A/N *straps story to a table* PULL THE LEVER, IGOR! *a very unamused looking Vati pulls a lever and lightning strikes the story* IT'S ALIVE!

Hehe, anyway, I'm not dead yet, and I have absolutely NO excuse for not writing. BUT THE ONE OF YOU WHO HAS NEVER PROCRASTINATED THROW THE FIRST STONE! *glares at Vati and mom*

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or typingweb-I MEAN an anonymous typing website. I do own my terrible jokes, though!


America came home from school one day, looking rather upset, followed by Greece, who had a neutral look on his face. China, who had a day off from work, frowned upon their arrival.

"What happened, aru?" he asked his sons with concern. America looked up.

"That jerk Turkey threw a sandwich-"

"A turkey sandwich," Greece noted.

"-at us today!" America said, outraged. China sighed, but then smiled.

"What's so...amusing?" Greece demanded.

"Sorry, it's just that you reminded me of your father for a second, aru," China replied.

"Huh? Why do ya say that?" America asked.

"Well, you see, when your father was in school as a kid, he was bullied too, aru," the mother explained to them. America's eyes widened.

"Woahwoahwoah wait," he said, "Dad was a kid at one point?"

"Of course, aru! Everyone is! In fact, I think I'll tell you about our good old days, when we were all in school together, aru..."

~~~~SQUIGGLY LINES TO REPRESENT A FLASHBACK WOOOOOO~~~~

"FOR THE LAST TIME YOU TWO, STOP ATTACKING POLAND!" the teacher yelled. Two boys, maybe thirteen or fourteen, stopped tugging on a small...boy and the taller one on the right lowered his hand, which was holding a pair of scissors.

"But we were just partitioning him a little!" the one on the left, Germany, complained.

"Just let us continue so he can become one with me, da?" the right one, Russia, told the teacher.

"Like, totally unfabulous..." complained Poland, still restrained with both arms by the other two boys. The teacher, a tall man with long blonde hair that was braided on one side, groaned and rubbed his forehead with the tips of his fingers.

"I've already warned you two before about this," Germania muttered. "Russia, give me those scissors. From now on, you get safety scissors." Russia dejectedly traded out his pair for the neon coloured ones, kolling all the way. After the teacher recoiled from the definitely-not-rust on the blades, he placed it in a locked drawer alongside wine, beer, vodka, and a box of pasta. Kids bring some weird stuff to school these days..."Germany, let go of Poland and go sit down. Now." Germany grumbled, but obliged as a grateful Poland sat down across the room.

Germania growled and the rest of the class miraculously shut up at record speed. Ever since the day they came in when Germania was sharpening an antique sword that now hung over his desk, they had learned to listen to whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Unfortunately, not one, but THREE idiots failed to get the message. This was made apparent by a low rumbling that got louder until...

CCCCCCRRRRRRRAAAAASH

In the wall, a hole appeared. In that hole was an SUV. In that SUV, sunlight flooding in around them like some gods of parties, were three boys, obviously in their early teens. In front of those boys in that SUV in that hole in that wall was an extremely unamused Germania holding a very sharp sword. The three visibly paled (actually, the driver couldn't really get any paler) and stopped dancing around. The room was filled with silence except for the tinny-radio-quality music blaring through the speakers.

"France. Prussia. Spain. Out of the car. Now." Germania punctuated each command with a hypothetical dagger while emphasizing each word by tapping the hood of the car with a very literal sword. The trio jumped out and stood at attention. "Take a seat AND," he interrupted them as they were about to grab three close seats, "you must be at different parts of the room." A 'dammit' in each respective language could be heard. Germania smashed the radio as they wandered for a place to sit.

France took a seat in the front between two girls, Hungary and Belarus. HA, he actually thought he had a chance. The frog hadn't even opened his mouth before both sent him a death glare, one raising a frying pan, the other a dagger. He quickly shrunk back into his seat.

Spain skipped over to sit next to Romano. The Italian completely ignored him and continued to chat with China, who was seated next to him on the other side. Spain continuously poked him in the shoulder until Romano finally turned around and screamed "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?" Lego-er, Germania looked up from his desk where he was sorting papers.

"Mr. Vargas, shut up. Ten points from Hufflep-" SORRY. THIS PARAGRAPH HAS BEEN CUT OFF DUE TO THE AUTHOR'S HORRIBLE REFERENCE JOKES.

