IMPORTANT A/N: ***TRIGGER WARNING*** The same warning applies to this chapter that applied to the last chapter! Maybe even a little more so *gasp!*

Hello again, reader! I just wanna say thanks again for sticking with me this far. This is my first real chapter story and I *cough* didn't really start out with any plan for it - and you can probably tell that I'm making it up as I go. Sooo, if any of you have ideas or want to see something happen, let me know! I can definitely try to fit it in, and I'm also curious as to where you'd like to see this go…

o0o_o0o_o0o

Halt's heart was still pounding uncomfortably against his ribs in the minutes following Will's failed attempt to get up. Together, he and Gilan had easily managed to get the unconscious apprentice back into his bed - but now Will's leg needed care.

After a few deep breaths, he turned his attention to the bandages around Will's stump and began unraveling them. It was apparent from the crimson blooming over the white bindings that the fall had further damaged the still-healing stump, he just worried how bad it was…

Judging by Will's scream, the boy must have landed on his bad leg when he fell. Halt sighed heavily as the last of the soiled wrappings finally fell away and he witnessed the damage.

He could see that several of the larger stitches around the base of the leg had burst from the impact, and the area was already swollen and quite red. There was a new bruise forming there as well. Before restitching and bandaging, he would need to soak the wound in the antiseptic liquid Thomas had shown him how to make. But he still found himself wishing the healer was there to help him…

However, as it were, the physician had been called away on an emergency to some remote part of the fief, and had been forced to leave Halt and Gilan alone to care for Will's injury. And that was no easy task, to say the least.

With everything finally ready, Halt sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through the boy's hair. Beneath his worry and sorrow, he felt guilt beginning to eat away at him as well. He should have been there…

With a gentle pat on Will's chest, Halt rose and started the procedure of getting Will's leg fixed up.

o0o_o0o_o0o

Halt had just finished tying off the last stitch in Will's stump when there was a knock at the front door. That was odd…

He looked at his sleeping apprentice and reached for a clean towel to dry his hands with - this is as good a stopping place as any, he thought. Then he stood slowly and gently placed Will's leg in the basin of fresh antiseptic to soak for a bit. He would come back in to bandage it up later.

When Halt finally came out of Will's room, he saw Gilan standing at the door speaking quietly to a young man who Halt identified as one of Pauline's runners. With one eyebrow slightly raised, Halt stepped to Gilan's side and waited for the letter the boy obviously would be carrying.

Under normal circumstances, Halt would have enjoyed the frightened look he earned from the boy, but today he was more concerned with his apprentice and what the letter said. He took it without a word and went back into the house, opening the envelope as he went. He vaguely heard Gilan thanking the young man quietly and heard him drop a couple coins into the boy's hand, but he wasn't paying attention to that…

By the time Gilan had dismissed the runner, Halt was already sitting in his chair and was still staring at the letter in his hand, expression unreadable.

"Halt?" Gilan began "what's it say?"

Halt didn't really appear to have heard the younger man's question, and instead, Gilan saw his friend's eyebrows come together as his eyes focused and began to reread the text. That wasn't very promising…

"What's it say, Halt?" he ventured again. This time Halt looked his way, a blank expression on his face.

The letter was held out toward him and he stepped forward to take it.

Any jokes that Gilan may have made at Halt's expense about Lady Pauline's clearly fond tone dissipated when Gilan saw what the main concern of the letter was.

When he finished reading, he looked up and saw Halt looking at him sadly.

"I don't know what to do, Gilan…"

The younger ranger was at a loss as well. So he stepped toward his former teacher, letting the letter fall to the floor as he went. He stopped when he was standing beside his seated friend, and after a moment of quiet, he reached out and put his arm around Halt's shoulders.

Neither man was aware that in the other room, Will had just awakened - and he was feeling more alone than ever.

o0o_o0o_o0o

The sound of his door opening alerted him to the fact that someone, probably Halt, had just entered the room.

But despite the fact that he had been craving his mentor's company before, now that he was there, Will somehow felt more abandoned.

Why wasn't he here…

Which is why Will grew angry when Halt sat down on the edge of his bed and placed his hand on the boy's slightly warm forehead.

