A/N: ... or Lavender Brown or Cho Chang or Lawrence Fletcher or Hedwig or Crookshanks or That Random Kid From The Rollercoaster Episode Who Suggested They Take Down The Poster To See If They Could Get In For Free And Thereby Depriving Candace Of The Evidence She Was Going To Show Her Mom Which Caused Candace To Go And Scream At Some Cheese or...
The rest of the week at the Weasleys' house was wonderful. Harry soon got used to the ghoul upstairs banging on pipes, and the small explosions that came from Fred and George's room, and the notable increase in small explosions that came from Fred and George's room when Phineas and Ferb were in it as well.
He loved spending time in Ron's room, talking about his favorite Quidditch team, the Chudley Cannons, and reading his copies of wizarding comics. Almost all of them were about Martin the Mad Muggle, but Harry took no offense.
Finally, the day came. Harry was eager to return to his school of magic, and woke up bright and early that morning.
"Gotta get back to Hogwarts," he sang under his breath, trying to straighten out his hair. "Gotta get back to school..."
"Oh, hi, Harry!" Phineas called, walking into the room with Ferb. "Ready to go back?"
"Are you kidding? I can't wait!" Harry exclaimed, finally realizing that his hair was a lost cause. "Back to witches, and wizards, and magical beasts..."
"Well, breakfast is ready," Phineas told him, walking back out of the room.
When Harry went down the stairs for breakfast, humming about goblins and ghosts and magical feasts, the whole Weasley family was there waiting for him. Everyone scarfed down their breakfast and hauled their luggage down to the family room, before dragging it out to the old Ford Anglia that the Weasleys owned. The car had been magically expanded to allow the entire family to fit inside.
"Wow!" Phineas said, opening the door and closing it several times, checking out the Undetectable Extension Charm. "How neat is that?"
"Oh, it's really nothing," Fred said, leaning against the car. He gave it a loving pat on the roof. "It's just an old Ford Anglia. Not like it can fly or anything."
"Phineas! Ferb!" Mrs. Weasley called, shutting the trunk. "Get in, boys, we're leaving!"
Phineas glanced around. "Hey, where's Perry?"
"Brbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbr..." Perry chittered, waddling into view. Unbeknownst to any of the humans, he had been getting updates from Major Monogram about Doofenshmirtz's progress.
It was a tight fit, even with the Undetectable Extension Charm. Percy kept complaining that, with his status as school Prefect, he deserved more space. Fred and George kept yelling at Percy to stop being such a prat, to general agreement. Phineas held Perry under his arm.
"Right? Everybody ready?" Mr. Weasley asked. "Then we're off!"
Later that afternoon...
"BACK TO WITCHES, AND WIZARDS, AND MAGICAL BEASTS, BACK TO GOBLINS AND GHOSTS AND TO MAGICAL FEASTS! IT'S ALL THAT I LOVE, AND ALL THAT I NEED – HOGWARTS! HOGWARTS!"
The car shook back and forth, as every Weasley waved their arms in the air as they sang, except Arthur (he was driving) and Percy (he was a prat).
"We're here!" Mrs. Weasley announced, cutting off the joyful singing. "King's Cross Station! Park it there, Arthur."
The Weasleys unloaded all of their things and got luggage carts. Harry could tell that Hedwig was excited, too, as he put her cage on the luggage cart.
"We're almost there, Hedwig," he told her, stroking her head feathers. "Just a train ride away."
"All right, Fred, George, you go first," Mrs. Weasley instructed, as they reached Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. "Then Percy, Ginny, Arthur and me, and then you four boys. That way, if anything were to happen to you, none of us would be able to turn around, know about it, or help. Let's go!"
Fred and George sped through the post, making sure no Muggles were watching. Percy held his nose high in the air and paraded through the column with the air of a king. Finally, Ginny walked through with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.
"Ready, guys?" Phineas asked, clutching the handle of his luggage cart tighter. "Let's do this thing!"
The four friends began to run to the column. It was always odd, Harry thought as he ran, because you felt without fail that you would run into something solid, but never did.
He was just completing this thought, when his cart hit the column – and stopped.
Harry, Ron, Phineas, and Ferb were thrown backwards, their luggage spilling all over Platforms Nine and Ten. Cages scattered. Suitcases flew. Hedwig gave a sharp squeal as her cage bounced around.
