing their necks sounded very familiar.

A younger Yuna ran into her house crying her heart out. Akashi Yuko, who was setting up the training wands and beginning magic texts on the table, jumped out of her chair and rushed to Yuna's aid. "Honey! Are you all right?"

Yuna shook her head. "I was practicing that fire spell you taught me and burnt myself! WAAAHHHH!" Yuko smiled at her four year old daughter, then examined the burn on her arm.

"Daisuke, would you come here for a moment?" The door to the study opened and her husband came out of it, burns covering his own clothes and skin. Yuko sighed. "I thought we discussed your little project would be done outside the house," she muttered with a heavy sigh.

"I didn't expect it would blow up again," he said embarrassingly as he scratched the back of his head.

Yuko shook her head. "You're better with healing spells than I am. Would be so kind as to heal Yuna of her self-inflected burns before taking care of yours." He waved her off before the healing spell lit up his hand and he started rubbing Yuna's burns.

Yuna shook the memory away. The sheer pleasure that ran through her body the day her dad healed her cemented the feeling and the memory in her head. After her mother died, her dad hid everything that had to do with magic away, but Yuna still remembered. And she definitely remembered how her dad had made her feel.

And it sounded like Negi could do the same. That had to mean he was a mage himself. If he was, then he could maybe give some answers or have some way to talk to her dad. Maybe even find out how Akashi Yuko died. It wasn't like she had anything else to go on.

Chuckling to herself, she could see the conversation now. 'Hey Negi, I may be wrong but I think you're a mage and even though I'm sure everyone feels like magic isn't real but I think it is based on a childhood memory, so do you think you can ask my dad how my mom died? And maybe if you know that same spell he used back then? I mean, I'm not sure you know how good it feels but it sounds like you got Ako and Makie addicted to the feeling...'

Yeah, it sounded stupid even in her own head. Smiling at how such a conversation may actually go, Yuna started dribbling the ball again when a blast of cold air hit her like a ton of bricks from behind. "Huh?" Yuna turned around in time to see a shadow flying at high speed in her direction. "YAAAAH!"

"AKASHI-SAN! Ras tel Ma Scir Magister! Sagitta Magica, Aer capturae!" A quick series of spells flew past Yuna at the dark shadow. They looked like arrows made of wind, or air, or something like that. The shadow dropped into a roll and dodged the arrows. As the figure came out of its roll, a couple of glass vials were tossed at whoever attacked the shadow.

"Spiritus!"

Yuna wasn't quite sure what happened, but she found herself behind some sort of barrier and Negi standing in front of her with his staff in both hands; he was visibly struggling holding the barrier up against the barrage of ice. "Negi-sensei! What's going on?"

"No time to explain right now." A quiet, monotone voice said from behind. Yuna turned around to see Yue holding a gun, aiming it over her (Yuna's) shoulder. Nodoka was also joining them, curiously looking over the crosses in her hands. "Yuna-san, if you'd head back to the dorm and let us fight the vampire off."

"A vampire! You're fighting a vampire and expect me to walk away? Do you even know how to fight? Or even how to use that thing?" Yuna asked, eying the gun in Yue's hand like it was a grenade about to go off.

Yue shrugged. "You point it and pull the trigger. I think the basic premise is obvious. Sensei, how long can you hold the barrier?"

"Maybe a few more seconds, those ice arrows are taking their toll." Yue nodded, took aim, and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened.

The barrier went down a second later, and everyone who was in it were staring dumbfounded at the gun in Yue's hand. "So...just point and pull the trigger, huh," Yuna asked sarcastically. Yue stared completely baffled. She saw Negi fire the gun and destroyed one of their pillows earlier. Why wasn't it working now?

"Pathetic. Even with the help you brought, Negi Springfield, it amounts to nothing. But it matters not. I've been waiting a long time for this moment. A couple of school children won't change anything." The figure stepped out of the shadows, revealing a tall and (to the self-conscious girls with Negi) well-endowed woman. Smiling brightly in a very creepy manner, her fangs on open display for them all to see. "Even denying me Yuna's blood, I still have enough power to wipe you all out," she tossed a few more vials of with some liquid within them. "Lic Lac, La Lac, Lilac, SPIRITUS!"

