When Cass came to, it was dark outside. Candlelight flickered on the walls, and she flashed back to the ceremony and the attempt on the Queen's life. She tried to sit up, a sharp pain in her stomach forcing her to lay back down, "Elsa?"
"I'm all right."
Cassandra turned her head towards the voice, stunned into silence by virtue of struggling to breathe from her exertion. The way Elsa's face was lit by the candles had nothing to do with it, she told herself.
Taking Cass's hand, Elsa squeezed it. "You saved my life."
"Is everyone else okay? Anna?"
"My sister is fine, and the only casualty was one of the assassins. The rest are locked in the dungeons awaiting questioning."
"I'm sorry. Wish we'd gotten… further with your combat training." This whole thing was embarrassing. She'd let someone get in under her guard. Reflecting on the fight, she couldn't immediately think of anything else she could have done, but she still should have done better.
Her hand was suddenly devoid of Elsa's touch, and she stared down at it mournfully.
"It's not your fault. You did everything you could," Elsa assured her. She lifted her hand to Cassandra's forehead, brushing her fingers lightly across her skin. "I want you to rest."
"I'm not that tired," Cassandra complained. Cass and bed rest did not get along.
"I know. If I help you sit up will you promise to behave?" She looked into Cassandra's eyes, holding them firmly with her own.
Lost for a minute, Cass eventually just nodded.
"Okay, let's see if…" Elsa leaned forward, sliding an arm around Cass's back to very carefully help her sit up. Cass moved her own arms around Elsa, resting her face against her chest. She didn't let go immediately once she was sitting up, and Elsa seemed disinclined to let go either.
After a few moments, Cass pulled her head back and looked at Elsa. "What did the physician say?"
"There were a lot of stitches, and you'll have a pretty nifty scar." Elsa shifted into a sitting position on the edge of Cass's bed, leaving her hand resting on Cass's leg.
Cass stared at the hand, then back at Elsa. Her throat bobbed, "That's all?"
Elsa nodded. "Lots of bed rest is prescribed. It'll give you a chance to read the book I lent you. Did Olaf tell you what I wanted him to tell you?"
"He said he forgot," Cassandra replied, sounding a little distracted.
"Of course," Elsa laughed. She spotted the book on the end table and reached for it. She trailed her fingers down the cover. "It's one of my favorite books. It helped me through times in my life where I was forced to hide who I truly was. Which was most of my childhood and adult life."
"I might know a thing or two about hiding who I am." Cassandra looked at the book, unsure what Elsa meant. "I used to read a lot of these stories, put myself in as the knight."
"I liked being the princess," Elsa said. "Especially in this one. She has a bigger role than just a damsel to be rescued."
"My favorite kind of princess," Cassandra said, not feeling even a trace of irony. Rapunzel was very much that kind of princess. What she mostly needed protecting from was her naïveté. Which was part of what made Rapunzel literal sunshine and so special. So it had been a delicate balancing act.
Cass opened the book, skimming over the first few paragraphs.
"From an early age, Nuriya wanted to be a knight, and to rescue a princess. She would teach herself to sword fight, watching the city guards and swinging a wooden sword she'd stolen from one of the boys." Her voice caught in her throat, and she closed the book, looking away from Elsa and out the window.
"Cassandra?"
At Elsa's gentle prompting, she looked at her, eyes watery and in too much pain to keep her emotions to herself. "My father adopted me when I was six. He was already the Captain of the Guard and I'd spend hours watching him and the other guards train. I wanted to be like him so much. But he'd adopted a girl. And girls weren't allowed to train to be guards, even if I think he liked my attitude or else I wouldn't have gotten away with half the things I did. Eventually he let me train for real, after all. But it might have been easier if I'd been a boy."
She shook her head. Knowing what she knew now she wouldn't trade it for the world. "I wish I'd had this story growing up, and I've only read the first two sentences. It would have meant the world to me."
"I can leave you to it."
Reaching out, Cass grabbed Elsa's hand before she could stand. The motion wrenched her stomach and she hissed, "El, wait…"
"Be careful," Elsa chided, but she settled back down, turning her hand around in Cassandra's and rubbing her thumb across her knuckles.
It was such a simple action but Cass felt simultaneously like she was floating and also about to die. Yet it gave her the motivation to talk, "You've… talked about being true to yourself, about hiding who you were for so long. And I understand, I've been there."
Maybe it was the dizziness and the pain and how vulnerable she felt, but she tried to get it all out in a rush, before she could think better of it. "And not just…"
She gestured at the book about a Lady Knight and her Princess. "But about who I really am."
"Are you secretly Duke Weselton, come to ply me for my secrets?"
"I really wish you hadn't phrased it that way," Cassandra breathed. She offered Elsa a tired smile. "I guess you could say I wasn't born a girl. Or maybe in some ways I was, it just took me awhile to figure it out. When I was at the orphanage, I tried on a lot of dresses. They fit right, they felt right. I still wanted to wear trousers and hit people with swords, but I'd look at myself in the mirror and see Cassandra, not who I'd been before. So when my dad came looking for a child, he saw me, Cassandra, and I left the old me behind. And despite a lot of things, I've had a happy life because of it."
All of that at six years old. When Elsa was six, she'd been just learning to make snowmen with her magic for the first time, but thoughts of who she was otherwise hadn't even occurred to her. Those questions had been asked later, long after she'd cut herself off from the world and cracked open that book that would have meant everything to Cass.
Cassandra stared at her anxiously, her hand shaking in Elsa's and her other hand gripping the book tightly. Elsa leaned in, wrapping her other arm around her and pulling her into a careful hug. Cassandra's throat hitched and she leaned into it, face pressed against Elsa's throat as she choked back a sob.
"Thank you for sharing that with me," Elsa whispered. "I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you."
It felt good, not feeling alone. Cass nearly asked Elsa to stay, but it wasn't appropriate, no matter how comforting her presence was. Instead, once she felt composed, she leaned back, "I don't know. I guess… I thought if anyone would understand, it's you."
Elsa pulled away, stopping only to press warm, soft lips against Cass's cheek. She stood, "I'll let you rest."
"Can you stay?" Cassandra's mouth betrayed her. When she'd been sick, she'd discovered that what she'd wanted from Rapunzel wasn't to be left alone (or any of the things Rapunzel had done to try to make her feel better for that matter), but for Rapunzel to simply stay close, just for a little while. A wish that simply couldn't come true. "Just until I finish the first chapter."
"Of course, Cassandra."
