Chapter 9

When we make it to the staircase I see everyone sitting in the living room chatting. I see smiles in the group and automatically think they're laughing at me. The thought kills my ego for the moment but I continue down the stairs at Dave's urging.

Upon seeing me, JJ opens her arms and I go to her on the sofa and accept her warm embrace. She's sitting beside Will with Henry fast asleep in his lap. Rossi sits on the sofa across from us. Everyone continues talking about Charlie Chaplin Vs. The Marx Brothers and Rossi jumps into the argument. At the moment, old comedians are the last thing on my mind.

"JJ," I whisper. "Did…did anyone…could you guys hear-hear me up there?"

She rubs my shoulder. "Not much,"

That's still too much in my book. I stare off distantly, just vaguely hearing everyone talking and laughing, sulking in my own shame. JJ squeezes my shoulder bringing me back to reality.

"Are you okay?" She whispers.

"Y-yeah…" I flush at the sound of my voice cracking and she pulls me closer to her. "I'm sorry I pulled you guys away from home."

"Hey," She gave my shoulder a shake and I looked up to her eyes. "No one pulled us away from our home. Where ever we are together is home."

"Y-yeah, but what about Will…and Henry? They had to come all the way out here in the middle of the night to look for me."

"Will is a big boy, Alex. He came out here tonight because he wanted to, not because he felt like he had to. And Henry loves being at the cabin. Everyone's happy, especially now that we know you're safe."

I bite my lip as I look over to Will, laughing and chatting contently with the others, and Henry, seeming so at peace fast asleep.

"Yeah, well, I still feel bad."

"As you should be," JJ says to my surprise. "You had us all scared, Alex. Although we're all happy you were found safe it would still be nice to know you were never in danger in the first place. What would've happened if that bear had caught you?

"Alex," I'm startled from my thoughts at hearing my name. I turn forward to see Jack standing in front of me with a deck of cards in his small hands. "Will you play with me? No one else wants to right now and Grampa Dave said you know a lot of card games."

I glance over to Dave and he smiles at me before returning to his previous conversation.

"Sure thing, little guy," I say rising from JJ's hold. I walk with Jack over to the small poker table where we played every card game I could think of before it was time for him to go to bed.

"You kiddies have fun?" Derek mocks as I come back to sit with the others.

"Hardy har Derek, very funny. Like you're one to talk. Y'know, I had a very interesting conversation with little Jack while we played and do you know what I found out? One senior agent in this room apparently has a good talent for singing."

"Okay, that was one time, he was sick, I was babysitting for Hotch and he was feeling down. I was just trying to get the kid to smile."

Everyone laughs hard including Derek.

"What was the song?" Spencer asks.

"Let me guess," Emily quickly spoke out. "I'm a Little Teapot?"

"Ha, ha, ha. I'm not telling."

"I already know," I continue. Derek livens up and gives me the 'You better not,' look before I say, "Respect by Aretha Franklin."

The laughter in the room blows louder.

"Alright, alright, get it all out now," Derek says going into the kitchen to refill his cup.

"Could you imagine?" Emily asks.

"Oh, I'm trying," JJ says.

When Hotch and Will return from putting the boys to bed, they're confused about why the rest of us our laughing. Derek comes back from the kitchen and says, "Don't ask."

Soon everyone else is tired and ready for bed. Gideon let JJ, Henry, and Will to take his bed since it's the biggest in the cabin and he sleeps in one the twin beds in Spencer's room. Hotch and Jack shares the bottom bunk in the room with Derek. Penelope and Emily share a room and Dave and I share a room, the same room I was spanked in earlier. The cabin is a lot more spacious on the inside then I was expecting.

I stare at the ceiling for a while in the darkness of the room. It's hard to sleep after all the excitement of the day. I don't know how Dave does it. I guess after years of days like today, sleep seems like a welcomed reprieve to him.

Since I can't sleep though, I ease my way quietly out of bed and head out the room. The cabin is quiet. Everyone's asleep but me I guess. I don't want to wake anyone up so I grab a blanket and head outside.

To my surprise, Emily is already out there sitting on the swing seat.

"Hey," She says seeing me.

"Hey," I say sitting beside her.

"You're up late."

"So are you,"

She smiles. "Touché. I like to be out here at night. It's so peaceful."

"You like nature?"

"Well…I'm not crazy about it but something about it has the ability to soothe me. Why are you out here?"

I shrug. "Couldn't sleep,"

"Oh really," She starts rocking the swing slowly. "I'd think you'd be extra tired after a day like today."

"…Emily…did you…did you hear Dave and I upstairs earlier?"

She looks over to me in concern and I quickly turn away from her in shame.

