Rating: T

Spoilers: Season Four: AU version of Quarantine and beyond

A/N: I don't own Stargate. Please read and review. Thank for your continuing support. Please continue to read and review. Thank you to Shadows-of-Realm for the beta.


Chapter 9- Remembering

John was sitting in the control room when the off-world activation alarm sounded. He knew there was no one expected back for a few hours and the only reason a team would return early was that something happened. Curiosity got the better of him and he heard the gate tech say that the IDC belonged to Colonel Carter. John's first thought was that Rodney had said something to anger the natives and they were returning early.

When only two figures emerged, John raced over to the two women. Jennifer looked liked she was dazed and Sam had a grim expression on her face. When the wormhole closed and there was no sign of Rodney, John felt the news was not going to be good. "Jennifer, what happened? Where's McKay? Which of the locals did he piss off?" The tall man did not expect the reaction he got from the normally calm physician.

"Go to hell, Sheppard," Jennifer lightly shoved the man out of her way. It was an overboard reaction, but she refused to deal with the reality that Rodney was gone. "Just don't," she sounded like a robot before heading out of the gate room, refusing to acknowledge anyone.

"Colonel, where's Rodney?" John was scared to hear the answer.

Sam shook her head, "He didn't make it. I'm sorry."

"You're kidding me, right? He's going to dial the gate in a few minutes."

"There was an accident. It happened so fast," she was still in a state of semi-shock.

John was not the only one in denial, "Come on, this is McKay we are talking about. What happened?"

Carter began to explain what happened, leaving out the why of Rodney being against the door. It was Jennifer's business and was up to her to tell everyone when she was ready about her pregnancy. "I don't know, the door must have not been closed properly. He was there one second and gone the next."

"Well we have to go back. There is still a chance he is there. Why would you leave him like that? Rodney would never do that to anyone," he raised his voice a little more than he should have. John wonder what happened to never leaving a man behind.

Sam was not in the mood to have her actions questioned, "John the fall has to be at least five hundred feet. There is no way he could have survived a fall like that. I know this is hard to take, but we wouldn't have left if there was a chance. We were still stuck in the mine for almost an hour after he fell. If he were alive, Rodney would have found a way to let us know."

John knew she was right, but it did not mean he had to like or accept it. "There has to be something we can do. I'm not going to give up on him like that. Let Ronon and I go back to the planet and look for him."

"Look for whom?" Ronon asked. He and Teyla had heard the commotion and had to see what it was about.

"Rodney. He fell in the mine and they left him," John would not give up on that point.

Sam wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. John was not the only one who had lost a friend and after all these years, that is what they were now. If Sheppard were not in so much pain she would not have stood for his accusations. "The fall was several hundred feet," she repeated for what felt like the millionth time.

Teyla was the first of the new arrivals to speak up and put a hand on John's shoulder, "John, I don't think Colonel Carter or Dr. Keller would have left Rodney if they thought there was a chance he survived."And after what she witnessed in the infirmary between Jennifer and Rodney last week, Teyla had a strong feeling that the doctor would not have given up on Rodney easily.

Ronon put a hand on John's other shoulder, "Come on, buddy. Let's take a walk." He never expected McKay to be the first of them to go and he saw the tension between the two Colonels and knew Sheppard needed to get away from her before he said something he'd end up regretting.

"Fine," John shrugged off the hands on his shoulders. He did not know how he was going to break the news to Jeannie. This was not the first time he had to tell a family member that their loved one had died, but it had been a long while since it was someone so close to him.

Teyla watched as the two men left, "I've not seen him this upset in a long time." It was strange to think of Atlantis without Rodney around as he was one of the last handful of people that had been here since the beginning. "You've known Rodney for quite some time."

Sam sighed and nodded, "I worked with him a few times before he started working on the expedition. He was different back then. I'm kind of going to miss him."

"I think everyone will in some way or another. Rodney might have been difficult to get along with at times, but deep down he was a really good person. I just wished he would have let more people see that," Teyla closed her eyes. "How is Dr. Keller faring?"

"Not well at all. I've never seen someone look so lost before. I didn't know what to say to her. I had no idea that she and Rodney were that close. Did you know?"

The Athosian nodded, "I witnessed a moment between them last week. Rodney told me that he thought he loved her."

"And I don't think it was one sided," as she thought about their behavior in the mine before he fell Sam thought now looking back it could be classified as flirting and then there was her conversation with Jennifer that lead to Rodney falling. "She is going to need help. Do you think you can talk to her, before she left she shoved John and told him to go to hell."

Teyla nodded, "That is most unlike Dr. Keller. I planned on visiting her anyway."

"Thank you," The expedition leader thought the calm woman would be the best on to talk to since there situations were similar; both faced raising the children without their father.

"Anytime, Colonel Carter," Teyla said with a nodded before heading toward Jennifer's room.


As soon as Jennifer got back to her room the nausea came back worse than before. She was not sure if it was from the morning sickness or grief or even a combination of both. Sitting on the cold tile of the bathroom floor only a little bit of relief and she chose to ignore the door chime.

Teyla waited a minute before trying to knock, "Jennifer, it's Teyla. Please answer the door."

The nauseas woman pushed herself off the floor and wiped her mouth with her sleeve as she headed towards the door. Jennifer passed her hand over the sensor to open the door. Her eyes were too clouded with tears to see clearly and her appearance was disheveled.

Teyla knew things were not well with the young doctor, "I was worried about you. I saw Colonel Carter and John in the gate room. May I come in?" The female colonel had been right, clearly Jennifer was not taking this well. Not that losing someone you care about was ever easy.

"Sure," Jennifer said in a barely audible voice. She really was not in the mood for any company, but she also did not want to be alone.

"Is there anything I can get you?" She stepped into the room reached out for Jennifer's hand.

"Besides having Rodney back, no," the young woman tried to dry her eyes from the never-ending flow of tears. "This is all my fault," the grieving doctor sunk down onto her couch.

"Jennifer, don't say that. It was an accident. Don't blame yourself. You did not cause the earthquake," Teyla knew this was the grief talking.

"But I am the reason he was against that door," Jennifer could see that the other woman was confused. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" Teyla really had no idea what Jennifer was talking about.

"Be so strong knowing that your son is not going to have his father around." She had to hope that Rodney would have eventually wanted to be part of this child's life. It was the one hope that kept her from having a complete meltdown.

"It was not easy at first. It still isn't, but I believe that one day I will find Kanaan and I know he would not want me to get lost in my grief for him," the extremely pregnant woman looked at Jennifer curiously. "Are you with child?"

Jennifer nodded, "I found out this morning."

"I assume Rodney is the father?" It was the only logical conclusion she could come to with her question and the conversation she had with the man the previous week.

"How do you know?"

"I spoke with Rodney last week. That night he had the panic attack. He told me what happened during the lockdown and how he felt about you," Teyla explained. "He cared for you deeply. There is no mistaking that."

"And I loved him too. This is just so hard. He panicked when he overheard Sam and I talking. Kids scared the hell out of him. That's why he was against the door," Jennifer realized that was the first time she admitted to someone else that she had been in love with the recently departed man. "It's been a crazy day. I just want it to be over. I'm not ready to say goodbye," tears were flowing freely and Jennifer took a deep breath to steady her breath.

"None of us are, but we will all be here for you and your child."