Chapter Nine: The 'Romantic' Dinner
Disclaimer:
Me: Even though i am the smartest per...
Green Eggs and Ham (first entrance as disclaimer buddy now to be known as GEAH): you? Smart? (scoffs loudly)
Me: I'm offended
GEAH: Sooooo???
Me: I have feelings
GEAH: You do? (genuinly surprised)
Me: Yes, and at the moment they are sad feelings as just realised that i don't own Artemis Fowl (sobs dramatically)
GEAH: (mocking) Le gasp!
Me: I know, and here i thought that the world was my oyster, and that i had everything i ever wished for when...
GEAH: You sound like one of those cheap romance novels
Me: Hey! That was a quote! I'll get th little guy who could fry your brain out!
GEAH: As we seem to be quoting, i'll finish it: 'One of those cheap romance novels i happen to adore' (backs away slowly)
Me: Sorry for the long disclaimer, i got carried away a bit
"Ask me what I did to deserve this."
"OK," said Artemis. "What did you do to deserve this?"
"I have no idea," replied Holly, glaring at the volatile liquid swishing round the test tube she was holding gingerly in her fingers. They were currently sitting in the Bentley Arnage Red Label ('The Fowl Bentley' for short) and Holly was meant to be drinking the 'potion' that Foaly invented that would temporarily turn her into a human. Originally the changing method was in pills but Foaly had got a message from the Commander the day before saying that the pills were dangerous and were giving the officers nausea and mild tooth aches (Foaly had spent the night making a safer version and testing it on a guinea pig called N'zall. It worked and Foaly turned the ex-demon back into a Guinea Pig to avoid another of his friends getting stabbed)
Holly lifted the test tube to her lips and began to tip it slowly. Suddenly the car jerked, causing the liquid to slide very quickly down her throat, Artemis had to pat her on the back so she wouldn't choke. When she finally sat up straight she began to cough and shudder as the potion started taking effect on her body. Foaly had sworn that the potion would stretch her clothes as well, but Artemis wasn't too sure; it seemed hard to believe that a digested liquid could change her external appearance. But it did.
Holly shut her eyes as her proportions changed. Her brow slimmed to a human's size and her ears were now humanoid and she grew another sixty centimetres. She just looked like a short fifteen year old human girl.
Artemis grinned as her eyes flickered open. Her eyes looked like they always did: as if she was heterochromatic and they had shrunk a bit, to look a bit more human-like.
As they arrived at the restaurant, Artemis couldn't help but notice the meaning of the name: "Amore" though being Italian, it was also Latin, meaning 'To Love'. This seemed to strike him as something strange, the amount of times that he had gone to various restaurants called 'Amore' but never had the name meant any more than a fancy pizza place. This time it meant a lot more to him as he was the one 'loving'. He felt that the Latin could be changed to 'Amo' if he was talking about himself or 'Amatis' which means 'you love' (plural) it seemed more fitting and made more logical sense for the people visiting the restaurant.
This of course was the rational side of his brain thinking. The part of his brain that was fuelling his emotions was quivering in excitement; like a boy who had just been told that he was going to Disneyland.
Holly on the other hand was bored out of her skull. Artemis was thinking (nothing unusual about that) and Butler wasn't talking. She sighed and glanced out the window. The restaurant didn't look that bad, it could even be nice. She wondered if they had pizza; Holly liked pizza. She suddenly realised that she must have been drooling as Artemis was staring at her strangely.
"Whoops," she said as she wiped the drool off her chin. "That could have been avoided. I like pizza." Artemis raised an eyebrow.
"Good, because something tells me that this is an Italian restaurant," he said dryly, "It's not as if there's a giant pizza on the front or anything." He got out of the car door that Butler had opened for him. Butler gave him an approved glance as Artemis went round to the other door and opened it for Holly. Holly scowled slightly at him.
"I thought I told you to be yourself," she said. Artemis shrugged.
"I am being myself."
"No you're not. You are doing something for someone else. That is not 'being yourself'," she said. Artemis chuckled.
"As I said before, that was not the real me," he said, striding into the restaurant and up to the counter. Holly followed, somewhat more reluctant than the boy. Everyone didn't seem as big, which she assumed was a good thing. Artemis replaced his smile with his usual business like expression.
"We have a reservation…"
"Yes, Master Fowl right?" asked the waiter. Artemis nodded and scanned the room for dangers. Butler had always said that that was important. A simple observation could save lives, and Artemis intended both he and Holly to live through the night.
'Amore' was a pleasant restaurant with about thirty tables set out for a 'romantic' dinner. The candles had just been lit for the evening so the tables weren't covered in wax at this point, but remember this at the end of the evening. The blood red table cloths flowed over the tables, the edges touching the white, carpeted floor. There was a dance floor nearby that would soon be occupied by many couples later in the evening. Butler was standing by the door with another bodyguard who happened to be at Madame Ko's at the same time as him, occupying the Eurasian bodyguard for the time being.