Like he even cares…

Halt's voice was gentle when he spoke, "How are you feeling?"

All the man got for his effort was silence.

"Well, I need to bandage your leg. It reopened when you fell…" He wanted to scold Will for trying to get up when he clearly needed assistance, but he thought better of it.

When he received no protests from Will, he produced a roll of clean bandages and gently pulled Will's leg out of the liquid before drying it off carefully. Some part of Will felt pitiful and weak to be cared for like this, but even so, he couldn't really bring himself to care too much. He hated all of this, but it was his life now.

Pitiful like a helpless baby. And babies can't be rangers.

Halt was silent as he examined the new stitches, then he began to wrap the leg again. Will, for his part, made a point to stare up at the ceiling while Halt helped him.

It took a minute, but soon Halt was done. Then the older man began fidgeting with Will's covers, pulling the blankets down over his legs and tucking them in with clumsily gentle hands. Some part of Will's brain recognized the tell-tale signs of Halt preparing for an awkward heart-felt discussion just before -

"Will, I need to speak with you. You don't have to respond, but I need you to listen, alright?"

He would have rolled his eyes, but chose to remain still instead.

"I know what you told Alyss yesterday…about wishing you were dead." his voice was quiet and he sounded so sad.

Will's eyes flashed in panic for a split second, but he quickly masked his emotions. His face returning to its previous vacant expression as he waited for Halt to make his point.

What do you know, Halt? The angry voice jeered inside his head, You know nothing…

"I want to help you, Will…I've been working on something with Gilan. It's a new leg, see?" the man produced a piece of thick parchment that had complicated blueprints for what appeared to be a prosthetic leg. He tilted the paper so Will could see it, praying that he would see some kind of hope in those brown eyes.

To Halt's dismay, though, Will's eyes remained disinterested.

He's just leading you on, the monster goaded, effectively crushing his hope. He's trying to get your hopes up so you'll fall twice as hard when you inevitably fail. You can't walk or run anymore - nothing is going to change that.

He heard Halt rolling up the paper before his mentor spoke again, the man's voice sounded oddly thick now.

"I'm not giving up on you, Will."

But you will.

o0o_o0o_o0o

"So? What'd he think? Was he excited?"

Halt looked at Gilan with an annoyed sort of expression.

"No. He didn't seem to care at all. But he can't stay in bed like this. We have to press on with this prosthetic. Maybe when he can hold it in his hands - walk with it - he'll see that his life isn't over…Listen, Gilan…you've been an incredible help, and I hate to ask more of you -"

The lanky ranger interrupted with a grin, "But you're going to anyway, right?"

Halt leveled a glare at him but kept talking, "I need you to take these plans to Castle Araluen. Deliver them and this letter to King Duncan himself. Tell him I'm calling in one of those special favors he keeps telling me I have."

Gilan took the sealed envelope from Halt's hand as well as the plans.

"I also jotted down some measurements for the leg earlier when I was patching him up, they should be sufficient for the blacksmith to get started. I estimate it should take around a week for the leg to be made, so I'll expect you back here with it within a fortnight, but the sooner the better."

The taller man nodded as he stood to leave. He was ready to get out and stretch his muscles. To see people who still smiled…

"I best go say goodbye to him before I set off."

He heard a low mumble from behind him as he turned toward Will's room.

"Good luck with that."

Gilan was drawing his cloak around himself and straightening his oakleaf when he appeared in Will's doorway.

So he's leaving…Probably tired of waiting on you to get up. He knows it'll never happen.

"Hey Will, I'm glad you're awake! I just wanted to say bye before I head out," The young man grabbed Will's good knee and squeezed it gently.

"Be nice to Halt while I'm gone, okay? He misses you. He just wants you to be healthy and happy…"

And I'm neither.

Gilan saw the way Will's expression darkened, and he sighed before he sat down next to his friend, looking pointedly into the younger man's eyes.

"Don't listen to whatever your head is telling you, Will. It's not true. Halt sees your pain, and so do I - and I'm not talking about your leg…Don't feed the darkness. And remember I'll always be there for you, and so will Halt. I don't want you to ever think you're alone in this fight."