"Oi!" the station guard yelled, running over to the calamity. "You there! Just what do ya think you're doing?"
"Sorry, sir," Harry apologized, rubbing the spot on his head where the luggage cart handle had hit. "We... we lost control of the cart."
The station guard raised a hairy eyebrow. "All four of you? At the same time?"
Phineas perked up. "Why, yes. In America, it's called the domino theory."
The station guard eyed the children suspiciously, but finally shrugged. "Take better care next time," he instructed sharply, and then walked away.
Harry got to his feet shakily. He pressed his hand against the column.
It was solid as could be.
"It's blocked! Something's blocking the entrance!" he said in a panicky sort of voice.
"Look at the clock!" Ron said, pointing. "The train leaves at nine sharp!"
It was nine sharp.
Harry leaned against the column, trying to push it. "No! We can't be late! We won't be able to get to Hogwarts! School will start without us!"
Ron bit his lip. "Y'know, Harry, there is one thing we could try."
Harry stopped banging his fist against the column and looked up at him. "What?"
"Well, that old Ford Anglia, in the back... here, just come with me."
Ron led the four friends back out to the parking lot, where the blue car still waited patiently.
"So, what's the plan?" Phineas asked curiously.
"Dad enchanted this Anglia," Ron said, sounding both nervous and excited. "It's not just a normal car. It has a special property. Namely," Ron said, opening up the driver's door, "it can fly."
Phineas blinked. "So, wait a second. Your plan is to commandeer your parents' car and fly to Hogwarts?"
Ron thought about it for a second. "Yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it."
"Well, it's not a bad plan," Phineas said encouragingly, "but why don't we just use this?"
Ferb pulled a small red orb out of his pocket, and set it down on the pavement. He also took out a remote, and pressed a large red button.
The small orb began to unfold, growing a bowling ball catapult, cup holders, and four amazingly ginormous wheels. Harry and Ron stood, agape, as the gigantic vehicle that busted out Harry unfolded, right there, right in front of them.
"Voila!" Phineas said. "Monster truck, anyone?"
"Bu...bu...bu..." Ron stammered, staring up at the monster truck.
"Come off it, Ron," Harry chided, giving Ron a jab in the shoulder. "You're friends with Phineas and Ferb. Things like this shouldn't surprise you anymore."
Ron shrugged. "Point taken. But, I mean, my car is still perfectly fine, you know, for using..."
"Yeah, but what if we total it? Your parents will be furious. Phineas and Ferb built that truck."
"Come on, guys!" Phineas called from the driver's seat. "Let's catch up with that train! Here, I'll get your stuff. Wingardium Leviosa!"
With a wave of his Muggle wand, Phineas made Hedwig's and Scabber's cages, along with everybody's luggage, into the back of the truck.
"Cool. Let's go!"
Harry and Ron climbed up the ladder, and took their place in their seats.
Phineas looked back from the driver's seat (which, actually, just had a giant remote controller taped to the wall). "Everybody ready? Let's get back to Hogwarts!"
The monster truck revved up, and black smoke shot out from the exhaust pipes. Harry clutched the side of his seat, as the truck lunged forward and fell, screeching, onto the main road.
"Phineas," Harry asked, "why's there a remote control instead of a steering wheel?"
Phineas rolled his eyes. "Because we're all too young to drive. Duh!"
Using the remote, Phineas steered the monster truck onto the British highway I42 and merged into traffic. They sped past towns and farms, past lakes and rivers. Harry enjoyed looking out the window at the rural British countryside.
Ron was still slightly upset about not using his Ford Anglia. He slouched back in his seat and crossed his arms. "It was a perfectly good idea," he mumbled, staring at the back of Phineas's seat. "A perfectly good idea..."
Hours passed. The DVD drive that Phineas had taken the liberty to install had played through The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Hetalia: Paint It White, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Harry was getting kind of bored.
"All right, guys!" Phineas called behind him, startling Perry off of the armrest he'd been sitting on. "Now, we're approaching Hogsmeade. The moat might cause something of a problem, but since we've merged our monster truck with our All-Terrain Vehicle, we can just fly across. However, there's also the problem that technology doesn't work at Hogwarts. About halfway across the moat, the monster truck will stop working, so Ferb and I have made the necessary calculations about velocity, air resistance to get us safely across to the other shore."
