Notes at the end of the chapter, for those who have any interest.
"Yes. You did everything people wanted you to. But when you met Hakuren you forced your way through to him until you were friends. Selfishness is a human emotion. When you rescued Frau you eventually laughed again and got angry again. Human emotions. You are not yet dead. And you have to decide for yourself. Are you with us, in fighting against Ayanami? Or are you going back to him?"
Castors words repeated themself in my head continuously. I seriously didn't have an answer. What was I supposed to do? But then again, I guess this really is my decision. One of thousands I had to make before.
From morning till dawn, living beings make decisions. Starting with the time one wakes up. Do you stand up, or stay in bed? Do you want to eat breakfast, or do you want to skip it? What do you want to eat? Start a conversation, or just listen in. Follow duties or be kind of a deliquent. How is your mood, bad or good? Do you let that influence your work, or how you treat the people around you? Do you forgive others mistakes? Do you forgive your own flaws and mistakes? When do you take a break? What would you like to do in your free time? Do you want to take notice of you surroundings? Hundreds over hundreds of questions, each having more than one answer to it. Human beings have the freedome to chose, and thus are eventually bound to chose. Unlike animals who do almost everything on instinct, humans think about it. Unconciously, some more, some less.
And where was I on this? People expect me to stand up, so I do. They expect me to attend mass, so I do. They expect me to be friendly with others, so I am. I am expected to do my duties, so I do. Isn't this already kind of a choice? I chose to do what people want me to do. But on the other hand... aren't I just like a puppet like this? I noticed that everything that came to my mind right now where things connected to what those around me wanted me to do. Did I even have a will of my own? It really, really didn't feel like this. Castor made me realize really weird things.
Hakuren and the rest had left my room some time ago. Labrador has left the flowers - just in case I slipped again and.. dunno, maybe attack Frau again? Lance and Castor had been reluctant to leave, but allas, they had to take care of the poor Bastien who was.. mildly said, a little more than confused. Well ok. He seemed ready to snap at any given minute. I remeber, in this alternate timeline, he ended up as one of our enemys. But from the way it looked right now, it didn't seem that way. I pulled up my knees and hugged them, hiding my face pressed against them. Frau sighed, and I rolled my eyes.
" Sometimes it's so depressing to be around you, I swear." he said. I decided to kindly ignore him. I mean, he could just leave, for all I care. Or not. I didn't know. I wanted him to stay, but at the same time I wanted him to leave. Argh, back to confusing myself.
"You know, is it really that hard to decide? I mean, It's not like this is a matter of life an death, is it? If you decide for Ayanami, he'll probably just... I don't know, tkae you away from here and everything will be peacefull?" the blonde escapee said, and put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. A gave a soundless sigh, indulging in his warmth for a bit, before I would give him an answer. Surprisingly, Frau was probably right.
" Yes. That is a very likely possibility. Bot that would be, If I happen to decide on Verloren. You know, he has lost this many friends, lovers and family, he won't let me go. If I end up taking his side - which has a high chance - He'll probably take me away. Far away, and never let me back again. Maybe lock me up somewhere, with only him and the Warsfeil around us. And if it comes down to this, I know I'll want him to erase my memories, because living with him will be impossible if he doesn't."
" Why should he erase your memories?" Frau frowned. i didn't see it, but i could tell by his voice.
" Because otherwise, I'll end up thinking about you, and wishing I'd haven chosen you. I'm not particulary fond of feeling guilty, you know. Besides, I'ts better that way. If i don't remember what i lost, or left behind. Or what I am. It's best not to remember how my father seemed to favor interupting my, or Ayanamis live."
Frau stayed quiet a moment, but I yould feel him tense up, before he finnaly brushed through his spiked hair and sighed deeply. " You know, brat, This is really hard for me to understand all in all. And I don't have memories of this alternate timeline, you know? I just have the memories up until here. And until two weeks ago I didn't even knew about these ghosts, or about the story behind Verloren and Eve, so I'm still kind of lost in everything. I would love to just call you crazy, stand up, and walk out of this room. Heck, even back to the military, if that meant I could forgett all that I got to know here." his voice was grumpy, and I just knew he was looking at the wall opposite of us, frowning, lips pulled out a little bit. Those blue eyes concerned, and annoyed, but at the same time thoughtfull.
" But I can't do that. I can't go back to the way it was before. And maybe I'm glad about that. Because I got to know you, and that was probably the best thing happening to me, after having got to know Guido. I can't say I disliked what happened to me here." he sighed, before grumbling: " Ok, aside from the fact that a small, childlike guy seems to know everything about me and threw all I thought I knew upside down"
I rolled my eyes, bumping him with my shoulders. " I'm not that small. Yu're just ridicuolusly tall, pervert."
