9. Hello Again

"— you fussing over me, Doctor. Some of these injuries happened years ago."

Buffy stopped short just inside Sickbay. She wanted to run, but for the life of her, she couldn't figure out if it was toward Giles or away from him. In the end, her feet made the decision for her. He hadn't noticed her by the time she stepped up to the bed; he was still too involved in his argument with Dr. Crusher.

"And wouldn't it be nice to have the full use of your hand again?"

"I'm left-handed. The loss of function in my right is hardly of earth-shattering importance," he said, snatching his hand away from her.

Buffy caught his hand as his arm swung back and took a long look at it before saying, "It's your choice, but do you really need this particular reminder? Wouldn't it be better not to have aching joints?"

Giles caught his breath and smiled with relief. He hadn't been sure if she would hit him or hug him the next time they met, and it was the reason he'd requested that this particular meeting take place near medical help. He said, "Buffy, I'm so happy to see you," before standing and opening his arms to her.

She caught him in a hug, easing up slightly when she felt two of his ribs crack and heard him yelp. For several minutes, she buried her face in his chest, enjoying the feeling of safety, the feeling of being home. She would have stayed there longer, but she couldn't. She had things to say before he heard them from anyone else.

She didn't let go, but she leaned back slightly so she could look him in the eye and said in a rush, "I've screwed it all up. Everything. Tara left Willow. Willow got high on magic one night and landed Dawn in the ER after a car accident. Dawn's messing up in school so much that Social Services wants to take her away. I'm so completely out of money that I had to get a job at the Doublemeat Palace. Worf's in love with me. And I'm sleeping with Spike."

She waited for his look of condemnation and wondered when he would push her away. Instead, he answered, "Tara told me why she left. Dawn told me about the car accident. Willow told me she's joined Spellcasters Anonymous. Xander told me about the social worker. Anya was quite excited about the fact that you had a paying job. Captain Picard warned me about Worf. And, I'm afraid, I heard enough ship's gossip this morning to learn about you and Spike." He lifted his hand to cup her cheek and said, "I think you and I should talk." Without looking away from her, he said to Crusher, "We need privacy. Is there somewhere we can go?"

~*~*~

After the pair were shown to a small conference room, Picard looked at Deanna and said, "Well?"

Her arms were crossed in front of her chest when she bent her head and closed her eyes, considering what to say and how to say it. She'd dealt with strong emotions before, but Buffy's and Giles' were almost overwhelming in their intensity. It made her wonder if Spike's emotional response to Buffy was just as strong. She looked up again, but at the far wall, not at Picard or Beverly. "All relationships are complex, Captain, but these two have a relationship that makes the Gordian Knot look like a simple loop. When they saw each other, I picked up love — the strongest emotion between them — betrayal, joy, anger, sorrow, frustration and amusement. And each of those emotions was colored by even more nuances."

Picard said, "All that from a simple hug?"

She gave him a wry look and said, "There was nothing remotely simple about that hug. I had the impression that an entire conversation took place before they ever put their arms around one another. And I don't mean what she said about his hand, though that alone was enough to provoke strong fear and anger in both."

"Hardly surprising," Beverly said. "Judging from the damage, I would say someone tortured him at one point. You don't see that kind of injury from an accident."

Picard gritted his teeth at the thought of torture, then deliberately relaxed his jaw before saying, "Will they be a while?"

Deanna nodded and said, "I'll stay here in case they need me, but I think they can work through this on their own. I'll call when they come out."

~*~*~

In the small consulting room, Giles took a seat on the couch while Buffy paced back and forth. He was not unmindful of how much she looked like an animal pacing back and forth in a cage. He only hoped she would continue the conversation they started without running away.

She kept pacing as she said, "I can't believe you're taking this so calmly. You told me I had to face life, and look what's happened. You must hate me."

"I think we've had this conversation before," he said, a hint of gentle dry humor in his voice. "As I recall, I told you that you would always have my respect and support. Nothing has changed."

"Spike —"

"Is a decision you made. Your relationship with him is not who you are. It's just another facet of your life, much the way I am, much the way Dawn is,' he said. "Buffy, please. Sit down."

Her head bent, her face drawn, she sat stiffly on the couch. Giles tugged on her until she fell sideways into him. It was enough to open the floodgates. He handed her a box of tissue from the end table, then said nothing as she cried, preferring instead to give her a safe place to give vent to her shame, guilt and sorrow. Nearly half an hour passed before she felt able to sit up again and talk.

"I can't seem to get it right," she told him as she used a tissue to wipe clean her face. "This thing with Spike started the day after you left."

"What provoked it?" He kept his voice noncommittal. The last thing she needed to hear at the moment was any hint of disapproval. If she did, the story would never come out.

"He found out he could hit me —" she pulled him down when he started to stand. "Relax. I'm the only one he can attack."

"Are you sure?" The last thing any of them needed was an unchipped Spike, especially if he was reading the prophecies correctly.

"Positive. He said it was because I came back wrong," she said as she looked down at her hands. She was twisting her fingers hard. When Giles put his hand over hers, she stopped. "Dr. Crusher says I'm human, but she also said I've got this weird energy in me. It's what lets me walk through their force fields. So I guess I'm not quite human after all."