Prussia looked around the room and groaned. There were no awesome seats left! Now he just had to settle for the last unawesome seat that was open next to that totally unawesome Russian freak. He grumbled and sat. Russia turned and gave him his creepiest and unawesome smile and slowly held up the neon scissors.

"Become one, da?" Never had a pair of safety scissors seemed so terrifying. Prussia scooted away (AWESOMELY, MIND YOU) and leaned back in his chair. He then noticed his brother, Germany, on the other side of Russia giving him the 'stop-being-a-moron' look. He rolled his eyes, and then Germania began to talk.

"Okay class, I'll only teach you this once, so shut up, sit up, and pay attention," he began. "Today, we'll learn about the Berlin Wall..." He was once more interrupted, this time by a slam on the door. Unfortunately, Germania had learned long ago that locks only get broken since people seem to constantly break them down, so the door was just a push-door. Therefore, the intruder fell in and landed on the floor in an awkward pile. Germania felt a headache coming on.

"Rome. What the hell are you doing in my class." It wasn't even a question, it was more like an invitation to correct his wrong of entering the sacred place of learning. Rome quickly got up and grinned brightly at the man who was now rolling his eyes.

"Sorry, I just came so I could drop off lunch for my sons!" he said cheerfully. Germania tried to glare him down before giving up against the stupidly happy look on his face.

"Fine. Afterwards, make yourself useful and get rid of that car," Germania grumbled. Rome ran over to Romano's desk and handed him a Tupperware thing filled with pasta. Then, he hopped in the SUV, turned the keys that were still in the ignition before driving off while shouting, "LOVI! If you need me I'll be in the preschool building with Feli!" Romano, however, had his head on the desk with his crossed arms forming a barrier from the eyes of the other students. He hated his family. His older brother had graduated from school long ago, but still came to pick up his son, France, and Romano after school every day. His dad randomly broke into the classroom because he had an obsession with Mr. Germania or something. Then there was his little brother, Italy, or Veneziano as he called him. Veneziano wasn't that bad, that is, until he learned to talk.

"As I was saying," Germania continued, "there was once an extremely powerful and stupid country called the Ro-" He was this time cut off by Poland singing in his sleep.

"It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday..." Russia raised his hand while using the other to pull out his scissors, but Germania's sharp glare caused him to lower it again. Germania strode over to Poland's desk and slammed his hand in front of his face. Poland screamed and begged for Germany and Russia to leave him alone. After noticing the teacher's unamused expression and the classroom full of stifled giggles, except of course for Switzerland, who was reading, he blushed.

"Did I, like, fall asleep again?"

"Yes, yes you did."

"It's, like, not Friday, is it?"

"No, it's Wednesday."

"Oh...that totally bites, broski."

"I understand, I wanted the week to be over Monday morning. But until then, keep your eyes open and head up! If I see you or anyone sleeping EVER again..." Germania trailed off as all eyes went to the sword. Then the whole class gulped. Germania stalked back to the front of the class and didn't even begin to talk when the bell went off signaling lunch. The classroom was empty in ten seconds flat, with the exception of Switzerland, who calmly put away all his things before walking out. In the hall, somebody ran into him so he punched the offender in the face before pulling out a concealed BB gun.

Meanwhile at lunch...


"What are you talking about?" Romano asked as he walked into the room where China was recounting what happened in their childhood to the sons. He had been at the city all day, apparently to meet with some friends, but the way he wore a suit with sunglasses and a fedora seemed a little suspicious.

"Oh, I was just telling them about when we were kids, aru!" China responded.

"Oh. Joy," Romano grumbled. "Which day are you telling them about?"

"The one when those three crashed through the wall the fourth time, aru."

"Ah. Which part of the day are you at?"

"I was about to get to lunch, aru."

"Dammit. In that case, I'm going to go somewhere else-"

"Why wouldja do that, dad?"

"Shut up Ameri-"

"To cry in shame, aru."

"FINE. I'll stay here."

"I knew you would, aru!" China said brightly. "Now, let's continue, aru...


Meanwhile at lunch...

France was whimpering and staring at his lunchbox in fear. Prussia and Spain walked over and sat down with their own respective lunches.

"Huh? What's with that totally unawesome look on your face?" Prussia asked.