" Stop calling me a pervert. i haven't even done anything!" he stopped, before adding a " Yet."
I raised an eyebrow, before raising my head to look at him. He was watching me, and I didn't know how to feel about his gaze. " Woah. Stop right there, mister escapee. Through this entire debate you encouraged me to take Ayanami. What's up with this look!"
I noticed how the corners of his lips turned slightly downward. " Well, it would be best if you chose him, to be honest. He deserved it. And you too. Besides, we don't even know each other really, we're actually more like strangers than anything else. If one looks at it from the outside it must look pretty weird." Fraus Voice war calm, but I just knew that he was having an inner turmoil.
" That's not the way you feel, though." I said and he frowned harder.
" Do you know that through those other memories?"
" No, the intuition of being from the church."
" How do I keep forgetting you're actually a clergymen? Oh right. Because youre so... small." he hummed. I growled, but kept quiet. It felt like he wanted to say something, but was struggling. Maybe he was fighting with himself, wether to voice hin concern or not. " How weird does it sound if I tell you I don't want you to go to him?" he finally decided to ask.
" Not much, considering the shit I went through." I gave him a lopsided grin. i mean, it really didn't sound so weird. I went through so much crazy stuff, that this was actually a legit confession. " Frau, feelings and desire can't be explained, especially not in times when they just pop up."
" What do you mean?"
" Well, love just kind of happens, without you noticing. And it doesn't care for race, gender or age. Or time you spent with the loved one. It just comes, often in times when you can't need it. That's just the way it is."
" Who ever talked about love? I just said, I don't want you to go to him." he murmured and I chuckled.
" Good, I kind of don't want to myself." I confessed. His eyes went wider and it made me smile. " Frau, I don't know what I want to be honest. I love him, yeah. But I also love you, even if it may sound strange for you. And I love all the people in this church, and Hakuren, and Labrador, the orphans, and Castor, and goodnes gracious, I even like Bishop Lance! I don't know if I want to leave them here, after I finally settled down somewhat. Besides, even if I chose Ayanamy, I'll still be one of the seven ghosts so... in the end, both choices are kind of... unfitting."
We stayed quiet, and I lowered my head on my knees again, starring into nowhere. Frau stayed quiet for a while.
" Well shit, huh." he just huffed after a while, and I couldn't help but crack a smile at that.
" Well duh - wellcome to my life."
I was gliding through the halls in my ghost form when nighttime fell. The sprites where nowhere to be seen, and I was starting to wonder if a Kor or a Wars had entered the Churchs ground. Or maybe Verloren himself. It was dark and eerie at night in the empty hallways and the gardens. The only audible noise was the fountain in the inner courtyard. I sighed soundlessly, continuing to glide forward.
Was he already on his way? I couldn't really know, but I got the feeling he'd be here rather sooner than later. Probably on a Ribidzile. Most certainly on a Ribidzile. He was just crazy enough to risk a way between the church and the military. And to be honest, it was very unlikely that one of the Black Hawks would manage to change his mind, or calm him down. Pretty much impossible actually. After what I did to Haruse he must be mad. And the others are probably hating me right now also. I know I should be unconcerned by this, but I really am not.
I heard the sound of a Hawkzile landing in front of the churchs broad doors and halted, staying afloat in the air, the scythe in my hand weirdly calm. A sudden shudder wracking my ghost body made me cruely aware of what was about to happen. Like a premonition. I felt the other ghosts leave their himan bodies. Knew they were rushing to the front gates.
Yes... it was about time. He was here.
Moving forward again I left the hallways and made my way to the inner courtyard. Fest, Relict and Profe were already there and - for reasons unknown to me - Hakuren also. I could only vaguely guess that Frau must be somewhere near here too. I floated to them, together the four of us build a wall. The four with me were all bundles of nerves but I was surprised at how calm I actually was. It was dark, and only the stars were lightling the court up, but neither of us cared. We were ghosts, we could see anyways, with or without light to illuminate our surroundings.
" Don't you want to open the doors? I thought this was a church~ Aren't ya guys supposed to let us in?" the chuckling voice, so throughoutly amused that it was frightening, undoubtly belonged to Hyuuga. I was surprised. Did he actually manage to talk some sense into Ayanami? The other ghosts didn't make a move, neither did Hakuren. I would roll my eyes if I was in my human Body right now. Because, technically, Hyuuga was right: we were supposed to open the doors. Not just for... beings like them, I guess. I turned my head to Hakuren. He could see us, but he wasn't looking at us. Rather, he was looking at the door, unusually pale. I couldn't blame him. I should be frightened. But I weren't. God knows why.