Nodoka's arms wrapped themselves around Yuna and pulled her down on the ground with Yue, who dived into the bushes off to the side while Negi dodged the other direction. The woman immediately charged after Negi. Negi for his part, was leaping backwards and sending wind arrows at her and summoning wind elementals to charge her. This did nothing more than slow the woman down, who casually dodged the arrows as if they weren't even moving and with a wave of hand, knocked the elementals out of her way; the elementals quickly exploded as they flew from her. "Sensei!" Nodoka jumped up, holding the crosses. "I hope these work," she muttered to herself and threw one with all her might.

It fell just short of the woman by four feet. She turned, glanced at the cross on the ground, and stomped on it, grinding it to dust. "Pathetic. Untrained children playing with toys they have no idea how to use," she gave a dismissive glance at the three classmates before turning back to Negi. But this time the elemental spirits he summoned while she was busy found their mark. The large explosion of wind threw up a large dust cloud which Yue used to grab Yuna and Nodoka and start pulling them back to the dorms. Negi met up with them and they ran as fast as they could.

However, a shadow fell down from the sky directly in front of them. The figure stepped out to reveal Karakuri Chachamaru.

Yuna blinked, "Chachamaru-san? We're running from a vampire here! Come on, we need to go." Chachamaru held perfectly still. "Hey, what gives? We need to get moving now!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't allow you to run from the master."

Yue tilted her head to the right. "Your master?"

Yuna blinked a couple of times as well. "But you constantly follow Evangeline-san, not a grown, totally hot, but evil, rotten blood sucking vampire woman." The sound of someone coughing behind them had all of them turn around.

Evangeline was standing there, now in her underwear (much to Negi's embarrasment,) her arms folded, an eyebrow twitching and a glare so sharp that diamonds could be cut with it. "Chachamaru, keep the kids off us. The son of Thousand Master and I have some business to get to." She leaped at Negi with a burst of speed he and the girls with him didn't expect from Evangeline, her fists grabbing the front of his suit and slammed him against the wall.

"NEGI-SENSEI!" Nodoka and Yuna called, and Yue spoke outside of monotone, and all of them immediately tried to rush them. But Chachamaru got in there way.

"Out of the way Chachamaru-chan!"

"I cannot let you interfere with Master."

"Evangeline, why are you doing this?" Negi asked, absolutely terrified for his life from the way Evangeline was glaring at him.

"Why? If your stupid father could be bothered to keep his promises, all of this would be unnecessary!"

Negi blinked. "My father? What do you know of him?"

"The Thousand Master is lying scum who can never be bothered to keep his promises. He sealed me here for the last 15 years!" The last part of her sentence being a very low growl. "The only way to break the curse is to drink his blood, or the blood of a direct relative. As his son, you'll suffice. It's a shame that the amount I need will probably kill you."

The one sided scuffle going on behind them increased in intensity as Yue, Yuna, and Nodoka all tried even harder to get past Chachamaru, all of them being thrown, lightly punched, flicked in the forehead and then pushed back, often resulting in them tripping over their own feet in the case of Nodoka and Yue. "You can't kill Negi-sensei!" Yue called out, getting back on her feet while hoping Negi didn't get a good look at her panties.

This was the scene Misora and Cocone came across as they ran up. Misora felt her jaw drop and Cocone tilted her head. "What in the name of all that's holy is going on here?"

Yuna turned, seeing the two new arrivals. "Quick, you got to help us! Evangeline's trying to kill Negi-sensei!"

Misora and Cocone both blinked. "Kill him? Puh-LEASE! Are you listening to yourself? Why would anyone want to kill him?" Please don't know about magic! Please don't know about magic! Misora thought to herself, desperate to keep it a secret.

Yuna grumbled. "It's a complicated situation. All you need to know is that Evangeline attacked Makie and Ako, now she's attacking Negi, and she tried to attack me!" Must keep them from finding out Negi's a mage! Must keep them from finding out that Negi's a mage!

Cocone nodded, then whispered "Vampire?" to Misora, who shrugged in response.

Nodoka stamped a foot down. "I know it sounds crazy, b..but you have to believe us." Sounding far more panicky than anything else. Misora rolled her eyes.