"My...my dad...he made my lunch today," France whispered, as if they concept was too terrible to be spoken out loud. And he was right, it was. The other two gasped.

"That's terrible! Is there any hope of saving your lunchbox? Or yourself?" Spain shouted in fear.

"Non...I think I'll just take it home and burn it," France decided. "I'll just buy lunch."

"Unawesome idea. You'll have to get one of those hockey-puck frozen PB&J's, and the side is...applesauce," Prussia said. They were all quiet. There was no possibility of eating those sandwiches, and rumour had it that when England was at the school, the applesauce caused him to get sick.

"You're right. That won't end well," France said. "Wait! I have an idea!" Before the other two members of the trio could ask, he got up and went over to where his uncle Romano was sitting, along with China, Germany, and Switzerland. Currently at that table, they were having a bit of a dilemma.

"Why the hell did you buy lunch, you stupid potato bastard?" Romano was yelling. "First you decide to sit here, and then you endanger us all with THAT?"

"I forgot to bring my lunch, okay? And I'd rather sit here than with my brother or Russia," Germany replied. They currently were cautiously watching the lump of food that had questionable origins.

"Well, you better get rid of it soon, aru. Who knows-OH GOD IT BLINKED AT ME ARU!" China shouted. Switzerland pulled out his BB gun a was about to fire at it when France arrived at the table.

"Bonjour all! Say, Uncle, I was wondering if I could have something to eat?" Everyone looked at him, momentarily distracted. Switzerland then noticed that his hand was now empty and looked down to see that the glob seemed to have grown. Germany noticed and jumped back from his tray. He and Switzerland went to the other end of the table, while the latter was glaring at it and planning on how to best destroy it. Romano, on the other hand, was glaring at his nephew.

"Why the hell would I feed you? You aren't my problem, you're my idiot brother's!" he responded angrily. This is PASTA we're talking about, it's serious fucking business.

"That's exactly the problem. He gave me food. That he made!" France cried. Romano groaned. Had the idiot really tried that? You see, even though he came from a family of great cooks, the gene seemed to have skipped one of them. In fact, it was more like the gene had an evil twin.

"I don't care, now go bother one of your dumbass friends for food because I-" He was interrupted by China leaping up from the seat next to him and kicking the air right behind his head. Except the air wasn't empty, it was occupied by a vodka bottle that was now on the floor in many little pieces. Romano leapt up as well, taking care to avoid the glass.

"[censored :D]" he screamed. "This happens every single day! Who the hell..." His rant tapered off when he noticed a crazy, and now slightly drunk, Russian smirking at him. Suddenly, Romano disappeared along with his lunch.

China began to clean up the glass while France walked back to his table dejectedly and Spain happily volunteered to go find Romano. Prussia finally gave an extremely delighted France half of his sandwich, and the lunch period continued.

Meanwhile, Spain went over to where he knew Romano would be, his happy locker. Sure enough, he opened the largeish locker to find the teen huddled up and quickly eating his pasta, still trembling. Spain grinned.

"Hey, Lovi! I knew I'd find you here!" Romano just glared at him.

"Get the fuck out."

"Aw, but Lovi~"

A tomato connected with Spain's cheek, splatting all over the half of his face.

"I said, get the fuck out!"

Spain ended up dragging Romano back to the cafeteria while being cursed out and hit with tomatoes that he seemed to pull out of nowhere. As soon as they reached the double doors, though, a stampede of student ran out. Poland stopped and grabbed the front of Spain's shirt.

"Like, run for your lives! The cafeteria is, like, totally quarentined and we have to go back to class!" s/he shouted desperately. Romano stood up and yanked Spain's hand off of him.

"What the hell are you talking about? What happened?" he questioned. Poland's face twisted in horror and his mouth moved without sound. "Answer me, sparkly pony bastard!"

"Th...the applesauce and France's lunch, like, mated or something, and now there's, like, a huge monster!" Poland finally screamed before running off. The two were silent for a moment. Then came the roar from behind the now-locked doors. They ran for it.

Next class was computer, mainly since it was in a separate building, unlike Germania's class. Currently, Romano was seated next to a quite bored looking Prussia. They were forced to go onto some dumb typing website where they got to explore the incredible magics and wonders of learning how to use a keyboard. A life changing experience for sure. Most of the class, including Romano and Prussia, were tired of the exercises such as typing "ssss kkkk sksk ksks" and were now retyping stories. Romano was doing 10,000 Leagues Under the Sea and Prussia had decided to do one that seemed somewhat interesting, A Child's Tale.