Will was looking into Gilan's eyes with some combination of awe, sorrow, gratitude, fear, and trust. How did Gilan know…

The ranger gave Will a warm smile as he leaned in to hug him.

"Hang in there, Will. I'll be back in a couple weeks and we'll have you back to your training schedule in no time. I'll teach you to 'walk invisible', sound like a plan?"

When he pulled away, he looked at Will expectantly and received a timid nod.

Gilan smiled as he stood up and tousled Will's hair before he headed toward the door.

Will watched him go with sad eyes, thinking of the words Gilan had just imparted to him. He wondered if he really could heal - or if he would end up succumbing to his darkest and innermost desire. And after that thought, he wondered if this would be the last time he ever saw his friend. It was a melancholy thought, one that hurt him to even consider…but just in case…

"I love you, Gilan."

The other man paused in the doorway, and Will wondered if he was wondering the same thing about him. And perhaps he was, because his voice sounded strange when he spoke his parting words.

"I love you, too, Will."

o0o_o0o_o0o

Halt woke up in the middle of the night with a feeling of dread lapping at his insides. Something wasn't right. He could feel it in the air. The silence was so loud, it seemed to make the air shudder around him.

Will.

The ranger was up and out of his bedroom before his discarded blankets had even settled onto the floor. He ran the few paces to Will's room and threw open the door. His eyes confirming what his heart already knew.

It was empty…

Will was gone.

Terror consumed the ranger as he ran onto the veranda "Will!" he yelled into the blackness of the night. "WILL!"

The only response he got was from Abelard, the horse already alert and eager to assist. It seemed even the equine knew of the urgency of this situation, as he was tossing his head in anxiety. And that's when Halt noticed that Tug was gone as well.

He had to find them…

Without even bothering to fetch his shoes or his cloak or his weapons, Halt ran from the house and out to the barn. He threw open the paddock gate as his faithful mount trotted to his side, and without a wasted second, the man swung up onto the small horse's back before urging him forward.

"Find them!" he barked, and Abelard took off into the deep woods.

As they raced through the trees, the only sound Halt could hear was the drumming of his horse's hooves and the pounding of his own heart, and then it hit him. Abelard was taking him straight for the river.

o0o_o0o_o0o

It had been a challenge to get out of the house unnoticed, especially considering the fact that he'd had to crawl the whole way…but he had taken it one millimeter at a time and somehow he'd managed it. It was such a remarkable accomplishment, that he wondered if even God wanted his quest to succeed.

Yes, because even God wants you dead! The voice cackled.

In any other circumstance, Will might have been proud of his achievement. He had moved so silently, that not even the mouse sitting on the porch had been alerted to his presence. But more importantly, not even Halt had noticed.

Keeping the horses silent had been its own special challenge. He had bribed both of them with apples, and because they knew him, they hadn't suspected a thing. Well, Tug hadn't.

Which is why he'd clambered clumsily onto his pony and had taken off as quickly as he could. He knew Abelard would wake up Halt as soon as he left on Tug. The beast was just as wary as his rider…and it was because of this that they needed to put as much distance between themselves and the cabin as possible.

As he rode, Will did his best to remain calm and act natural. In his haste to get away, he hadn't saddled the pony, and he knew Tug was much more attuned to his rider's feelings when they rode bareback like this. He didn't want his shaggy friend to grow worried and refuse to go any further. So instead of giving into the terrifying fear and morbid excitement he was feeling at that moment, he focused on the familiar rocking horse motion of Tug's gait, savoring those last minutes he had with the grey pony.

Of all the activities he was leaving behind, riding a great horse might just be the one he'd miss the most.

He even smiled - a true smile - as they loped through the black woods together. He vaguely noted that, while riding without most of his lower leg was difficult and felt odd - it was not as difficult as he'd imagined.

It doesn't matter! That cruel voice snapped suddenly, You're going to be dead soon, and there's no riding where you're going. A one-legged ranger can't ride horses well enough to keep up with anyone.