Giles, sensing another round of hand-wringing on her part, gently disengaged her fingers and took one of her hands to hold in his own. "You do recall the phrase, 'Chosen One,' don't you?" He smiled a little at her nod, then continued, "You were born with the potential to become the Slayer, but not with the ability. The energy that Dr. Crusher recorded is the essence of the Slayer — the gifts of strength, speed and healing that were bestowed upon you by the Powers. Did you know she found the same energy in me? I suspect it's because I'm a sorcerer. Trust me when I say that you are very much human, Buffy."

She gave him a look of frustration and said, "Then why can he hit me?"

"I don't know," he answered. "But I do know that we can ask Tara to take a look at the spell Willow used. Maybe she can come up with an explanation." He took a deep breath and returned to their earlier topic, saying, "You said your affair with him started about the same time you found out he could hit you?"

"Yeah," she said in a quiet voice. "It was — it was strange. It was like we were equals again. I could take everything out on him, and he could dish it right back. I was so angry that night — with you, with Willow, with myself. We were in that condemned building, the one right around the corner from The Magic Box, and one minute, we were throwing each other into the walls, and the next — let's just say we made the building fall down and go boom and leave it at that, okay?" She stopped, unwilling to go on until he agreed not to ask for specifics.

"I think I get the picture," he said, uncertain whether to let loose with a gasp or a giggle. Instead, he bit down on his cheek to prevent both reactions.

"Thanks. Not really wanting to do a connect-the-dots for you," she said before taking a deep breath. "The next morning, I thought I'd be sick to my stomach."

She didn't say anything more for a few minutes, so Giles prompted her gently with, "But you weren't."

"No. I just felt — it was — he — I —"

He took control of the discussion then and asked, "Tell me something. Did you feel worse because you slept with Spike or because you enjoyed having sex with him?" When she didn't answer, he said, "Judging from the way you tensed up, I'd have to say it was a combination of both, but mostly because you enjoyed it."

"I never thought I would — like — some of the things we did that night," she said. In an even quieter voice, she added, "And have done since then."

"It's a bit of a shock, isn't it? I remember how it felt to find out the reality of my desires didn't match my self-image," he said in a matter-of-fact tone. It was enough to bring her head up sharply as she looked into his face and eyes for answers to questions she was only just asking. He gave her a small grin and said, "You do recall me mentioning a minor rebellion when I was 21, don't you?"

"Yuh-huh," she agreed with a wary note in her voice.

"The sexual revolution was still going very strong at the time, and I plunged in head-first. Relax. I think broad strokes will get my point across," he said, amused by the look of near-horror that had crossed her face when she thought he was about to share too much information.

"What point is that?" She was curious despite herself and turned so she could look at him without craning her neck.

"No matter what you and Spike have done with and to one another, it's highly unlikely that I haven't done the same thing at least once. After Eyghon, I tried to convince myself that I hadn't really enjoyed any of it at all," he said. His face reflected his sorrow over that dark period in his life as he continued, "But it was useless. I made myself miserable with shame until I stopped denying it and started to accept certain aspects of my — personality. My point is that as long as you keep fighting against your natural inclinations, you will remain mired in your own shame and be unable to move forward."

Her eyes were downcast when she said, "So — so does this mean you're okay with me and Spike?"

He shook his head firmly and said, "No. I will never be 'okay' with you and Spike, though I can make a pretty good guess as to why you're with him." When she started to stand to walk away, he caught her arm and had her sit again. "Let me finish, Buffy. I won't lie to you. I'm disappointed in your choice. But that disappointment is my problem, not yours. Do you understand?"

She looked at him for a long time, trying to find the recrimination she was sure had to be there. When she didn't see it, she said, "Not really."

"It's your life, not mine. I can't make your choices for you — that's why I left back in November, remember? You wanted me to make all your decisions. You were refusing to live your life." He thought carefully before speaking again, wanting to make sure she understood. "You have no idea how happy I was earlier when you listed off all that had happened. For the first time since you came back, I saw evidence that you were engaging in life again."

"Some life," she muttered, looking down at Giles' right hand as it rested on the seat between them. She picked it up gently, examining the crooked fingers. "I've messed it up completely."

"Of all the things you told me, you're directly responsible only for your decision to be with Spike. And if you're participating in life again because of him — well, I can't call that a mistake, even though I'd just as soon rip out my tongue than say so." He paused, happy to hear the small giggle that escaped from her. "As for Dawn, yes, the two of you need help. We can see about it when we return to Sunnydale. All the rest is beyond your control."

She reached over to give him a hug and managed to do it without breaking anything else. Her cheek rested on his shoulder, and she closed her eyes to enjoy the scent and feel of him. It was another moment before her eyes were open again and she said, "Giles, what the hell are you doing here?"

He laughed and leaned away from her. "I promised the captain an explanation when you and Spike were in the same room. I don't fancy going over this more than once." He stood then and cracked his back before offering a hand to help her up. "Shall we then?"