"Right, so if I were to take one of those crosses and use it, it should affect her," she asked, taking one of the crosses from Nodoka and threw it at Evangeline,

Chachamaru and Evangeline, not expecting anything from it the second time, did nothing to stop the cross from hitting Evangeline's back. The resulting flash-bang explosion that blinded Chachamaru's optical sensors and sent Evangeline flying several feet was nothing short of spectacular. Negi's eyes were swirls even as Yue, Nodoka, and Yuna stared in shock at Misora. Cocone, maintaining a presence of mind, ran up and grabbed Negi, and started pulling him back toward them.

"I'm not going to look a gift-horse in the mouth. Let's get out of here." Yue said while reaching for Negi's other hand. The small troop of girls and their teacher started running (cautiously as most of them were still seeing spots from the flash explosion) back to the dorm rooms.

"So, why did the cross explode when you threw it, but not Honya-chan?" Yuna asked Misora.

"Eh? Umm...maybe it had something to do with...er, maybe the one I grabbed was rigged with explosives!"

"So aren't you worried you may have killed Eva?"

"Nah. Speaking of which," Misora planted her feet on the ground and stopped walking. "Would someone explain exactly what was happening?" Yuna, Yue, and Nodoka glaced at each other. "Why was Evangeline attacking you guys? And why say she was trying to kill Negi-sensei?"

"Well...you see Misora-san, it's just...that maybe," Nodoka tried to stammer out an explanation.

"It's a long story, and I'm sure you'll be bored to tears, so perhaps we should just be on our way back to our dorms? Now would be nice," Yuna urged them.

"Eva's a vampire and wants to use my blood to end a magical curse my dad placed on her 15 years ago, sealing her in the Academy," Negi offered as an explanation.

"SENSEI!" His roommates shouted.

"Ex-nay on the agic-may!" Yuna hissed.

Misora blinked. Long forgotten tales and legends her parents told her coming to the forefront of her mind. The Dark Evangel. Terror on mankind. Murderer, destroyer, manipulator, The Doll Master terrorized all of Mundus Magicus and Earth for centuries before being defeated by the Thousand Master. She already knew Negi's dad was the famous Thousand Master, but if Eva was the vampire of legend...

Suddenly she knew why curiosity killed the cat.

Cocone summoned a flame on her finger to show her magic to the girls. Yuna, Yue, and Nodka gasped at the sight. "We're mages." She muttered.

"Whoa, that's cool. You too Misora-chan? Misora?" Yuna noticed Misora beginning to hyperventilate, her face was pale and she was trembling.

"WE'REGONNADIE! WE'REGONNADIE! WE'REGONNADIE!"

Yue's head drooped downward. "We lost her."

"You idiots should've run when you had the chance," a voice came from behind them. They all turned to see Evangeline and Chachamaru there. "Pheh, at least one of you knew how to use those little toys you brought along. Still won't do you any good. If I have to go through all of you to get to boya, I will. So you children might as well get out of my way." Without any further warning, Evangeline charged again.

Nodoka threw another cross at her, and once again, nothing happened when it made contact. Desperate to slow down the fast approaching vampire, Yuna grabbed the gun from Yue's hand, pointed it and fired. A large burst of magical energy shot from the gun and forced Evangeline to pivot and change directions to avoid the shot. Yue blinked. "It worked for you? Why for you?"

"Misora, now would be a GREAT time for you to use your magic to help us!" Yuna cried out, ducking under an ice spike thrown her way.

But Misora wasn't there. She was running full speed back to the dorms. "Sorry! It's every woman for herself!" Cocone looked back at the retreating teen, tears slowly filling her eyes.

"Girls, you should leave also! She's only after me, it's too dangerous for you to stay!" Negi held his staff in front of him, stepped forward and placed himself between the girls and Evangeline.

"No!" Nodoka cried out.

"Sensei, if you think we're leaving you to die, you have another thing coming." Yue grunted, fairly put out that the gun worked for Yuna but not for her. Cocone didn't bother saying anything. Merely got into a combat stance.

"Chachamaru." Evangeline nodded at them.

"Yes Master." Chachamaru charged the girls. Nodoka and Yue instinctively stepped back and out of the way while Cocone stepped forward.

"Sagitta Magica," she muttered. Five arrows that looked like they were made of water appeared around her and flew at Chachamaru. Yuna aimed the gun and shot again. Jets activated under Chachamaru's feet and from her back. One of her hands disappeared and was replaced by a long blade. Hovering in the air, she gracefully dodged the water arrows and sliced through the magic bullet, never ending her charge towards them.