He was right…And they were almost there anyway. The river. He could hear the sound of its churning waters. He wouldn't stand a chance if he went in there…And even if he made a last-ditch effort to save himself, as he'd heard people tended to do, he wouldn't be able to. That was what he wanted. No going back.

Tug was growing increasingly anxious now, something about his boy wasn't right. His heart was palpitating wildly, and he reeked of all kinds of frightening smells. The pony balked and began walking backwards, but Will slid off of him and collapsed onto the ground, then he began crawling toward the raging water.

Tug didn't understand what was happening. This wasn't right! He trotted around his boy, doing his best to stop him from going into the water. But his boy wasn't listening to him. So he put his shaggy head down and charged away, flying faster than he'd ever done before. He had to get help.

Will watched him go with tears in his eyes.

It's for the best…

He started to feel sick with terror as he got closer and closer, his body knew what his head was about to make it do, and his preservation instincts started to fight back.

No! No! No! His body screamed.

But that black voice inside him whispered back…

Yes.

o0o_o0o_o0o

"Will!" Halt's voice was raw and hoarse from screaming for so long, but he didn't stop. He couldn't.

"WILL! TUG! COME BACK!"

And that's when he was nearly knocked off of Abelard by a grey pony that slammed into them.

"Tug?!" He cried, panicking when he saw the little horse with no bridle and no saddle, but the clear markings on his back of where a boy had sat…recently.

The little horse bellowed at him in a distressed, urgent sort of way, Halt understood it as if the beast had shouted in plain human speech - 'Will needs help! Come on!'

"Lead on, Tug!"

The trio sped away again, galloping full tilt through the trees until Halt could hear the sound of the river and see the forest opening up. And then they burst into the open, the river's fast moving water creating a roar that sounded very similar to the rushing of the blood in his head. His eyes frantically scanned the water and the shore, and his heart dropped into his stomach when he saw the shape of a boy with dark hair lying by the bank, half submerged in the frothy water. He wasn't moving.

"WILL? WILL! NO!"

He launched off of Abelard and stumbled forward, the rocks hurt his feet, but that didn't matter. Only one thing mattered right then.

"Will!" Halt finally reached his apprentice and tugged him from the water as if he weighed nothing. Then without meaning to, he slammed the body down hard onto the bank before pressing his ear to the boy's chest. There was nothing.

"Don't do this, Will! Don't you dare!" He cried as he pounded on Will's chest. His panic was growing with every second. No, no, no!

He couldn't give up. With shaking hands, he flipped the boy over onto his stomach and pounded on his back. But Will still didn't wake.

The tears started to fall as the dreadful nightmare began to cement itself into an even more terrible reality.

Halt sat back on the sodden earth and stared at Will's body. He looked so young and small. This was all so unfair…

The word "why" floated around in his head like an irksome fly.

And then he pulled the boy into his arms, holding him tightly and sobbing into his wet hair. He saw that there was a bloody gash on the side of his head…but it didn't really matter now.

"Will, come back! Please! Come back…I need you, son. I love you."

He looked at Will's face again, hoping those warm brown eyes would miraculously spring open. But they didn't.

With a wail that spoke of deep anger and an even deeper loss, he shoved Will's limp body away and let it roll onto the grass. He was mad at Will for doing this to him. He slammed the sides of his fists against the prone form, not seeing through his tears where his blows fell. But it didn't matter, it's not like the boy could feel it anyway. He wouldn't care.

Will had done this. He had killed himself without thinking about the people who loved him, or of all the good he was robbing the world of when he had robbed it of himself.

"Will…" his cries were feeble and choked now, and the blows he had been raining down on Will's body had become nothing more than desperate nudges "I'm sorry I failed you…"

And then Halt heard the faintest, most wonderful, terrifying sound he had ever heard in all his life -

"…O-ow…"

"Will!?"

o0o_o0o_o0o

A/N: Does that still count as a cliffhanger? Or was that a baby cliffhanger? I was going to cut it off right when Halt finds Will, but SOME of you *cough-wink-cough* seem to be less than enthused by all the cliffhangers 'round here. At the same time, though…I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF.

PS: I know you guys hate me now! XD

Until next time!