Okay… so about three years ago we said we would finish this story…
Then the epic hard drive crash of 2010 happened, and the parents of two of the socks left our stuff rot for half a year before fixing the poor compy. Then we found out all our data was lost. Next life proceeded to happen and two of us graduated.
It's a sad story. But for no longer! I, the Imaginary Sock, pledge to see this through to the end! But first, I will finish the chapter for my other story.
Okay I am back now. This is the long awaited for Chapter Nine of Something Silly This Way Comes. Hopefully it was worth the wait!
Chapter Nine:
The Dawn of Narcissism
Peter Pettigrew sat cowering in rat form in the closet corner farthest from the door. He was terrified. Absolutely terrified. Sure, Remus had not woken up (yet), but it was bound to happen at any moment. Peter was not that lucky.
He had hoped as a young first year that maybe the luck, good looks, and charms of Sirius and James would rub off on him. That had never happened. Peter was doomed to always be the fat and slow (in many senses) one of the group. Even Remus was better looking than him, and Lupin was a werewolf! Peter felt that he should have at least been above a werewolf on the totem pole of Hogwarts social life (A/N: biased bastard). Now he was going to die because of said werewolf.
Remus' tail hit the door, causing Peter to squeak pitifully. Sure, this had happened 68 times already, but it never ceased to scare him. It was because of people like him that the Muggle horror movies were even successful.
Since Peter couldn't be brave, he decided to plan ahead. He was the kind of guy who read the end of the horror novel before the beginning. That way he would always know that everything ended up okay (except for when it didn't; he would set the book down and cry for a week in these cases). It was under this mentality that he had joined the Death Eaters. Now when they came to knock on his door, he knew that everything was perfectly fine… unless it was Lucius. No man was safe from Lucius Malfoy.
There was a loud bang on the closet door. Peter gave out a high-pitched girly squeal- one that would always put him to shame. This was it. He was going to die as a werewolf snack.
He was pleasantly surprised when a half-clothed Remus opened the door. Remus was lacking the usual dark circles under his eyes that were usually present on his face after the full moon. In fact, he looked better than Peter could ever remember seeing him. He'd have to remember to spike Remus' tea with firewhisky before the next full moon.
Remus looked down at him. "Peter?" he asked.
Peter transformed back and hugged Remus around the legs, not caring that his slightly hung over friend was only in his boxers. "THANK MERLIN!" exclaimed Peter. He began to sob freely.
Remus looked at him and then at the room, obviously confused. "What happened here?" he inquired. "I can't remember… anything…"
Peter suddenly remembered their current dilemma. "Remus! It's awful! We gave everyone the double shooters, b-but then they died!"
Remus tried to back up in shock, but then fell since Peter was still awkwardly hugging his legs. "W-w-what?" he stammered. "Bloody hell, we're done for."
"But it was okay!" cheered Peter. "They're really only asleep."
"Alright?" questioned Remus.
"Because they'd all drank Drought of the Living Dead!" shouted Peter.
Remus tried to wrench Peter off of him. "We drugged them!" he yelled. "That's not good, Peter! It's almost as bad as killing them!"
"But Professor Slughorn has a bunch of the antidote in his office," elaborated Peter.
"Peter!" yelped Remus. "Could you stop giving me panic attacks? And let go of me!"
"So Sirius and James went to go get it," Peter finished explaining.
"Oh no," groaned Remus.
"What?" asked Peter nervously.
"Those two can't do anything normally," moaned Remus. He cradled his head in his hands. "They're going to mess this up somehow. I'm certain of it."
Peter was okay with that. It would give him more time to sneak back to the Death Eaters again. Now if Remus would only pass out…
Remus picked up a piece of paper stuck to his right foot. "What is this?" he inquired.
"Oh, well, you see…" said Peter shyly, "you kind of destroyed everything in the room."
Remus looked around at the wrecked four poster beds, the splinters that were once dressers, the feathers that were once pillows, the shredded fabric that was once curtains and clothing, and the scraps of paper that had once been his beloved Shakespeare collection.
It was a very sad day indeed.
"MY SHAKESPEARE COLLECTION!" shrieked Remus Lupin into the early morning air, his hands flung high above his upward turned head. "!"
oOo
Narcissa Black hated the future. First off, future traffic was even worse than present traffic. She had been run over almost five times as she tried to cross one of the main Muggle Roads to get into a stupid Muggle toy store. Furthermore, Muggle toy stores were way too bright and cheerful. She didn't want to take a picture with the creepy man dressed as a giraffe, but Narcissa was short for her age so she was forced to take a picture with him. Now she had a very unflattering photo of herself standing next to the two-faced giraffe.