She exhales and answers, "Yeah, I heard a little of it. But don't worry; it was only Derek, JJ, Spencer, Penelope and I that could hear it. Everyone else was either in the kitchen or outside getting fire wood."

"I knew it," I groan. "Everyone heard it. You guys probably think I'm a baby, huh?"

She give a small chuckle and says, "Kid, we thought you were a baby long before today." I pale and look up at her mortified. "I mean, because you're the youngest of us, that's all." She quickly corrects. "Look, no one here criticizes you for…that…we understand it more than you think we do. It's happened to the best of us."

My eyes widen. "You mean…you-you've been…y'know,"

She shrugs and looks away from me.

"By who? When? Why?"

Emily laughs at my excitement. "By…Hotch,"

My eyes become the size of saucers and my mouth drops open in disbelief. "Hotch…Hotch spa-spa…he…when? Why?"

"Uh…which time exactly?"

"He's done it more than once?!"

"Yep," She nods. "The first time, it was because I was keeping secrets. I was feeling insecure about being the new agent on such a close knit team so I kept my feelings and personal life to myself and it wasn't helping the efficiency of the team. When Hotch found out I was deliberately distancing myself from everyone, he decided to show me just how big a part of the team I am. The second time was because of a case. Spencer was having…problems. I suspected it and I didn't tell anyone. I was still trying to fit into the team and didn't want to be 'the snitch' so I just kept my suspicions to myself. Then we found out his problem was…was something big, something that could have probably been nipped in the bud sooner if I'd come clean about my suspicions earlier. I felt so bad about it I went to Hotch and basically begged him to…punish me. It didn't change anything but it made me feel better, y'know. It sorta lifted a weight from my chest."

I'm about as surprised as Emily is when I lean over and hug her. I hug her for a few seconds before I pull away blushing with a stupid look on my face.

"What was that for?" She asks.

"I-I don't know. I guess…I'm just happy to know I'm not the only one who gets…y'know…punished."

"Trust me; you're far from the only one. Derek-"

"Hey, leave my name out of it," We both turn to the cabin door to see Derek leaning against it staring at us.

"Aw, c'mon Derek. I'm sure the kid could benefit from hearing about some of your experiences with the strap."

"The strap?" I turn to Emily surprised.

"She means Hotch's belt." Derek corrects and sits on the other side of me. "And you're not getting anything from me."

Emily laughs. "See, Derek's probably had more encounters with trouble than anyone else on the team."

"Hey, I've probably been spanked like, four more times than you."

"Yeah but that's still four more times than me."

Just then the cabin door opens and Penelope peeks outside.

"They're outside," She whispers to the person behind her. Spencer comes from around her and Penelope says, "It's cold out here. I'll go make cocoa." Before any of us can dispute she's gone.

"Any room for me?" Spencer asks. Emily scoots closer to me and puts her feet on the ground. Spencer sits beside her and I can't help but think 'This must be what if feels like to have siblings. Cuddling together under a blanket on a cold December night and enjoying the sounds of nature together.

"Spencer, we were just telling Alex how Derek was once the main troublemaker of the team. Now I'd say you two are in the running to a close tie."

"No, not a tie," Derek argues. "Again, I don't cause trouble…often."

"Yeah, any more," Emily corrects. "From what I've heard, if it was about six or seven years ago, you'd probably win the Troublemaker of the Year award without contest."

"Oh, I can tell you about that." Spencer speaks up happily. Derek cuts his eyes at him but that doesn't deter Spencer one bit. "When I first got on the team, Derek was a bit of a…headache."

I laugh and Derek diverts his frown to me which only makes me laugh harder.

"Hotch was handing out swats to him like candy on Halloween." Spencer freezes for a moment as if he'd over spoken himself but since I don't say anything I guess he realizes I already know about the spankings.

"Aw, poor Derek." I mock. "What'd you get in trouble so much for? Let me guess, bullying?"

"I'm no bully."

"Not deliberately," Spencer mumbles.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Derek questions.

"I mean…the first time I knew about you being punished was because you were teasing me about kissing that movie star, remember that."

Derek quiets for a moment before saying, "Yeah, I remember. But I wasn't trying to be a bully, pretty boy. You know that. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you."

Spencer smiles. "Yeah, I know. But then again, what are big brothers for if they can't make your life hell every once and a while."

The cabin door opens again and out comes Penelope struggling to hold five mugs of cocoa.

"Whoa baby girl," Derek stands and takes three of the cups from her arms. "Don't over exert yourself."

"Thank you. That looked so much easier in my head." She passes me a mug as she sits down beside me. "Uh, Alex…it is a little cold outside, and since you're the only one of us smart enough to grab a blanket before heading out, do you think…"

"Yeah sure," I say quickly spreading out my blanket. We all snuggle together with cups of hot cups of cocoa. Yeah, this has got to be what having siblings feel like.