Artemis followed the middle aged waiter to one of the tables near a window.
"Thank you very much," Holly said gracefully. Artemis gave her a quizzical look and didn't say anything until they were both sitting down and the waiter had gone to get them their drinks.
"Hypocrite," he said. Holly laughed.
"It was needed. You were being impolite," she said, turning to her menu. Artemis rolled his eyes.
"As you said before, I'm not a very nice person."
"Your earl tea sir," said the waiter, placing the cup in front of the boy. Artemis nodded his thanks as the waiter placed a glass of orange juice in front of Holly. Holly thanked him; he gave her a warm smile which she returned. Artemis tried to smile as well but it looked more a grimace then a smile. The waiter seemed a tad spooked as the grimace turned into a vampire smile.
"Thank you very much," said Artemis, nodding at his tea. "We are ready to order." The waiter nodded and pulled out his notebook.
"Yes?" he inquired. Artemis's eyes bored into the poor waiter as he ordered.
"I would like caviar with a Caesar salad as a side and Holly…"
"Holly would love to have Caesar salad and a Margarita pizza please," Holly said on cue.
"Medium or large pizza?"
"Medium."
"Alright, it should be ready in about twenty minutes. Give me a call if you need anything else," said the waiter, addressing Holly more than Artemis. "Oh, and the dance floor will be running from eight 'til midnight." Holly nodded excitedly, Artemis rolled his eyes. Like Artemis Fowl would ever dance. The waiter left, giving Holly a sympathetic glance. Artemis turned back to his date and chuckled; it would take him a while to get used to that. They sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Do you always terrorise the waiters?" Holly asked. Artemis laughed again.
"No, only when I think it's necessary," he replied, smirking at the memory of a certain episode with a waitress in London. Holly rolled her eyes.
"What did you do, Artemis?" she asked him.
"Well, she did offer me the children's menu," he said.
"And that's a reason to scare her?"
"I was thirteen," he said. Holly smiled; he had matured in some ways at least. Artemis continued. "Which is far too old for a children's menu," he said. Holly sighed.
"When will you learn, Artemis?" she asked. "You don't yell at people for being nice. What did you say to the poor girl?" Artemis shrugged.
"Well, I did insult the food," he said. "I said that the children's menu tastes better than the food on it." He smiled sheepishly and looked at his mug as Holly glared at him.
"When was this?" she asked.
"As I said, when I was thirteen; I was meeting a certain someone in London." He glanced sideways at Holly who decided that the conversation should and would stop there.
"Have you ever been to the Stonehenge?" she asked. Artemis nodded, unsure where this was going.
"It's a very interesting ancient structure. I, myself have come to the concl…"
"It's a pizza parlour," interrupted Holly. "It's infested by fairies, mostly gnomes every year singing the pizza song; but the food is fantastic, if not a little greasy." Artemis raised an eyebrow.
"A pizza parlour?" he asked. Holly nodded.
"Yes, just under the Stonehenge, beside the shuttle port.
"What's the pizza song?" asked Artemis. Holly shuddered.
"You don't want to know."
"Yes I do; that's why I asked," said Artemis. "What's the pizza song?" he asked again. Holly sighed dramatically.
"It's a song that is usually sung on Bog's day (A day that celebrates the gnome who invented pizza's first day as a pizza guy) and it has 114 verses which all have terrible rhymes." Holly shuddered. "And mention terrible food."
"How does it go?" asked Artemis. Holly sighed again.
"The first verse goes:
'Pizza, pizza,
Fill up your face
The thicker the pastry
The better the base' It gets worse," she said. Artemis nodded, and stared at her, alerting her to the fact that he wanted her to continue. She didn't bother singing as the tune was horrendously 'untuneful'.
"Well some other verse goes something like:
'Pizza, pizza
It's a scream
Tastes the best with
Pizza flavoured ice cream."
"Pizza flavoured ice cream?" asked Artemis, cringing at the thought. Holly nodded.
"It's disgusting, Mulch made me try it when we were working together back before Hybras," said Holly, showing her distaste by mocking throwing up. Artemis laughed.
"Well in that case, I think that this conversation is going downhill and will conclude in an uncomfortable silence where both parties are trying not to vomit," said Artemis. That sort of silence followed; broken by the waiter bringing their meals. Holly kept her lunch in her mouth by wolfing down the Caesar salad. The waiter, amused by this sudden display of hunger, momentarily forgot that he was meant to be afraid of Artemis.
"Hungry huh?" he asked the boy. "Didn't feed her too well today?" Artemis could have frowned and made a rude repost, but being the gentleman he was, refrained and remembered what Holly had said earlier.
"She's had a difficult day," he quipped. The waiter seemed relieved by his non-harassed state and put it down to the hormonal teenager being hungry; it affected his son too.