" How mean~ Aya-tan, I guess they won't let us in just like this~" I heard the black haired Leutnant laugh, and smiled inwards. I didn't realize how much I missed his antics towards my blonde superior. " Shall we blow up this huge gate?" he asked. I floated a little bit forward, but Fest reached out and held me back at my cloak. I gave him my best glare, but even the other three were glaring daggers at me, so I resigned to sigh soundlessly and go back to where I was before.
Kakuren was actually the one who stepped up and went to the gate, to open it up a bit.
" What do you think you're doing, Hakuren!?" Relict, also known as Bishop Lance, wanted to know in a paniked hush. Profe, or rather called, Labrador raised a hand.
"It's ok, Relict. He would have made it in either way, at least this is the peacefull solution." the light purple haired man answered. Well, of cause he didn't have the hair color now. Aside from our necklaces showing our signs, we each looked alike. Hakuren made a few steps back, and closed the door after the two enemys entered.
Surprised it really were just the two of them, I frowned innwardly. How did Hyuuga get through to him? I had no clue, but I owned him one now. This was much mor manageable than else, even though we would probably lose if it came down to a real battle.
Ayanamis steps seemed calm, but I noticed the haste in them, and the well known glint in his eyes as he scanned the four ghosts fast. The other three tensed up more, gripping their scythes harder and finally his gaze fell on me. I knew he was shocked, even though it was hardly noticeable. He had seen me through Haruses eyes, yes. But he hadn't seen me in this state; this form.
" Teito." he said. It seemed void of any emotion to the others, but Hyuuga seemed surprised and I could fully relate - the softnes in his tone made me shiver, even though this body couldn't shiver.
"..." my voice didn't listen to me. I wanted to say something, but nothing came out. It was just like that first time I met him, though it wasn't firght this time. It was so much, that I couldn't get it sorted out. But I was overwhelmed. So, instead of answering him vocaly, I slowly floated forward to the smaller form in front of us all, coming down to the floor, just to have myself nearer to him. I didn't really know what was happening around me anymore. I just... I wanted to be near him. Touch him, feel his warmth, see that spark in his eyes that was only reserved for me. My skelleton hand was streched out to him, and before I knew it, I was hovering right in front of him, both hands around him, but not pressing shut. He didn't stop me, even though I could hurt him at any moment right now. He was calm like always.
" Teito. Won't you speak to me, at least?" he questioned, a small, almost not visible smile on his lips.
"... I... I don't know, what to say to you... " I answered honestly.
" Zehel! What the heck are you doing!?" Relict stormed forward, launching an attack.
And guess what I did?
I closed my hands around Verlorens human vessel, effortlessly blocking the impact, stunning my friends... and enemys alike.
" Do not touch what is mine, Relict."
Authors Note:
Well, to come back here actually took me... what - 14 Month? Welp, someone give me a pistol so I can shot myself.
I actually have a really legit reason that I took this long. And I know I should probably be ashamed, but I am not. In the time it took me to upload here, those 14 month, I graduated from school, after 13 years. I made my 'Abitur', as it is called in Germany. Now I'm searching for an apprenticeship most of the time. This took up my ressources, so I apologize for not updating here, but on 'Summoning'. It may have irritated some of you, dear readers, but I put a whole of a lot more thought into this story here, and have actuall plans and storyline in this one. 'Summoning' is easier for me to write, because a lot of my friends provide ideas, and help me through the difficult stuff. Well, until the recent chapters Summoning wasn't even difficult... None of them have read 07-Ghost though, so I had to go through everything concerning this story alone.
Long story short, I lost my fun on this for a while. A long while, actually. I would have discontinued this story already, if it weren't for the occasionally reviews that popped up through all this time. So, congratulate yourselves for giving me enough reason to actually finish this story! I know 07-Ghost isn't a broad fandom, but it has great people, and you all kept me going here so... yeah. Here I am, back in the game!
This chapter is the start of the ending though. I plan on wrapping this up with two more chapters. One ending for Ayanami, and one for Frau. I hope this will satisfy you all, because you deserve it! Guys and Gals, I really hope you keep reviewing, because those are the reason I came back here.
( Also, I had to re-read the whole story and... WHY DO YOU READ THIS!? I mean, really, I know it's good to grown with your work but... all the errors, and typos and other stuff I did wrong, I don't know how you put up with that until here xD I really just hope I continue to grow, and I guess you'll notice that this chapter is significantly different to the ones before - it's better if you ask me.)