"Ras Tel Ma Scir, MAGISTER!" Seven copies of Negi appeared around him, all made of wind. Three of them flew at Chachamaru and the other four flew at Evangeline. Chachamaru stopped her assault to dodge the elementals while Evangeline flew through them, the elementals exploding before even touching her. Cocone and Negi glanced at each other.

"Barrier?"

"Possibly."

Evangeline flew straight through the girls, pushing Cocone and Yue (who were closest to Negi) out of the way and tackled the boy into the ground. "Keep these brats off me Chachamaru."

"Yes master."

"Now Evangeline, I'm sure we can talk about his, find another way!"

"But this way is what leads to the path to freedom!" She sneered at him, showcasing her fangs. "Normally I'd have a huge speech prepared...but I'm sick and tired of being trapped here so the less said the better. I'll give a big victory speech after it's over." With that said, Eva immediately bit down on Negi's neck and started drinking his blood.

"SENSEI!" The girls being held up by Chachamaru started fighting even harder. Yue pulled out some grapple gear the Library Exploration club used and threw it into their robotic classmate's face, and tried to force her way past Chachamaru. All she succeeded in doing was getting kicked back a few feet, followed by Nodoka and Yuna. Cocone was focusing on sending spells at Evangeline while the others kept the gynoid busy. The few spells that did get through were stopped by the magical barrier.

Negi fought against Evangeline, gasping loudly as she drank his blood, but her steely grip prevented him from moving. I'm sorry, father...

A loud gunshot burst through the clearing, and Evangeline went flying off Negi. "What the?" Chachamaru immediately went to Eva's side while the other girls rushed to Negi. Cocone muttered 'cura' and started working on Negi's neck to stop the bleeding.

Loud music started playing in the courtyard and a shadowy figure could be seen approaching. Evangeline's eyes widened. "Oh I don't believe it...THIS IDIOT! What's he doing here?" Negi and the students watched curiously as a figure entered the clearing. He was pretty tall, his long red trench coat reaching down to his combat boots, a prosthetic left arm and spikey blond hair, and he wasn't so much walking or even moving into the area. He was...dancing into view.

A large handgun was in his left hand, both arms were waving wildly, he had an ipod on his belt playing at full blast, the ear phones hanging around his shoulders so everyone could hear the music, and a large goofy grin on his face. He was moving left and right randomly, sashaying occasionally and shaking his hips in an almost feminine fashion.

Yuna blinked, "Who's the doofus?" Yue and Cocone both shrugged, Nodoka was too polite to say anything and Negi was wondering why the smell of doughnuts became so strong since the stranger arrived.

Eva just glared. "Vash the Stampede."

Omake:

Flying Frog: *inhales deeply* I love the smell of doughnuts. Maple, chocolate, glazed, cream filled...absolutely delicious.

Vash: I know. They're the best things on the planet. To die for!

Negi: Er, really to die for?

Yue: It's just an expression sensei. I hope. And let's not talk about death. Negi came this close to it this chapter.

Flying Frog: It builds character.

Yue: If you about killed off the protagonist, what guarantee to do I have that I'll survive to the end of this fic? I still want to discuss our contract.

Flying Frog: Check out section 7, article IIIb.

Yue: ...management is not responsible for injury or even death of characters in the production of this fanfic? YOU SERIOUS! BAKA RANGERS, ASSEMBLE!

Vash: You won't find them here anytime soon?

Yue: WHY THE HELL NOT!?

Flying Frog: Because I told them that if they could each do a handstand on a gymnast wooden horse for two straight hours, I promised them a date with Negi.

Negi: You did what!? But that's inappropriate. Teachers shouldn't get involved with their students!

Yue: What about Asuna?

Flying Frog: I promised her a date with Takamichi.

Yue: ...I'll get you back.

Vash: Next time in Philosophical magic, we have the showdown of the century. DEADPOOL VS BATMAN!

Flying Frog: I don't think they'll be making an appearance in this fic. The Teen Titans might, but not those guys. They have too much fanfic contracts going on with other authors.

Vash: You mean I won't have the mandatory hero vs hero fight with batman?

Flying Frog: Afraid not. I don't know if I could handle the goofiness vs the stoic kickbuttery.