"So what's the topic of conversation for tonight?" Penelope asks.

"Trouble." Emily simply states. "We're trying to determine which of us are the best at finding trouble.

"Y'know, I actually think that title should go to Garcia," Spencer says. "She is a hacker after all."

"It's legal," Garcia quickly states. "It's my job to hack."

"Yeah, now," Derek adds and we all laugh.

"But I have technically only gotten into trouble for my hacking – while on the team – once."

"When was that?" I ask.

She clears her throat. "Um…well…Spencer and I were trying to solve…this case-"

"It wasn't a case," Emily corrects.

"It could've been a case,"

"You suspected someone in the Bureau was stealing coffee from the break room. How is that an FBI case?"

"Hey, a thief is a thief. And we were almost technically correct."

"Yeah, if almost technically correct means completely wrong, yeah you were spot on."

I laugh and ask, "What did you do?"

"She hacked into the FBI security cams." Derek answers. "She would've gotten away with it too if the security wasn't being updated that same day and she was detected. The Bureau's security computer perceived her as a threat and almost completely wrecked her entire system. The disciplinary hearing for that was touch and go for a while. We almost lost our beautiful tech-analyst for a moment but Hotch saved the day. Gideon wasn't too happy about it though."

Penelope glared death at Derek.

"Garcia," Spencer says coming to his rescue. "He knows."

She looks down at me and I blush bashfully.

"Well," She says looking away from me. "Let me just say that I am mortified…and relieved. I hate keeping secrets and I didn't know how long I was going to be able to keep that a secret with you constantly in trouble around here."

"I can't help it that trouble inexplicably finds me." I mumble.

"I have a feeling it wouldn't find you so much if you didn't go out looking for it." Derek says.

"You're starting to sound like Dave," I groan.

"What did you expect? What are big brothers for?"

I look up at Derek wide eyed. "Big brothers?"

"Uh…yeah…" He rubs the back of his head awkwardly. I think I put him on the spot. "I mean, you're on the team now…and it's obvious you're already important to Dave. And we're-we're a family so…"

I smile big to try to ease some of the tension Derek's obviously feeling. "I've always wanted a big brother." Then I look over to Spencer, my smile wide. "Now I've got two."

"And I've always wanted to be a big brother," Spencer says smiling back.

"Hey, don't forget us." Emily protests.

"Sister Power," Garcia says and then the two high five. We all laugh at the corniness of the moment.

None of us notice when Gideon shows up until we hear him ask from the doorway, "What are you kids doing up?"

"Uh, drinking cocoa and enjoying the presence of each other's company." Garcia explains.

"It's a little late for that, isn't it? It's almost one."

"Is that the polite way of telling us to go to bed?" Derek asks with a smile.

Gideon just gives a half smile.

"Alright," Derek says. He stands and so does everyone else. "I'm bushed anyways. Let's take a rain-check on family-bonding for some time during the day."

When everyone else goes inside pass Gideon, I stay sitting on the bench.

"Aren't you going to bed like everyone else?" Gideon inquires.

"I'm not tired," I protest.

He sits down beside me and I tense in fear but he doesn't say anything, at least not at first. After sitting in the awkward silence for a while I finally decide to break the quietness.

"What-what are you doing?"

"Sitting," Is his simple response.

"I can see that. Why are you sitting here with me?"

"Does my company bother you?"

"Uh, no but…why? I thought you were going to bed?"

"I thought you were going to bed."

"Are you punishing me for something?" I groan.

Gideon laughs. "Listen, if my company is that torturous to you, I'll go back to bed. Just, do me a favor, don't run off. Do you know how hard it is explaining to a father that you lost his kid?"

I roll my eyes and retort, "I'm not a kid and I'm not going to run off, jeez. Besides, you didn't have to tell Dave I was gone. I'm an adult; I could've found my way back without you and him."

"But you didn't. Collin had to take you to his cabin because you didn't stay on the trail and you got lost, like I said you would. Who knows what would've happened to you if he didn't find you."

I squirm in embarrassment of the truth of his words.

"Listen kid, I didn't come out here to scold you. I just want you to know that you're a part of our family now and if you even think about running off on my watch again, I'll do a lot more than just call Dave."

A cold chill goes down my spine.

"What-what's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know what it's supposed to mean, son."

"I'm not going to let you sp-spank me."

"You don't have to let me. I'll do it without your permission. Run away again under my supervision and you'll have a tough time sitting for weeks."

I fold my arms in frustration and throw my body back against the bench, forcing it to rock back.

"I'm not a child and I wish everyone would stop treating me like one." I sulk.

"Stop behaving like a child and I'm sure everyone would have no problem treating you like the adult you've proven to be."