~*~*~

In the main room of Sickbay, Deanna stood up when she heard the consulting room door open. She was amazed at the difference in the pair's attitude, both toward one another and in general. She had never seen Buffy this relaxed and happy. She paged Picard to come down to Sickbay.

"Spike's gonna have a cow when he —" Buffy stopped speaking when she took her first good look at her Watcher. "Giles?"

He stopped, confused when he realized she was no longer next to him. He turned back to her and said, "Yes?"

She looked up into his face and asked, "When did you get a girlfriend?"

"A-a girlfriend?" Stalling was always an option. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

Buffy narrowed her eyes, as though the action would somehow allow her to see into his soul. "Yes, you do. There is no way you will ever get me to believe that you actually went out and spent your own money on an outfit that would look right at home on a top male model. Spill it. Who is she? Does she have a job? What are her intentions toward you? Is she evil?" With each question, she stepped closer to him. With each step she took toward him, Giles took one step back.

Beverly emerged from her office when she heard the conversation. It was one of those rare days when Sickbay was empty of patients, so she was able to watch the show relatively guilt-free. She stepped up to Deanna and said in a low voice, "What's going on?"

In a voice just as low, Deanna answered, "Buffy wants to know who Giles is dating, and he's avoiding the question."

"Is he dating anyone?"

Deanna looked at her sharply. Beverly's interest was as unexpected as it was potentially amusing. "I don't think so, but he's hiding something from her."

"I-I'm n-not dating a-anyone," Giles said, sidestepping a diagnostic bed as he continued to back away from her.

"Don't lie to me, mister. Someone spent a lot of money to dress you up to make sure you looked acceptable in public," she said, continuing her advance on him.

At that, he stopped retreating in favor of glaring at her. In an acidic tone, he said, "Thank you very much for your vote of confidence. I shall be sure to remember it the next time I have to make my poorly dressed way in the world."

"Come off your high horse and tell me who she is." She gave him a speculative look and said, "Unless I've completely misread you for the last five years, and we're talking about a boyfriend instead?"

He spluttered out, "Th-there i-is n-no b-boyfriend! Wh-what difference does it make? Y-you've never cared before."

Beverly leaned in to whisper in Deanna's ear, "She's very good at this."

Deanna whispered back, "You can't tell, but he's no slouch, either. He's playing her."

"You never looked like such a hottie before. Who bought the stuff, Giles?" Somehow, she managed to make the compliment sound like a threat of bodily harm.

"B-Buffy, please. It's not important. We have r-real problems. Why do you think I came here?" As a ploy to get her off the subject of his clothing, it was weak, and he knew it. But he was still stalling for time, hoping someone — Spike, even — would come to his rescue. It was clear the two women watching them were enjoying the spectacle too much to take pity on him. Maybe the captain —

"Who. Bought. That. Outfit." He jerked back at the look on her face. It was uncomfortably similar to the Cave-Slayer glare.

Picard walked in, noted the various positions of staff and visitors, then walked up to Beverly and Deanna and asked, "What's going on?"

Beverly answered without taking her eyes off Giles and Buffy. "Argument about who dressed him. Buffy thinks he has a girlfriend. Deanna says no, but he is hiding something."

"A-Anya."

"Anya?" It wasn't the answer she expected. "Anya wouldn't buy you clothes like that. She's your partner, not —"

Giles knew he was running out of time, but he had to make one last attempt. "Buffy —"

"Willow's spell," she said as understanding dawned. "You two thought you were —" She stopped suddenly, her eyes getting huge as she said, "You had sex with Anya!"

"I did not!"

"Yes you did! Does Xander know? God! What am I asking? Of course he doesn't know. If he did, you'd be part of one or all of the cornerstones of the new high school. I can't believe you had sex with Anya," she said, a look of wonder — and respect? — on her face.

"I did not have sex with Anya, and I'll thank you not to say that again!" His face was starting to get red.

"Then why is she dressing you like this? You might as well have a big flashing neon sign over your head that says, 'Anya's meat. Hands off.'" Her hands were on her hips as she leaned in and looked up at him.

"We did NOT have sex! It was j-just a — a kiss. That was it!" He tried to lean away from her, but there was an inconvenient wall at his back.

If anything, she seemed to be even more outraged by his admission. "You KISSED her? How? Why? How?"

"It was one kiss — spell-induced, I might add — and there hasn't been one since. And there won't be," he said, hoping the finality in his statement would be enough to end the conversation.

"What is it with you and spells? Every time you get hit by one, you start making with inappropriate kissage. And speaking of that, why should I believe you when you say it was only a kiss? The last time this happened, it was months before I found out the truth." She was in his face as much as she could be, considering there was a difference of almost a foot in their respective heights.

He'd had enough. "I don't know, 'Mrs. Big Pile of Dust.' What is it with us and spells and inappropriate kissing?"

The trio of observers blinked. Picard spoke first, saying, "What happened? She was winning right up until the end."

Beverly frowned, and said, "He got her with that last comment."

"Indeed, I did," Giles said, turning at last to their audience. "Now, I believe the time has come to ask Spike to join our little party. I'm sure Captain Picard is anxious to know why we've invaded his ship."