As soon as the waiter had left, Artemis began to nibble at his Caesar salad. Any other occupant of the restaurant would have had to hold in laughter as the male ate delicately and the woman, surprisingly made no mess at all as the food disappeared very quickly into her mouth.
Once Holly finished, she glanced longingly at the dance floor which was now occupied by two couples doing a slow dance to 'Earth Angel' reminding her of the Mudman film 'Back To The Future'. She must have sat there, staring at the dance floor for a long time as when she looked back at Artemis, the usually slow eater was finished and staring at her with a weird expression on his face.
"What's that look meant to mean?" she asked him. Artemis jumped about a foot in the air in shock.
"Sorry," he apologised. "What were you saying?" Holly rolled her eyes.
"I just asked what that look was meant to be but you seemed so lost in thought that I don't think it matters anymore," she said, waving away the conversation with her hand.
Then she noticed Artemis was still lost in thought. "What's wrong Arty?"
"It's just that… Holly," Artemis whispered, getting off his chair and kneeling beside Holly. "Will you marry me?" Holly was amazed for a few moments, he was only 15! She was about to answer when she felt someone shake her shoulder, she turned to see Artemis shaking it gently, she looked back to where the kneeling Artemis was a few seconds ago, in his place was a pot plant. Holly felt a wave of relaxation settle over her when she realised that she had been day dreaming. But she tensed again slightly as she felt a twang of disappointment; he was only fifteen for the Gods' sake. Why was she feeling disappointed? There were many years left yet.
Be patient, she told herself. He will propose when he wants to.
If he wants to, said a small voice in her head. But she pointedly ignored it and turned to Artemis, who was waiting patiently; if not anxiously.
"Are you alright, Holly?" he asked. Holly nodded.
"Sorry about that, I had a disturbing daydream," she said. Artemis smirked slightly having already figured out the nature of it.
"What sort of disturbing daydream?"
"Oh, just disturbing," said Holly, absently. Artemis sighed having realised that she was still staring longingly at the dance floor.
"You want to dance don't you?" he asked, afraid of the answer.
"Yes, I would," she answered. Artemis let out a breath slowly and stood up.
"Holly Short, can I take this dance?" he said. Holly smiled, taking his offered hand.
"I would love to," she answered. Artemis professionally lead her to the dance floor and listened for the next song to start to know what dance to do it to. The DJ told them that it would be 'Let's Dance' by Miley Cyrus and was going to start in two minutes. Artemis groaned, just his luck to get a pop song that he had never heard of. Luckily for him, Holly knew the song, and what dance style to do.
"The cha-cha," she said, and began to instruct him through a basic cha-cha. Artemis picked it up quickly and got himself into a more comfortable leading position as the introduction started. To his immense astonishment, Holly started to sing.
The weekends almost done,
The moon is low in the sky,
I feel like going out,
Before the night passes by,
I won't just sit around,
When life becomes a drag,
I dance.
And that is when they started to dance, quite well too for a rookie and a recon jock. When the verse started, Artemis was surprised some more, as Holly pulled of some impressive moves while singing.
I like the beat
I like the boom
I need guitar
I like the drums when they go boom, boom, boom.
Let's dance
In the weekends, what the night is all about
Let's dance
Grab your girlfriends grab your boyfriends,
Sweat it out and let's dance (move your whole body, let's start a party)
Too much rock for one girl can make her go crazy,
I need some boy to dance with me baby
Dance.
They kept on dancing the cha-cha and singing in Holly's case through the next verse and chorus. When the instrumental started, that's when Artemis showed what he was made of, successfully completing a couple of complicated spins. Holly was enjoying herself so much that she allowed herself to be lead around the floor by Artemis.
The song finally finished and Artemis was rewarded, by the DJ announcing that the next song was by David Bowie. Not one that he was familiar with, but David Bowie all the same. It relaxed him to hear the familiar voice of his favourite artist. Holly, even less familiar with the song, was less excitable then Artemis who was swinging her round the floor in an interesting slow dance that he seemed to have made up on the spot. But then, this was Artemis Fowl she was dancing with, he probably wrote half the dances under different pseudonyms when he was five or something.
All this time Butler was watching from near the door. He didn't expect any dangers, but you never knew with Artemis. He was a magnet for it. Butler smiled as Holly convinced Artemis to dance and was pleasantly surprised to find that both of them were actually good dancers. He wasn't sure how long he spent standing there; watching them dance because what seemed to be a few minutes later, but was actually two hour; Holly and Artemis were at him side.
Butler smiled warmly down at them, waiting to hear how their evening was. But both proceeded to the car, neither looking at one another. Butler realised with shock that they must have had a fight.
Sorry for the long disclaimer, the quote comes from the Lost Colony, the conversation between Foaly an Qwan about No1. I'm sorry i havent updated for a while, i've had exams. But they're over now so i can write as much as i want.
-Captain Short
