An Old Friend
Part 4
I was having a nightmare. I was fully aware that I was, but I couldn't wake myself from it. I saw Jim and Blaire walking down a path towards me, holding hands and laughing. When they saw me, they stopped and glared. I started to open my mouth to say something, but Jim cut me off.
"I don't want you anymore. Blaire is better and more talented than you. Not to mention prettier," he smirked.
It felt like I had been physically struck.
"I've taken your place," Blaire sneered. "So why don't you just go back to where you came from."
Then they turned towards each other and kissed.
I bolted upright in bed, panting and covered in a cold sweat. I brought my hand up to my forehead and found my skin was all clammy.
Once my breathing and heart rate calmed down, I listened for any noises in the house. Everything was completely silent, so I figured everyone had gone to sleep.
I can't live like this anymore. I have to talk to Jim about this now, I thought to myself.
I threw my covers off and swung my legs out of bed. I slipped on my delicate house shoes so that my feet wouldn't get cold. I carefully opened my door and peered out into the hall. I silently started creeping towards Jim's room down the hall. I stopped when I heard soft voices coming from his room. A horrible pit-like feeling appeared in my stomach, but I continued walking. My hands were trembling as I appeared before the open doorway.
Inside his room, Jim was sitting up in his bed, his legs under the covers and his back propped against the headboard. He was shirtless, the way he usually slept. Sitting on the bed atop his lap was Blaire, who was wearing what barely passed as pajamas. It looked closer to lingerie, in my opinion. They were smiling and seemed completely at ease with each other in the dark room in the middle of the night. I could only imagine what they might have been doing before I showed up.
I had only been in the doorway for a second when Jim's head turned towards me, having seen movement in his peripheral. Blaire also turned to look at me.
"Raphaelle?" Jim asked, recognizing my silhouette in the dark, but checking to make sure.
"How could you?" I whispered.
A sob escaped my throat. I couldn't stay there any longer. I ran back down the hall towards my room.
"Raphaelle!" Jim called just after I had turned.
I made it to my room and slammed the door shut, locking it behind me. But I knew that Jim could and would make short work of that lock. My eyes immediately turned to the window. I pulled it open and looked down. Being five floors up, it was too high to climb down safely, at least in my current state anyway. So I looked up towards the roof instead.
If I can make it to the other side, I can use the tree to swing down to the ground.
I climbed up onto the windowsill just as I heard Jim starting to mess with the doorknob. I turned to look at it, hoping I had locked it properly.
"Raphaelle, open the door," Jim said from the other side.
I turned away and looked up, searching for a place I could grab and pull myself onto the roof. I could hear Jim starting to pick the lock. I found a steady handhold and had just started to pull myself up when I heard the door open. I knew Jim could see me climbing up onto the roof.
"Raphaelle!" he exclaimed.
I swung my legs up onto the roof just as I felt his fingertips brush my ankle.
"Come back!" he called.
I stood up and carefully scurried across the roof. Jim was much better at climbing onto and running across the roof, so he would be on me soon. I had no time to waste.
I made it to the giant tree and turned around to check if Jim was behind me. He had just gotten onto the roof and was already starting to run towards me. I jumped to the nearest branch and steadied myself before swinging down to a lower branch. I dropped to the ground from there. My landing wasn't the best; I stumbled a bit and landed on my hands and knees, but I quickly recovered and started running.
"Raphaelle!" I heard Jim shout.
I glanced behind me while I was running to see him jump off the roof and swing from a branch to land on his feet. He immediately started running after me.
I turned around and kept running. The night air was chilly and goose bumps erupted on my arms and legs. My thin blue nightgown wasn't giving me much warmth. My vision started to get blurry. I realized that I was still crying and my tears were obscuring my vision. A choked sob broke through my lips again. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the tears, but it didn't work.
It was so dark that I almost didn't see I had run straight into the forest near the Inn. I stumbled over a root and almost fell face first into the dirt. But I caught myself and kept running.
Soon, I was out of the forest and in the open. I couldn't tell if Jim was still behind me, but I didn't want to turn around to check.
"Raphaelle!" he called. He sounded close.
I kicked it into high gear and ran even faster. The darkness and my tears made it impossible to see where I was going, but I continued going straight, hoping I wouldn't trip over anything.
"RAPHAELLE! STOP!" Jim shouted, closer now than he was before.
Another sob broke through my throat, louder than the others.
Suddenly, I felt arms close around my waist, and I was propelled forward straight into the ground. We both skidded in the dirt for a moment before we came to a stop.
When we did, Jim removed his arms from around me and lifted himself up.
"What the hell were you thinking?! You almost ran off the damn cliff!" he exclaimed.
