It wasn't cold out. It was a nice day. Yet Ichimatsu could feel himself shaking. He wasn't crying, no. But he just had this feeling twisting his insides and chilling his veins. He'd visited nearly everywhere Karamatsu frequented, even places he never or rarely went to, avoiding one place in particular for now, occasionally spotting Osomatsu frantically searching as well.

How did Ichimatsu know of all these spots? Well, for one thing, he preferred knowing the locations his brothers liked to go when they went out. A trait they all shared, actually. After all, coming upon Totty's workplace hadn't really been coincidental. They all knew he'd been going there a lot, going at the same time that day had been subconsciously planned.

Karamatsu, in particular, he kept special tabs on in order to avoid him. This gave him much better knowledge of said brother's possible whereabouts than anyone else. And yet, he was having no luck finding him. There was one more place, of course, but. It made him nervous thinking about finding him there.

He pushed himself to go anyway, to the bridge. Not the bridge in the park that was frequented by his elder brother more often, so, the one that would be a good way to...well, to kill yourself. It was up high enough, low water below, and plenty of rocks. Pretty low chance for survival, to be frank. Karamatsu still visited this bridge from time to time, though, as it did give a pretty good view of the sky for sunsets, sunrises, or stargazing. At least, he hoped that's what he'd come here for.

He wasn't sure if he was more hoping the other would be here or wouldn't. On one hand, he'd finally find the bastard, threaten to shove him off for making him search the city for him, but still just drag him home to safety instead. On the other, it would raise questions and concerns over why he was here, and Ichimatsu wasn't exactly looking forward to that.

He sighed in both relief and disappointment upon discovering the bridge void of anyone. He swallowed and inched to the edge, breathing deeply before peeking over the edge. Ah, nothing there. Thank God.

Although, that means he'd run out of places to check. He spend another couple hours checking back over places he'd already checked, still finding nothing. The twisting in his gut still hadn't let up. If anything it had coiled tighter. Perhaps he was just hungry. He couldn't be that worried about his shitty older brother, right?

What more could he do at this point anyway? He'd looked everywhere he could possibly think of, but no dice. All he could do was head home, even somehow knowing Karamatsu wasn't there.

Well, he was right. He arrived home at the same time as Osomatsu, to the sounds of crying. Instant panic shot through them both and they raced inside, demanding answers.

Choromatsu forced himself to calm down, and explained the situation. Karamatsu was acting odd, they'd all noticed, even Totoko had noticed. The reports of people seeing Karamatsu walking, further and further away, ignoring the world around him, and Atsushi's account of him mentioning blue doesn't belong.

Did he truly believe he didn't belong with them? That...that fucking IDIOT! Of course he belonged! They wouldn't be complete without all six! Even Ichimatsu, unburnable trash that he was, knew he also belong with these other shitty losers. Does Karamatsu not realize this?

God that pissed Ichimatsu off as angry tears burned his eyes. He stormed upstairs, scowling, but as he closed the door behind him, dropped it, lip trembling, and he rushed to the roof.

No, no, his big brother, his dear big brother, he didn't want to be with them anymore, and Ichimatsu felt regret and shame fill his heart and spill from his eyes. He took it too far, of course he did. He never should've treated Karamatsu that way. He never did anything wrong. It was Ichimatsu's fault.

All those years ago, with that gang, he and Jyushimatsu had been out to take care of the strays, and had been passing an alley that rarely had cats, ready to simply pass by, before they looked in and saw their blue brother, taking a beating, just fucking taking it. For some reason, the guy insisted on being a pacifist, even while he was being bullied. His only exceptions were his brothers; mess with his brothers and he wouldn't hold back.

Jyushimatsu, knowing this, started to go to the fight, get involved, and force Karamatsu to fight to protect him. Ichimatsu panicked, he couldn't let his younger brother just walk into that. Even if they both went in, they couldn't fight like Karamatsu could. They wouldn't be able to handle it, especially since Karamatsu was already so beat up. They couldn't win, and it would crush Karamatsu to know he couldn't protect his brothers if they got beat up, too.

In his own mind, it made sense, he didn't really have time to think too hard on it. He urged Jyushimatsu to continue home, telling him their brother would be fine. With a final glance at the scene, Jyushimatsu ran to follow after Ichimatsu.

In retrospect, telling Jyushimatsu to pretend they hadn't seen in order to protect the elder's pride had been a very, very stupid move. They could've rushed home to get their other brothers. Adding Osomatsu into the mix alone would double their odds of success. But they remained silent.

When Karamatsu returned hours later, Jyushimatsu continued to pretend he hadn't seen. The look Karamatsu gave him made it clear he knew Jyushimatsu had seen. Ichimatsu felt shame. He'd abandoned his own brother, completely, and pretended to be ignorant, even now, he didn't even try to help him, and here Karamatsu was, playing along as if nothing had happened.

Suddenly he was furious. Say something! Whether he was mentally screaming at himself or Karamatsu, he didn't know. As the elder continued rambling, Ichimatsu made a choice. One he'd eventually regret. Hate me. I deserve it. C'mon...Kusomatsu...HATE ME!

He let the venom shoot out at the other, feeling the pang in his heart at the tears that appeared, but kept pushing.

And as time went on, Karamatsu's resolve strengthened, he wouldn't let that damn mask slip! No matter what Ichimatsu did to urge him to drop it, defend himself, hurt Ichimatsu like he should, just something, he wouldn't. By the time Ichimatsu realized everything he did only hardened the mask, it was already too late. This was his big brother now, and he hated it.

But now? He just wanted his brother back, to make up for the years, or to be hated. Anything, please, Karamatsu-niisan...