Beca's POV

Every time I ran into her, she made the interaction short.

She only said a few words or ignored me.

And then when I went to say goodbye, she practically slammed the door in my face.

I guess she doesn't care anymore.

Not that I blame her.

After what I did.

I'd be the same.

I tired forgetting about her, I really did.

But she was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

She was everything to me.

And I tried everything to win her back.

But, she has Shay now.

And Shay was great, from what Amy told me anyway.

The only person I had left was Amy.

After I showed the other Bellas the painting, Aubrey had called Chloe because she missed her.

Anyway, that led to Chloe explaining everything that happened.

Before hand, they had only known that Chloe thought I didn't love her.

Now, they knew everything.

And no one was talking to me.

They all hated me.

So, I had no one.

I had relapsed on the self harm and drinking.

Amy tried to help, but there was nothing she could do.

My love for my work destroyed my relationship and friendships.

Like always, I hurt someone.

But this time, it was more than one person.

And I couldn't handle that.

I had had enough of hurting people that I loved.

I had had enough of life.

In a split second decision, I decided to take the easy way out.

I couldn't live with myself, let alone expect others to.

So why should I?

Look up here, I'm in heaven

I've got scars that can't be seen

I've got drama, can't be stolen

Everybody knows me now

I didn't think twice.

Didn't think that maybe it would hurt Chloe.

Didn't think that anyone would find me.

So, I sat on the bathroom floor, blade in hand.

I vaguely heard my phone ring, but ignored it.

I pushed the blade deep into my wrist and pulled down, until my elbow.

I watched as the blood dripped out and onto the white floor.

I switched the blade hands and did it on my other wrist.

I put the blade down and laid on the floor, looking at the ceiling.

I looked back at my life and thought of everything that had happened.

From the the good times, to the bad ones.

Like all the great times I had with my brother.

Or how he protected me when mom would hit me.

And then I remembered that time I didn't speak to him because he embarrassed me.

Everyone had started making fun of me, so I stopped talking to him.

That affected him more than I thought.

He committed suicide a month after that day.

I remembered the good times with Mom.

When she loved me and was proud of me.

Then she started drinking because of stress from work.

And I failed an exam.

She wasn't proud anymore.

She hated me.

She hit me.

And it was all my fault.

I remembered my best friend from high school.

We always hung out together.

We always had a blast.

Then, my parents divorced.

And I had to move.

I never heard from her.

I remembered meeting Chloe and the Bellas.

We may have had a bad arrangement, but we had fun.

Then I changed it, and they got mad at me.

Then I left.

Look up here, man, I'm in danger

I've got nothing left to lose

I'm so high it makes my brain whirl

Dropped my cell phone down below

And they let me back in.

I heard my phone ring again, but no longer had the energy to care.

I remembered telling Chloe I liked her.

I remembered asking her out.

How great we were for that first year.

How nicely we fit together.

Then, I remembered how I forgot her.

How I got wrapped up in my job and made her think I never loved her.

I remembered the Bellas finding out.

I remembered how they looked at me.

How they looked at me with hate burning in their eyes.

I remembered seeing Chloe in San Francisco.

Seeing the look she gave me when we ran into each other.

The way her eyes rolled every time.

How she tried to make the encounters shorter, quickly leaving.

I remembered boarding the plane and having no one there to say goodbye.

I remembered getting off the plane and having no one there to greet me.

I remembered getting home and finding letters from all the Bellas.

Letters asking me not to contact them.

Letters telling me to forget them.

I remembered seeing them in the city.

I remembered how they avoided eye contact and practically ran away.

I remembered when I got the call that my dad had been in a car crash.

I remembered that he died.

Everything and everyone I loved either got ruined, died or hated me.

And it was time I followed.

Ain't that just like me

By the time I got to New York

I was living like a king

Then I used up all my money

I heard a knock on the door.

But I was too tired to move.

Too tired to care.

Then it became pounding.

And then I remembered the time my mom beat me into the hospital.

She found out I was gay and came to my room looking for me.

I had locked the door, and she just pounded on it.

Eventually it gave way and crashed onto the floor.

She lunged at me and punched and kicked and pulled and spit.

By the time she left, I couldn't move and blood was pooling everywhere.

It was my brother that found me and called nine-one-one.

He saved me.

And I let him down.

I felt tears burning my eyes and the pounding got louder.

I was looking for your ass

This way or no way

You know, I'll be free

Just like that bluebird

The door eventually crashed down.

I heard Amy yell as my vision blurred and darkened.

"BECA!" Amy yelled.

I heard her run up the stairs.

Her footsteps getting closer and my vision darkened.

I smiled as I saw my brother, holding out his hand.

I grabbed it, and he spoke.

"Fuck. Beca. Shit. Shit. Shit." I saw him speak but it was Amy's voice.

"Don't do this Beca. You can't leave them. They need you. Whether they know it or not." he said before letting go of my hand.

"No!" I yelled as he disappeared.

"Please hurry. She's lost a lot of blood. It's everywhere." I heard Amy.

Her panicking slowly drowned out as my hearing went out too.

I hoped she had been too late.

Now ain't that just like me

Oh I'll be free

Just like that bluebird

Oh I'll be free

Ain't that just like me