I looked up from my place on the ground and noticed for the first time the cliff less than ten feet in front of us.
I quickly lifted myself up and proceeded to try and run again, this time in a different direction. I wasn't sure why, but every cell in my body was telling me to run. I must have been having a fight-or-flight reaction. Jim saw what I was trying to do and grabbed onto my wrist.
"Let me go!" I cried, trying to pry my wrist out of his grasp.
"No. Tell me what's wrong. Why did you run?" he asked.
I refused to look at him and kept trying to pull myself away. Jim jerked me towards him and grabbed onto my other wrist so that I was forced to face him. I struggled, my instincts telling me to flee.
"Raphaelle," he said sternly, trying to get my attention. But my eyes were closed and I was shaking my head. "Raphaelle, look at me."
Another sob, this one more desperate sounding than the rest, escaped my lips.
Jim released my wrists so that he could gently grab my face and hold me still. I finally stopped struggling and opened my eyes to look into his. I could see that he was genuinely worried about me, and was a little distraught himself. My throat felt tight from trying to suppress my emotions for so long. I closed my eyes and started to cry.
Jim pulled me into his arms and hugged me while I cried. My arms were pressed between my body and his, so I wasn't able to hug him back; but I'm not so sure I would have.
"Please, just tell me what's wrong," he whispered, running his hand over my hair trying to soothe me.
I tried to take steady breaths, but I didn't think it would be possible any time soon. I attempted to explain that I couldn't speak at the moment, but all that came out were gasps.
"Shh," Jim hushed me, somehow understanding what I was trying to communicate. "Just let it all out."
I knew if I let it all out then, I wouldn't be able to talk about it later, so I sucked it all back in and calmed my breathing. When I felt I was ready to talk, I pulled myself away from Jim's body. He released me from his embrace, but he kept a gentle grip on my upper arms. I looked at the ground, but I could feel his eyes boring into me, probably with worry.
I wasn't sure how to start, so I desperately searched for a way. Luckily, Jim helped me out a bit.
"What's wrong?" he asked again.
I let out a shaky breath before answering.
"It's Blaire," I said, still not looking at him.
"Blaire? Why?" he asked; I could picture the confused look on his face.
"It's just…she's so perfect! She's beautiful and talented and into everything you like! And you two have such good chemistry! And ever since she got here you haven't been able to keep your eyes off of her and you've spent every second with her and I just-I just feel like she-she's replacing me!" I started to cry. The more I let out, the more my emotions started to overwhelm me. I began speaking faster so I could get everything out before the breakdown I could feel coming finally took over. "And when I saw you two in your room together in the middle of the night-" I choked on my words and the image of them in his room together. "I-I just-I can't-I'm afraid of losing you," I broke off into hysterical sobs and buried my face in my hands.
"Oh Raphaelle," Jim said.
He gently pulled my hands away from my face and tilted my chin up so I could look into his eyes. He leaned down a bit so he could be at eye level with me. Fresh tears were falling down my face as I looked into his eyes. I could see relief in his expression, but love in his eyes.
"Blaire isn't replacing you. No one could ever replace you," he half whispered. "I love you."
I felt my throat constrict again, and though I tried to suppress the sob, I couldn't stop it from breaking through my lips.
"I'm sorry!" I choked and resumed crying uncontrollably.
Jim quickly pulled me back into his arms and started petting my head, running his hand over my hair.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," he said.
"Yes I do," I whispered in a strained voice. "I was jealous, and I couldn't control it. I completely ruined our Spring Break!"
"No you didn't," Jim said. "And you had every right to be jealous. You're right, I was spending all my time with Blaire. I didn't realize I hadn't been paying attention to you. I guess I got too excited. But I'm sorry, and if I hadn't been so absorbed with her, I would have noticed how upset you were. I'm sorry for that too."
I just cried, letting my tears fall down Jim's bare chest.
"Nothing happened between me and Blaire before. We were just talking. We've been talking all night," Jim explained. "And you should know that I don't feel anything like that towards Blaire. You are right, she is very beautiful and talented, but she's my best friend. I could never see her as anything more than that. I never considered for a moment that we could be a thing, and I'm positive she feels the same. She's more like a sister to me than anything else."
His explanation made me feel so much better, but it also made me feel more ashamed of my behavior.
"Oh Jim, I'm sorry," I sobbed, wrapping my arms around him. "I'm so sorry."
"I'm sorry too," he said back, hugging me tighter.
We stayed there for who knows how long; me crying against his chest, and him just holding me and petting my hair.