"I don't behave like a child,"

"Really. So this little pout you're doing right now, that's just everyday adult behavior."

I pull my legs up on the bench and wrap my arms around my knees.

"You keep up this act and I'll have a hard time believing you're twenty-four."

"Shut up," I grumble.

Jason laces me with a cold stare and I immediately fight the urge to apologize.

I lose that fight.

"I-I'm sorry," I grumble. "I just get a little worked up when people treat me like a kid."

"Yeah, well, work on that or you might feel the sting of my paddle a lot sooner than you think. Temper tantrums will only get you a sore bottom, kid. Remember that."

"Ugh, I hate it when you guys call it a tantrum when I…act out a little."

"Well that's exactly what it is, isn't it? Your way of begging for much needed attention,"

"I'm not begging to be spanked."

"No? Then prove it,"

"And how do suppose I do that?" I'm not expecting a real answer but Gideon give me one anyways.

"Stop running from your problems for one. Children run when they're afraid. Adults face their fears, even when the outcome seems bleak."

I sit and let his words sink in for a moment. Then, I don't know what possesses me to say this, but I say – I whisper actually, "But…how do I know…how can be sure that you guys will understand? Both times I've run off were for childish reasons. I don't want anyone thinking any less of me than they already do."

"No one thinks little of you, Alex. And your problems weren't childish to you. They were serious enough for you to risk a sore bottom." I blush hard at his proclamation. "Besides, you trust Dave, don't you?"

"More than I've ever trusted anyone," I admit in a whisper.

"Then you should know by now that whatever's important to you is equally as important to him. He truly cares about you, just like a father. Don't lock him out."

It's true. Since I've known him, Dave's wanted nothing more than to help me with every problem he could, even to the point of having my Juvy record completely buried so I'd have no problem getting into the Bureau.

"And the rest of us care about you as well,"

"You just met me," I grumble.

"True, but I already know more about you than you know about yourself."

"Oh yeah. Like what?"

"You misbehave because you seek attention, the stern yet loving attention you were denied as a child. When Dave disciplines you, it fills a hole inside of you that's been empty for a very long time because the adults from your childhood, excluding your grandmother, only cared about punishing you for misbehaving. None of them took the time out to find out why you acted out the way you did but they were always quick to dish out punishment. Dave, on the other hand, not only helps you to see the error of your ways, he tries to curb your misbehavior in the right direction."

I have to wipe tears from my eyes. Why is it so easy for others to see parts about you that you didn't even know about you?

"And after witnessing you cuddle up to JJ the way you did tonight, I can also tell that you also deeply miss a maternal figure, and because JJ has motherly instincts exuding from her very core, it was easy for you to seek her for that proxy."

"Okay," I say roughly wiping away the continuous flow of my tears. "I get it; I'm a fucking pathetic baby who can't get through the fucking day without needing a fucking hug from someone. You got your point across, can you go now?"

"Alex," Jason's voice is stern but I'm too ashamed to look at him. "That is not what I was saying, Alex. There is nothing wrong with needing someone. We all need someone. I need everyone on the team; even just one loss would be too much for me. The fact that you became so close to everyone already isn't a bad thing because, to be honest, I think they grew attached to you just as quick. Last weekend, Spencer came to me wondering how he could get you to open up more with the team. Since the first week, Alex, everyone has wanted to know more about you; everyone have wanted to open you up to our family. You see…with this team…no matter how long you've been a part of it, you will always be a part of our family, and we will never want to hurt you, Alex. You're not pathetic for wanting to be loved, for wanting a father, or a mother, or even siblings. It is simply human instincts. One of those things that man may never be able to wrap their heads around but definitely a human necessity."

We sit in the dark in silence after that. Then I look up to Gideon with shimmering, tear-filled, grateful eyes. "Thank you," I say honestly.

He puts a reassuring hand on my knee. "Don't mention it."

"I-I promise to not run away any more. I'll try not to anyways…but if I do, I'll only go as far as to my room. I'd rather not risk another night of sleeping on my stomach."

Jason chuckles. "Good, because you might be an adult on the outside, but on the inside I think a big part of your childhood development is missing. And whether or not you like it, we're all going to be here to help you cultivate that missing piece as a family."

I look away from Jason as a tear falls down my cheeks. "Th-thanks," I say wholeheartedly.

Jason tussles my hair and says, "You're welcome, kid. Now can you please go back to bed before you freeze to death out here?"

I nod and stand with my blanket wrapped tightly around my shivering shoulders. Then Jason and I go into the cabin together and the heat and warmth hits me and all my previous doubts melt away along with my shivers. This starts a new chapter in my life. It's not just me against the world anymore. Now, I'm Special Agent Alex Marco, the newest member of the BAU…family.