Muggle children were even worse today than they were in her time. They were loud, obnoxious, lazy crybabies that were completely oblivious that she was shopping for an evil overlord. The children, unlike the giraffe, thought she was an adult. That was fine until one of them asked, "Where's your baby, lady?"
"I bet it's in her belly," whispered a second child.
"She ate her baby? That's not nice," replied the first child. They giggle profusely as their mother apologized over and over again. Narcissa had half the mind to pull out her wand and just kill everyone in the shop. All she wanted was a damn Furbie.
She finally found Fifi in an isle that was lined from floor to ceiling with the creepy creatures. As she walked into the isle the fiends woke up and began making noises at her. Narcissa ran into a shelf nearby out of fright, causing several of the creatures to rain down on her.
There was only one Fifi left. It must have been the most popular of its kind. No wonder the Dark Lord prized Fifi above all things. However, when she grabbed it, so did another hand.
Narcissa came face to face with her first arch-nemesis: Marge Dursley.
"Excuse me," said Narcissa, trying to be polite, "but I touched this first."
"Well I grabbed this first," snapped Aunt Marge. "What's a punk like you even doing in a toy store?"
"What's an old hag like you doing in a toy store?" questioned Narcissa angrily. "I don't see any children with you."
"It's for my babies," sniffed Aunt Marge, trying to rip Fifi from Narcissa's hands.
Merlin, the old woman was pregnant. Narcissa would have to remember to put Marge Dursley at the top of the Dark Lord's hit list in order to spare her future children. "Who the hell would want to marry you?" hollered Narcissa, pulling back.
"My dogs, you idiot!" bellowed Marge. "I'm a free woman and much better looking than you are!"
Narcissa gasped. She wasn't as vain as Lucius, but no one would ever say that she was ugly, especially not an old hag with a fetish for bulldogs. "I happen to be the runner up for Miss Teen Wit- Wales!"
"Runner up to my ass!" yelled Aunt Marge. That was it. Narcissa couldn't take this any more
She kicked Aunt Marge into the nearest shelf with the heel of her boot. The woman flew backwards. When she knocked into the shelf it began a domino chain of falling shelves behind her. Narcissa heard the patrons of the store begin the scream and run away. She smiled in satisfaction and strutted away with her prize.
Marge, however, was not giving up easily. She grabbed Narcissa around the ankles, causing her to fall down. Narcissa fell on her hip to protect her face and Fifi. The Dark Lord would not forget her if Fifi was damaged. The hag reached up and tried to grab Fifi from Narcissa. She missed and grabbed Narcissa's long blond hair.
"Don't you dare touch my hair!" screamed Narcissa, repeatedly kicking the woman in the face. Aunt Marge let go, stood up, and charged at Narcissa. Narcissa dodged and stuck out her leg to trip the hag. This ended up working, and the woman crashed head first into the Bratz doll collection in the next isle. Even more shelves began to fall.
Narcissa flung her hair over her shoulder and marched proudly up to the counter. The Muggle man behind the counter asked for her money. She suddenly remembered that she didn't have Muggle money nor would she even. So Narcissa did what she had to do: she grabbed the back of the man's head and slammed it against the counter. She then stole a Hawaiian hula girl bobble head sitting on top of the cash register and cast a memory charm over the entire store.
Narcissa was feeling rather proud of herself. She doubted that Bella could have done a better job. Then again, Bella would have just killed everyone in the store and probably would have broken Fifi. As tempting as that last part was, Narcissa decided to be nice. When she was walking through a nearby park trying to find a place to travel back to her time without anyone noticing, she saw something rather odd.
It was a baby with turquoise hair.
Not only was it a baby with turquoise hair, but this baby was being held by a very familiar lightning-scarred boy with black hair.
It was Harry Potter. She had found the Dark Lord's arch enemy in the future. Narcissa looked down at the Time Turner around her neck. It said that it was July 1998. Making a mental note in her mind, Narcissa turned the time back to 1977. The Dark Lord would be most pleased by this turn of events…
So, a leaning tower of chocolate-chip pancakes and orange Fanta is apparently more effective than the Mt. Dew was three years ago. Anyhow, this story has at least three more chapters to go, depending how pacing goes in the next chapter.
On a side note, would any fans of Prongs and Evans: Take Two be interested in me gathering the socks back together to do a rewrite/extended edition of the original story that started this series? I promise it won't take four years to write. XD
Please review!