When my crying finally calmed down to the occasional sniffle, I looked up into Jim's face. He looked back down at me and smiled. Surprisingly, I found myself capable of smiling back. I wiped the wetness from my face with my hand and took a deep breath.
"I'm tired," I stated; only getting a few hours of sleep and all the running and crying had left me physically and emotionally drained.
"Let's go back and get some sleep," Jim replied.
He kept one arm around my waist while we walked back to the Inn. We had run much farther than I realized; as we walked, I became drowsier and drowsier. Pretty soon, I was blindly stumbling with my eyes shut. That didn't work very well though, as I started lurching all over the place and Jim had to catch me. I would mumble 'sorry' and try to stay awake the rest of the way, but I couldn't do it.
"Stop," Jim ordered.
I looked up at him tiredly. He picked me up and carried me the rest of the way. I nodded off into a half-sleep state almost instantly. I only became aware again when Jim set me down in my bed. He pulled the covers over my body.
"I'm sorry," I whispered again.
He kissed my forehead. "I forgive you. Do you forgive me?"
"Hmm-mm," I mumbled and nodded, my eyelids too heavy to stay open.
He brushed my hair away from my face and then started to leave.
"Stay, please," I requested.
"Okay," he replied.
Jim lifted the covers and crawled into my bed next to me. I scooted over so that he could have enough room to be comfortable. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close. Our foreheads were pressed together. I guessed he was looking at me, but my eyes were closed, and I was just too tired to open them. His hand trailed lightly up and down my arm, further lulling me to sleep.
The next thing I knew, it was early morning. I was facing the opposite direction I had fallen asleep in. Jim's arm was still wrapped around my waist, but his head was nuzzled in the crook of my neck. His gentle breathing warmed my shoulder. I figured he was still very tired, having been up most of the night, so I decided not to disturb him and let him sleep for a few more hours. I closed my eyes and relaxed.
I relaxed so much that I drifted back to sleep. When I woke again, I couldn't feel Jim's warm presence next to me. I turned my body to look, and sure enough, he wasn't there. I got out of bed and started down the hall towards the stairs. As I walked down the stairs, I could hear the voices of my friends coming from the back kitchen. Their conversation seemed normal, and I didn't hear anything about me.
I walked into view and everyone gave me a smile and a 'good morning'. I looked to Jim, who gave me a loving smile.
Then I looked at Blaire. She was smiling at me, but I could tell from the look in her eyes that she was trying to apologize with her expression. She and Jim must have talked about what happened sometime this morning. I smiled back at her, trying to communicate as well. She seemed relieved that I'd smiled back, though I could tell she had more to say. She was still wearing her skimpy pajamas from last night; but we were all still in our pajamas.
After eating breakfast, Jim came over and whispered into my ear.
"Blaire would like to talk to you."
"Okay," I replied, standing up and following Jim into the living room.
Blaire was already there waiting for us.
"Hey Raphaelle," she said, giving me a small smile. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Jim told me about what happened last night. I really didn't mean to steal all Jim's attention from you. And I just want you to know that I would never steal him away from you. He's too good of a friend to me, and I just don't see him like that. He's more like my brother."
"That's alright. I understand that you two were really excited to see each other. I should have been more understanding," I replied.
"So are we cool?" she asked.
"Yeah, we're cool," I confirmed.
She hugged me unexpectedly. I was surprised at first, but I hugged her back.
"I promise I'll give you and Jim some space now," she said when we separated.
"It's okay. I know you guys want to hang out after being apart for so long," I responded.
"Yeah, but I've gotten to spend a lot of time with him over the past few days. I'd like to get to know you and your friends now," she said with a smile on her face.
And with that, she turned and ran up the stairs, probably to change.
"She's actually really nice," I admitted.
"Well, she is my best friend," Jim shrugged like it was obvious from the start.
"Raphaelle!" I heard Nerita call from upstairs. "Blaire is taking us out for ice cream. You coming?"
"I think I might have to make her my best friend now," I said teasingly to Jim.
He laughed out loud.
"If it was that easy, I should have told her to buy you ice cream a long time ago," Jim joked.
I started climbing the stairs, but stopped and looked back at him. I smiled mischievously.
"How do you think I would look in Blaire's clothes?" I asked.
Jim looked at me strangely for a moment, not understanding my meaning. But when he pictured me in Blaire's tight, revealing clothing, he blushed profusely.
I laughed and headed up towards my room, thinking about what flavor of ice cream I would get, and about how I would go on a shopping trip soon to 'freshen up' my look a little bit. A little variety in my wardrobe couldn't hurt, and Jim's reaction was priceless. And after he got over how much skin I was showing, he would surely develop another opinion towards it; a more alluring opinion, hopefully.
I smiled widely at the thought.