Harry looked up at the ceiling in thought. "Wait. So, basically, we're flying across half of the moat, and then we're in free fall for the rest of the way?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Isn't that just a little... I don't know, unsafe?"
Ferb blinked. "As the spotted owl Hortense states in The Capture, anything worth doing has risks."
"Precisely," Phineas agreed. "Now, hold tight! We're approaching the moat right now!"
Harry stuck his head out of the window. The ATV part of the monster truck must have been kicking in, because they were gliding smoothly over a rough meadow. He could see the town of Hogsmeade to his right, and the shore of Hogwarts Lake was dead ahead.
"Activating rocket boosters and wings!" Phineas shouted, and pressed a purple button on his control panel.
Instantly, two wings slid out from the top of the monster truck. Rocket propellers folded up on the back. Phineas made the truck go faster and faster, until the meadow was a greenish-blackish blur in the moonlight.
"Let's do this thing!" Phineas shouted, pulling a lever on the wall.
Just as the beach sand touched the tires, the monster truck lifted into the air and shot upwards.
"Now, we've only got one shot, but the Hogwarts grounds are a pretty clear landing space," Phineas told his friends. "We're gaining altitude to make sure we make it across in our free fall... and... there!"
The monster truck, which had been climbing the night sky steeply, slowed down, was suspended midair for an instant, and then began a nosedive.
"Everything's looking great," Phineas said happily, scanning the rapidly approaching Hogwarts grounds. "Wind direction and strength accounted for... Coriolis Effect compensated for...air resistance not a problem..."
"WHAT ABOUT THAT TREE?" Ron shrieked, pointing out the windshield.
Phineas followed Ron's finger with his eyes.
"Whoa. Where'd that tree come from? Oh, well, it seems that our landing will be a little rougher than I initially assumed."
"Change direction!" Harry shouted.
"I told you guys, the monster truck won't work once we're halfway across."
"WE'RE DOOMED!" Ron continued to moan.
"Not necessarily," Phineas said, hopping out of the driver's seat. He climbed over the back seats to where their luggage was being kept. "If we can lose some ballast, we could make it over that big, potentially dangerous tree. Here, I guess I can lose this extra engine..."
There was a large splash as the engine was dumped into the Hogwarts Lake.
"And this anvil..."
Another splash.
"And I don't think that we need this laser gun that just happens to work underwater and couldn't possibly be a way for Harry to cut the ropes of the merpeoples' captives in his fourth year..."
"What?" Harry asked, hearing his name.
"Oh, nothing."
A third and final splash.
The loss of the heavy objects seemed to work. Harry, Ron, and Phineas all cheered as the monster truck managed to soar over the Whomping Willow, and landed instead on a nice, fluffy, less dangerous willow tree.
"We did it!" Ron celebrated, doing a fist pump. "We missed the Whomping Willow!"
Harry leaned back in his chair, breathing heavily, but relieved. "That was far too close for comfort. But at least we missed the tree."
"I know!" Ron agreed. "Imagine what would have happened. The car would have gotten smashed to bits!"
Suddenly, the willow tree they had hit began to stir.
Everyone froze.
The willow jerked abruptly, shaking the monster truck off of it. Then, it bent backwards, and pounded the monster truck with all the force it could muster.
All of the force it could muster was a rather puny tap.
"Well!" Phineas exclaimed. "We seemed to have landed on the second fiercest tree on all the Hogwarts grounds – The Wimpy Willow!"
The Wimpy Willow bent backwards again and hit the monster truck. This time, it managed to inflict a tiny scratch in the truck's paint.
"Pff," Phineas scoffed. "Well, it appears that there's a valid reason that it's called the Wimpy Willow. Let's get our stuff unpacked!"
Harry, Ron, Phineas, and Ferb climbed out of the monster truck. Using their wands, they levitated their luggage down from the back of the truck, and began the climb up the hill to the castle.
Phineas sighed. "Ah, back to good ol' Hogwarts! A wonderful establishment that's perfectly safe for young children, and with absolutely no history that might threaten its entire existence!"
Ferb blinked. "I couldn't have said it better myself."