Romano looked over from typing about ten minutes into class and noticed Prussia's "what the hell is this shit" expression. He raised an eyebrow and Prussia, still typing, began to explain.

"This...this unawesome story is just...the dude decides to go on some great, awesome adventure, meets some kid, and they begin to play unawesome games together. Then they go on for fucking pages about the goddamn unawesome scenery! And don't get me STARTED on the squirrels, it's just.." he ranted and then began slamming on the keyboard. "THIS. IS. SO. GAY. THIS. IS. SO. GAY. THIS. IS. SO. GAY!" Prussia surely would've continued if the teacher didn't start to make his way over. Since the normal computer teacher was suffering from a serious case of running-out-of-usable-characters, Germania decide to fill in.

"What is this rumpus?" Germania asked. Prussia quickly stopped slamming the keyboard put on his best grin.

"Well, you see, the awesome me decided to demonstrate to this poor undereducated Romano how to NOT use a computer."

"And why would you do that?"

"Because I'm awesome."

"...just don't do it again." And with that, the teacher walked away, muttering about it not being worth it, and Prussia sighed with relief. Romano just rolled his eyes and returned to his work. A little while later he looked back over to Prussia to see the boy typing repeatedly something that seemed along the lines of "this is so gay what the fuck is this i don't even it's so unawesome i'm losing awesomeness while typing it i want to die oh my god".

Later, the day was finally over. England came over to pick up France and Romano, as Korea came to pick up China. Both asked how school was and both recieved different answers.

China's observant reply was, "It was...interesting, aru. I learned that cars are stronger than walls, Russia is always a creep, and that kitchens need restraining orders, aru. What about you, aru?"

France's optimistic reply was, "It was so much fun! I got to come to school in a fashionably late and extremely fabulous manner. I kind of starved at lunch, but in the end it was alright because we just had computer for the rest of the day! I got to be seated in the back of the classroom, oh hon hon..."

Romano's, of course, pessimistic reply was, "I had to sit next to that fucking tomato bastard and I got nearly killed at lunch! To make matters worse, that goddamn mutation you made for France decided to take over the fucking school and I had to spend the rest of the day having my brain cells slowly drained out through my eyeballs! Che palle! I'm never going to school again!"

Of course, Korea just ignored what China said and began rambling on about things at the copyrighting place he worked at. And, of course, England was too drunk to care, which caused for a quick change of drivers. And, of course, Romano still had to go to school, no matter how much he protested it.


"Wow, school sounds like so much fun when you went there!" America yelled. Greece tilted his head at the strange observation.

"I don't know about that...it seemed interesting...to say the least," Greece noted. China laughed and Romano scoffed from where he was sitting.

"I suppose it was, aru. You're father might say differently, though, aru," China replied with a smile.

"What the hell do you mean? That school was fucking insane! I don't know how they didn't shut down!" Romano exploded.

"Actually, they're still open, even if that lunch incident nearly closed them down, aru. It's the school they go to, aru." Romano blinked.

"The...the hell? Seriously?"

"Yup, aru."

"They're still mentally sound?"

"I hope so, aru. You didn't know this? Your brother is there too, although a few years above them, aru."

"Wait, Mr. Germania was your teacher too?" America interrupted.

"HOLY-that psycho still teaches there?" Romano screamed.

"Yes...he does," Greece told him. "Oh, and we have a paper...from school for you."

"Oh yeah, I forgot!" America said and ran off to get his backpack. He came back waving a paper and handed it to China. "Here ya go, mom!" China took it and immediately slapped a hand over his mouth, stifling laughter.

"Huh? What is it?" Romano asked. China, looked up at him with a look of sheer amusement.

"You won't like this at all, aru," he said, still laughing a little as he handed his husband the paper. Romano read the first line and was about ready to go die.

PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES


A/N Yaaaaay this is 1000 words longer than I thought it would be! As a side note, I'm tempted to make my AWESOME 10th chapter trivia-show themed. What do you all think?

Happy Mother's Day, China!